Is Your Divorce Attorney the Right Match for You?

There are so many factors to consider when hiring a divorce attorney.

His or her reputation and experience are certainly important. But have you considered if your divorce lawyer's personality and style is in line with yours? Do you share the same values?

A ruthless shark of an attorney may be perfect for someone hell bent on getting everything they feel they deserve in a divorce case but what if you want a peaceful divorce and want it to be over quickly?

You must be careful when screening potential divorce lawyers and make sure you both are on the same wave length. Make sure this is someone whose personality meshes with your own and you can actually get along with. Remember, you first instincts about a person are usually correct.

Do not make excuses for an attorney if something bothers you about them. Telling yourself "Well, he may be loud and aggressive, but I hear he is the best divorce attorney in town" will not help you if what you are really looking for is a caring, gentle attorney who believes in mediation.

Your divorce attorney can set the tone for your entire divorce. One who refuses to negotiate with the other side and is aggressive in court will prolong your divorce and may make settling your divorce in an amicable manner impossible. Keep this is mind when choosing your divorce attorney. It is better to choose the right attorney in the beginning then realizing you made a mistake and having to find new representation during the divorce.

And I Thought My Divorce was Expensive.....

I spent $40,000 in legal fees for my divorce, but that seems like a bargain compared to what Britney Spears will have to shell out in attorney fees.

It is estimated her legal bill will be close to $700,000 for her divorce and custody fight with ex-husband Kevin Federline.

The majority of that bill comes from her former lawyer, Stacy D. Phillips, who claimed in court filings that she is owed nearly $407,000 for four months of work. She also claims she has written off an additional $125,000 in fees.

A half a million dollars in four months? It is hard to believe a lawyer can justified charging a client that much money for such a short time period. Kevin Federline's lawyers charged $250,000 for representation but worked well over a year on the case. Laura Wasser, the attorney who helped the couple finally reach a settlement, charge $60,000 for 2 months of work.

The moral of the story here for us normal, non-celebrities, is that divorce lawyers sometimes do jack up fees and prolong cases when a couple has assets and money. I am sure Ms. Phillips wouldn't have billed a "normal" client a half a million dollars for the same amount of work as she billed Ms.Spears.

The other lesson to take from this seemingly unimportant story about Britney Spears is something I have said over and over again. The biggest winners in your divorce will be not be you or ex, it will be the lawyers if you choose to litigate your divorce in family court. It is is possible to reach a divorce settlement without fighting, animosity and outrageous legal fees. That of course requires that both you and your ex cooperate and consider the use a mediator. If this is not a possibility, protect yourself from soaring legal fees by keeping close tabs on what your attorney is charging you and encourage he or she to try and reach a settlement with your ex's attorney as soon as possible instead of duking it out in court.

Is Your Divorce Making You Crazy?...

I referred a client the other day to a divorce attorney I know. He met with the woman and said he could not represent her and that she was "crazy". What he failed to recognize was that perfectly normal, sane people can become temporarily insane from the the divorce process.

No one understands this unless they have been through a divorce themselves. Your emotions are raw and your life has been turned upside down. You feel like you are on a roller coaster and can't get off. One minute you are in a rage and the next you are curled in a ball, crying your eyes out. Your life is no longer the same and your future is uncertain. Can anyone really expect you to act like a rational person?

The key is to fake it. Any crazy, out of control behavior will hurt you. If you act on your impulses, you could have a restraining order issued against you and end up in jail. Lawyers do not want to represent out of control clients and judges will quickly side with your soon to be ex if you cannot behave yourself. There is so much at stake here.

So, even though you feel a little crazy, you need to come up with ways yourself keep yourself calm and in control, at least in public. At home, in the privacy of your own bedroom, go ahead and scream , punch a pillow and curse your ex. Let it out so you can let it go.

I promise you that soon enough this will all pass and your new life will begin. Hang in there, it will take time for your life to return to any degree of normalcy, but eventually it will happen. One day, when you hear about some "crazy" person acting out during their divorce you will completely understand and sympathize, knowing that you were once feeling the same way..

Why You Don't Want To Go To Divorce Court...

Do you believe that court is a place where justice is served and judges are unbiased and fair in their rulings? The truth is this is often not the case in family court. If you fail to settle your divorce outside of a courtroom, you could be in for a rude awakening.

The family court system is overcrowded and understaffed. Expect to wait weeks to get a court date and be prepared to spend hours waiting for your case to be heard, if it is heard at all. Many times you can spend an entire day at court, paying your divorce lawyer several hundred dollars and hour only to have your case adjourned at the last minute. You then have to repeat the whole process again several weeks later.

When you put your divorce in the hands of a family court judge, you are basically entrusting your future to a stranger who has no emotional interest in your case or your family. The judge's rulings are usually cut and dry.

You may be shocked at the rulings that a judge can make. Instead of going to mediation and resolving their differences, many couples think that by fighting it out in a courtroom they will "win". But the sad truth is that no one wins when a divorce goes to court, except for the divorce lawyers. Court dates can drag on for months and even years and if you go to trial, be prepared to spend a fortune on attorney fees.

I think divorcing couples need to put their anger aside and look at the facts. Is it really worth it to fight over assets and refuse to compromise? Will you eventually spend more in attorney fees than the asset is worth?

Of course there are times when it is necessary to go to court when one party refuses to negotiate and settle the divorce in a reasonable, fair manner. But often couples are stubborn and go to court thinking that they are going to punish their spouse and the judge will rule in their favor. They are shocked when they do not get what they wanted and rack up huge attorney fees. If both parties can keep the lines of communication open and have a willingness to compromise, an agreement can usually be reached and you can avoid the courtroom altogether.

The Legal Aspect of Divorce-What You Need to Know...

Most of us are not prepared when faced with a divorce. Our world is turned upside down and we are emotional wrecks, trying to deal with feelings of anger, hurt and sadness and yet at the same time, needing to protect our legal rights.

It can be overwhelming and frustrating to get educated quickly about divorce law, so naturally, most of us hire an divorce attorney with whom we entrust our financial futures to. This blind trust of a stranger, who may or may not represent us to the best of his or her abilites can be dangerous.

It is crucial that you get a divorce education and do it fast. There is a new book that I recommend that gives you all of the legal notes and bolts of divorce. Quick Divorce: Everything You Need to Save, Time, Money and Get it Done Fast and Legally by Linda Connell, Attorney at Law is jam packed with legal information.

There are checklists, tips and sample forms and the book even list divorce lawyers by state. This book covers all of the divorce legal issues that you need to be familiar with and it maps it out in a simple, easy to use format.

No matter how distraught you are right now, you need to find the inner strength to take control of your divorce and protect yourself legally. You do not want to turn your divorce over to a professional without getting up to speed first. By becoming educated, you hold the cards. You can become an active participant in the legal aspects of the divorce. In any situation in life, you take back your power when you gain knowledge and are able to make more clear, rational decisions when you understand what is going on.

Divorce Lawyers Murdered: Could a Client Have Done it?

A husband-and-wife team of divorce lawyers were found shot to death in their bed. The bodies of 50-year-old Mark Schwartz and his 48-year-old wife, Christina-Maria Petrowski-Schwartz, were discovered in their Brooklyn home.

Right now, police do not know who committed this double homicide, but are investigating business associates. It makes you wonder, could this heinous act have been committed by a disgruntled client or the spouse of one?

There have been cases where an upset spouse has killed the divorce attorney or judge before. Divorce is such an emotionally heated subject and many people going through a divorce feel out of control and full of range. Most will not commit acts of violence, but there is always the few who will go insane and lash out at their spouse or anyone else they feel is hurting them.

If the suspect in this case does turn out to be client, it will be another horrible example of how deadly divorce can turn. I think anyone going through an ugly divorce needs to always have in the back of his or her mind that there is a remote possibility that your spouse can turn violent. This is especially true if there were an incidents of domestic abuse during the marriage.

Keep on guard and protect yourself. do not travel alone or come home by yourself late at night, make sure to inform a family member of your whereabouts and when you are expected home and if you feel your spouse is dangerous, get a restraining order against him or her. It is always better to be safe than sorry.

An Important Tax Form You Must Include in Your Divorce Decree....

With the deadline to file taxes only weeks away, many divorced men and women may find themselves in a tricky position when it comes time to file their returns. In the final divorce decree, the settlement outlines which parent can claim which child. Usually, if there are two children for example, each parent gets to claim one. But some divorce parents ignore this court order and file before their ex spouse and claim both children on their tax return.

This is a clear violation of the divorce decree but since divorce decrees are usually only binding on the parties that agree to it, the IRS does not have to honor your divorce order. Meaning your ex can get away with claiming your kids. If the child lived with you for more than half a year you can go ahead and claim the child anyway, but the IRS may challenge you and you will have to prove the child resided with you.

There is an IRS form that can solve this problem. The best way to protect your rights is to tell your divorce lawyer you want your soon to be ex to sign a IRS Form 8332, waiving the right to claim the child. One must be filled out for each child. You can then in return sign one for your ex waiving any rights to claim the child he has been assigned to claim.

It amazes me that most divorce lawyers do not tell their clients about this form. It will prevent aggravation and a possible trip back to family court to enforce a violation of the divorce order later on. If you are in the middle of a divorce right now make sure to inform your attorney you want this form included in your final divorce decree.

Find out how to protect yourself and your children during divorce...

Is Your Divorce Attorney A Money Hungry Shark?

I coached a woman today who is going through one of the worst divorces I have ever seen. I thought my divorce was terrible, but this woman's divorce made mine pale in comparison. She is approaching her third year in litigation with no end in sight. I won't go into details here for privacy issues, but the reason her divorce has not settled is because of her crazy husband and his unethical divorce attorney.

It is funny how the law of attraction works. Like attracts like. So her out of control, devious husband has attracted a lawyer who is just like him. Her own attorney informed her that her husband's attorney is not interested in settling because he always goes to trial, that is how he makes his money.

How sad that the average cost for a divorce is reportedly $106,000 per case in some areas of the U.S. That money could be used to put a child through college, instead it is squandered on high price lawyers who prey on their clients, knowing their clients are in a highly emotional state.

Of course, not all divorce lawyers are bad. There are some caring, kind divorce lawyers who genuinely want to help their clients. Many of them practice collaborate divorce law and work with mediators to try and settle the cases they see as quickly as possible. There is also the argument that many aggressive divorce lawyers are just doing their job, trying to win the case for their clients. But at what cost? If you know that your client is lying and trying to cheat his or her spouse how do you represent someone like that? You wonder how they sleep at night.

I think it all goes back again to theory that we attract like minded people into our lives. If we are angry and vengeful we will attract angry, vengeful people. Until divorcing couples wake up and realize that fighting during divorce is only going to bring misery, there will still be plenty of hungry divorce lawyers looking to make a fortune at their expense. When couples remember that it is possible to divorce and be kind and fair, then they will attract the same kind of lawyers and mediators who can help them settle their divorce fairly and quickly.

The Road To Hell-How Divorce Turns Ugly...

The scenario goes something like this. A man is unhappy in his marriage and may even have a mistress on the side. He is looking for a way out of the marriage and doesn't feel his wife deserves half his assets since she doesn't work and stays home with the kids all day. After all, he is the only making the money, he reasons. So he gets on his computer and googles "divorce advice for men". He is then presented with an array of choices to click on , all e-books showing him how he can get over on his wife.

You would surprised at how many websites there are on the web for men promising to teach them how to not pay alimony, child support and how to "protect" their assets during divorce by hiding them, selling them and moving them in to overseas accounts. His buddies think this is a great idea and encourage him. Little does he know that not only are many of these tactics illegal, he is now waging a divorce battle where no one wins. Expect for the divorce lawyers, of course.

The other typical scenario begins with the woman. She is married to a "nice guy"that she no longer finds attractive. She begins an affair and now wants a divorce so she can be with her new love. Thinking her husband is a pushover and will not fight back, she hires a snake of an attorney and makes unreasonable demands concerning spousal support and the division of assets. She wants everything and is encouraged by her high priced lawyer who knows that the longer this divorce is drawn out ,the more money he will make. Her husband is forced to fight back and the couple journeys down the road to divorce hell.

When a man or woman starts using dirty divorce tactics it backs the other spouse into a corner. They have no choice but to strike back. Now you have two people ,who once loved each other and vowed to spend the rest of their lives together, at each other's throats.

If you use resort to using dirty divorce tactics, I can guarantee that not only will you eventually lose your divorce, you will be turning your divorce into a battlefield and the casualties will be your spouse, your children and yourself. The damage that will be inflicted will be impossible to repair. Stop and think with your heart and not your emotions.

Do you really want to destroy your soon to be ex? Or can you calm down and do what is best for your family? Hiring a good mediator or collaborate divorce lawyer will save you money and heartache. Remember, when their is bitterness and fighting during a divorce, the only one who wins is the lawyers. You and your spouse are left poorer, emotionally battered and enemies for life. You owe it to your children and each other to try and work things out as peacefully as possible.

Postnuptial Agreements Becoming Popular....

So what is a post nuptial agreement? We are all familiar with prenupitial agreements, but a postnup? A post-nuptial agreement is is a contract that is signed after marriage that divides a family’s assets between spouses. It seems that these agreements are on the rise. A poll published this year by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found that almost half its members had seen an increase in the practice.

Why would anyone want to sign one of these? The reasons may surprise you. Here is one scenario. A couple gets a postnup when their marriage is in trouble. If a spouse has committed adultery, he offers the postnup as a way to ensure his wife will be financially protected should they divorce, thus increasingly the likelihood of her forgiveness. Another reason is when a spouse gets a major promotion and now wants to renegotiate the terms of a prenuptial agreement. A more unusual reason is that hedge funds and other high-value equity partnerships encourage new partners to get postnups. They don't want a divorcing partner's spouse to get part ownership in the firm.

Although a prenuptial agreement can be very beneficial if a couple decides to divorce, no high cost attorney fees or battling for assets, a post-nuptial agreement sounds ridiculous to me. Can you imagine being married for years, supporting your spouse's career ,and then he comes home one day after getting a promotion at work and asks you to sign a postnup limiting how much money you will receive in a potential divorce? Even worse is your husband having an affair and then offering you assets in exchange for forgiveness.

Can you imagine how many couples will end up getting a divorce because one of them demanded that their spouse sign a postnupitial agreement? I think post-nuptial agreements are just another clever new tool divorce lawyers have in their arsenal to make money off of married couples.

Warning: Blogging About Your Divorce Can Be Dangerous...

A man was recently ordered by the judge in his divorce case to cease blogging about his divorce. Apparently his soon to be ex wife asked the court to stop her husband from writing about their divorce on his blog. Does this infringe upon this man's rights under the first amendment? It may. The man in question did not receive a hearing before the judge demanded he stop blogging.

But there is another issue here to consider. If you are currently going through a divorce and letting off steam by by blogging about it online, you run the risk of your ex using the very information you wrote against you in court. Remember the saying never to put anything in writing? Be very careful what you put out on the Internet if you are currently involved in a divorce or custody case. It could come back to haunt you.

The same goes for emails. Do not hit the "send" button after firing off a nasty email to your ex. Ditto for text messaging. You should also be wary of leaving detailed voice messages on your ex's answering machine. This all sounds like common sense, but when you are in a divorce battle with your ex, logic can fly out the window. Never let your emotions get the best of you. If you are feeling angry and upset with your ex, do not call, email, text or blog about him. Instead take out a good old fashion piece of paper and write him a letter. Then take that letter and shred it, burn it or rip it into pieces. You will feel better and you will not run the risk of harming your divorce case.

Do You Want To See Your Divorce Lawyer Naked?

If you are a client of Chicago attorney Corri Fetman now you can. She has recently posed nude for Playboy magazine. This is the same divorce lawyer who brought us the infamous billboards this summer with the slogan"Life's Short, Get A Divorce" and her latest, "Take Control, Get a Divorce"

The billboards stirred up controversy this summer and Ms. Fetman's firm, Fetman, Garland & Associates came under fire for promoting divorce. Not only is Ms. Fetman posing nude for playboy magazine, she is also writing a column for the magazine called "Lawyer of Love".

This divorce lawyer's tactics at gaining publicity are appalling. Her billboards suggest that divorce is an easy process, and if you are unhappy you should just "get a divorce". The reality is divorce is one of the most expensive, disruptive and life changing experiences a person will go through. To insinuate that getting a divorce is something you should take lightly is insulting. Suggesting that divorce is the cure for your unhappiness and will somehow fix all of your problems is misleading. For a divorce lawyer to promote divorce in such a flippant manner for her own profit is irresponsible . Sadly, many divorce lawyers resort to taking advantage of their clients everyday. It is time for divorce lawyers to step up and get a conscious. Your clients are not commodities, they are people who are vulnerable and need guidance from a divorce lawyer who will protect their interests, not exploit them.

Ten Questions You Must Ask Before Hiring A Divorce Lawyer...

If you are ready to interview divorce lawyers, you should be armed with the following questions to ensure you hire the right attorney. Many divorcing couples find out too late that they have invested money and time with the wrong divorce lawyer. Although it is possible to fire your lawyer and hire a new one during a divorce, save yourself the hassle and pick the right one from the beginning. Here is what you need to ask:

1. Do you specialize in divorce and family law? How many years have you been practicing in this field? (This is crucial. Do not hire a lawyer that does not specialize in divorce and family law.)

2. Are you experienced in the courtroom and how many of your divorce cases ended up in a trial last year? (You do not want an inexperienced attorney representing you at trial. Finding out how many cases went to trial will give you an idea of what kind of negotiator this lawyer is. If most of his cases end up at trial you can expect yours to as well.)

3. Are you a mediator or a collaborative divorce attorney? Do you encourage mediation for your clients? (Although not required, it is better to find a lawyer who is either a mediator or believes in settling divorce cases with one. Collaborative divorce lawyers tend to resolve your divorce in a more amicable and less expensive way.)

4. Will you be the attorney handling my case or will any other associates in your firm be involved? Do you have the time to devote to my case? (Do not hire a lawyer who does not have time for your case and will push your case off to a newer, less experienced associate.)

5.Will I deal directly with you or your paralegal or secretary? Is there a separate hourly rate to speak with paralegals, secretaries and assistants in the firm? (If there is no additional charge to speak to these employees, that is a good sign. You can save money by calling the secretary or paralegal directly for minor questions instead of being billed by the minute by your lawyer)

6. How much of a retainer do you require? What are your hourly fees? Do you require additional retainers after the initial one has run dry? If my retainer runs out, can you delay payment until my divorce is settled and take the funds out then? (Don't be shocked when your retainer runs out and you are required to replenish it or lose representation. Negotiate a deal now with your new attorney to have additional fees paid after your divorce is settled)

7. Can you file a motion in the court asking that my retainer and attorney fees be paid by my spouse? Is it possible for you to give me an estimate of how much my divorce will cost? (If your spouse is the primary breadwinner or controls the martial funds, it is beneficial to find an attorney who will ask the court to direct your spouse to cover legal expenses.)

8.What other costs can I expect during my divorce? Will I have hire other professionals like accountants, appraisers, investigators,etc? Do I pay extra for photocopies, faxes, and other office services? Do you charge for travel to court? If so, how much? (Find out the additional costs now so there won't be any surprises later)

9.Within what time frame can I expect you to return my phone calls? Do you bill by the minute or in blocks of minutes? (Many people are shocked when their divorce lawyer takes days, even weeks to return a phone call, find out this ahead of time and save yourself grief.)

10. Will I receive a written agreement with agreed upon hourly rates? Also, will I get copies of all of my legal documents concerning my case and is there an additional charge for this? (Make sure to get an agreement in writing outlining all of the hourly fees,additional fees and other costs your lawyer will incur)

How To Hire A Divorce Lawyer With No Money...

The Washington State Supreme Court rejected a woman's claim that she had a right to have a publicly appointed attorney in her divorce case. Sadly, the woman lost custody of her three children during her divorce because she could not afford an attorney and represented herself. The court feels that "divorces are civil matters that do not warrant state-funded counsel".

The playing field in divorce court is obviously not level when the spouse who has greater access to money can hire a divorce lawyer and the poorer spouse is left to represent herself. The woman in this case did initially hire a divorce lawyer using her rent money, but was financially unable to continue to pay legal fees.

The old saying "only a fool represents themselves" is quite true in divorce court. Without a lawyer you stand very little chance of being successful, especially if your soon to be ex has hired a legal shark. But there are some measures you can take if you are facing a divorce and have very little or no money for an attorney:

1. Most divorce lawyers do not want you to know this, but they can file a motion with the court asking that your spouse foot your legal bills. If your spouse is the primary breadwinner and you do not have access to the martial funds, this is a good option. But beware, unless there are significant martial assets, most divorce lawyers prefer to get their retainer directly from you. They rather not petition the court before they have received any funds. You may have to interview several lawyers before finding one who will agree to this.

2. If borrowing from family and friends is not an option and you have no open credit or assets, then you can try pleading your case to divorce lawyers and ask them to represent you without a retainer. If there are martial assets that will be divided after the divorce is final, a lawyer may agree to represent you and collect his fee later.

3. If there are no martial assets to be divided in the divorce and you are facing a custody issue, you could try asking divorce lawyers to represent you pro bono (free of charge). This will be difficult, but if you are at risk of losing custody of your kids, and have a solid case, you may be able to persuade a law firm to help you. After all, lawyers are people too and you never know who may have a heart and lend you a hand. If this is the route you must take, you need to be persistent and not give up after being told no. Keep trying until you find someone who can help you.

Caution: Be Careful Choosing Your Divorce Attorney!

As a divorce coach, I see many clients who are unsatisfied with their divorce lawyers. The situation is typical. They are confident in their choice of an attorney in the beginning of the divorce, but as the months and sometimes years linger on, they start to lose faith in the professional they have entrusted their future with.

Unfortunately, there are some divorce lawyers who are only interested in making money. They quickly assess your financial picture during your initial consultation. When the retainer runs out and they do not see any foreseeable way to earn more income from your case, they encourage you to settle, even if the settlement may not be in your best interest.

I am currently coaching a client in this exact situation right now. Her lawyer is advising her to take a settlement that would include no alimony, even though she gave up a thriving career years ago to be a stay at home mom. Her husband currently earns six figures a year. Based on the length of the marriage, in most states this client should be eligible for alimony, although the length and amount would vary.

So why would this client's attorney advise her to forgo alimony in her divorce settlement? I suspect it is because, due to the rapid decline in the housing market, their home has very little equity and there are no other liquid assets. It appears as though her attorney has lost interest in her case and if the case is prolonged or goes to trial , she will not make a profit.

In all fairness, lawyers are in business to make money and have high expenses they must cover. If a client does not have the ability to pay, they may have a hard time legally removing themselves from a case. Not all divorce lawyers are callous and uncaring. The problem arises when they put their own financial interests ahead of what is in the best interest of their clients.

You must exercise caution when choosing your divorce attorney. You need to interview people you know who have gone through a divorce. Consider what you hear. Did someone go through hell because they had a bad lawyer, or did a good lawyer help them through a hell that could’ve been a lot worse? Did another person’s divorce go smoothly only because there was little to contest, or did the lawyer successfully foresee problems, and settle them in advance? You may want to find someone who was in a situation similar to yours. Can this lawyer avoid crises? Can this lawyer handle crises?

It is also crucial that your personalities click. You will spend a lot of time with this person; you need to feel comfortable with him or her. In the end, consider all these factors, and allow your intuition some sway. Can you get along with this person? Do you trust them?

With the right attorney’s guidance you can work together and speed the process of your divorce. Once you find the right attorney, you will feel more confident in your divorce outcome.

How To Get Temporary Spousal Support During Your Divorce

An important issue you must be aware of when beginning your divorce proceedings is that you may be entitled to temporary spousal and child support. All too often I hear from women who are not receiving any spousal or child support while waiting to reach a divorce settlement. This can be financially devastating. It can take months or even years to reach an agreement with your ex. Unfortunately many women are not aware that they can go to court and file a motion to receive temporary spousal and child support. It amazes me how many divorce lawyers do not file a motion for temporary support.

If you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement in your divorce you can get a date in court before a Family Court Judge. This is referred to as a Pendente Lite hearing. The Judge can decide on issues such as the award of temporary child custody and support, temporary spousal support, temporary use and possession of the home, and other divorce related issues.

Remember that the results are temporary but the decision can give you some much need financial support while waiting for your divorce to become final. If you cannot settle your divorce in a timely manner, you will at least have the temporary support order to hold you over and give you time to prepare for trial.

How To Behave Inside The Divorce Courtroom

How you behave in the courtroom during your divorce will have an impact on how your case is decided. Make sure to stay calm and in control at all times in the courtroom. Let your lawyer take the lead. Keep your mouth shut. Your attorney speaks for you here, and you should remain silent unless your attorney, or the judge, directs you to speak. When the judge speaks, pay attention. He is the one who decides things, so he is the most important person there. Don’t whisper in your attorney’s ear. If you do whisper, remember that sometimes the microphones at the table are very sensitive, and what you say may be recorded by the courtroom audiotape, and heard by the Court Reporter, even if nobody else hears you.

You may take notes while the judge is speaking, and if you need to you may show these to your attorney, but wait until the judge has finished speaking. This won’t be easy. At times you’ll feel ready to burst. At times you’ll feel angry, and there will be moments when you’ll want to cry. Someone may say something that begs for sarcastic reaction. Pretend you don’t hear. If your attorney is saying something that’s incorrect, or if you feel he or she needs clarification on a point, that’s what your notepad is for. Use it and use it directly.

To the judge you want to look sympathetic, yet intelligent, confident, and secure. Do not twirl your hair, play with your keys, or fix your makeup. Sit upright, and pay attention to every word that is being said. Your future is at stake. Do not look at your ex or his attorney. If your ex takes the stand, remain calm. This may be the most difficult thing for you. He may lie. He may twist every situation. At the very least he will have a view of the situation that is totally opposed to yours. That’s why you are here. Don’t lash out. Don’t lose your temper. Outbursts are not allowed in the courtroom. You must remain composed at all times. And above all, do not make funny faces or expressions of disbelief. Even if they are genuine, the judge may think you are play-acting, and won’t appreciate it. Your future, and that of your children, depends on how you control your behavior in the courtroom.

Divorce Court Etiquette


First of all, remember that appearances count. The judge probably doesn’t know you, so you will be making a first impression. Dress appropriately for court. That means dress with care and respect, as you would for a business lunch with a group of conservative professional people (such as clergymen or schoolteachers). No jeans, nothing sexy or provocative, and no garish makeup. Certainly hide any tattoos or piercing. Wear your hair in a simple, neat style. You want to look sensible and responsible.

The same should be true of how you act. Remember what your mother said, and mind your manners. You should do this in any public part of the courthouse. The only place where you might have an excuse to let go is if there is a private, sealed-off room where you meet with your attorney. Otherwise remain quiet and calm at all times while in the courthouse. Don’t allow clerks, officers, or anyone else there to witness arguments, shouting matches, or anything more than quiet civilities between you and your spouse. Remember that sometimes the judge’s clerk has a lot of influence on the final decision. Don’t think that because the judge is out of the room that nobody is watching you and it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s best to have no contact with the opposition at all. Contact is the job of your attorney.

Using Your Ex's Bad Habits in Divorce Court

Make a list of all of your spouse’s bad habits. Is there gambling? Smoking? Drugs? Liquor? Some amusements, like strip clubs and porn, can eat up the biggest paycheck. Keep your ears open. Friends, relatives, and even your children may spill the beans about your ex. You have to be alert, but be careful of letting yourself go with this. Don’t sink to the level of the dirt you’re searching for. Don’t grill the kids about daddy, and don’t shatter good friendships, or alienate those who truly love you. If your kids innocently mention something worthwhile, make a record of it. If a friend volunteers information, or if you want to ask for it in an honest manner, get everything you can. But hold on to your own integrity. Don’t deceive.
As you gather your information, weave all of your spouse’s bad behaviors into your motions. Expose everything in a way that shows the necessary connections. But also, don’t go overboard here either: If he is paying his support and you are primarily fighting about assets, do not tell the judge he goes to go-go bars!
There is no reason to intentionally hurt your spouse. You need only prove the points necessary to your case. If he is not paying his support then the judge needs to know what he is doing with his money. If he is getting more than his fair share of assets the judge needs a clear picture of what assets you each have, and who has what claims.
Always remember that what you put out in public can always come back at you. If you are going to use your divorce as a tool to get even only heartache can come to you. What goes around comes around.

Five Tips on Working Successfully with Your Divorce Attorney

Divorce lawyers are expensive. You need to be proactive and know what is going on with your case at all times. Do not be afraid to ask your attorney questions. Too often we will sit back and assume that our attorney will do what's right and we put trust in someone who may or may not have our best interests at heart. There are reputable divorce lawyers out there, but you first need to weed out the money hungry ones who will take your retainer, file useless paperwork and drain your bank account before you even get a court date. Do not pick your attorney in haste. Go to your local family court and find out which divorce attorney has the best reputation in town and hire him or her.

Once you have hired your new divorce attorney, here are some simple rules to follow:

1. Beware of an attorney who takes a smaller retainer but does not file motions. Some spouses wait for months on end to get court orders for spousal and child support because their attorneys did not file the necessary motions.

2. Remember that when you speak to your attorney on the phone you are being charged per minute. Don’t make the mistake of chatting on and on. Get to the point and use a timer. If it is a routine question, such as the date of a hearing, speak with the support staff rather than the attorney. Time for support staff is often not billed, and if it is the fee is at a much lower rate than an attorney.

3. Follow your attorney’s advice to the letter. These people go to law school; they should know what they are doing. Making stupid mistakes, like calling your spouse repeatedly, picking fights, and not protecting yourself, can lead to bills, violence, and restraining orders. You should limit all contact with your spouse. Only discuss your children and any business you may have together. Let the lawyers do the talking for you whenever possible. That’s what they are paid for.

4. Follow the law. The most important thing you can have is self-control. There will be times when you want to act out, call your spouse names, or be vengeful. These actions can only land you in hot water. Taking your spouse’s credit card on a shopping spree can give you legal troubles you simply do not need.

5. You have hired an attorney to protect you legally. That attorney is also a huge expense and you want to keep track of what you are being charged. Keep a log of every meeting, phone call, and their durations. Also it is a good idea to record in a journal any incidents with your spouse, so that it will be easier to recall the details in court later on.

Most of all, know that although this is one of the most painful times of your life, you will survive. Finding the right attorney will give you confidence in your case. Your attorney is working for you and together you can plan for and obtain the best possible outcome.