Are You Stuck in Divorce Limbo?

Divorce limbo is the time period between when you file for divorce and when your divorce is finalized. Many divorce limbos can stretch out for months and even years, leaving you feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and fearful about your future. No knowing where you stand financially in a divorce prevents you from making plans for the future. So when you are stuck in divorce limbo your life is in a holding pattern. You cannot leave the past behind and start over yet because you are still dealing with court dates, lawyers and fights with ex.

My own divorce limbo lasted for 18 long, excruciating months. It seemed like my every waking thought during that time was consumed by the divorce. Looking back, it felt like I was being mentally tortured. Being on the brink of financial ruin, since my ex would not pay alimony and child support, it was one of the most stressful times of my life. My worst fear was that I would lose everything and be unable to care for my children.

Thankfully, my divorce nightmare did come to an end and I was able to clean up most of the financial mess it caused once the divorce was settled. There is no magic formula or great advice on how to survive divorce limbo. The one thing to remember is that it will come to an end and you will be okay. You may not believe that now, but hold on to that thought. No one stays in divorce limbo forever. The day will come when you are handed your divorce papers and your new life will begin and it will be better than before.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

What You Can Expect When Going to Family Court...

If you have never been to family court before and you have court date coming up for you divorce, there are a few things you need to know. Spending time at family court can be quite a shock. Here are 5 things to expect so that you can prepare yourself:

1. It will take all day long. Even though your case is scheduled for 9:00 am, be prepared to spend the entire day waiting. Family courts are overbooked and it is quite common to be there all day. Bring reading materials to keep your occupied. The court breaks for lunch so make sure you bring money so that you can buy lunch or a snack while you wait.

2. Your case might be rescheduled. This may happen the day before the court date you have waited weeks for. It can even happen while you are already there. I once waited 8 hours for a court date only to have it rescheduled. I had to pay my lawyer over $1,200 for sitting there all day. The court system does not reimburse you or care.

3. Do not speak or even look at your ex. If you start an argument with your ex while waiting outside the courtroom, you can be sure it will be used against you. Do not speak to your ex without your attorney present. You do not want your ex making false accusations against you. If you are there with a family member, tell him or her to keep quiet as well. During my first court date my father confronted my ex. My ex had his lawyer march into the judge and falsely accused my father of threatening him. He then filed a restraining order against my father!

4. Keep your mouth shut while in the courtroom. The judge will scold you should you make any outbursts. If you feel your ex or his attorney is saying something that is not true, alert your lawyer by jotting it down on a legal pad. Your lawyer is your mouthpiece in the courtroom and you are not allowed to speak unless directed to by the judge. Even whispering can get you in trouble. Remember, everything is being recorded inside the courtroom.

5. Be prepared to be disappointed. The family court system is not always just and fair. You may be shocked at the judge's ruling. Control your emotions the best you can. You will most likely have the same judge throughout your divorce and he or she will be the one ruling should your divorce go to trial. You do not want to appear to the judge as someone who is out of control. If you are upset with the judge's ruling, discuss this with your attorney and he can file another motion.

If there is any possibility you can settle your divorce fairly without going to court, do it. The expense, stress and aggravation of having to appear in court, often multiply times throughout your divorce, can take a huge emotional and financial toll on you.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce

Child Support Nightmare: Wrong Man Sent to Jail

A Philadelphia man has been jailed four times, has lost his job and paid more than $12,000 in child support for a child that is not his. In fact, the man has never even met the child's mother. In a case of mistaken identity, this man has been living a nightmare trying to prove to the state that he is not the child's father.

It all started in 2001 when Walter Andre Sharpe received a certified letter that was a complaint for child support. But since the birth date and social security number did not match his and he did not know the mother, he assumed it was a mistake and ignored it. The court decided he was the father after he failed to appear in court. Since then he has asked and been denied a DNA test which would of cleared the matter up and proved he was not the child's father. A judge in 2007 finally ruled that he was not the father but refused to reimburse him for the money he has paid or give him any compensation.

I really hope this man sues the state of Pennsylvania and wins. It just amazes me how so many deadbeat parents do not pay child support and get away with it but an innocent man can be jailed and forced to support a child that is not his. Why didn't the court simply allow this man to prove paternity with a DNA test? This is not a case where he had a relationship with the mother and was raising the child, he had never met either of them. You would think that someone in the system would have at least investigated this man's claims. The child support system and family courts need to be more careful and pay closer attention to their cases.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

Gay Former Governor Does not have to Pay Alimony....

Former NJ Governor Jim McGreevey, who has admitted he is gay, does not have to pay alimony to his former wife, Dina Matos. A judge did rule that he must pay child support for his 6 year old daughter in the amount of $1075 per month.

I was very surprised at this ruling because the main issue of the divorce trial was whether or not Mr. McGreevey was purposely underemployed. Judges can impute wages to people they feel are not earning what they are capable of in a divorce case and I assumed that Mr. McGreevey would be imputed income, considering he was once making several hundred thousand dollars per year but now claims to be "poor". He wants to be a priest and has even turned down a lucrative offer from a NJ radio station to host his own radio show.

The judge actually said that McGreevey was being supported by his rich boyfriend while studying at a seminary to be a priest and, therefore, didn't need employment to support himself. So the former governor still gets to live a life of luxury, courtesy of his lover, while his daughter only gets $1,075 per month? Why is this man allowed to under employ himself when he has children to support? The judge knows he is capable of earning more ,yet is allowing him to dramatically reduce his income.

I recently coached a woman, also from NJ, who has been a stay at home mom for 13 years with no skills, no income and two children with special needs, yet the judge in her divorce case feels she should be imputed income, meaning whether she has a job or not, the judge will come up with an amount he feels she can earn and that figure will be used when calculating child support.

Mr. McGreevy gets to minimally support his daughter to pursue a career that does not pay well just because he has a rich boyfriend and this woman has to go out and find a job, when with her skills, she will be lucky to make $10 per hour?

This is just another example of what can happen if you cannot settle your divorce and you put your trust in the family court system. You are at the mercy of judges, lawyers and a system that is not always fair and just. The lesson here is clear. If there is anyway to resolve your divorce is an amicable and fair manner, do it. You may not be so lucky in court.

Why You Don't Want To Go To Divorce Court...

Do you believe that court is a place where justice is served and judges are unbiased and fair in their rulings? The truth is this is often not the case in family court. If you fail to settle your divorce outside of a courtroom, you could be in for a rude awakening.

The family court system is overcrowded and understaffed. Expect to wait weeks to get a court date and be prepared to spend hours waiting for your case to be heard, if it is heard at all. Many times you can spend an entire day at court, paying your divorce lawyer several hundred dollars and hour only to have your case adjourned at the last minute. You then have to repeat the whole process again several weeks later.

When you put your divorce in the hands of a family court judge, you are basically entrusting your future to a stranger who has no emotional interest in your case or your family. The judge's rulings are usually cut and dry.

You may be shocked at the rulings that a judge can make. Instead of going to mediation and resolving their differences, many couples think that by fighting it out in a courtroom they will "win". But the sad truth is that no one wins when a divorce goes to court, except for the divorce lawyers. Court dates can drag on for months and even years and if you go to trial, be prepared to spend a fortune on attorney fees.

I think divorcing couples need to put their anger aside and look at the facts. Is it really worth it to fight over assets and refuse to compromise? Will you eventually spend more in attorney fees than the asset is worth?

Of course there are times when it is necessary to go to court when one party refuses to negotiate and settle the divorce in a reasonable, fair manner. But often couples are stubborn and go to court thinking that they are going to punish their spouse and the judge will rule in their favor. They are shocked when they do not get what they wanted and rack up huge attorney fees. If both parties can keep the lines of communication open and have a willingness to compromise, an agreement can usually be reached and you can avoid the courtroom altogether.

Divorce Lawyers Murdered: Could a Client Have Done it?

A husband-and-wife team of divorce lawyers were found shot to death in their bed. The bodies of 50-year-old Mark Schwartz and his 48-year-old wife, Christina-Maria Petrowski-Schwartz, were discovered in their Brooklyn home.

Right now, police do not know who committed this double homicide, but are investigating business associates. It makes you wonder, could this heinous act have been committed by a disgruntled client or the spouse of one?

There have been cases where an upset spouse has killed the divorce attorney or judge before. Divorce is such an emotionally heated subject and many people going through a divorce feel out of control and full of range. Most will not commit acts of violence, but there is always the few who will go insane and lash out at their spouse or anyone else they feel is hurting them.

If the suspect in this case does turn out to be client, it will be another horrible example of how deadly divorce can turn. I think anyone going through an ugly divorce needs to always have in the back of his or her mind that there is a remote possibility that your spouse can turn violent. This is especially true if there were an incidents of domestic abuse during the marriage.

Keep on guard and protect yourself. do not travel alone or come home by yourself late at night, make sure to inform a family member of your whereabouts and when you are expected home and if you feel your spouse is dangerous, get a restraining order against him or her. It is always better to be safe than sorry.

Need An Emergency Court Date? Only If Your Britney Spears

Britney Spears was granted an emergency hearing today in Los Angeles to ask the court to allow her overnight visitation with her two young sons, despite the fact that her next court date was not scheduled until late October.

How was Ms. Spears able to get a court date on such notice? Her emergency was that she simply wanted more time with her children. Her kids were not in any danger. In the real world for us average people, it can take up to 3 weeks to be granted an emergency court hearing.

During my own divorce, my ex refused to pay child and spousal support leaving me with all of the household bills and very little money. The mortgage was 2 months overdue and the utilities were about to be shut off so I asked my divorce attorney to request a court date. I was told that the courts were overcrowded and that "emergency" requests were rarely granted. I waited three more weeks for my court date, only to sit in court for eight hours and have the court date rescheduled at the end of the day! Of course my attorney billed me for those hours in court.

This is the sad reality for many people dealing with the family court system. Most family courts in our country are overcrowded . It is typical in divorce and child custody cases to be in court all day long. Often your court dates are adjourned and it can take months or even years before your case is settled.

But this is not the case for Britney Spears. She was able to arrive to court five hours late and still be heard by the judge. I wonder how many "normal" people in L.A .had their court dates cancelled today to accommodate Ms.Spears? Of course, it is not Britney Spear's fault that the Los Angeles court system bends over backwards for celebrities. It is just unfair.

How To Get Temporary Spousal Support During Your Divorce

An important issue you must be aware of when beginning your divorce proceedings is that you may be entitled to temporary spousal and child support. All too often I hear from women who are not receiving any spousal or child support while waiting to reach a divorce settlement. This can be financially devastating. It can take months or even years to reach an agreement with your ex. Unfortunately many women are not aware that they can go to court and file a motion to receive temporary spousal and child support. It amazes me how many divorce lawyers do not file a motion for temporary support.

If you and your spouse cannot reach an agreement in your divorce you can get a date in court before a Family Court Judge. This is referred to as a Pendente Lite hearing. The Judge can decide on issues such as the award of temporary child custody and support, temporary spousal support, temporary use and possession of the home, and other divorce related issues.

Remember that the results are temporary but the decision can give you some much need financial support while waiting for your divorce to become final. If you cannot settle your divorce in a timely manner, you will at least have the temporary support order to hold you over and give you time to prepare for trial.

How To Behave Inside The Divorce Courtroom

How you behave in the courtroom during your divorce will have an impact on how your case is decided. Make sure to stay calm and in control at all times in the courtroom. Let your lawyer take the lead. Keep your mouth shut. Your attorney speaks for you here, and you should remain silent unless your attorney, or the judge, directs you to speak. When the judge speaks, pay attention. He is the one who decides things, so he is the most important person there. Don’t whisper in your attorney’s ear. If you do whisper, remember that sometimes the microphones at the table are very sensitive, and what you say may be recorded by the courtroom audiotape, and heard by the Court Reporter, even if nobody else hears you.

You may take notes while the judge is speaking, and if you need to you may show these to your attorney, but wait until the judge has finished speaking. This won’t be easy. At times you’ll feel ready to burst. At times you’ll feel angry, and there will be moments when you’ll want to cry. Someone may say something that begs for sarcastic reaction. Pretend you don’t hear. If your attorney is saying something that’s incorrect, or if you feel he or she needs clarification on a point, that’s what your notepad is for. Use it and use it directly.

To the judge you want to look sympathetic, yet intelligent, confident, and secure. Do not twirl your hair, play with your keys, or fix your makeup. Sit upright, and pay attention to every word that is being said. Your future is at stake. Do not look at your ex or his attorney. If your ex takes the stand, remain calm. This may be the most difficult thing for you. He may lie. He may twist every situation. At the very least he will have a view of the situation that is totally opposed to yours. That’s why you are here. Don’t lash out. Don’t lose your temper. Outbursts are not allowed in the courtroom. You must remain composed at all times. And above all, do not make funny faces or expressions of disbelief. Even if they are genuine, the judge may think you are play-acting, and won’t appreciate it. Your future, and that of your children, depends on how you control your behavior in the courtroom.

How To Protect Yourself In Divorce Court


I recently met a woman who has been divorced for about the same amount of time I have-about 2 years. She was telling me a story about how she recently took her ex-husband back to court to increase his child support obligation for their four children.

What she told me next was shocking and disturbing.Even though her ex was making more money than when their divorce was finalized,his support was actually LOWERED by the judge! She is now expected to support four kids on only $203 dollars a week.

How did this happen? Well, first of all,she filed a motion on her own ,without a lawyer's help,to modify the support order. That is fine, and you can do that, but you must first prepare and gather your evidence before bringing your spouse to court. Although her ex was ordered to show proof of his income, he never supplied the court with his tax returns and the judge recalculated the child support based on his income from 2 years ago.

Was this fair? No. But the family court system rarely is.Since the judge reviewed her case without requiring her and her ex to be present, he probably spent about 5 minutes glancing over the paperwork and made a decision based on misinformation that is financially hurting the children.

Whether you are thinking about divorce, in the middle of a divorce battle right now or already divorced, you need to realize that the family court system cannot be trusted to protect your rights in your divorce.

You must be proactive. Do not assume the judge will do the "right thing".The system just does not work that way. It is overcrowded and filled with some money hungry divorce lawyers ready to pounce and take every penny they can from both you and your spouse.

Now I am not saying that all divorce lawyers are unethical or that all Family Court Judges do not care,but my divorce cost me $40,000 and a year and half stuck in the family court system.

Protect yourself and your finances. Don't go to court unprepared or rely completely on your divorce attorney. Gather your own evidence to bring into court. Make sure to have copies of all important documents and proof of all assets owned.

If you would like a step-by-step plan to save thousands on attorney fees, protect yourself financially and maintain your current lifestyle, go to:

http://www.secretsofdivorce.com/ and receive a free chapter of the best selling divorce book,
Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce-what every woman needs to know