A Divorce Challenge for You...

We use online blogs, forums and chat rooms to vent about our divorces, let off steam and do some ex bashing (often well deserved!). The Internet is a great way to connect with others going through the same situation and it gives us that much needed support during a very difficult time. But what if we tried something different here? What if everyone who reads this leaves a positive comment about their ex?

Now before you think I have gone crazy, hear me out. I have written extensively about my ex and all of his wrongdoings. My purpose is not to excuse or ignore anyone's ex-husband or ex-wive's bad behavior. What I think might be helpful is to find some good in our exes, the reason why we married them in the first place, and share it here.

Why? Because it is so easy to only look at all of the terrible things our exes have done and when we do that we certainly do not feel good. It is difficult to move on and let go when we view our ex as an evil person who has inflicted only pain on us. Now, for someone who has been physically or emotionally abused, remembering even one act of random kindness that your ex performed may be tough. But doing this is not for your ex's benefit, it is for yours. By finding a morsel of goodness in your ex, it might help you forgive and let go of some of the pain you may feel.

So this is my divorce challenge to you. I will go first:

"During my marriage, there were times when my ex was helpful, kind and considerate. He sometimes helped me clean the house, often cooked dinner or went food shopping. He once surprised me with a puppy I had fallen in love with at a pet store. About a year before we separated, he bought me a new wedding ring because he was never happy with the original diamond he gave me when we married. He had the waiter bring the ring box out on my desert plate to surprise me one night over a romantic dinner."

So these were some of my fond memories from my marriage. Now it is your turn, if you are up for the challenge. I admit, this is not easy. It is so much easier to remember all of the bad times and forget the good. But I think once you do this, you will feel better and it will also give you some nice memories to share with your children.

If you just can't bear to write one positive thing about your ex, then don't. By privately reflecting on some of the good moments in your marriage, you will begin the healing process. Life is usually not all black or white, good or bad. By accepting your marriage and divorce for what it is, a combination of both, you can free yourself of anger and pain and move on.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce....

Are You a Divorce Victim?..

Has divorce knocked you down, sapped your energy and left you feeling defeated? Do you feel like giving up and just don't know how much longer you can take the pain?

If so, now is the time to take back control and dig deep down and find your inner strength. Life's greatest challenges can also reveal to us qualities we never thought we had. You can rise above your divorce and not only make it through, but come out on top.

There is always that pivotal moment when you question whether you can go on yet another day. You may feel crushed by grief as you mourn the loss of your marriage and scared about what the future will hold. In that moment you feel like you just don't have the energy to fight anymore. But what you choose in that moment defines the outcome of your divorce. Will it leave you feeling bitter and angry or will you become courageous and brave?

I remember during my own divorce when the world seemed to be crashing down around me. My father died suddenly at 59 years old, my ex refused to pay child support and alimony and I was receiving foreclosure notices on my home. My ex also filed a phony restraining order against me. To make matters even worse, he was fighting me tooth and nail for control of the salon we owned and then without warning half of all of my employees walked out, taking half of the salon's customer's with them to the salon across the street.( Ironically to the salon where my ex-husband was close friends with the owner. I guess he figured if he couldn't have the business, he would make sure I wouldn't have it either.)

I went through months of overwhelming stress and then I felt like I snapped one day. I did not want to get out of bed. I felt defeated and just didn't care anymore. But then something happened. One employee, who had remained loyal to me and stayed, said the words that turned everything around. He said he would help me rebuild the business, that together we would make the salon better than before. In that moment, I felt a wave of hope, a new energy took over me and I vowed not to give up.

I had a mission now. When my former employees spread rumors throughout the town that my salon was going out of business, it brought out my fighting spirit even more. I spent the next few months looking for new employees, and by miracle, 5 hairdressers from another neighboring salon came to work for me, bringing more clients than before.

The icing on the cake came when I put a large ad in the local newspaper with all of my new employees pictures, welcoming them to the salon. You can be sure my ex and the salon that counted on me going out of business were not pleased. It was sweet revenge. I was able to rebuild the business and sell it a year and half later and the salon is now the busiest salon in town, a thorn in the side of the salon owner who tried to destroy my business with my ex.

I share this story because no matter how overwhelming your divorce may seem to you now, there is always hope. You can either become a victim of your divorce or not. It is up to you. Things have a way of turning out for the best with time. Stay in the game and don't give up.

How to Get Over Your Divorce Once and for All.....

Are you finding it difficult to let go of the past and move on after your divorce? If so, you are not alone. Many people struggle for years after a divorce trying to make sense of what happened and why their marriage ended. Some are still so caught up in past that they find it impossible to truly begin their new life, post-divorce.

If you are in this situation, it may be because you never fully mourned the death of your marriage. A divorce is a major life event, equivalent to the death of a loved one. If you did not take the time to face the pain while going through your divorce, that pain can linger with you for years.

Letting go of the baggage and facing the grief can feel overwhelming and most people try to avoid pain at any cost. That is why so many people suffer from addictions. Facing the pain in our lives becomes too much to bear, so we stuff it down deep instead and ignore it. When the pain rears it's ugly head, we turn to alcohol, drugs, gambling or even another relationship to avoid what is gnawing at us.

The only way to truly let go of the past and move on is to face our demons head on. By allowing the pain to surface and then looking directly at it and feeling whatever emotions arise, we can finally purge it. No one likes to feel pain and it requires courage and strength to do what is necessary to let go, but if the pain is allowed to remain, it will fester and continue to control your life.

If you are ready to move past your divorce, enlist the help of a therapist or close friend. Find someone who is willing to listen and be there for you as you grieve. The emotions you did not allow yourself to feel during your divorce are still there and will slowly surface. As you deal with them, they will disappear. As you move through this process you will find that if you are still stuck all of these years feeling intense anger towards your ex, that anger will turn into sadness then transform into acceptance of what is. You may even discover through self reflection that your divorce was a necessary catalyst that has changed your life for the better. Often our most painful life experiences are our greatest teachers.

By moving through the stages of mourning and dealing directly with the emotional baggage your divorce has caused, you will finally be able to let go and release the pain. Then and only then will you be free.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

A New Year and a New Beginning: What will you do differently in 2009?

No matter how difficult 2008 was, a new year is only a few days away and you have a chance to start over and do things differently this year. After all, someone once said the definition of insanity is doing things the same way over and over again and expecting different results.

You may wonder how you will be able to make this upcoming year better than last year. We all make our new year resolutions only to find ourselves breaking them weeks or even days later, so how can you make sure that this year you really will accomplish your goals?

Start first by making a list of want you don't want. That may sound strange, but you need to get clear about the things in your life that make you unhappy so you know what needs to be changed. Work on letting go of the past and any resentments you may have with other people, including your ex. When you hold on to anger, the person you hurt is yourself. You may never actually like your ex or someone else who has hurt you, but you can release the negative energy you harbor around that person and free that energy up for yourself.

Next, write down a detailed description of how you would like you life to be this year. Include everything you want, from a new relationship to more money, to a better relationship with your kids. Be specific. Visualize your life in 2009 as you want it to be. Warning: do not allow any thoughts about how you are going to get these things to creep in. Just trust and have faith that this next year will bring you everything you hoped and wished for.

Finally, to really ensure that 2009 will be your best year ever, make a list of what you were grateful for in 2008. Feeling thankful for the good things in your life can only bring more of the same to you. Instead of focusing on what went wrong last year and beating yourself up for your mistakes, focus on what you did right. No matter how difficult your life has been so far, it does not have to continue that way. Stop placing blame on your ex, your lawyer, the court system, etc. and understand that you are on control of your destiny and only you can change your life for the better.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

A Christmas Present for the Ex?

A divorce presents many new challenges and many are ones you probably have never thought of before. When you have small children, the issue of getting your ex a present for Christmas arises. Should you buy a gift for your ex for your kids to give?

Your ex may be the last person on earth you want to buy a present for, but it is important for your kids to be able to give presents to their parents on the holidays. You may be thinking that since your ex does not get a present for you from the kids, why should you bother? But I believe that if your child has asked about getting a present for daddy or mommy, you should buy something small for your children to give.

Remember, this is not about you or your ex, it is about making your children, who do not have money on their own or the ability to go shopping, feel good. Imagine how sad a child would feel, wanting give a present to their parent and not being able to? Of course, if it really kills you to spend a dime on the ex, then have your child make a homemade gift.

I took a photo of my kids under the Christmas tree and ordered an 8x10 and some wallets for my ex as a gift from the kids. I know he will like that and my kids will feel like they gave dad something for Christmas. It was also very inexpensive.

So even though your ex may be on your naughty list and deserve a lump a coal instead of a gift, try being the better person and make your kids happy by providing them with a small gift to give on Christmas to their mom or dad.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

What I Miss About Being Married...

I have been divorced for over 3 and 1/2 years and it has been 5 years since the separation. Up until recently I could not think of many things I missed about being married. I certainly did not miss my ex and many of his annoying habits-especially his snoring! I enjoy sleeping alone in my king size bed, being free to do whatever I want and not having answer to anyone. Single life is good. Yet recently I have found myself remembering some of the things about marriage that I do miss.

I miss having a partner there to help with the kids. It is tough having to be both mom and dad, 24/7 and not being able to have someone there to share the burden. I also miss having a husband there to share the financial responsibilities. When you are married and have two incomes coming into the household, it does make life easier.

And as independent as I profess to be, I think I am starting to miss having a life partner who is always there to share in the good times and bad, someone who is not only your spouse but your best friend. I used to think of my ex as my best friend early on in the marriage. It was a wonderful feeling when I felt I could trust him and that he was always going to be there for me.

Even though my ex eventually betrayed my trust, I hope I will someday be able to trust someone like that again. Maybe then I will be ready to give marriage another try. But for now I will remain single and enjoy every minute of it.

Is Your Ex Hiding Cash?

One of the most difficult problems a spouse can face during a nasty divorce battle is trying to prove that their spouse is hiding cash. This occurs frequently when the family owns a cash business, like a pizza place, auto body shop, hair salon, etc. It can be very hard to prove the actual income coming in from that business if your spouse has been the one the running the business during the marriage.

A woman I know is in a terrible situation right now. Throughout the marriage, her ex claimed about a third of what he was actually earning at his business in order to avoid paying taxes. She works and technically makes more than him on paper. In reality though, he is earning double her salary. So now she faces the possibility of paying her spouse alimony even though they both know he makes much more money than her.

Since she signed the tax returns each year she is in a very delicate situation. Should she insist her ex's business makes more than it does and has for many years, they both could be in deep trouble with the IRS. She faces the possibility of losing out on alimony that she would have been entitled to had the money been "on the books" and child support payments will most likely be calculated using the tax returns as her husband's income,while he lives the high life with all of the extra cash he has stored away.

The best thing for her to do and anyone else in this situation is to hire a forensic accountant. These accountants are expensive but well worth in this situation. They will go into the business and look at everything, giving the true value of the business. You must be careful not make claims in court that the business made more money in the past. A family court judge can call the IRS if he feels the law has be broken and that can open up a hornet's nest.

If you are currently in a marriage where you own a cash business, make sure you have your own copies of all receipts and business expenses. Keep a close eye on the business's revenue. Some people have signed tax returns having no idea that their spouse was hiding money and manipulating the books. Whether your marriage is solid or not, you have a right to know about your families finances and how much money is coming into the household.

I did something a little crazy...

Before my divorce, I was more conservative and reserved. For some reason, after the divorce, I began trying new things and became more adventurous. I walked across a bed of hot coals at a Tony Robbin Seminar, sang in front of 100 people( even though I cannot sing very well) and moved to a new town in a new state where I did not know anyone and had only visited twice on vacation.

I feel empowered when doing the very things that scare me the most. So when I saw the ad for "reality dating show host" on craigslist, it got my attention. But as I thought about making my audition video, I try to talk myself out of it. The thought of putting myself "out there" was frightening.

I decided to let go of my fears and do it anyway. Of course my kids thought it was "crazy" and had a good laugh at my video. But one I uploaded the video and it was a done deal, I felt good. It is another "crazy" accomplishment to put on my list, post divorce.

They are picking the host by the most votes and I am lagging behind two younger girls right now, so if you want to vote for me, go to: http://www.100sx100s.com/content/christina-rowe-host-audition Whether I actually get to be a reality dating host or not, I feel like I have already won by pushing myself to try something new and following through, despite my fears.

How the Economy Can Effect Your Divorce..

I really feel for people who are thinking about getting a divorce or in the middle of one right now. With the dire economic conditions we are facing, many couples are going to have less assets to divide and a more difficult time financially supporting two separate households.

It used to be that a couple could count on the equity in their home, 401Ks and other investments to divvy up. With the housing market crisis, stocks plummeting and the cost of living rising, many couples will not have the money available to buy a new home or even live comfortably after a divorce.

Think about this. The longer you take to settle your divorce the greater risk you are at. If you filed for divorce 6 months ago, at that time your assets were worth more than they are worth today. If we continue in this downward economic spiral, your assets will lose more value and you will get less in your divorce settlement. Another scenario that can effect your divorce is if you or your partner loses your job. Child support and alimony payments will surely be affected.

To make matters worse, if you are paying a high priced divorce attorney, his fees will mount while your divorce settlement decreases. So the best advice to divorcing couples now is to settle your divorce as fast as possible. This is no time to fight it out. With assets frozen and unable to be sold during a divorce unless court ordered, you are risking your financial well being.

If you are dealing with a hard headed spouse who has refused to settle so far, maybe it is time you explain to him or her that you will both suffer financially should your divorce drag on. The quicker you reach a settlement, the better chance you have to protect your assets.

When your Ex Blames You for the Divorce....


Does your ex refuse to take any responsibility for your divorce? Is the divorce "all your fault" even though your ex may have been the one who has cheated or been abusive? If so, you may be frustrated and baffled at how your ex cannot accept any blame. It may be obvious that your ex's actions caused the breakup of the marriage ,yet he or she goes on blaming you.

Believe it or not, this is typical in many divorces. The person who had the affair or acted in other ways that contributed to the demise of the marriage turns the tables and blames their spouse. It actually makes sense when you think about it. If your ex was to admit wrongdoing, he or she would feel guilty and have to face those emotions. It is easier to blame you and not have to deal with the shame and guilt.

A recent example of this is the book actor Alec Baldwin wrote after his nasty divorce to actress Kim Basinger. He rallies against the legal system, placing blame on everyone except himself. Even after he called his daughter a "thoughtless, rude, little pig" he blamed his ex. He excused his actions by saying "parental alienation" drove him to verbally abuse his child. In all fairness, we all lose our tempers with our kids and he may have experienced parental alienation, but I don't think Alec Baldwin is ready yet to look at himself and see how he is the creator of his own life and experiences.

Yes, your ex can push your buttons but ultimately it is you who decides to react in anger. No one can force you to do anything you don't want to to do. We all have free choice. A person who cheats may say that their ex was cold and unloving, but no one forced them to have an affair, they made that decision freely. You could say your ex made you so angry, you lashed out verbally or physically. But again, you made that choice.

So the next time your ex tries to place the blame on you for the divorce, you can make a different choice. Instead of feeling angry, frustrated and feeling the need to justify why your ex is the one responsible, you can choosee to let it go and understand your ex cannot face the truth without also facing some very painful emotions he or she may be unwilling to deal with at this time.

Feeling Down About Your Divorce? ...

Divorce is often a very negative experience that can overwhelm you and take over your life. Day after day your think about your ex, the divorce and grieve the loss of your marriage. Add in feelings of anger, betrayal and shock that your marriage is over and you have a recipe for long term depression.

When thoughts of the divorce consume you, you need to try and get some emotional relief. The more you dwell on the divorce and your ex, the more angry and hurt you feel. Just because the marriage has ended it does not mean that your life has ended too. It may feel that way at times and that is normal, but all too often a divorce saps the energy from you and leaves you with feelings of hopelessness and despair.

You need to move your thoughts away from the divorce and replace them with thoughts that feel better. The key is to catch yourself in a negative thought before it spirals out of control. As soon as you start thinking about what a rotten ex you have or how unfair your divorce is, that is your cue to stop and turn your thoughts around. Obviously you are not going to be able to suddenly think positively about the situation, but you can distract yourself by doing things that make you happy.

Start by making a list of the 10 things you enjoy doing most. Maybe you have a particular hobby you enjoy, love to read or like to take walks on the beach. Whatever it is, go out and do it. By forcing yourself to get out of the house and stop the negative chatter in your mind, you will start attracting better thoughts and circumstances into your life. Little by little, the pain you feel about your divorce will start to fade into the background and then one day you will find yourself not thinking about your ex or the divorce at all.

Newly Single? What you need to know how to do....

If you have been married for a long time and especially if you married at a young age, you may have relied on your husband to take care of certain tasks usually delegated to the man of the house. It may come as a surprise to you that you do not know how to do some simple tasks that you relied on your husband to take care of.

Here are a list of things every newly single woman should learn how to do:

1. Fix a flat tire. I have not learned how to do this yet, but found myself a few months ago with a blown out tire on the side of the road with no one to call. Luckily I was able to get a mechanic to come to my aid, but had it been later in the evening I would have been out of luck. So either learn how to put the donut tire on your car and have the necessary equipment stored in your car or make sure you have road side assistance coverage.

2. Fix a toilet. You should know how to snake a toilet and install a toilet repair kit. Why pay big money to a plumber when you can fix it yourself?

3. Patch a hole in the wall. I found out how to do this after my divorce because I have two teenage sons who have twice put holes in the walls. Once by one throwing a water bottle at his brother and missing and the other time by my son swearing he "accidentally" hit the wall with his foot(ironically this was after he punished and sent to his room). Fixing a hole in the wall is relatively easy. Just buy a repair kit at home depot and some spackle and sandpaper and then repaint.

There are many other household tasks that your husband may have been responsible for that you now find yourself unable to do. Hiring a local handyman is a good idea. you may not want to take on chores like mowing the lawn, cleaning the pool, trimming the trees or cleaning the gutters.

When I have had those moments where I missed having a "man" around the house, I remember how I had to repeatedly nag my husband to do these simple tasks anyway. Blinds sat in boxes, pictures were left unhung, all with the promise to do them "later". In fact when I think about it I had to hire gardeners, mechanics and other professionals while I was married.

So if you are newly single, try not to panic about not having a man around. You can learn what you need to know and hire others to take care of the rest.

When You Just Can't "Move On"...

Many times during a divorce, well meaning friends and relatives will tell you that you need to "get over it" and move on already. They see you in pain and naturally want to help you, but sometimes comments like that can make you feel even more alone and depressed.

I don't think anyone can understand what it is like to go through a divorce unless they have been through one themselves. And then it depends on what kind of divorce they had. A person who resolves their issues amicably with their spouse and remains friends after the divorce is going to have a much easier time recovering than someone who is embroiled in a nasty divorce battle.

I remember clearly those awful days during my divorce where I would literally feel sick to my stomach. It seemed like the pain would never go away. The divorce consumed my life at the time and wondered if I would ever feel good again.

Thankfully, those feelings passed, but it took time. If you are suffering right now with the pain of divorce and feel like no one understands, it is important to remember that people who have not gone through the trauma of divorce might not be able to offer you much support emotionally.

A divorce support group is a good option if you want to be with others who you can relate to. You will "move on" and let go eventually of this pain and agony, but it is not going to happen overnight. Give yourself permission to grieve. There will be a day someday soon where you will find that your divorce is not the first thing you think about every day. It will start to fade into the background of your life and you will begin to feel better. The key is to not rush yourself through your emotions right now, but work through them so that you can let them go.

Florida’s 1st Successful Divorce Showcase provides free passes to those in need....

Community Agencies encouraged to distribute passes to Showcase featured at South Florida Singles’ Lifestyle Expo in Boca Raton, June 8th Boca Raton, FL:

Because divorce affects adults and children in so many significant ways, Florida’s first Successful Divorce Showcase is reaching out to people in particular need for information, resources and advice. The Showcase, a first-time feature at the 14th Annual South Florida Singles’ Lifestyle Expo, will take place on Sunday, June 8th at the Embassy Suites Hotel in Boca Raton, FL from 3:00 on.

Christina Rowe and Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, co-hosts of the event, have contacted many community agencies in Palm Beach and Broward Counties to send them free passes to the Successful Divorce Showcase. Jennifer Mahoney, Special Events Coordinator for AVDA, Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse, said she will distribute the free passes to any of the female residents who are interested in learning more about issues related to separation and divorce – legal, financial, career planning, parenting, self-esteem and more.

Jewish Family Services, Catholic Charities, Children’s Home Society, Legal Aid and other family-focused organizations were also sent free passes to the Expo/Showcase. Some of South Florida’s most experienced and respected divorce professionals – attorneys, mediators, coaches, therapists and others – will be providing educational seminars on topics of major importance to those facing, moving through or transitioning beyond divorce.

Women in distress of Broward County will be exhibiting and presenting a lecture at the Expo as well. Exhibitors at the Successful Divorce Showcase will include experts in mediation, psychotherapy, legal issues, financial advice, divorce coaching, parenting, relationships, dating, college planning and other related topics, offering valuable products and services.

The Showcase is a new feature of the South Florida Single’s Lifestyle Expo which has been bringing together manufacturers, distributors and representatives of products and services specifically related to single adults and their unique lifestyle for the past thirteen years. This year Show Coordinator Al Barry, president of Multi-Expo International, Inc., a Miami-based Convention Planning and Professional Management Group, says he expects more than one hundred companies and over eight hundred attendees.

Besides the exhibit tables, “what makes this event so special,” notes Barry, “is the Live Entertainment, Speed Dating Sessions, new Divorce Forum, Seminars and Florida’s largest Singles’ Dance Party with DJ Bobby Curbelo – all included with admission. It’s a great place for singles to meet other singles in a positive, healthy, safe and friendly atmosphere.” The Singles Expo, including the Successful Divorce Showcase, is open to the general public. Admission is $20.00 at the door or $15.00 in advance. Registration is required in advance or at the door. For more information about the Successful Divorce Showcase contact Al Barry at 305 448-7976 .

Why I Am Grateful For My Divorce...

When I hear from women who are considering divorce because they are trapped in an unhappy marriage, it makes me so grateful that I am no longer in an unhappy marriage myself.

I had convinced myself during my marriage that everything was fine and considered myself happily married. But it wasn't until I divorced that I realized how unhappy I actually was.

I cringe when I hear stories of women who are stuck in a marriage where their husband controls their every move. Some husband's even "punish" their wives by taking away credit cards or cash. My ex used to lock me off the computer when he was angry. He would put a code on it so I could not log on. I did not realize it at the time, but he was attempting to control me and that was a sign of emotional abuse.

I am so blessed now to be my own person, free to make my own decisions and live my life the way I choose to, not having to worry constantly about pleasing someone else.

You may be going through a divorce right now or contemplating one and feel overwhelmed, hurt and angry. Those emotions are normal and you need to go through the stages of grief to let go of your marriage and move on. But someday soon, you will see things in a different light. Once you start enjoying your new life, post divorce, you too will come to appreciate your new found freedom and discover a brand new life, better than before.

Is Your Ex Driving You Crazy? How to cope with an annoying ex..

Three Great Things About Being Divorced

Three Ways To Avoid Picking "Mr. Wrong" Again After A Divorce..

You may feel ready to start dating again after your divorce but do you wonder how you can avoid picking a new mate just like your ex? Studies say that the divorce rate for second marriages can be up to 70%. It can be scary getting back into the dating game again. You may even question your own judgement, if you picked the wrong kind of man last time how do you know you won't do it again? Here are three ways to avoid picking "Mr. Wrong"and find the right guy the second time around:

1. Be in the moment. When you go out on a date, try and enjoy your time with your date without projecting into the future. As women we tend to size men up very quickly and make judgements about him. He may not be the right height, have the right job or be someone we are immediately attracted to, but by rushing to judgement, you could overlook a gem. If you are having a good time and are feeling good, go out with him again. Take it one date at a time and only go out with someone who makes you feel good.

2. Judge a potential new mate by his actions, not by what he says. Pay close attention to how your date behaves. Is he reliable? Does he call when he says he will? Do not make excuses for someone who is a sweet talker but may be unreliable. Always trust your instincts and if you have doubts, get out of the relationship.

3. Do not try and change someone into the person you want them to be. All too often, women make the mistake of trying to mold their new man into the man of their dreams. If you cannot accept your new man the way he is, he is not the man for you.

The best way to avoid another failed relationship is to work on yourself and your own happiness. When you are feeling happy, you naturally attract other happy people. Remember, like attracts like. The traits you desire in a new mate are the very same traits you need to cultivate in yourself. Become the type of person you desire a relationship with and you will attract that kind of person into your life.

Does Your Ex Let His Girlfriend Sleep Over While Your Kids Are Visiting?

Dealing with your ex's new girlfriend is hard enough, but finding out she is sleeping over your ex's house while your kids are visiting can be too much to bear. The thought of another woman playing mommy to your kids for the weekend can fill you with rage, especially if you are in the early stages of your divorce and you have not had a chance to mourn the death of your marriage and work through all of the emotions divorce stirs up.

It is even worse if the woman in your ex's life is the same woman who broke up your marriage. During my own divorce my ex's mistress moved into his house. He had the kids for overnight visitation every other weekend and she was there, spending time with my children. Although it bothered me, I initially tried to accept the situation and give her a chance. That was until my youngest daughter, who was only about 6 at the time, came home and told me that she had slept in the same bed with this woman. Naturally, I was upset and called my lawyer. I was told that unless his girlfriend was a danger to my children, he was within his rights to have her sleep over when the children were there. I did however instruct my ex that under no cirumstances was my daughter to share a bed with his girlfriend. Thankfully, my ex eventually broke up with his woman.

If you are uncomfortable with your ex's girlfriend sleeping voer while your children are present there is very little you can do legally. You can try talking to your ex and setting rules and boundaries. Can they not share the same bed while your kids are there? Is it possible for her to sleep at a friend's or relative's house or if she does not live with your ex, stay at her own home during visitations?

As difficult as it is for you to have the ex's girlfriend sleeping over while your kids are there, imagine how the kids must feel. They have already been through their parent's divorce and it will take time for them to accept a new mate for either of their parents. The best way to introduce a new partner to take it slow. If your ex refuses to cooperate, then it is your job to explain to the kids about their Dad's new love and help them work through any conflicting emotions.

Then, in private, it is your turn to deal with the painful emotions this situation has caused. Feelings like anger, resentment, jealousy, and not wanting your ex to be happy are perfectly normal. Do not try and suppress them. Work through them and then try and let them go. Eventually you will reach a place where you can accept your ex's new girlfriend in your children's lives as long as she treats them well and is a positive role model.

5 Ways to Take Back Control During a Divorce...

If you are going through a divorce you need to take some time out to take care of yourself. With all of the emotional upheaval and trauma you are experiencing right now, you need to do some things to regain balance and order in your life.

Here are 5 ways to take back control of your life:

1. Make an appointment at the salon. Go get your hair colored, highlighted and cut. A new look will lift your spirits and make you feel good about yourself again. It is critical that you raise your self-esteem and take care of yourself physically during a divorce. You will feel empowered when you walk into the courtroom looking your very best.

2. Redecorate your bedroom. If you are in the marital home and your ex has moved out, now is the time to make some changes to the bedroom. Put your ex's belongings in boxes if he has not already collected them. Buy a new comforter and some new sheets and pillows for your bed. The bedroom can be a painful reminder of your loss, so making some changes and bringing in some new items can lift your spirits.

3. Hire a babysitter and go out once a week. you need time to yourself to think and heal from the trauma of divorce. Go for lunch with a friend, spend an hour at the gym or join a group on meetup.com. Make sure to schedule this time for yourself.

4. Spend some time outdoors. Plant some new flowers or start a garden. Long walks or bike rides with the kids are great ways to get some exercise and release some energy. Just getting out of the house and into the fresh air will help you to feel better.

5. Go to the library or bookstore and read a novel. You want to lose yourself for awhile so that you are not dwelling on your divorce 24/7. Renting movies and playing board games with the kids are also great distractions. You need to get your mind off of the divorce from time to time so that it does not consume your every waking thought.