A New Year and a New Beginning: What will you do differently in 2009?

No matter how difficult 2008 was, a new year is only a few days away and you have a chance to start over and do things differently this year. After all, someone once said the definition of insanity is doing things the same way over and over again and expecting different results.

You may wonder how you will be able to make this upcoming year better than last year. We all make our new year resolutions only to find ourselves breaking them weeks or even days later, so how can you make sure that this year you really will accomplish your goals?

Start first by making a list of want you don't want. That may sound strange, but you need to get clear about the things in your life that make you unhappy so you know what needs to be changed. Work on letting go of the past and any resentments you may have with other people, including your ex. When you hold on to anger, the person you hurt is yourself. You may never actually like your ex or someone else who has hurt you, but you can release the negative energy you harbor around that person and free that energy up for yourself.

Next, write down a detailed description of how you would like you life to be this year. Include everything you want, from a new relationship to more money, to a better relationship with your kids. Be specific. Visualize your life in 2009 as you want it to be. Warning: do not allow any thoughts about how you are going to get these things to creep in. Just trust and have faith that this next year will bring you everything you hoped and wished for.

Finally, to really ensure that 2009 will be your best year ever, make a list of what you were grateful for in 2008. Feeling thankful for the good things in your life can only bring more of the same to you. Instead of focusing on what went wrong last year and beating yourself up for your mistakes, focus on what you did right. No matter how difficult your life has been so far, it does not have to continue that way. Stop placing blame on your ex, your lawyer, the court system, etc. and understand that you are on control of your destiny and only you can change your life for the better.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

The Perils of Dating After Divorce....

It can be scary to be single again after a divorce. It is tough putting yourself out there again and meeting new people. One benefit of marriage, unless your ex was cheating or violent, is knowing you are relatively safe from harm. We hear stories in the news about dates gone wrong, women losing their life savings to con artists and the increased risks of STDs.

One website is even offering a service now that will deliver an "e-card" to a partner informing them that you have an STD! How crazy is that? Can you imagine opening your email and reading "Just wanted to say Hi and by the way, I have an STD, get yourself checked out". Other websites offer background checks so that you can investigate your future dates and make sure they are not criminals.

So should you plan to do background checks and require a clean bill of health for all of your potential dates, post divorce? I think that may be taking it to the extreme. One thing we all have, and it is free, is our intuition. I believe our gut feelings always lead us in the right direction, even though we don't always listen.

Dating after divorce does not have to be frightening. Trust yourself to make the right judgment calls about new people you meet. Always listen to that little voice inside you, the one that warns you when something is not right. Focus on meeting safe, healthy people and you will. Remember, the very thing you fear the most is often what you attract. By being afraid to date and dwelling on what could go wrong, you can almost guarantee that will be your experience. Relax, have fun and enjoy this new chapter in your life.

Can You Have a Peaceful Divorce if Your Ex Won't Cooperate?..

We have all heard about "peaceful" and "collaborate" divorces where couples vow to work together and resolve their differences in an amicable and fair manner during the divorce. But what happens if you want to take the high road and your ex is out for blood? Does a peaceful divorce become impossible?

I think it becomes much more difficult, but is still possible. If you are dealing with a hostile, soon to be ex who hires a vicious divorce attorney, you have to be prepared and be on guard. You cannot be naive. But since the only person's behavior you can control is your own, you can steer your thoughts and emotions towards a positive outcome and keep yourself from joining in on the divorce battle your ex has created.

By refusing to stoop to his level and retaliate against him ,you retain your own personal power. I am not saying you shouldn't take the necessary legal steps to protect yourself financially. What I am talking about is protecting yourself emotional and spiritually from the enormous damage a nasty divorce can cause.

To tell you to think positive and not strike back when you are being attacked by your ex may sound naive, but by keeping control of your own emotions and actions, you stay in control. When you allow your ex's actions to influence you, upset you and cause you to lash out, he wins.

So how do you keep your thoughts positive during a divorce? You start by reaching for better feeling thoughts. When you find yourself upset by something your ex has said or done, reach for a thought that feels better. Hold in your mind a vision of your divorce being settled amicably and quickly. See yourself at the courthouse, smiling, signing the final divorce papers. See yourself being civil to your ex and feel the enormous sense of relief you feel now that your divorce battle is over. Feel the excitement you have now, knowing your new life is about to begin.

Keep playing this scenario over and over again, everyday. Keep yourself as positive as possible and try to stay in a good feeling place. You will shocked and amazed at how things will turn around.

An excellent book to read about reaching for better thoughts despite the circumstances around you and the law of attraction is The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther Hicks.

4 Secrets To Saving Your Marriage...

Divorce might seem like an easy fix, but the ramifications and consequences are serious. Not only will you end a relationship that you have invested years in, other people, like your children are deeply affected. If you are considering divorce, it makes sense, barring any physical or mental abuse, to do everything in your power to try and save your marriage. If it is your spouse who wants the divorce, you may be facing an uphill battle, but if saving your marriage is something you desire, it is worth attempting.

Here is a four step blueprint, based on the principles of the law of attraction, to help get your marriage and your life back on track:

1.Change yourself first. This may seem radical, but if you want to see changes in your relationship, you must first change yourself, not your spouse. The only person you are in control of is you. Wishing hoping, pleading and begging will not turn your spouse into the person you desire him to be. Take some time to do some inner work and clear up issues in yourself that are preventing you from being happy. Remember the qualities and traits that annoy and bother you in others are issues in yourself that need healing. Start by making a list of everything your spouse does to drive you crazy. Then consider if you are guilty of any of those sins yourself. You may be shocked and what you find. Does your spouse withhold affection? Think of a time in your life where you withheld affection from someone. Does your spouse lose his temper quickly? Again, look and see if there are times in your life where you are short tempered or maybe times when you feel angry and repress your emotions. Going through this list, without self-blame, but with the intent to heal yourself first, can be life changing.

2. How do you want your marriage to be? What does an "ideal" marriage look like? Spend some time visualizing the perfect marriage. See it, feel it and experience it like it was really happening. Feel the joy and love you get from sharing your life with a partner who loves and respects you.

3. Make a list of all of the qualities you wish your spouse had. List everything. Maybe you want him to be more attentive, loving, spontaneous and exciting . Now take that same list and start becoming that person. Become more attentive,loving, spontaneous and exciting. You may be reading this and feel skeptical and maybe even a little angry.After all, it is not your fault your spouse acts the way he does. But just try it. It can't hurt and you will feel better about yourself no matter what the end result is.

4. Let go of how you think your marriage should be. Release all expectations. Concentrate on yourself and creating a life you enjoy. Whether or not your spouse changes is not important. Spend your energy on becoming the best person you can be. Find a hobby or passion that excites you. Join a group of fun loving people and start getting out more. Take action and control of your life

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After following these steps your spouse may or may not change, but one thing is for certain, you will have changed for the better. This will strengthen and prepare you for whatever lies ahead. If your marriage is saved, that would be wonderful, if not you will emerge a stronger, more confident and self assured person, ready for whatever life hands you.

If you would like to find out how to use the law of attraction to change your life, I recommend reading The Attractor Factor and The Key both by Joe Vitale. Seat Of The Soul author Gary Zukav has many great books that will help inspire you and change your life for the better as well.

"The Secret" To Getting Over Your Divorce...

By now most of us have heard of the movie "The Secret"and are familiar with the law of attraction. Basically, the secret is that what you think about is what you attract in your life, good or bad.

So how can you use the law of attraction to help you heal after a divorce? The first thing you need to ask yourself is "What am thinking about all day?"

Do you spend your days thinking about the loss of your marriage or are you actively planning a new and exciting life ? If you find yourself feeling depressed, angry and bitter after your divorce, you need to change your thoughts. It is not easy to simply turn off the many emotions you go through after a painful divorce. You do need to go through he stages of grief and let go of your marriage in a healthy way. The problem comes when you continue to feel negative feelings on a regular basis and cannot seem to get your life back on track.

Here are a few ways you can harness the law of attraction to change your life for the better after a divorce:

1. Spend some time each day feeling grateful. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and dwelling on your divorce, start looking for the good things in your life. Take time to appreciate what you do have, whether it is healthy kids, a roof over you head, your pets, good friends, etc. Make a list and keep it where you can see it daily. When you start to feel down, grab your list and allow yourself to feel grateful for all of the blessings you currently have in your life now.

2. Have some fun visualizing how you want your life to be. Take the time to imagine your new life, in detail, and then commit to writing it down. Make a dream board. Cut out pictures in magazines of the things you want to attract in your life. Make a list of the top ten things you want to accomplish this year. Make sure to put your dream board where you can see it each day.

3. The most important step is to take action. Break down your big dreams into small doable steps and plan on taking one small step everyday to creating the life of your dreams. The things you want in life are not going to just magically appear if you sit on your couch all day just dreaming about them. You need to aggressively go after what you want. By taking very tiny steps at first, and building on those successes, you will be amazed at how different your life will become.

In time, your life will change for the better and you will recover from your divorce. The key is to be grateful for what you have now, see your life as you want it, not how it currently is and then most importantly, take action each and every day.