A LACK OF INTERNATIONAL DIPLOMACY

Recently I referred to President Sarkozy’s divorce. It seems that it made the headlines again yesterday when the President lost his temper with Lesley Stahl, a CBS American Network presenter, and walked off the set whilst she was interviewing him. She had of course sought to question him about the breakdown of his marriage. Bearing in mind that I make a living out of quizzing people about this kind of thing, I would like to offer the hapless presenter a few tips:

1. Don’t break the ice with anyone you meet for the first time by asking after their ex;
2. Appreciate that an interview of this nature is very sensitive and not everyone can open up easily to talk about personal matters;
3. Don’t try to film or record the content of the interview; this is difficult for a TV presenter but it is vital unless the interviewee is a self publicist;
4. Assure them that everything they tell you is confidential (another difficult one when trying to put together a TV show);
5. Have a box of tissues handy just in case;
6. Let them tell their story in their own words and time;
7. Listen, listen and listen again;
8. Understand that people don’t always enunciate through words what they want you to hear;
9. Don’t misinterpret or put words into the interviewee’s mouth;
10. Empathise and tell them how you can help.
    
    
    

Another Reason For Divorce-When Your Spouse is Gay

A reason for divorce that you may be surprised to hear is about is when one partner admits that he or she is gay. This is more common then you might think. Usually, the spouse who has "come out of the closet" may have not wanted to admit he or she was gay and was suppressing their true feelings during the marriage.

I know of a woman whose husband announced he was gay, after a few too many drinks, at her son's first communion party. She had no idea that her husband was gay and the news came a complete shock. She got a divorce and is now remarried. Her ex is in a happy, long term, same sex relationship.

Former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey shocked the nation when he announced in August 2004 that he was "a gay American" and would resign. Governor McGreevey has been married twice and is the father of two children. He is currently embroiled in a bitter divorce and custody battle with his ex-wife, Dina Matos McGreevey

So how do you know if your husband is gay? Here are a few signs, according to infidelity expert Ruth Houston and author of "Is He Cheating on You: 829 Telltale Signs."

Suspicious non-verbal communication with other men -- a look, a touch or hug that lasts a little too long or has undertones of intimacy
Frequenting gay or bisexual Web sites -- check the history in your Internet browser
An abundance of male friends with whom he seems to be too close or too familiar
Lots of phone calls from other men
Buying or receiving expensive, intimate, or overly personal gifts from other men
Overreacts to anything concerning gay men -- extreme homophobic behavior
Unusually high percentage of male friends who are gay
Spends more time with his male friends than with you
Male friends who are overly friendly

It is important not to accuse your spouse of being gay without proof. If you are suspicious, you should ask your husband if he is gay. He may be relived to finally be able to admit the truth and stop living a life where he is not being honest with himself or you.

Divorce Season Has Arrived

According to salon.com, the marriage season is from May until October and we are now entering the "divorce season". The new trend among many divorcing couples is to send out email divorce announcements to friends and family.

Some even post their upcoming divorce on their myspace or facebook site.

There are even some who send out printed divorce cards in the mail. Is this tacky and tasteless behavior?

I think if someone who is going through a divorce can keep their sense of humor and send out a funny divorce card, it puts friends and family at ease. People do not always know what to say or how to comfort a person going through a divorce. Injecting some humor into your divorce, no matter how devastating the experience may be, may help you heal emotionally.

So send that funny divorce card or make some jokes about your ex if it makes you feel better. Keeping a sense a humor during your divorce may be the best therapy of all.

AN ITCH

Head louse
Originally uploaded by of rice and zen

Whilst at Primary School, Little Girl regularly came home with a copy of a health letter warning about yet another outbreak of head lice. It was always dressed up nicely, pointing out that these awful creatures revel on nice clean heads but, to stem the ever increasing number of outbreaks, every parent’s help was needed to check their children’s hair and take steps to eradicate the itch-creating monsters if found. Of course, as any member of the previous generation will tell you, it wasn’t like that in their day when Nitty Nora patrolled the school corridors and periodically you were made to line up outside her room to have your head inspected one by one. In the absence of inspections by the school nurse, it seems that the head louse population is flourishing and whilst there are many parents clamouring for the return of the old system, my experience from talking to teachers is that they can spot an infestation as soon as it starts, simply from the scratching that goes on in the classroom. I have to say that just blogging about it causes me to itch all over.

So what has all this got to do with divorce? Well to be honest not a great deal, save that I was reminded of the itch caused when reading the weekend’s newspapers. It seems that research in the USA, Russia and Scandinavia has suggested that the infamous 7 year itch in a marriage in fact now happens after only 5 years, in these our modern times.

It’s a little like head lice I suppose in that we are all so busy that life has speeded up to the point where not as much time is spent on checking our children’s scalps as it used to be. Likewise in a relationship, once the honeymoon period is over, many turn elsewhere to be scratched. Who knows, as life continues to step up apace, will the honeymoon period be simply a fortnight in a 4 star hotel on Gran Canaria followed by the ubiquitous fortnight itch?

The trend may even have started for, once upon a time, I was involved in divorcing a couple who both suffered from a 45 minute itch when the bride departed from the wedding reception with the best man, whilst the groom was found in a broom cupboard with one of the bridesmaids. It had the benefit of giving the guests a wedding to remember coupled with the opportunity to take home their wedding presents. This made the subsequent financial proceedings relatively easy as there was nothing left to divide between the happy couple.

Dallas Clark is "Livin On A Prayer" in ASL class

I just received this GREAT clip of current Indianapolis Colts and former Iowa Hawkeye Tight End, Dallas Clark, performing ASL for a college credit course. It is to the tune of Bon Jovi's "Livin' On A Prayer", circa 1987. The guitar solo is the best part.



Props to Dallas for actually working towards earning a college degree, even after he has started earning millions in the NFL. I guess if a guy can learn an NFL playbook, he should be able to learn ASL no problem!

3 Signs That You Have Not Gotten Over Your Ex

Just because you have signed legal divorce papers doesn't mean you are necessary emotionally "divorced" from your ex. Here are 3 signs you have not gotten over the end of your marriage yet:

1. You are still fighting regularly. If you were ready for closure, you would not be interested in the drama and attention you get from engaging in arguments with your ex.

2. You ask the kids all about Dad's new girlfriend. Although you may think you are done with your ex, deep down you are curious about who he has found to replace you.

3. You tell everyone you know what a jerk your ex is. This is a sign that you are still angry. Remember the opposite of hate is love. Only indifference will set you free.

If you recognize yourself in any of the above, don't be too hard on yourself. It takes time to heal the wounds of divorce and eventually you will reach the point when you are finally ready to move on emotionally.

Buckeyes vs Penn State weather forecast

I was just looking up the weather forecast for my Buckeyes game this Saturday night against Penn State in State College and found this great clip.

Weather Forecast | Weather Maps | Weather Radar

Get this guy on TV!

5 Things You Need To Put In Your Divorce Settlement

When it is time to finally settle your divorce and the papers are drawn up by the lawyers, it is easy to miss some of the less obvious things you need to include in the settlement. Major issues, like custody, alimony and child support are covered, but some of the things you may not be thinking about today, but will affect your financial future, are often overlooked.

Here are 5 things you need to consider putting in your divorce settlement:

1. Credit card debt. The division of credit card debt is usually outlined in the final divorce order, but you must make sure that credit card account numbers are also included. It is not enough to say that your ex will pay the american axpress card balance. You need to list the account numbers so that if the credit card company comes after you for payment you can mail them a copy of your divorce order that clearly states whose responsibility the debt is.

2. Car Insurance. If you have children , you may not know that when they reach the age to get their driver's license, most insurance companies will automatically increase your premium. If you are the custodial parent, you need to add a provision in your settlement that when the children get their licenses and your car insurance goes up, you ex will pay 50% of the extra costs. I learned this the hard way, I did not have this in my divorce order and when my daughter got her license, my insurance payments jumped up almost a $1,000 a year, even though she was not driving my car. The insurance company only assesses this fee if the child lives with you, so the non-custodial parent is off the hook. It is only fair that they help out with this extra cost too, so put it in your settlement now.

3. Birthday parties, Christmas presents, clothes, camp and other non-essentials not cover by child support. Be sure to decide now if you are going to split these or if the child support is enough to cover these expenses.

4. Braces. You may think that this would be covered under medical expenses, but it is not. Braces are considered "cosmetic", so if you have kids, make sure to work this out before signing the final divorce papers.

5. College. Again, many parents automatically assume that both parents have to split college costs for the kids. Not true. Most courts consider college an elective and will not force a parent to pay for tuition. Work this out with your ex ahead of time and save yourself grief and money down the road.

OBESITY

So it’s official – marrying is more likely to make you obese than staying single. At least that’s the conclusion from research carried out by the University of Chapel Hill in North Carolina. So what’s the cure? Divorce perhaps? No, apparently further research has shown it’s chewing gum and eating an apple before meals.

ABUSER RETURNS

Originally uploaded by Heidenseek

When I woke up this morning there was an atmosphere of eerie stillness; I knew that something had happened. Pulling back the curtains and peering outside, everything was coated white; it meant only one thing, Jack Frost had paid a visit.

I dressed quickly and ran outside heading for where Nellie Nuttall lived at the bottom of our garden. I was too late. She wasn’t just bruised, she was black; her crimson skirts had been discarded on the ground and she remained there, silent and solitary. She hadn’t called out in the night, she hadn’t tried to resist or even attempt to decamp to a local refuge. Not Nellie, she took the punishment Jack meted out silently; she didn’t want to be a bother to anyone.

It’s the same at the start of every winter, Jack comes back from wherever he’s been over the summer and the abuse starts. Domestic violence units or refuges were of no interest to Nellie, she was convinced Jack would get her wherever she went.

Now Nellie was only a half hardy fuchsia; imagine if she was your next door neighbour.

Who Gets The Pets In A Divorce?

During a divorce there are so many issues to be decided. Martial assets have to be divided, alimony and child support awarded and custody arrangements must be made.

But what about the pets? What happens when both spouses want custody of the dog or cat? Since animals are considered "property" in most states, the family court usually treats pets much like it would when dividing the china and other household items. This is sad, because as any pet lover will tell you, pets become beloved members of our families.

In my own divorce, I got to keep our 17 pound black and white cat, Woogie. Luckily, as bitter as my divorce was, my ex did not pursue custody of Woogie. I am sure he did not want to hurt the children by trying to take their cat away. Some couples who do not have children and consider their pets their "kids" may wage an all out battle for their pets.

The best way to resolve a pet custody dispute is to think of what is in the best interest of the pet. Also allowing the spouse, who does not get to keep the pet, visitation rights is a good idea. If there are children who have bonded with the pet, it is always a good idea to let the pet live with the custodial parent so the children are not traumatized by having to have their pet live in a different home. Couples need to work together and put their differences aside for the sake of their dog or cat. Don't put the fate of your beloved pet in the hands of a family court judge.

THE ORIENT EXPRESS

At the weekend Outdoor Man and I had the good fortune to attend the Mayor of Darlington’s Annual Charity Ball. It was a fantastic evening and took the theme of an Evening on the Orient Express. It set me thinking about exotic holidays and how many people spend vast sums every year on such, especially if it’s for a special occasion like a honeymoon and sometimes even in desperation that it will save a failing marriage. Indeed the desire for that perfect holiday can cause us to go into overspend, buying now on the credit card to pay for the experience of a lifetime over the 12 months following.

The trouble is exotic holidays generally mean that you are very much alone with your travelling companion, and I’m told the Orient Express has quite confined sleeping compartments. You have to have a good relationship in the first place to survive such an experience, and if you don’t that credit card bill becomes a bug bear in the subsequent financial arrangements and divorce proceedings.

Outdoor Man tells me that we’d get along just fine travelling across Europe by sleeper train because he’d go to the bar. Based on the number of times he emptied his glass at the ball, I think he’s in training already!

Can A Divorce Make You Go Crazy?

This certainly seems the case for a Pennsylvania woman. This woman, bitter over her divorce ,asked her ex-husband's girlfriend to try to kill him by spiking his drink with cocaine, state police said. She knew her ex-husband had a heart condition and believed spiking his drink with cocaine would cause "his heart to possibly explode and kill him" . Luckily for her ex-husband, his girlfriend contacted the police and the woman is now being charged with attempted murder.

Divorce brings out the worst in people and sometimes they can react badly and do terrible things they never imagined they were capable of. This story is an extreme case, but more commonly we see once normal people turn vicious and vindictive while embroiled in a divorce battle. False restraining orders, hiding of assets and money, and even false allegations of child abuse are commonplace in family courts across the country.

So why do good people turn bad when faced with a divorce? Divorce is such an emotionally devastating experience that some people just cannot control their emotions. All of their hurt and anger is unleashed and they can become out of control. Feelings of rage and betrayal are normal during a divorce, but it is how we cope with these emotions that makes all of the difference.

If you feel like you cannot control your emotions during your divorce and are consumed with thoughts of revenge, seek help immediately. Talk with friends and family and consider seeing a therapist. You need to release those bottled up emotions in a healthy, safe environment.

IT'S ART NOT SCIENCE

Apprentice Man, who has no idea what he might want to do with his life other than strum his guitar and lie in bed longer than is reasonably permissible, recently had to decide which subjects to pursue to A’ level. Not an easy choice to make when you do not yet appear to have developed any vocational yearnings. Should one lean towards the arts or the sciences, or even study a mix of both?

When dividing family assets, Judges have discretionary powers which means that guessing the outcome can be interpreted as a stab in the dark. Of course, that’s not really the case. Despite most lawyers’ pedantic insistence on thinking in straight lines and applying pure logic to resolve irrational dilemmas, the family lawyer has elevated such thought processes to another plane where experience, legal knowledge, psychology and human dynamics all intermingle. Hence advising a client on the likely outcome of a court application has to be an art rather than a science.

Apprentice Man has opted to stick with the sciences. I do not believe that he has any intention of becoming a family lawyer.

A PRESIDENTIAL DIVORCE

We often hear about couples marrying in secret but divorce is generally harder to hide. The announcement this week, therefore, that not only had President Sarkozy of France separated from his wife but that they had also divorced, certainly appears to have been something of a surprise, despite repeated reports of a rift in their marriage.

As one might expect, a nation famed for its romantic side and apparently unfazed by a previous President with a love child and another who died in the arms of his lover, is apparently less happy at the notion of divorce which it seems is a first for a modern French President. Whilst it could just be political opportunism, opponents are reported to be muttering that this could affect his psychological stability and, therefore, more than his personal life.

Indeed Nicholas Sarkozy might be well advised to consider his nation’s history books, and in particular the events leading to the founding of modern France, paying heed to the experience of its first Emperor. I seem to recall that Napoleon divorced Josephine in 1810 only to be the subject of a resounding beating by the British at the Battle of Waterloo, five years later. What’s that oft repeated phrase? “History has a habit of repeating itself.”

The Main Causes Of Divorce


There are no absolutely reliable figures on how many of us divorce. Several states, including California, don’t keep a tally of divorces. That makes any truly nationwide numbers impossible to calculate. Still, a number of organizations and agencies try to figure it out.

For many years the U.S. Census Bureau said that 50% of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce. Several years ago the National Center for Health Statistics revised that figure down to 43%. In 2002 the Census Bureau pushed it back up to 50%, but a recent New York Times survey puts the figure at 40%. From these figures it’s easy to see that no one knows the exact number, but clearly the fact is that a lot of us divorce.

But why do we divorce?
Because we are no longer friends?
If so, what killed the friendship?

It’s easy to say that a marriage failed because of an affair, or a lie, or some other breakdown. But what caused the breakdown? In most divorces there is a trigger, then there are reasons for the trigger, and finally there are underlying causes. Affairs and abuse can comprise all three factors: trigger, reason, and cause. Most surveys find that affairs and abuse taken together cause 45% to 55% of all divorces. Affairs are usually listed as causing anywhere from 25% to 34% of all divorces. In most polls 15% to 20% of all surveyed mention abuse as the main reason for their breakups.

The Truth About How Divorce Affects The Children

This morning, I was on The Morning Show with Mike And Juliet" on the Fox Network. The show was about how divorce negatively affects children. My children were interviewed and I was surprised at how my divorce is still affecting them even though the divorce has been final for over two years.

I agreed to do this show to help other people out there who are going through a difficult divorce and are concerned that their kids are caught in the middle. In my situation, I am dealing with an uncooperative ex-husband who refuses to co-parent in a healthy way.

What I learned from this experience today was that even though I and dealing with someone who pushes my buttons and loves conflict, I have to figure out a better way to protect my kids. A key issue I have been dealing with is that my ex smokes in front of my children even though it is forbidden in our divorce order.

This summer he fell asleep with a lit cigarette in his hand and it was burning the carpet while he had my kids at his house for his weekend visitation. My son called me and told what happened and I was furious. I confronted him, but he then proceeded to take it out on my son, angry that he had "snitched" and told me. As upset as I was , I should of waited until the kids were home with me before confronting him.

As divorced parents, we love and want to protect our kids, so it is so heartbreaking when we inadvertently make mistakes during our divorce that can hurt them. We try our best, but sometimes it is just not good enough. After all, we are only human. So if you are like me and struggling to co-parent after a divorce , give yourself a break, take a step back and honestly look at what actions you might be able to take to minimize the damage to your kids during your divorce.

DIVORCE IS HELL

“Divorce is hell” was the comment from Sir Paul McCartney reported by the media this week. To make headline news, I must assume that this was previously an unknown fact although I find that rather startling. Isn’t it well documented that alongside bereavement, divorce is one of the most stressful episodes of life from which we can suffer?

PLANET EARTH

Today I understand is a Blog Action Day when we are all required to blog about environmental issues. Not an easy one when your passions are divorce and people, although the latter apparently are currently being held to account for an evil force called Climate Change that is attacking the planet.

Forget that, I thought I’d continue instead my theme from the last couple of days about forging friendships and networking. I’m not sure to what extent such activities are carbon neutral, so shan’t ponder on that line either.

Networking events produce relationships: people buy people; you put faces to names. It’s an effective way to meet and I understand that similar principles apply to Singles’ Clubs. Reality is suspended; strangers expect that you will talk to them because that is why they are there. Techniques that can’t be applied at the bus stop, (or swimming pool ) are allowed. With a good group of people and/or an effective host, the ice melts quicker than from global warming.

INTRODUCTIONS

I’d like to follow on from my entry yesterday about making friends. As part of my business life I’m expected to attend a number of networking functions. This is not social networking as we know on the Internet (which appears to be a complete misnomer) but in the flesh, walking into rooms of complete strangers with the ultimate aim of selling your wares – never an easy task for a divorce lawyer!

I’m told that it is a bit like speed dating where you have to make a big impression, very quickly. The technique, of course, is to try to ensure that whoever you talk to is going to remember your name, what you do and maybe even ask for your telephone number. Hence on such occasions I am told that it is simply not acceptable to be Judith Middleton, divorce lawyer. Instead it’s: “Hello, I’m Judith, (pause), Judith (emphasis), Middleton. I’m involved in relationship breakdown, (another pause), and you?”

You can see why people prefer the virtual reality of cyber space; it’s more natural!

Three Reasons To Throw Yourself A Divorce Party

1. You need closure. We mark important occasions with ceremonies, like weddings, christenings and funerals. Why not have a divorce party to officially end your marriage in a therapeutic way? If you are having a difficult time dealing with the end of your marriage, having an official ceremony where you are supported by friends may help you to move on with your life.

2. You need a good laugh. Divorce parties are known to be creative, funny and outrageous. Anything goes. You will have a great time with good friends and be able to inject some humor into your divorce. Being able to laugh , even in the most difficult times, is great therapy.

3. Your ex got half of all the appliances, dishes and other household items. Design your divorce party like a bridal shower and not only will you have a good time, you will be able to replace some much needed items. You may even want to create a registry so friends know exactly what you need.

If you do decide to throw a divorce party, have fun and enjoy yourself. Make this about beginning a new chapter in your life and closing the door on the past. A divorce party may be just what you need to start over and begin living your new life as a single woman.

CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND?

Funny how inhibitions are acquired over the years, presumably as a result of conditioning. Children don’t share the same reticence, and although they may be shy, it’s easy to respond when another child approaches and asks “Will you be my friend?”

I was reminded of this on holiday over the summer. Little Girl, splashing in the hotel pool alone, was asked exactly that question by another girl of similar age and consequently the two quickly became a pair for the rest of the holiday. It was simply done, in a matter of seconds.

It’s harder as an adult. Let’s face it, approaching a complete stranger in a swimming pool or wherever and asking if they’ll be your friend could lead very quickly to you being dismissed as mentally unstable and shunned. Yet the process of forging friendships in later life is substantially the same, even if it requires more time and subtlety. We still need to be outward going, altruistic and/or team up for a project or activity; always ready to offer the invite at the appropriate point, conscious that the recipient is probably as reserved as we are, if not more so.

Hence the growing popularity of, for instance, salsa and belly dancing classes where you can have a giggle with complete strangers and break down the barriers which otherwise prevent us from getting to know each other.

Need An Emergency Court Date? Only If Your Britney Spears

Britney Spears was granted an emergency hearing today in Los Angeles to ask the court to allow her overnight visitation with her two young sons, despite the fact that her next court date was not scheduled until late October.

How was Ms. Spears able to get a court date on such notice? Her emergency was that she simply wanted more time with her children. Her kids were not in any danger. In the real world for us average people, it can take up to 3 weeks to be granted an emergency court hearing.

During my own divorce, my ex refused to pay child and spousal support leaving me with all of the household bills and very little money. The mortgage was 2 months overdue and the utilities were about to be shut off so I asked my divorce attorney to request a court date. I was told that the courts were overcrowded and that "emergency" requests were rarely granted. I waited three more weeks for my court date, only to sit in court for eight hours and have the court date rescheduled at the end of the day! Of course my attorney billed me for those hours in court.

This is the sad reality for many people dealing with the family court system. Most family courts in our country are overcrowded . It is typical in divorce and child custody cases to be in court all day long. Often your court dates are adjourned and it can take months or even years before your case is settled.

But this is not the case for Britney Spears. She was able to arrive to court five hours late and still be heard by the judge. I wonder how many "normal" people in L.A .had their court dates cancelled today to accommodate Ms.Spears? Of course, it is not Britney Spear's fault that the Los Angeles court system bends over backwards for celebrities. It is just unfair.

PAY YOUR TAXES

In 1662 a Hearth Tax was introduced in this country. It was repealed in 1688 but in 1696 a Window Tax quickly followed. Fortunately, and despite the best efforts of Henry VIII in the previous century, divorce still hadn’t really caught on. Were such to be in force today the Treasury coffers would no doubt be overflowing as one household becomes two and windows and fireplaces double.

Lawyers are often accused of being parasitic in nature, there always being a need for one when life goes wrong, be it at a time of personal injury, divorce or death. The only other thing you can be sure of is that the Taxman is never far behind; clawing back income tax on specific types of compensation payments, collecting inheritance tax on death and of course rubbing his hands in glee when family assets are realised in divorce proceedings with the potential for a capital gain and yet more tax.

Am I just being cynical or was yesterday’s announcement by the Chancellor a big con? Is a flat rate of Capital Gains Tax at 18% with no indexation or taper relief really just a means to simplify matters (so that solicitors can undertake the calculation and give the client the bad news before the Inland Revenue)? Does nobody else out there think it could be a tax on inflation? Isn’t that immoral when it’s invariably government policy that causes inflation in the first place? Did the Chancellor consider the effect on divorcing couples and their need to realise often long-held assets immediately to create two homes, with little scope to stagger the sale of shares, businesses or second homes over two or more tax years? I bet he didn’t. Why doesn’t he just bring back the Window and Hearth Taxes; at least that way I could advise clients to go and live in potting sheds?

Rantings of a Mad Lawyer/Woman


I am a Met fan. I have been since Reingold was the sponser of the Mets. I have been a Met fan all my life and have never rooted for any other team. I am, however, married to a Yankee fan. Unlike my spouse I cannot root for his team ever. When the Mets do well my husband gets excited. When the Mets lose he calls them names. I leave in a house divided 2 Met fans; 2 Yankee fans and 2 little kids who claim to be both. As adults we know you can't ever be both. Some day they will have to choose, until then they root for whichever team is winning that year. Most years they are Yankee fans. As I tell my son though, "You gotta believe," and there is always next year.

By the way, what is up with the President of Columbia University?? Did he really think insulting a terrorist before he allowed him to speak make us all feel better? Why is it this Terrorist with a title was allowed to walk the streets of OUR AMERICA? Why was it that he was allowed to insult our intelligence by saying there are "no gays in Iran" that "women have more rights in Iran than they have here in America."? I beleive the problem begins with the fact that we house the United Nations here in NYC. Frankly we aren't a neutral nation so why is the United States the site of the UN? I think the UN would be better suited in Switzerland, the self proclaimed neutral nation. Let's get rid of the diplomats who cause us nothing but aggrevation with all of their self immunities and opinions of our country. Interestingly enough the opinions they are free to express here would in many cases get them killed if expressed in their beloved homeland. So I say to the group of wannbe Presidential Candidates: Here is an idea for you....Oust the UN. Yup kick them right out of here. We have housed it long enough. Time for another country to feel what it is like to host the world of nations and get abused instead of thanks.

AAh a light at the end of this rant...the Yankees are out of it also!

Rantings of a Mad Lawyer/Woman


I am a Met fan. I have been since Reingold was the sponser of the Mets. I have been a Met fan all my life and have never rooted for any other team. I am, however, married to a Yankee fan. Unlike my spouse I cannot root for his team ever. When the Mets do well my husband gets excited. When the Mets lose he calls them names. I leave in a house divided 2 Met fans; 2 Yankee fans and 2 little kids who claim to be both. As adults we know you can't ever be both. Some day they will have to choose, until then they root for whichever team is winning that year. Most years they are Yankee fans. As I tell my son though, "You gotta believe," and there is always next year.

By the way, what is up with the President of Columbia University?? Did he really think insulting a terrorist before he allowed him to speak make us all feel better? Why is it this Terrorist with a title was allowed to walk the streets of OUR AMERICA? Why was it that he was allowed to insult our intelligence by saying there are "no gays in Iran" that "women have more rights in Iran than they have here in America."? I beleive the problem begins with the fact that we house the United Nations here in NYC. Frankly we aren't a neutral nation so why is the United States the site of the UN? I think the UN would be better suited in Switzerland, the self proclaimed neutral nation. Let's get rid of the diplomats who cause us nothing but aggrevation with all of their self immunities and opinions of our country. Interestingly enough the opinions they are free to express here would in many cases get them killed if expressed in their beloved homeland. So I say to the group of wannbe Presidential Candidates: Here is an idea for you....Oust the UN. Yup kick them right out of here. We have housed it long enough. Time for another country to feel what it is like to host the world of nations and get abused instead of thanks.

AAh a light at the end of this rant...the Yankees are out of it also!

Behind on Child Support? You May Lose Your Driver's License

Should you lose your driver's license if you fail to pay child support? The Tennessee Department of Human Services is threatening to do just that. It wants to revoke the driver's, professional and hunting and fishing licenses of more than 14,000 parents who are delinquent on child support payments.

This is a terrific idea that may be an incentive to deadbeat parents. Another initiative that some states have implemented in child support collection is revoking a delinquent parent's passport. Another great idea.

Obviously if a parent can afford to travel out of the country they can afford to support their children. Of course, there are those who oppose taking away passports and licenses of deadbeat parents. These are the same people who oppose jail time for parents who refuse to pay child support. Many of these activists, mainly father's rights group, claim that the parent cannot afford to pay child support because they are low income earners and it is unfair to pursue them legally.

I wonder who they expect should support their children? The government? Many single parents who do not receive child support are forced to apply for welfare. Those parents who struggle to support their children without financial support are often forced to work two jobs just to make ends meet.

Both parents are responsible for their children's financial well being. If a parent blatantly ignores his or her financial obligations for their child, taking away their right to drive and travel may make them think twice before dodging their responsibilities.

ONE SIZE FITS ALL

One size fits all – not when it comes to separating it doesn’t. We’re all unique individuals; our families are different and when it comes to divorce or separation how we go about it and how the family fortune gets carved up is exclusive to our own circumstances. That’s always a hard one to explain to a client especially when his father’s best friend’s cousin’s plumber has allegedly just emerged from the woes of divorce without having to pay his wife a penny and the client wants the same outcome.

It’s a bit like blogging where individuality comes to the fore. I was reminded of this when reading other lawyers’ divorce blogs which I stress bear no resemblance whatsoever to my humble offerings, nor indeed to each other. For instance Bloody Relations by Jacqui Gilliatt is an absolute Aladdin’s Cave of links and I defy anyone to visit her page and then fail to find themselves clicking to follow the trail she sets you on. In contrast John Bolch at Family Lore has to be commended for his ability to comment on changes in law and practice on an almost daily basis. Jo Spain offers informative and helpful explanations on the law itself whilst Divorce Solicitor is a gem of hilarious if not useful ideas. Wikivorce hosts blogs from those currently going through the process and I’m confident that regardless of how many divorce blogs you come across each will have its own unique angle.

THE WISDOM OF SOLOMON

Following on from my blog about Man’s Best Friend, I confirm that it is not unusual for animal-loving clients to enquire about the procedure for seeking custody of their favourite pet at the time of separation. This generally gives rise to an explanation that these days we don’t even apply for custody of children for whom the law prescribes a number of other applications, particularly for parental responsibility, residence and contact orders, none of which are available for pets. I had assumed that the lack of such a remedy for pet-lovers would be commonplace around the globe but have come across this video (directed by Eva Saks a graduate from Yale Law School) on You Tube which could suggest the contrary.

Should Wait Until Your Divorce Is Final Before Dating?

If you are separated and the middle of a divorce you may wonder when it is okay for you to start dating again. Should you wait until your divorce is final?

That would be ideal, but many divorcing women are dealing with long, drawn out divorces, thanks in part, to the overcrowded family court system. It can takes months and even years before your divorce is finalized. Especially if your divorce is a bitter one and you are fighting over assets.

If you marriage is over and you no longer live with your spouse, then it is safe to start dating again. But only if you are upfront about your situation with a potential partner. Make sure you inform your date that you are still legally married, but have filed for divorce and are waiting for your divorce to become official. It would be unfair to withhold this information since some people might have a problem with dating someone who is still technically married.

Although you should not have to put your life on hold because the court system is slow, you might want to consider holding off dating again if you feel that you are not ready emotionally. If your divorce is a messy one and you are still plagued by feelings of anger, sadness and confusion, it would be unfair to bring someone new into your life when you are not yet ready to commit to a new relationship.

THE DOCTOR

I went to the Doctor’s yesterday. I went because I had to and admit that I had put off doing so for too long. It’s the same with my friends, family, work colleagues and clients. Everyone seems to go only when whatever symptoms they are suffering from become so unbearable that they finally decide something has to be done about them. Strange that we are prepared to abuse our bodies in this way but are more than willing to get the car to the garage or a plumber in to mend a leak at home as soon as we spot a problem. Worse still is when we begin to accept our symptoms as normality or dismiss them as attributable to issues in our lives rather than a physical cause.

Slinging Mud In A Divorce: Should You Go There?

The Denise Richards-Charlie Sheen divorce/custody battle has become dirtier than ever, with Ms.Richards submitting some shocking allegations to the court about Mr.Sheen. Everything from vicious emails to alleged pornography use by Mr. Sheen, are now public knowledge. (Read more here)

Sadly, vicious divorce battles where both parties reveal horrible things about each are not limited to high profile celebrities. Which leads us to the question, is anything off limits when it comes to winning a divorce or custody battle? Or should couples do whatever it takes to triumph, even if it includes humiliating the father or mother of your children?

It all depends on your motive. If you are seeking to destroy your ex in court purely to get revenge, then you will have to deal with the fact that your children will someday be privileged to the information you are exposing. If however, the allegations are true and you feel your children may be affected negatively by your ex's behavior, you need to report that information to the court. Of course it depends on the severity of the allegations, if your spouse does drugs or or engages in other dangerous behavior you must protect yourself and your children by reporting it. However, if your ex is a loving parent and has an embarrassing habit that does not in any way affect the children, revealing that information can only be damaging to your kids.

If you are tempted to expose your ex in court ask yourself this question: Am I doing this to ensure the well being of myself or my children? Or am I so hurt and angry at my ex that I want him to suffer? If the latter is true, take a step back and get in touch with your feelings before taking harmful actions based on revenge.

ANOTHER POSTAL STRIKE

So the postal workers are striking again and mail is likely to be affected at least until October 15th. There would have been a time when, as the only means of communication, this would have been an absolute disaster instead of a frustrating inconvenience; now in business we simply rely on an alternative means of transmission and in our personal lives the text message continues to reign supreme.

Communication, however, remains the mainstay of our lives and on which all relationships depend. The handwritten letter, though, is very much in the descendency (little love notes tied up with red string and a miniature rose are surely passé), but the need to keep in contact is as important as ever. Hence whilst the desire to put pen to paper has diminished, the use of the mobile phone for text and conversing has increased, making it ever easy to stay in touch even when miles apart, away from home for weeks or even months. Indeed, the failure to answer a mobile call; answering one against the background of nightclub music when you are supposed to be on a business engagement; receiving a call from a member of the opposite sex in the presence of your spouse; can all be tell tale signs of relationship breakdown. Text messages can give an even worse signal, and if your partner cunningly grabs your phone only to read amorous offerings from your supposed work colleague at the next desk, that is invariably the end.

It was never this way with the post, or maybe it was, but life was slower, communication more formal, and the agony equally as excruciating. Waiting patiently for a letter to arrive, blaming the postman for days and then ripping open the envelope as it finally dropped on the mat, only to read those two heart rending words, “Dear John…”

A Thank You To The "Other Woman"

Four years ago this month I discovered my husband was having an affair. I was devastated. I remember waking up each morning feeling as though I had been punched in the stomach. The pain was, at times ,unbearable. The man I once considered my best friend, the person I trusted the most, had betrayed me.

But most of my anger at the time was directed toward his mistress. I hated her with a passion. She had destroyed my family and turned my world upside down. In my opinion she was an evil woman who had no qualms about wrecking my marriage, hurting my children and trying to get every dime she could get her hands on. Eventually, she did leave my ex, but only after he ran out of money and spent a large part of our savings on her.

Now, four years later, I have a different viewpoint. Although the hell both my ex and this woman put my family through is inexcusable, I now feel as though I should thank her.

That might be a startling statement, but had she not come along, I would still be married to my ex. His affair revealed things that I had refused to look at for many years. The fact that he is not a very nice person. He is selfish, mean spirited and verbally abusive. During my marriage I buried my head in the sand and refused to see the truth about him and the state of our marriage. I saw myself as a happily married woman. I would have never considered divorce had he not cheated on me. I overlooked his flaws, as many women do, in order to preserve my marriage and keep my family intact. It took a stranger 's involvement in our marriage to uncover the truth.

The illusion had been shattered, thanks to the other woman. My life is so different than it was four years ago, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. So sometimes there is a silver lining to even the darkest clouds. I suspect that the "other woman" is out there somewhere wrecking someone else's marriage. But I now believe that a predator like her can only expose the cracks that already exist in a marriage. A couple dealing with adultery can either try and repair those cracks through marriage counseling or divorce and go their separate ways.

If the choice is to end the marriage, there is hope. The pain will eventually subside and you may discover a new and exciting life that you never believed possible before.

FRIENDS REUNITED

On Saturday I met up with old school friends for the occasion of one of our number’s half centenary. Some of them I hadn’t seen for 30 years and I understand that a number of the invitations had gone out and the recipients tracked down through the Friends Reunited website. It is a solemn fact, however, that most divorce lawyers must have handled a case where Friends Reunited was involved in reintroducing one of the parties to an ex girlfriend or boyfriend from their school days. I’ve never quite understood the attraction in travelling backwards rather than forwards, but I must admit that the evening was enjoyably nostalgic and yes all the teenage acne had disappeared too.

Explaining The Financial Implications Of Divorce To Your Kids

As a parent, you want the to provide your kids with everything they need and desire. But when you are a single mom, it is especially difficult to say no to your kids. Often we feel guilty and ashamed telling our kids that we cannot afford to buy them what they want
.
Quite often, divorce can be a financial earthquake for both parents, and the children feel the effects. Before the divorce they were used to living a certain lifestyle and now because there are no longer two incomes contributing to one household, life has changed.

This can be hard for kids to understand. You should be honest and tell your kids the truth. Tell that that although you would love to buy them that new video game, right now you need to save your money to pay the bills. Give them some suggestions on how they may be able to earn some money themselves. If they old enough maybe they can take on a paper route or do some babysitting. For younger kids, give them a small allowance to help around the house .This is a great way to teach them an important lesson on how to be responsible with money.

My own teenage son was very excited when the new Halo 3 xbox video game came out last week. He asked me to purchase it for him. I explained that right now, that was not something I could do. I suggested that he save his money so that he could buy it for himself. He got creative and went through all of the video games that he no longer played with and was able to exchange them at the game store for the Halo 3. I think he is enjoying his new game more, knowing he figured out a way to buy it himself, then had I simply went out and bought it for him.

Another important thing to consider when explaining your finances to your kids is to not blame your ex-husband for your current financial situation, even if he is behind on child support. This will cause your child to become resentful of his father and create bitter feelings. Although your ex's lack of support may be contributing to your financial woes, do not involve the children.

Most importantly, congratulate yourself on doing the best job you can, raising children as a single parent. It is not an easy job. Do not feel guilty over not being able to afford the latest toy or gadget for your child. Your kids will grow up to appreciate and value money more than a child who has had everything handed to him.

The First Monday in October

I told my staff that anyone who knew the significance of today would win a prize. The responses I got ranged from anniversary guesses to birthdays but no one realized it was the opening session of the US Supreme Court. I always dreamed of being present at the opening session but their schedule and mine seemed to always be in conflict.

Listening to a discussion on court tv today an expert of sorts was asked whether they thought cameras in the court room would ever become a reality. The expert said as one may have thought the jurists are loath to have their sessions turned into a media event. Of the three branches of government, a distinction many of us forget, the court is the least public friendly, and with good reason. They do not owe their position to the voting public, so they do not play to them the way the other branches need to do. Their jobs are for life, a fact which I have always thought was a bad idea. One commentator suggested that the congress was considering passing a law which would force the court to open its doors to the media; an idea which can quickly be countered by the court who can rule it unconstitutional!

The justices are set to tackle an array of big issues. They include the legal rights of Guantanamo detainees, the constitutionality of lethal injections for executions, photo identification cards for voters and investors' struggle to find accountability in cases of fraud. The court could add a blockbuster case to its calendar if the justices opt to take a Second Amendment case from Washington, D.C., that would test limits on the right to own guns.
In their first week, the justices will hear arguments involving the disparate prison terms given people convicted of crimes involving crack versus powder cocaine.

At the end of the month, the government will ask the justices to overturn an appeals court ruling that struck down a provision of the main federal law against child pornography. The lower court said the portion in question criminalizes merely talking about illegal images.

Another closely watched case is a challenge to Kentucky's lethal injection procedures. The court blocked a Texas inmate's lethal injection execution last week, indicating that the Kentucky case could produce a broad statement about a widely used method of execution.

The court also will wade into electoral politics in a few cases. The most notable involves the requirement that voters produce photo identification to cast a ballot.

The issue has a sharp partisan edge. Republicans are pushing voter ID laws as a way to reduce fraud. Democrats say those laws are intended to discourage poor, minority and older voters who tend to vote for Democrats. The case almost certainly will be decided before next year's general election.

There is no indication that any justice intends to step down before the 2008 presidential election, although there is much speculation that the next president could have several vacancies to fill. Let's hope the next president chooses to add more estrogen to the court and bring with it some younger blood. Considering women represent 51% of the population it would be nice to see that percentage reflected in the judicial branch for a change. May I remind both sides of the aisle that there are qualified women representing all political viewpoints and it is time they break through the second branches glass ceiling. More over Pelosi you may be dealing with a female majority in the court if the stars align correctly this November. We can only hope.

The First Monday in October

I told my staff that anyone who knew the significance of today would win a prize. The responses I got ranged from anniversary guesses to birthdays but no one realized it was the opening session of the US Supreme Court. I always dreamed of being present at the opening session but their schedule and mine seemed to always be in conflict.

Listening to a discussion on court tv today an expert of sorts was asked whether they thought cameras in the court room would ever become a reality. The expert said as one may have thought the jurists are loath to have their sessions turned into a media event. Of the three branches of government, a distinction many of us forget, the court is the least public friendly, and with good reason. They do not owe their position to the voting public, so they do not play to them the way the other branches need to do. Their jobs are for life, a fact which I have always thought was a bad idea. One commentator suggested that the congress was considering passing a law which would force the court to open its doors to the media; an idea which can quickly be countered by the court who can rule it unconstitutional!

The justices are set to tackle an array of big issues. They include the legal rights of Guantanamo detainees, the constitutionality of lethal injections for executions, photo identification cards for voters and investors' struggle to find accountability in cases of fraud. The court could add a blockbuster case to its calendar if the justices opt to take a Second Amendment case from Washington, D.C., that would test limits on the right to own guns.
In their first week, the justices will hear arguments involving the disparate prison terms given people convicted of crimes involving crack versus powder cocaine.

At the end of the month, the government will ask the justices to overturn an appeals court ruling that struck down a provision of the main federal law against child pornography. The lower court said the portion in question criminalizes merely talking about illegal images.

Another closely watched case is a challenge to Kentucky's lethal injection procedures. The court blocked a Texas inmate's lethal injection execution last week, indicating that the Kentucky case could produce a broad statement about a widely used method of execution.

The court also will wade into electoral politics in a few cases. The most notable involves the requirement that voters produce photo identification to cast a ballot.

The issue has a sharp partisan edge. Republicans are pushing voter ID laws as a way to reduce fraud. Democrats say those laws are intended to discourage poor, minority and older voters who tend to vote for Democrats. The case almost certainly will be decided before next year's general election.

There is no indication that any justice intends to step down before the 2008 presidential election, although there is much speculation that the next president could have several vacancies to fill. Let's hope the next president chooses to add more estrogen to the court and bring with it some younger blood. Considering women represent 51% of the population it would be nice to see that percentage reflected in the judicial branch for a change. May I remind both sides of the aisle that there are qualified women representing all political viewpoints and it is time they break through the second branches glass ceiling. More over Pelosi you may be dealing with a female majority in the court if the stars align correctly this November. We can only hope.

YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK, GOODBYE

Today’s announcement that Anne Robinson is to divorce her husband of 27 years, will no doubt give rise to playground quips in the style of: “What did Anne Robinson say to her husband when they parted?”
Please don’t expect this blog to sink so low as to give you the punchline.