SMILE FOR THE CAMERA

The wedding album is probably one of the most sentimental souvenirs of any marriage. So much so that even during a divorce some couples will argue over who should get to keep it afterwards. However, who takes those photographs can be ever so important not only as to their quality but as one story in the local press yesterday suggested, even as to the newly married couple’s future happiness.

Sadly it seems that one North East couple may have made the wrong choice when they wed back in April 2008. Not only did they pick a photographer who made the news last year after leaving numerous couples distraught by the standard of the photographs at their weddings, but the same photographer subsequently ran off with the bride! Even worse he’s been in court this week for threatening behaviour towards the groom after trying to provoke a fight with him.

“Come on bop me on the nose, you know you want to; I deserve it,” is not however what it is alleged he said.

NO VACATION

I returned from holiday on Friday to find the country immersed in Royal Wedding mania and inundated by media coverage. Getting home too late in the day to watch the proceedings live, I had not envisaged that it would be quite so easy to catch up on the minute by minute details of the big day nor indeed so difficult to find anything else to watch on television. Every channel and every news bulletin appeared swamped by a plethora of pomp and procession. I quickly learnt from the various expert commentators that there would be a plague of copy cat weddings taking place not only in churches in this country but globally; ivory lace, trees in aisles, strawberry plants and Jerusalem will be the order of the day, together with chocolate biscuit wedding cakes.

I also learnt that only the groom knew the honeymoon destination although there was some comment that in these economically constrained times it would be appropriate for it to be a staycation here in the UK rather than a stay in an exotic, foreign location. It was probably sensible advice. The number of people marrying on tropical beaches has no doubt pushed up the cost of a wedding in recent years. Affordable if you have the savings to pay for it or a life time together to discharge the credit card interest. Divorce lawyers, however, see those cases where a marriage breaks down too quickly and the only financial legacy to show for it are the wedding photos and a large debt. Unsurprisingly neither party ever wants either of them.

Of greater surprise this weekend though was the announcement that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (as I was told they now are) will not be taking an immediate honeymoon after all. Forget the staycation it’s a no vacation, allowing the groom to return to work as soon as possible, though I doubt if it’s through financial necessity.

Outdoor Man and I of course set the precedent for the no vacation honeymoon marrying the day before a Bank Holiday weekend and then, as I recall, spending the weekend anti-fouling his boat! Still we remain together 24 years later, so perhaps it’s a good omen and a trend that might now catch on.

A FIRST AID KIT FOR BREAK-UPS

Whilst shopping with Little Girl yesterday (I carry the bags and provide the money, whilst she buys), I came across a pile of playing card size boxes in one store claiming to be “Break-Up Survival Kits.” Intrigued, I picked one up to examine the list of contents. As well as what must have been a very small print survival manual full of useful hints, they contained:

1. Stickers to deface photos of the ex (clearly total destruction doesn’t work anymore?)
2. A poster on which to write the 10 worst things about the ex ( a blank sheet of paper just won’t suffice)
3. A mirror (no explanation as to why, and presumably just on the off chance you might not have one in your home after dividing the house contents).
4. A sticker to place on your telephone to warn you not to call the ex (I assume for those people whose memories are failing and believe they are still a couple)

Needless to say they were on a display marked “reduced” and I suspect that the failure of the store to shift those boxes at their full price may have had more to do with their contents, than a downturn in the number of couples separating.

It did make me wonder though whether there is an actual market for such a kit and if so what it should contain? Handkerchief in case it’s a really bad experience; chocolate to make you feel better; dating agency details for when you are ready to seek out someone new, perhaps. Has anyone any other ideas – together we could be onto a winning patent?

MEMORIES

Recently I have been rationalising my vast collection of photographs, sorting through some of my oldest albums and selecting only specific photos for a new pristine album spanning the first thirty years of my life. Whilst on the one hand you can find yourself wallowing in nostalgia and memories looking at old photos there’s also a sense of empowerment when you come to decide whether to jettison or retain, determining what you want for the future and with it the ability to appear to re-write history. I suppose when I move onto my digital collections, I’ll even be able to get the airbrush out! Except you can never rework the past, photographic memento or not it really happened. Still I don’t have to carry all the memories around with me forever and with time they do fade; a little bit like those photos I’ve found from the era when black and white Polaroid pictures were all the rage, some of which are now virtually blank glossy paper.

LETTING GO - Chattels and Other Items

Last week the family and I went for a studio session in a local photographers and today went back to choose the prints we are having made up into pieces for the wall. “Family heirlooms,” the sales pitch describes them as.
It set me thinking. A decade ago, most of my cases would involve an argument over a division of the family photographs; fortunately the age of digital photography has made such disputes passé.
That said, frequently the stumbling block to settlement terms can still be an heirloom of sentimental rather than monetary value. It’s all about letting go and yet locked into a dispute with what seems like nothing else to hold onto, it can be very hard to do.
Once upon a time I remember a client arguing about a teapot passed to her by an elderly aunt of her husband’s. Both claimed ownership but eventually the husband gave in and my client retained it. I met her a few months later in the street and couldn’t help asking after the item. It transpired that she no longer had it.
“I let go,” she explained.
I assumed she meant in the metaphysical sense but then she elaborated: “Slipped straight through my fingers when I was moving it from the dresser,” she said. “Mind, I never did like it. I only wanted it because he did. After all it was only a ‘thing’!”