Should You Keep Your Married Name After A Divorce?

One issue often overlooked during a divorce, is whether or not to keep your married last name. I remember my lawyer asking me if I wanted to continue to use my married name during a divorce hearing. It was honestly something I hadn’t given much thought to at the time. With all of the divorce drama going on, it had slipped my mind that I had the option to revert back to my maiden name.

I initially decided to return to my maiden name and asked for it to be changed at my final divorce hearing. But then something strange happened. As the months passed, I continued to use my married last name, putting off changing my driver's license and credit cards. Something just did not feel right about changing my name back to the name I once used long ago. I felt like I wasn’t that person anymore, yet I also did not feel comfortable using my married last name. I certainly was not the same person who used that name either.

In the end I decided to give myself a new last name. One that I choose. I shortened my married last name and gave myself a brand new identity. I went to court and legally changed my name. It felt right and it was empowering to begin my new life after divorce with my own chosen identity, not the name I was born with and not the name I got from being married.

There are several issues to consider when deciding whether or not to keep your married name after a divorce. Here are few:

1. Your children. Do you want to avoid confusion at school by keeping the same last name as your kids?

2. Paperwork. Changing your name means changing your driver's license, bank accounts, credit cards and countless other documents. Expect to spend time and energy taking care of this.

3. Have you established yourself professionally with your married name? If so you may not want to change it.

In the end, make sure it is your own decision to change or not change your last name. Don't give into pressure from your ex, who may object to you using your married name. It is perfectly legal to continue to use your married name after a divorce. If you no longer wish to use your married name, then make sure you are comfortable going back to your maiden name. If not, you may want to do like I did and create your very own new last name.

MEMORIES

Recently I have been rationalising my vast collection of photographs, sorting through some of my oldest albums and selecting only specific photos for a new pristine album spanning the first thirty years of my life. Whilst on the one hand you can find yourself wallowing in nostalgia and memories looking at old photos there’s also a sense of empowerment when you come to decide whether to jettison or retain, determining what you want for the future and with it the ability to appear to re-write history. I suppose when I move onto my digital collections, I’ll even be able to get the airbrush out! Except you can never rework the past, photographic memento or not it really happened. Still I don’t have to carry all the memories around with me forever and with time they do fade; a little bit like those photos I’ve found from the era when black and white Polaroid pictures were all the rage, some of which are now virtually blank glossy paper.

4 Secrets To Saving Your Marriage...

Divorce might seem like an easy fix, but the ramifications and consequences are serious. Not only will you end a relationship that you have invested years in, other people, like your children are deeply affected. If you are considering divorce, it makes sense, barring any physical or mental abuse, to do everything in your power to try and save your marriage. If it is your spouse who wants the divorce, you may be facing an uphill battle, but if saving your marriage is something you desire, it is worth attempting.

Here is a four step blueprint, based on the principles of the law of attraction, to help get your marriage and your life back on track:

1.Change yourself first. This may seem radical, but if you want to see changes in your relationship, you must first change yourself, not your spouse. The only person you are in control of is you. Wishing hoping, pleading and begging will not turn your spouse into the person you desire him to be. Take some time to do some inner work and clear up issues in yourself that are preventing you from being happy. Remember the qualities and traits that annoy and bother you in others are issues in yourself that need healing. Start by making a list of everything your spouse does to drive you crazy. Then consider if you are guilty of any of those sins yourself. You may be shocked and what you find. Does your spouse withhold affection? Think of a time in your life where you withheld affection from someone. Does your spouse lose his temper quickly? Again, look and see if there are times in your life where you are short tempered or maybe times when you feel angry and repress your emotions. Going through this list, without self-blame, but with the intent to heal yourself first, can be life changing.

2. How do you want your marriage to be? What does an "ideal" marriage look like? Spend some time visualizing the perfect marriage. See it, feel it and experience it like it was really happening. Feel the joy and love you get from sharing your life with a partner who loves and respects you.

3. Make a list of all of the qualities you wish your spouse had. List everything. Maybe you want him to be more attentive, loving, spontaneous and exciting . Now take that same list and start becoming that person. Become more attentive,loving, spontaneous and exciting. You may be reading this and feel skeptical and maybe even a little angry.After all, it is not your fault your spouse acts the way he does. But just try it. It can't hurt and you will feel better about yourself no matter what the end result is.

4. Let go of how you think your marriage should be. Release all expectations. Concentrate on yourself and creating a life you enjoy. Whether or not your spouse changes is not important. Spend your energy on becoming the best person you can be. Find a hobby or passion that excites you. Join a group of fun loving people and start getting out more. Take action and control of your life

.
After following these steps your spouse may or may not change, but one thing is for certain, you will have changed for the better. This will strengthen and prepare you for whatever lies ahead. If your marriage is saved, that would be wonderful, if not you will emerge a stronger, more confident and self assured person, ready for whatever life hands you.

If you would like to find out how to use the law of attraction to change your life, I recommend reading The Attractor Factor and The Key both by Joe Vitale. Seat Of The Soul author Gary Zukav has many great books that will help inspire you and change your life for the better as well.

PAID LEAVE

It was reported today that staff at a Japanese marketing company are permitted paid leave to recover from the heart ache of a relationship break up. Even better, the older you are the more time off you get; the logic being that it takes older staff longer to find a new love and therefore their break-ups tend to be more serious.

Now before everyone gets very excited and decides to apply for jobs in Tokyo, I can tell you that it would appear that the company concerned, Hime & Co, only has six female employees and that the paid leave extends to one day a year for under 24s; two days for those between 25 and 29 and three days for the over 30’s. It sounds to me that this could be more of a marketing ploy than a serious employee benefit or opportunity for recovery.

NEGLECT

I have been guilty of neglect. It came home to me tonight when I realised it was time to go round and water my house plants. Now I really love flora and fauna and my house plants in particular but there still never seem to be enough hours in the day to tend to their needs. Hence it was with guilt and realisation that as I finally undertook this little job, not only could I not remember when I had last wandered around my home with a jug of water, but I was also appalled to see how unhealthy they all looked. When others rely on you for a two way relationship, you have to fulfil your side of the bargain. I have not.

The 5 Worst Celebrity Husbands And Fathers...

1. Hulk Hogan-Sneaky Hulk Hogan is being accused of trying to trying to trick his wife, Linda, into signing a post-nuptial agreement and hiding millions that were made in a real estate transaction. He also has said that his"ex-wife can support herself". Not very nice considering he was married to his wife for over 20 years, while she stayed at home with the kids so he could advance his wrestling career.

2. Eddie Murphy- Eddie has separated from his new "wife"Tracey Edmonds, after only 2 weeks of marriage. Apparently their marriage was not legal. Let's also not forget how Eddie denied he was the father of Spice Girl, Melanie Brown's baby and reportedly has never met his child, even after a paternity test proved he was the baby girl's father. What a shame that the star of "Daddy Daycare" is a deadbeat dad.

3. Charlie Sheen. This insensitive jerk allegedly emailed his ex-wife, Denise Richards the following message:"You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and, um, oh yeah, sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go [expletive] yourself, sad, jobless pig." What a nice guy. No wonder he has court ordered, supervised visits with his two young daughters.

4. Alec Baldwin- Who can forgot Alec's vicious rant on his 11 year old daughter's cell phone last summer. If he can call his daughter a ""a thoughtless, rude little pig" you can only imagine the emotional abuse he might of inflicted on Kim Basinger while they were married.

5.Peter Cook- Ex-husband of Christie Brinkley. This man was married to one of the most beautiful women in the world and cheated on her with his teen assistant. What was he thinking? It is unsettling to think that a man in his mid forties would have an affair with a 19 year old, especially when his own step daughter, Alexa Joel, was around the same age.

COHABITATION - LAW REFORM

Findings from the British Social Attitudes report published on Wednesday by the National Centre for Social Research back the case for urgent reform of the law affecting couples who live together. The new report revealed widespread confusion over what protection live together couples have under the law, with 51 percent of people believing that cohabiting couples have rights as “common law” spouses – but no such rights exist.

A government-funded awareness campaign in 2004 has clearly failed to get the message across that living together does not provide cohabiting couples with financial rights if their relationship ends, even if they have lived together for many years and have had children together. Instead, these couples face increased insecurity and distress at the time of break up.

Resolution has been calling for a new law to protect cohabiting couples since 2000. Its members, including myself, regularly witness the injustices created by the current situation, including financial hardship and even homelessness.

On a more positive note, the report found that nine in ten people think that a cohabiting partner should have a right to financial provision if their relationship is a long-term one, includes children and has involved prioritising one partner’s career over the other’s.

Resolution very much hopes that the Government is listening and urges it to commit itself to reform that will provide cohabiting couples with a legal safety net.

HAUNTED

Last night in the company of fellow members of our local business club, I enjoyed a tour behind the scenes at Darlington’s Civic Theatre. As well as getting to stand on the stage, we peeped at areas the audience never gets to see whilst the manager entertained us with ghost stories. It seems that Flyman Jim treads the rafters; Signor Pepi, the original owner, occasionally comes through from his private quarters to observe the odd ballet and an unnamed gent in top hat and tails rocks on a seat in the dress circle. All three are purportedly trapped between this world and the next, condemned to revisit old haunts in perpetuity.

None of the spectres made an appearance during our visit. If they had, and drawing on my expertise as a divorce lawyer, was there anything that I could have said to try to help them out of their predicament?

I don’t think that “You have to let go, look to the future and get on with your life,” would somehow have been appropriate.

Should Lifetime Alimony Be Banned?

"Mass Alimony Reform" will address the Joint Committee of the Judiciary in Massachusetts and challenge the current laws on the books that allow for lifetime alimony. It is interesting to note that the majority of the residents that are scheduled to address the committee regarding alimony reform are women. They are the second wives of husbands who once divorced.

These women feel that they are forced to "share the expense of providing living and other expenses for their present husband's first wives who are unwilling to support themselves".

This is unbelievable. Did these women know when they married their husbands that their husband had to make alimony payments? Now they are upset that they have to "share"their husband's income with the first wife? Give me a break, did these women ever stop to think that maybe the first wife was awarded lifetime alimony for a reason?

Lifetime alimony is usually awarded in most states when a marriage is over 20 years in length and the spouse receiving the alimony was either a stay at home parent during the marriage or made a significantly lower income than their spouse. Does staying at home raising children and giving up your career not count for financial compensation after a divorce? The women who gave up careers to raise families while their husbands advanced in their careers are at a great disadvantage after divorce. That is why we have alimony.

When you date and marry a divorced man you should know what you are getting into. It irks me when the "new" wife gets upset that her husband has to support the first family he created. You cannot expect to marry a man who has financial obligations to his ex-wife and children and not feel the financial repercussions on your own family. If a man who has been ordered by the court to pay alimony to his ex-wife cannot afford to due so, he has no business getting married again and starting a new family.

CHANGE OF NAME

It is an enshrined principle of English law that we can change our names by usage and repute. There is also no binding rule that women must take their husband’s names on marriage. Most do, but personally I rejected the title Mrs Outdoor Man.

Not surprisingly many women also revert to their maiden names after divorce and whilst some make deeds to verify the change, theoretically this is not necessary.

We recently reached a milestone in our house when Little Girl (not yet 12) measured in taller than me. I confess to being somewhat peeved by this, it having taken the greater part of half a century to acquire at full stretch my total height of 5 feet and 2 inches (1.57 metres) and she being barely out of nappies! Hence and despite her repeated requests for a name change, I am resisting and wearing high heels indoors instead.

Do Couples Who Go To The Bathroom Together, Stay Together?..

A company who has invented the "TwoDaLoo - A Supertoilet That Saves Rocky Marriages and The Planet" seems to think so. According to the manufacturer's website "It brings couples closer together and conserves our water supply all with one flush. The TwoDaLoo features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station". For a mere $1,400 you too can own a love toilet for two.

But why would you want to? If your marriage is on the rocks the last thing you would want to do is start going to the bathroom together. How horribly unromantic and disgusting. A person's bathroom activities should remain private. Couples usually start fighting because of too much together time and not enough personal space. This crazy product will probably cause more divorces. It is amusing and better left as an entertaining story than something someone would actually go out and purchase.

ONE WIFE GOOD; TWO WIVES ILLEGAL

If any bigamists out there wanted a salutary lesson on the consequences of their illegal act, it was given in our local Crown Court this month. A former soldier who married for a second time without divorcing his first wife was given a 9 month suspended prison sentence and a 3 month curfew between 9pm and 5am.

He had split from his wife of three years in 2001 and then gone through a second marriage ceremony with another woman at an army base in Germany in late 2006, declaring himself to be a bachelor. It was reported that the offence came to light when, in an argument with wife number 2, he shouted “I wish I had stayed with my first wife.” Something of a giveaway you might say.

The Judge took the view that as offences of bigamy go, it fell into the less serious category, the second marriage having been conducted for neither gain nor reward and with no obvious motivation.

I can only assume that the curfew is designed to permit time for a divorce whilst reducing the opportunity to meet anyone else and marry for a third time in the interim.

IT'S RAINING

It rained today.
Yesterday it rained too.
Everywhere is dull and grey and sodden.
It rained last week and the week before that too. Before that there was wet snow.
It rains. It drizzles. It pours.
It’s forecast to rain again tomorrow, and the day after.
There was a brief period of respite yesterday when I spotted the first garden flower of the year, a tiny yellow polyanthus.
I can’t see it today. It’s too misty and it’s raining once more.
I wonder if the sun will ever shine for me again.

The Top 5 Songs To Cheer You Up During A Divorce...

Going through a divorce can be an emotional roller coaster, some days you feel sad and other days you feel angry. Listening to music can be a great way to lift your spirits. Here are 5 breakup songs that will empower you, make you feel better and help you move on.

1. I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. Best line: "Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye, Did I crumble ,Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh no not I, I will survive"

2. Fighter by Christina Aguilera-Best line"'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture I wouldn't know how to be this way now, And never back down ,So I wanna say thank you"

3. Survivor by Destiny's Child-Best line: "Now that you are out of my life, I'm so much better, You thought that I'd be weak without ya, But I'm stronger, You thought that I'd be broke without ya, But I'm richer, You thought that I'd be sad without ya, I laugh harder"

4. Strong Enough by Cher- Best Line: "I'm strong enough To live without you, Strong enough and I quit crying, Long enough, now I'm strong enough To know ,you gotta go"

5. Good Bye To You-Scandal-Best Line: "Could I have loved someone like the one I see in you, I remember the good times baby now, and the bad times too, These last few weeks of holdin' on, The days are dull, the nights are long ,Guess it's better to say "Goodbye To You"

THE AFTERMATH

I’ve just spoken to Constance on the telephone. She’s inconsolable. Following on from the events I reported yesterday, Toby Mug has left her. Poor chap, they’d only been together 5 minutes and already he’s had to bear the costs of relationship breakdown and without even a marriage certificate in sight.

No wonder so many young people (married or simply living together) organise their finances around a joint account with no overdraft facility into which they both contribute to meet the household expenses but otherwise keep their finances separate.

It still isn’t easy if one is a spender and the other isn’t but, as poor Mr Mug found out, if that is the scenario you can always cut your losses and run. Constance, of course, thinks he’s been rather unfair and should have been more understanding of her need for retail therapy after all she’s been through in the last few years. The trouble is, as I’ve had to tell her, a pile of presents on Christmas morning, a hotel break away afterwards and a hefty deposit for a summer holiday you can’t afford anyway, aren’t adequate compensation for a negative bank balance and money worries for months to come.

Constance is no longer speaking to me.

CREDIT CARD DEBT

It’s that time of year again when credit card bills drop through the letterbox and remind you of your pre-Christmas excesses. Limits on cards can easily exceed £10,000 and with many households having more than one card, it’s easy for debt to spiral out of control. It’s even worse when only one of the couple knows about the level of debt and far too often it is that scenario that can act as the trigger for separation and divorce.

My friend Constance called to see me again this evening. She’s hiding a guilty secret from her latest boyfriend, Toby Mug. He must be besotted because when they went out shopping together in December he foolishly opened a new credit card facility and authorised Constance as a user of the account. Sadly his trust could cost him dearly, although I do hope that I have persuaded her to act honourably, own up and offer to pay back.

There are two kinds of cashless people in our society:

• Those who can use credit cards properly and don’t need cash


• Those who can’t handle plastic and never have any cash either.
  

Constance is one of those who can’t and if she’s to have any chance of building and keeping a successful relationship she needs to adopt strategies for keeping her spending under control. For the time being I’ve stood over her as she’s sliced the offending card in two and extracted a promise that she’ll make a full confession before either Toby receives his monthly account or she enters a world of subterfuge and tries to hide it from him.

There’s still a chance that their relationship will hold and so long as the debt is containable, she may be able to clear it with a personal loan or a further mortgage advance at a lower rate of interest. Of course, I suppose Mr Mug might be prepared to overlook the whole matter. Indeed if I understand Constance correctly she’s of the mind to bring their relationship to an end and leave him with the debt (for which he alone is legally responsible) if he can’t see the funny side and appreciate her for what she is! After all she apparently treated him to an exotic break at a luxury hotel last weekend, using his credit card facility, of course. Honestly, I give up but I shall keep you updated.

Postnuptial Agreements Becoming Popular....

So what is a post nuptial agreement? We are all familiar with prenupitial agreements, but a postnup? A post-nuptial agreement is is a contract that is signed after marriage that divides a family’s assets between spouses. It seems that these agreements are on the rise. A poll published this year by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that almost half its members had seen an increase in the practice.

Why would anyone want to sign one of these? The reasons may surprise you. Here is one scenario. A couple gets a postnup when their marriage is in trouble. If a spouse has committed adultery, he offers the postnup as a way to ensure his wife will be financially protected should they divorce, thus increasingly the likelihood of her forgiveness. Another reason is when a spouse gets a major promotion and now wants to renegotiate the terms of a prenuptial agreement. A more unusual reason is that hedge funds and other high-value equity partnerships encourage new partners to get postnups. They don't want a divorcing partner's spouse to get part ownership in the firm.

Although a prenuptial agreement can be very beneficial if a couple decides to divorce, no high cost attorney fees or battling for assets, a post-nuptial agreement sounds ridiculous to me. Can you imagine being married for years, supporting your spouse's career ,and then he comes home one day after getting a promotion at work and asks you to sign a postnup limiting how much money you will receive in a potential divorce? Even worse is your husband having an affair and then offering you assets in exchange for forgiveness.

Can you imagine how many couples will end up getting a divorce because one of them demanded that their spouse sign a postnupitial agreement? I think post-nuptial agreements are just another clever new tool divorce lawyers have in their arsenal to make money off of married couples.

International Legalese via the Internet

My paralegal informed me that there was an English lady on the telephone claiming to be an attorney from England who needed to ask me a quick question about law in the United States. She commented to me that her accent was awesome. Eyeing her suspiciously I told her if it was a salesperson that I would kill her, as I reached for the telephone.

In fact the caller was indeed and attorney(solicitor) I believe the term she used, asking about whether New York would recognize a British divorce. It indeed was a two second question, in that New York recognizes any valid divorce from any other country(which is why Mexican divorces became very popular years ago). The only issue that can arise is if there are children or property involved, New York reserves the right to deal with the equitable distribution of such matters and or child support, custody and visitation. The divorce, however will still be considered valid.

The solicitor indicated that she found me by surfing the Internet. Who would have ever thought that it would be possible to find the name of a colleague in a different country by tapping a few keys and calling them up to ask a quick question to clarify a situation happening in your own office? My new friend has no idea whether I am in Manhattan or Montauk though my website indicates my location, I don't know if she is familiar with the difference in locales; I certainly have no idea where the city of Oxford is (that is where her firm is located)as opposed to London or anywhere else in the UK.

I think back on the argument I had with my partner when I broached the subject of Internet advertising, and how far we have come since that conversation. Yes, I do constantly remind him I needed to drag him into the technical world...and although he is coming around to seeing the value of the website, my blog he still assures me is my own folly. To all potential clients out there, if you found me through my blog, please let me know....maybe then my partner will write in his!!
Headed to Savannah for a girls weekend, will let you know how it goes....pray for warmer weather.

International Legalese via the Internet

My paralegal informed me that there was an English lady on the telephone claiming to be an attorney from England who needed to ask me a quick question about law in the United States. She commented to me that her accent was awesome. Eyeing her suspiciously I told her if it was a salesperson that I would kill her, as I reached for the telephone.

In fact the caller was indeed and attorney(solicitor) I believe the term she used, asking about whether New York would recognize a British divorce. It indeed was a two second question, in that New York recognizes any valid divorce from any other country(which is why Mexican divorces became very popular years ago). The only issue that can arise is if there are children or property involved, New York reserves the right to deal with the equitable distribution of such matters and or child support, custody and visitation. The divorce, however will still be considered valid.

The solicitor indicated that she found me by surfing the Internet. Who would have ever thought that it would be possible to find the name of a colleague in a different country by tapping a few keys and calling them up to ask a quick question to clarify a situation happening in your own office? My new friend has no idea whether I am in Manhattan or Montauk though my website indicates my location, I don't know if she is familiar with the difference in locales; I certainly have no idea where the city of Oxford is (that is where her firm is located)as opposed to London or anywhere else in the UK.

I think back on the argument I had with my partner when I broached the subject of Internet advertising, and how far we have come since that conversation. Yes, I do constantly remind him I needed to drag him into the technical world...and although he is coming around to seeing the value of the website, my blog he still assures me is my own folly. To all potential clients out there, if you found me through my blog, please let me know....maybe then my partner will write in his!!
Headed to Savannah for a girls weekend, will let you know how it goes....pray for warmer weather.

ONLY WORDS

I have been talking to Little Girl’s English teacher this evening, and was treated to a discussion about the written word by someone who loves her subject. I was also handed the school newsletter in which the Head Teacher quoted something he had heard on a news programme about the forthcoming Presidential elections in the USA, when it was said that “we campaign in poetry and govern in prose.”

I think I can add to that: We marry with poetry, live together with prose and sadly can divorce with slang and insults.

Warning: Blogging About Your Divorce Can Be Dangerous...

A man was recently ordered by the judge in his divorce case to cease blogging about his divorce. Apparently his soon to be ex wife asked the court to stop her husband from writing about their divorce on his blog. Does this infringe upon this man's rights under the first amendment? It may. The man in question did not receive a hearing before the judge demanded he stop blogging.

But there is another issue here to consider. If you are currently going through a divorce and letting off steam by by blogging about it online, you run the risk of your ex using the very information you wrote against you in court. Remember the saying never to put anything in writing? Be very careful what you put out on the Internet if you are currently involved in a divorce or custody case. It could come back to haunt you.

The same goes for emails. Do not hit the "send" button after firing off a nasty email to your ex. Ditto for text messaging. You should also be wary of leaving detailed voice messages on your ex's answering machine. This all sounds like common sense, but when you are in a divorce battle with your ex, logic can fly out the window. Never let your emotions get the best of you. If you are feeling angry and upset with your ex, do not call, email, text or blog about him. Instead take out a good old fashion piece of paper and write him a letter. Then take that letter and shred it, burn it or rip it into pieces. You will feel better and you will not run the risk of harming your divorce case.

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Seriously:
I guarantee some smart-ass intern whipped this headline together just to see if it would fly. Totally thinking, "who the hell actually reads writeups about women's basketball--no one will notice." Much to his surprise, it slipped through the cracks and is now public fodder for all of us. The CBS42.com website must have a ridiculous number of hits.

THE LURE OF YEAST

It was announced last week that 600,000 jars of marmite laced with champagne and sporting a romantic message on the label are to be released in readiness for Valentine’s Day. Just one problem, who, apart from Outdoor Man, eats the stuff? If there are others, do their partners share my abhorrence of the taste and smell?

I predict an influx of new divorce cases on February 14th if certain spouses, including my own, get carried away and try to serve their loved one marmite on toast with a red rose for breakfast on the Big Day.

FAITH

If a lack of sanitation and a propensity for tropical diseases were not enough, India’s roads must rank among the most dangerous on the planet. Apparently 8% of the world’s vehicle fatalities occur there with 250 people killed very day. Although, like the UK, they drive on the left hand side of the road, no sane foreigner would ever venture behind the wheel of a motor car in India. Safety standards are far below those of the west, both in the construction of the vehicles and of the roads themselves. There seems to be little adherence to such rules of the road as may exist; 3 lanes of traffic where only 1 is intended; a plethora of tuktuks (autorickshaws), motorbikes, buses, lorries and cars, their drivers weaving in and out between slower transport; the odd cow, goat or even elephant in the middle of it all. I trust you are beginning to visualise the picture. Throw in a cacophony of honking and screeching brakes and you can hear it too.

Fortunately we saw the aftermath of only 1 accident a few vehicles ahead of us as we wound our way up the hairpin bends of the foothills of the Western Ghats. We were unsure what had happened but it was apparent that most of the men in the nearby village came to the scene to render assistance and move the vehicles to the side of the road and the injured into transport, presumably to take them to hospital.

As we edged past, a car had lost its roof completely in the impact and nearby there were puddles of blood and abandoned flip-flops.

It was no wonder that our driver, a Christian by the name of John, regularly stopped outside of Churches, to offer candles and gifts of flowers. That and making the sign of the cross before he turned the ignition were obviously designed to assist in ensuring our safe conveyance.

Faith, if you have it and whatever the religion or belief, can be of great comfort in delivering us through all kinds of situations. However, in India there could just be a caveat on the religious front for which see this entry in Family Lore.

Do You Want To See Your Divorce Lawyer Naked?

If you are a client of Chicago attorney Corri Fetman now you can. She has recently posed nude for Playboy magazine. This is the same divorce lawyer who brought us the infamous billboards this summer with the slogan"Life's Short, Get A Divorce" and her latest, "Take Control, Get a Divorce"

The billboards stirred up controversy this summer and Ms. Fetman's firm, Fetman, Garland & Associates came under fire for promoting divorce. Not only is Ms. Fetman posing nude for playboy magazine, she is also writing a column for the magazine called "Lawyer of Love".

This divorce lawyer's tactics at gaining publicity are appalling. Her billboards suggest that divorce is an easy process, and if you are unhappy you should just "get a divorce". The reality is divorce is one of the most expensive, disruptive and life changing experiences a person will go through. To insinuate that getting a divorce is something you should take lightly is insulting. Suggesting that divorce is the cure for your unhappiness and will somehow fix all of your problems is misleading. For a divorce lawyer to promote divorce in such a flippant manner for her own profit is irresponsible . Sadly, many divorce lawyers resort to taking advantage of their clients everyday. It is time for divorce lawyers to step up and get a conscious. Your clients are not commodities, they are people who are vulnerable and need guidance from a divorce lawyer who will protect their interests, not exploit them.

CULINARY DELIGHTS

In what is frequently referred to as God’s Own Country, it is not surprising that food plays an important part in Keralan culture. Whilst there we were treated to dosais (pancakes made from rice and lentils), idlis (steamed rice cakes) and vadais (fried doughnuts made from lentils), bhajis and pakoras as well as curry and freshwater fish, seasoned with tamarind for taste. With an abundance of coconuts, pineapples and bananas not only are monkeys and elephants well-fed but even Little Girl managed to find enough to eat without resorting to the more heavily spiced curries favoured by Outdoor and Apprentice Men.

It was not surprising, therefore, that when I dipped into Bollywood Movies, I came across the following culinary linked expressions in the English sub-titles:
“Gruel, chutney and sprouted lentils for you!”
“I won’t let his lentils cook in Kerala.”

If I understood the meaning correctly then I think that they could be readily translated into gourmet divorce English as:
“I’m not cooking for you any more. Instead you can live on porridge made with water; pickled onions and seed potatoes!”
“I’m not letting him cook toast and warm his slippers at my fireside again.”

Of course feel free to leave your own translations by way of comment should you wish.

"The Secret" To Getting Over Your Divorce...

By now most of us have heard of the movie "The Secret"and are familiar with the law of attraction. Basically, the secret is that what you think about is what you attract in your life, good or bad.

So how can you use the law of attraction to help you heal after a divorce? The first thing you need to ask yourself is "What am thinking about all day?"

Do you spend your days thinking about the loss of your marriage or are you actively planning a new and exciting life ? If you find yourself feeling depressed, angry and bitter after your divorce, you need to change your thoughts. It is not easy to simply turn off the many emotions you go through after a painful divorce. You do need to go through he stages of grief and let go of your marriage in a healthy way. The problem comes when you continue to feel negative feelings on a regular basis and cannot seem to get your life back on track.

Here are a few ways you can harness the law of attraction to change your life for the better after a divorce:

1. Spend some time each day feeling grateful. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and dwelling on your divorce, start looking for the good things in your life. Take time to appreciate what you do have, whether it is healthy kids, a roof over you head, your pets, good friends, etc. Make a list and keep it where you can see it daily. When you start to feel down, grab your list and allow yourself to feel grateful for all of the blessings you currently have in your life now.

2. Have some fun visualizing how you want your life to be. Take the time to imagine your new life, in detail, and then commit to writing it down. Make a dream board. Cut out pictures in magazines of the things you want to attract in your life. Make a list of the top ten things you want to accomplish this year. Make sure to put your dream board where you can see it each day.

3. The most important step is to take action. Break down your big dreams into small doable steps and plan on taking one small step everyday to creating the life of your dreams. The things you want in life are not going to just magically appear if you sit on your couch all day just dreaming about them. You need to aggressively go after what you want. By taking very tiny steps at first, and building on those successes, you will be amazed at how different your life will become.

In time, your life will change for the better and you will recover from your divorce. The key is to be grateful for what you have now, see your life as you want it, not how it currently is and then most importantly, take action each and every day.

THE PACE OF LIFE

It was so obvious from my experiences in India that despite what we would consider to be hardships in every day life, all the people we met were friendly and apparently content with life. Everywhere we were met by smiles and a willingness to shake hands and talk, some English language permitting.

The pace of life is noticeably slower than in the UK and everything operates at a different pace; service at meals, travelling from one place to another and even, I was told, the court system. It is choked with such a backlog of cases that it’s purportedly guesstimated they could take 400 years to clear. Now imagine waiting that long for a divorce!

Priceless

Sometimes, I love my job. Not very often, mind you, but some days everything goes well and I do love what I do. Today was one of those days. As we walked back to chambers my adversary wondered if he was getting too old to deal with matrimonial cases. I laughed and told him that I definitely was! After our conference with the court wherein we outlined all the nonsense that had been happening on our case the judge furious at the clients grabbed her robe and literally flew to the bench. To a packed courtroom the judge handled every issue I had brought to her attention in such an expedited matter that she alleviated any need I had to bring the motions I had already started in my office. That my friend is justice. Now, ordinarily the client should have been thrilled that such an immediate remedy had been given to her from the judge. Nope, not my client. As we exited the courtroom she proceeded to tell me all the things that had not been addressed and complained about at least 10 other matters ignoring what had just been accomplished. All in a days work, as they say.

Th price of a law school education: $115,200
The charge of an average matrimonial retainer: $7500.00
A judge dispensing justice before your eyes: priceless

Priceless

Sometimes, I love my job. Not very often, mind you, but some days everything goes well and I do love what I do. Today was one of those days. As we walked back to chambers my adversary wondered if he was getting too old to deal with matrimonial cases. I laughed and told him that I definitely was! After our conference with the court wherein we outlined all the nonsense that had been happening on our case the judge furious at the clients grabbed her robe and literally flew to the bench. To a packed courtroom the judge handled every issue I had brought to her attention in such an expedited matter that she alleviated any need I had to bring the motions I had already started in my office. That my friend is justice. Now, ordinarily the client should have been thrilled that such an immediate remedy had been given to her from the judge. Nope, not my client. As we exited the courtroom she proceeded to tell me all the things that had not been addressed and complained about at least 10 other matters ignoring what had just been accomplished. All in a days work, as they say.

Th price of a law school education: $115,200
The charge of an average matrimonial retainer: $7500.00
A judge dispensing justice before your eyes: priceless

The top 5 Reasons Why Men Cheat...

Did you ever wonder what drives a man to commit adultery? Do they have no conscious? Do they just not care about their wives feelings or is there some underlying reason why a man would choose to violate his wedding vows?

Here are the top 5 reasons why men cheat on their wives:

1. Not enough sex. Men who are unsatisfied in the bedroom tend to look elsewhere. Naturally, after starting a family and meeting the daily demands of work and family obligations, many couple's sex lives change . For some men, the decrease in sex is an issue and they turn to a mistress to satisfy their unmet needs.

2. Mid life crisis. When a man reaches a certain age and starts to lose his hair, develop a beer belly and exhibit other signs of aging, he wants reassurance that he is still attractive to the opposite sex. An affair can make him feel sexy and desirable again.

3. Boredom. Some men become restless and bored and crave excitement. Having an affair can provide the danger and the "living on the edge" feeling that some men need to keep their lives interesting.

4. Not enough attention. A man whose wife devotes herself to taking care of the children may feel jaded and jealous that he no longer has his wife's undivided attention. A mistress provides him with the attention he is not getting at home.

5. His father was a cheater. Men who grew up in a household where dad cheated on mom are more likely to cheat on their wives. If this kind of behavior was something their own father engaged in, he may subconsciously feel that is acceptable to cheat.

Interestingly, most men who cheat do not want a divorce. They want the wife and family and the mistress on the side too. They only face the consequences of their actions when they get caught and their wives divorce them..Whatever the reason for a man's affair, it still does not justify betraying your spouse. All marriages hit road blocks and experience problems. It is in those moments when couples need to work together and fix their issues instead of turning to someone else to satisfy their emotional and physical needs.

THE D WORD

On Monday I blogged about D Day, today it is the D Word. For a family lawyer the D Word is, of course, “divorce,” denoting a legal process that releases you to remarry but which invariably carries with it traumatic and emotional undertones. It is not, therefore, a step that should ever be entered into lightly and without full consideration of all the other options. On our recent trip, we also had a D Word, but this time it stood for “Delhi-belly,” denoting an acute illness invariably caused by food contaminated by bacteria.

Are there any similarities between the two?

Well we travelled in a group of fourteen of whom twelve succumbed making a ratio of 1:7. That compares to 1:3 marriages ending in divorce in the UK and it is, therefore, more prevalent.

What of the symptoms? Well along with the obvious vomiting and diarrhoea (whilst not unknown, neither are a common complaint in divorce), there were feelings of utter exhaustion and weakness which lingered after the other symptoms had receded. It felt awful at the time, but was over within 48 hours and therefore far less deleterious than similar indications in divorce.

KATHAKALI

Kerala Kathakali Center. Kochi.
Originally uploaded by Masha Dubrovskaya

Whilst staying in Kochi (formerly Cochin) we visited a local Arts Centre for a display of Kathakali- an art form based on dance and hand and facial movements, especially of the eyes. The actors are heavily made up, necessitating expressive eye movements, something Apprentice Man and Little Girl have spent hours trying to imitate. There are no words; only a drum beat and the lone intermittent wailing voice of a side stage singer.

The tale portrayed was from Hindu culture and told the story of attraction, seduction, betrayal and rejection. Nothing new there then!

Buckeyes primed for title run in '08

After that somewhat disappointing performance by the young Buckeyes in last night's BCS Championship game against LSU, as a Buckeyes fan one could be depressed about the ass beating that lasted the final 3 quarters of the game. Any knowledgeable OSU fan can admit that these Buckeyes overachieved this year considering we all thought this would be a great rebuilding year with all the underclassmen playing. It was nice to see some of the young guys getting some quality playing time last night so they will be better prepared to handle the excitement and adrenaline if they make it to the championship game again next season.

There have been rumors that LB James Laurinaitis, DE Vernon Gholston, and CB Malcolm Jenkins may leave school early and declare eligible for the NFL Draft this year.

Personally, I was not that impressed with Laurinaitis this season when OSU actually played decent competition, especially in last nights game vs LSU. He had a ton of tackles, but he also was made the bitch of LSU linemen on several occasions in the second half and failed to cover (or assign anyone to be accountable for) the TE on at least 2 huge plays. He needs to stick around for one more year and fine tune his decision making, leadership skills, and overall size. If he is able to do that, he should be a top 5 pick in the '09 draft and will be able to be an instant impact player in the NFL just like AJ Hawk was last year for the Packers.

Gholston is a beast and should just go to the pro's as he would be an instant starter for whoever drafts him in the first round this year. OSU seems to replace big DL every year with quality players, so I am not too worried about his departure.

Jenkins could also benefit from another season in college, but cover corners in the NFL are tough to find, so I am sure advisors will convince him to go pro. He would no doubt be one of the top 3 CB's drafted, along with Aqib Talib from Kansas and Mike Jenkins from South Florida.

Everyone else should be back and better due to the great experiences they have had this season, especially in the championship game.

Najeh Poop Davenport

I caught the late news the other night on WISH TV 8, the local CBS affiliate here in Indianapolis, and I swear I heard veteran sports reporter Chris Widlic refer to Pittsburgh Steelers RB Najeh Davenport as Najeh "Poop" Davenport. I think the airing was on Sat 1/5 since the Steelers-Jags game was earlier that day and it would make sense that he would be airing highlights of this game that night. I thought my ears were playing tricks on me so I even rewound the segment with my DVR and put captions on. Of course the dude doing the closed captioning had no idea what to type, so there was a long delay and then he just typed "Davenport", totally avoiding the attempt at spelling his first name or typing the word "poop". I wish I had a way of copying something from my DVR hard drive to my computer, but I just don't have the equipment to do it. Someone out there in the tubes of the internet must have it though.

For those of you who don't get the reference of "poop" in relation to Najeh Davenport, one needs only to do a google search with those words. To summarize the story, back in '02 he was a rookie with the Green Bay Packers and he managed to get into an occupied female dorm room at Barry University and popped a squat in a girl's laundry basket in her closet while she slept. He ended up agreeing to perform 100 hours of community service to get rid of the criminal charges and has been the butt of shit jokes ever since.

Back in December '07 Rich Eisen on the NFL Network made a less obvious inside joke when he said something to the effect of, "Roethlisberger dumps the pass to Davenport for a TD." Ah, gotta love the little inside jokes.

I remember back when I was a freshman living in Ross Hall at Butler University in '00 and someone pinched one off in the men's bathroom shower. I refused to use that shower the remainder of the semester and instead opted to use the showers one hall over. There are some real sick bastards out there.

Top Three Benefits Of Divorce...

Although divorce is an emotional and life changing experience, there is a bright side too. There really are benefits to being single once again. You may have been married for so long that you forgot them. Here are the top three benefits to getting a divorce:

1. No more in-laws. For many, no longer having to deal with a nosy,
intruding mother in law is cause for celebration.

2. Freedom. You can do whatever you want to, without having to consult another person. Did your ex get upset when you bought too many clothes or spent too much time on the computer or phone? You now get to call your own shots, set your own schedule and do as you please.

3. Peace. Did your ex snore? Leave the toilet seat up? Leave his dirty clothes all over the floor? You don't have to deal with your ex's annoying habits anymore. You will no longer have to put up with the things your ex did that drove your crazy.

D DAY

7 January is widely regarded as the day on which most couples file for divorce. Evidence suggests that for many families, far from being a relaxing break, the Christmas holiday is a time of huge stress. Instead of fixing troubled relationships, it can be the final straw.

Add to this the financial strain early January brings, the reality of returning to work, no let up on the cold weather and relationships can come under intolerable pressure.

Acrimonious breakdowns can have a devastating effect on families, especially on children, and should be avoided at all costs.

An estimated one in three marriages ends in divorce - a painful and often long-winded process with significant emotional and financial costs. Collaborative family law is a relatively new process that aims to reduce conflict. It offers an alternative to the traditional divorce process in which couples agree not to go to court and instead work out solutions together.

More and more people are taking the collaborative approach and identify three key benefits; it’s a private process, it’s less contentious than going to court - and therefore less anxiety ridden - and the outcome is often fairer for both parties because they have reached it together.

What’s more, it sends out remarkably positive signals to children who benefit hugely from knowing that their parents are working out their differences together.

Resolution lawyers and mediators can help separating parents to reach agreements without the need for costly court battles.

THE BACKWATERS

Whilst away, we spent a night on a converted rice barge, cruising the backwaters. My little family of four lived like Maharajahs, waited on by three men who steered the boat and cooked lunch, dinner and breakfast for us as well as banana fritters between meals. Our hosts floated the barge along the waterways. We were not permitted to help. Instead we either sat on plush sofas or, and (how decadent is this?) lay on a mattress under a thatched canopy towards the bow of the boat. From there we took photos and observed the passing village life. If only life could always be so idyllic.

As night fell we tied up to a large palm tree. The local insect population then invaded and despite the cumulative effect of four bodies covered in deet, mosquitoes buzzed incessantly and moths larger and uglier than anything I see in Darlington landed on my shirt and trousers.

Whilst forcing me to appreciate the constitutions of the early British colonialists who presumably survived without insect repellents and air conditioning, it also proved that even the most apparently harmonious of situations can have a crueller, darker side.

How Divorce Affects Friendships

It can be difficult making the adjustment from being part of a married couple to being a single person once again. You may no longer share the same interests as your married friends and relationships can become awkward and strained.

It hurts when you feel as though you no longer fit in with the same people you once called your friends. If you and your spouse were close with other couples and socialized together, you may feel out of place at gatherings with other couples. After dealing with the loss of your marriage, it is especially hard to lose friends as well.

But divorce is a new beginning and sometimes divorcing your spouse means also shedding old relationships that no longer suite you. The truth is you may not have that much in common with your married friends anymore. Finding new friendships with other single or divorced people in the same situation as you can be therapeutic.

A great place to make new friends is www.meetup.com. Meetup is an online website
that you can join for free. You can find groups of people in your area that you share specific interests with and meet each other locally. You can find divorce support groups and other single groups. It is wonderful to meet with other people who understand what you have gone through and are there to support you. Finding new friends that share a hobby or passion of yours is also benefical.

Divorce means starting over and although you may see some friendships come to an end, new ones are waiting for you.

ANIMAL PAIRS

The water buffalo lives in the marshy fields of Kerala as does the cattle egret. The two enjoy close proximity with the egret eating leeches from the buffalo’s back and legs whilst the buffalo moves its hooves to reveal a gourmet’s delight of species of mud insect for the egret to feed on. To see the two living dutifully side by side is a contrast to so many cattle and species of bird at home. Unlike the humble elephant (click here for my blog entry on elephants), I don’t think the buffalo and the egret will ever divorce.

Two creatures which do not live so harmoniously together are the ghekko and cricket. Whilst sitting one evening last week, we observed the former pounce on the latter and kill it by what can only be assumed to be strangulation using its jaw muscles. Many of my clients are inclined to quip that murdering one’s partner may only result in a 30 year prison sentence compared with divorce and maintenance payments for life. However, even if you do have the constitution of a ghekko (which incidentally also proceeded to eat the evidence), I do not recommend murder as a remedy for relationship difficulties.

GLOBAL DISHARMONY

Whilst I’ve been blogging about India it seems that there has been an influx of global tales of marital disharmony.

It started in the East with news that a cheated wife in China gatecrashed a televised presentation of the unveiling of the Beijing Olympics’ channel to denounce one of its presenters (also her husband) as an adulterer. Needless to say that piece of television has now made its way to YouTube for which click here. Congratulations should be offered on the lady’s composure but personally I’d prefer to make such allegations in a court room rather than in front of the burly chaps who seemingly muscled in to persuade her to move away from the cameras.

Here in the UK we had a decision from the Court of Appeal effectively giving the green light to pre-nuptial agreements which for so long have been disregarded as being contrary to public policy (and the sanctity of marriage), Now it seems that if
1) you are perhaps worth £18million at the time of your marriage and regardless of the fact your husband may be worth 3 times as much (but nobody knows because the court wouldn’t allow any disclosure),and
2) you enter into a deed agreeing each to keep your own and to make no claim against your spouse should the relationship break down, and
3) it does (after a period of only 18 months or so),
then you just might be held to your agreement!

Next there was news that a wife in Egypt is going to court to establish whether or not she has been properly divorced by her husband under Syaria law as a result of declarations of divorce received from him by text message. Muslim law permits the pronouncement of talak, whereby the utterance of words denoting divorce by a husband on 3 occasions result in an automatic end to the marriage. Malaysia has apparently already outlawed the use of text message for this purpose; as a result of lobbying by divorce lawyers presumably.

Then in the newspapers today there were reports of the criminal prosecution of Mr Medley who allegedly, in a fit of pique following the sale of the personalised plate on his Ferrari by his wife, disposed of a shoe from every one of the many pairs in her £1,000 collection. They are now happily divorced but apparently not speaking.

Finally we also had further news concerning Britney Spears. It was only 2 days ago that we were told her legal team no longer want to act for her because of communication difficulties. On the basis that they still have telephone, e-mail and postal services in the USA I guess that this means she is being reticent in the delivery of instructions. Today we are advised that she was carried out of her house on a stretcher after some kind of altercation relating to the custody of her two young toddlers when police, the father’s lawyer, a helicopter and numerous police cars were all called to the house. Spare a thought for the children, presumably in there at the time, and at the centre of what can be best described as a horrible mess

Deadbeat Parents Might Soon Have "Wall Of Shame"....


Parents who owe more than $500 in child support payments might soon be featured on a new website. Their name, addresses and how much they owe will be listed, similar to the department of Revenue's website that posts individuals with unpaid back taxes.

The legislation is being introduced from Wisconsin State Representative
Steve Wieckert (R-Appleton). Wisconsin currently has over 3 billion dollars owed in unpaid child support.

A website featuring deadbeat parents could help deter would be offenders from refusing to pay child support. However, "shaming" parents who maybe a few hundred dollars behind in support might not be a good idea. Illness or job loss could cause a temporary setback in payments from a parent who normally supports his or her children. It is an excellent idea for parents who owe large amounts of child support and are purposely avoiding their responsibilities.

The deadbeat parent that hides his assets, works off the books and engages in other sneaky behavior aimed at avoiding paying support, needs to be exposed. Non payment of child support does not just affect the children who go without support, it affects everyone. Many custodial parents who do not receive child support are forced to go on welfare and tax dollars are spent supporting the children of deadbeat parents. Businesses that employee custodial parents whose children are owed child support are also affected. Parents dealing with a deadbeat must take time off of work for court dates, make phone calls to case workers during business hours and are under both emotional and financial stress.

It is time more action is taken against deadbeats who purposely circumvent the system. A clear message must be sent to parents who refuse to financially support their own children. They must understand that there are consequences and they will not be allowed to "beat the system" and get away with neglecting their kids.

ELEPHANTS

No holiday in India could be complete without riding on an elephant. The Indian elephant, like the dog and horse, goes back in history as serving mankind. Thus in time honoured tradition we strolled around a spice plantation astride one of these graceful creatures, She was a female named Monica and differed from her male counterpart in that she readily responded to commands to smile for the camera. She did not shame herself by shouting for more pineapples which she munched delicately, initially rejecting the leafy stalks whilst he crunched his whole. Further she did not relieve herself in front of guests who were all visibly shocked by the heaps of dung and flooding created by her partner.

Trust me, as elephants evolve they’ll learn to divorce rather than to wave their trunks for tourists’ cameras.

Another Year, Another Divorce

January in our business typically booms, and I am happy to report this year is no exception.
We are all happy to end the holidays which are usually spent with much too much family. The artificial rat race to a stress heart attack we are all conditioned to follow starting the week before Thanksgiving and not ending until New Year's Day usually brings and end to the lull of business before the holidays. This year was an exception. If you read my blog at all you know that I had 5 trials scheduled between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not all of them went to trial, but all of them had to be prepped and dealt with to various degrees. The "break" I was used to did not exist this year and the Holidays always a stressful time wore me down completely. Thankfully the extended time off restored my body and spirit and I live to fight another day.
The new year has brought with it a client who failed to heed my many warnings about the nefarious nature of her husband and one day came home to find almost one million dollars in assets disappear. Another client had her Christmas tree stolen by her soon to be ex husband. One potential client wanted me to draft a custody agreement involving the party's pets, complete with a visitation schedule and support obligation. All in all 2008 promises to be yet another banner year in the field of matrimonial law, as we soon begin the rotation of the judges we see some friendly faces disappear and wonder how the new crop of black robed ones view myself and my colleagues and more importantly how they view their role in the matrimonial law process. Happy New Year!

Another Year, Another Divorce

January in our business typically booms, and I am happy to report this year is no exception.
We are all happy to end the holidays which are usually spent with much too much family. The artificial rat race to a stress heart attack we are all conditioned to follow starting the week before Thanksgiving and not ending until New Year's Day usually brings and end to the lull of business before the holidays. This year was an exception. If you read my blog at all you know that I had 5 trials scheduled between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Not all of them went to trial, but all of them had to be prepped and dealt with to various degrees. The "break" I was used to did not exist this year and the Holidays always a stressful time wore me down completely. Thankfully the extended time off restored my body and spirit and I live to fight another day.
The new year has brought with it a client who failed to heed my many warnings about the nefarious nature of her husband and one day came home to find almost one million dollars in assets disappear. Another client had her Christmas tree stolen by her soon to be ex husband. One potential client wanted me to draft a custody agreement involving the party's pets, complete with a visitation schedule and support obligation. All in all 2008 promises to be yet another banner year in the field of matrimonial law, as we soon begin the rotation of the judges we see some friendly faces disappear and wonder how the new crop of black robed ones view myself and my colleagues and more importantly how they view their role in the matrimonial law process. Happy New Year!