Autistic boy ruled OK for sex change by family court | News.com.au http://ht.ly/3voHm

Gay parents are more equal than others: study SMH http://ht.ly/3voky

Child neglect equally harmful as physical or sexual abuse: study http://ht.ly/3uxCj

Judge orders girl, 14, to live with sect http://ht.ly/3uxBX

Beating the Christmas blues

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way.

Dickens- A Tale of Two Cities

The hardest part at Christmas when you are separated or divorced, especially when your children aren't with you, is the sense of loneliness. It is accentuated by it being Christmas- when all around you there are carols being sung, peace and joy being proclaimed, and underlying it all a message of love.

When you're alone, and feeling unloved, it can be a bit hard to take. The pain at times can feel overwhelming. It can be numbing, crushing, and make you question your inner beliefs. Like acid, it eats away at you, and you start to wonder whether you have done anything right to anybody in your life.

As a friend of mine said to me pithily the other day: "Snap out of it."

It is vitally important to stop wallowing in self-pity, especially at Christmas. You have a life to lead, a joyous productive life, where you can by your daily actions improve the lives of others, as well as yourself.

Beating the Christmas blues

1. Think positively. Stop wallowing in self-pity.Even in the worst moments, you have lots to offer yourself and others, especially family and friends. It is much easier to look at a glass half full than one half empty.
2. Be with people who love you, if possible, such as family and friends. Support networks are vital. If you don't have anyone, think about how you will get a support network in the new year. Join a club or association or go to church. Before you know it, you will have friends who love and accept you for who you are.
3. Help others, if you can't be with people who love you. There are always people worse off at Christmas than you. The fact that you have been able to read this online means that you are ahead of many people already.
4. Smell the roses. Remember that life moves a day at a time. Squeeze the joy out of every day. There may have been little things that you liked before that you have overlooked or not noticed. Get in touch with what brings you joy. Think of those interests that you gave away when you were in a relationship, but you have always wanted to do. Fishing, cooking, travel, watching the cricket, here we come.
5. Get counselling. It is always good to talk to an objective, supportive counsellor. There is no shame in doing so. This may be hard on Christmas Day. Lifeline operates a free 24/7 counselling service: 13 11 14. It is always better to talk to someone than do something stupid.
6. Make realistic goals. The year has almost ended, and the new year is about to start. What realistic goals do you need to make to help put your life on track? If you are not seeing your children, what do you need to do to ensure that you can see them? You may have to go through family dispute resolution, see a family lawyer like me, or even as a last resort go to court. Think it through.
7. Take care of yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Your body and mind are your temples. Look after them and nurture them.
8. Get fit. One of the key ways to turn your life around. There is nothing like fitness to dispel feelings of gloom. A rush of oxygen and endorphins, better self-image, and feeling better and stronger, is one of the best ways to beat the Christmas blues.

Merry Christmas one and all.

WikiLeaks cleared of breaking Australian law | Courier Mail http://ht.ly/3rrrx

Know How Divorce Law Works

Once you have finalized your decision of getting divorced then it is necessary to know the divorce laws of that region. The divorce laws are varying from region to region and it is essential to know about the divorce laws of the place you belong to.

There are some common laws which are applicable everywhere. The entire process of getting divorce is a very painful experience. They undergo physical and mental stress. Hence, it is necessary to be informed about the divorce laws in that particular state and also how it works.

Some important aspects that you must be aware of divorce are difference between divorce and separation, procedures for applying for divorce in your region, reasons for getting divorce and whether you wish to apply for uncontested divorce.

There are many different options such as opting for divorce mediation or collaborative law for divorce. Apart from these, there are also different types of divorce laws that can be utilized by the couples who have opted for divorce. Hence, it is essential for the divorcing couples to be well informed about these laws and also their rights.

There are many different issues that are to be considered in the legal process for divorce. They are:

• Related to children- child support and child custody
• Financial matters- division of debt and distribution of property
• Spousal support

There are many online divorce guides which provide you information about the divorce laws of a particular region. The divorce laws in USA are different for each state. These states follow their own laws related to divorce.

State wise divorce laws have made the process of divorce procedure easy. These states have their own defined state of laws. Some states are liberal while others have a conservative divorce laws.

Thus, it is important to know how divorce laws work to ensure that proper justice is bestowed to the couples who have filed for a divorce.

Red Book plan a step towards gay marriage http://ht.ly/3poNn

DO I, DON'T I?

So it’s your first Christmas apart and you’ve decided to send your ex a card. The dilemma that now faces you, is what do you write inside and how do you sign off? “Best wishes,” sounds a little too distant; “regards,” is far too formal; “love from,” is just plainly inappropriate. Then if you can work out the correct sentiment do you put “xxx” after your name or not? Yes, you do write it on Aunt Ethel’s card but she is elderly and she is not your estranged spouse. Of course you could just write your name, after all the card itself will carry a printed message in any event; but a name by itself looks exactly that and you don’t want the ex thinking of you as all alone, one short name on a piece of paper.

Frankly the time spent agonising over “Do you, don’t you and if you do, how?” is not worth it. Far, far easier to pick up the phone and wish them a Merry Christmas verbally. If you are unable to communicate directly in that way then don’t send a card; it’s meaning is going to be misinterpreted and you may regret it later.

Proposed laws will ban Tasmanians, for the first time, from accessing overseas commercial surrogacy clinics.

Spy cameras the latest weapon in war on child-support dodgers : http://ht.ly/3mWsc

Family Court: conduct reconsidered: zip is not enough

In a recent Full Court of the Family Court case of Polonius and York, the court said that to give the husband nothing by way of property settlement was not enough, and remitted the matter for rehearing before a different Federal Magistrate. The court summarised the law as to conduct on property settlements.

The court also said that in cases where there had been a long marriage, followed by a long separation, the appropriate course might be to assess property on an asset by asset basis.

The parties had separated in 1997, after a 22 year marriage. They continued to live under the same roof for another 10 years. The husband became bankrupt shortly after separation, and the wife paid out the trustee to keep the house. As a reminder of why it is important to remember that the time limit for property settlement is one year after divorce, not separation, many years after they separated, and after he was discharged from bankruptcy, the husband sought a property settlement.

Federal Magistrate McGuire thought that the appropriate amount that the husband should receive was nought, nil, nix, zero or zip, or as the Full Court said:

The effect of the order made by the Federal Magistrate was that the Husband only received his superannuation interest of $1,500.00 or 0.17 per cent of the net assets of the parties. The former matrimonial home and the superannuation interests have a value of $459,226.00 of which the Husband received an entitlement of 0.33 per cent. In other words, the Husband received virtually nothing, which is what his Honour intended.

The Federal Magistrate considered that the wife's contributions post-separation "negated" the husband's earlier contributions, a proposition specifically rejected by the Full Court.

Conduct

86. Marital conduct of parties is not specifically referred to in s 79 of the Act and as a general proposition the marital behaviour of parties is not of itself relevant to applications under s 79: Soblusky and Soblusky (1976) FLC 90-124. However, there may be circumstances in which marital conduct may be relevant and taken into account. If the conduct of a party towards the other had a significant adverse impact upon the other parties’ contributions to the marriage or made the other parties’ contributions more arduous than they ought to have been, then this may be relevant: Kennon v Kennon [1997] FamCA 27; (1997) FLC 92-757. As well, certain types of behaviour which have a direct connection with financial matters may be relevant. In Sheedy and Sheedy (1979) FLC 90-719 Nygh J said at 78,872 that conduct may be relevant “if it has financial consequences, such as financial misbehaviour resulting in the waste or suspension of family assets”: see also Fisher and Fisher (1990) FLC 92-127 at 77,846.
87. In Kowaliw Baker J said at 76,644:

As a statement of general principle, I am firmly of the view that financial losses incurred by parties or either of them in the course of the marriage whether such losses result from a joint or several liability, should be shared by them (although not necessarily equally) except in the following circumstances:

(a) where one of the parties has embarked upon a course of conduct designed to reduce or minimise the effective value or worth of matrimonial assets or
(b) where one of the parties has acted recklessly, negligently or wantonly with matrimonial assets, the overall effect of which has reduced or minimised their value.

Conduct of the kind referred to in para. (a) and (b) above having economic consequences is clearly in my view relevant under sec. 75(2)(o) to applications for settlement of property instituted under the provisions of sec. 79.
Examples of this type of conduct may include circumstances where the drinking and gambling of one party has led to the failure of a business or the dissipation of assets: see Mead and Mead (1983) FLC 91-354 per Asche SJ at 78,369.

88. In Kowaliw Baker J also said at 76,644-45: “It does seem to me, however, that if a party has either by deliberate act or by economic recklessness reduced the value of assets available for distribution then the economic consequences which flow therefrom including the resultant burden to the other party are directly relevant to a consideration of the respective contributions of the parties contemplated by sec. 79(4)”.

89. It follows that in certain circumstances financial misconduct or financial misbehaviour may be taken into account in a number of ways. It may be taken into account by the notional inclusion of an amount at step one of the preferred approach to the determination of an application pursuant to s 79 of the Act which was explained in Hickey and Hickey and Attorney-General for the Commonwealth of Australia (Intervener) [2003] FamCA 395; (2003) FLC 93-143 or when assessing the contributions at step two of the preferred approach or perhaps when considering the other factors at step three of the preferred approach: see M and M [1998] FamCA 42 (1 May 1998).

90. In this case, it was not established that there was financial misconduct or financial misbehaviour as we have described above. The Federal Magistrate made clear at [73] that the evidence did not enable him to “make a positive finding that the [Husband had] acted recklessly, negligently or wantonly”. Thus, it follows that the parties had the benefit of amounts that comprised the secured and unsecured debts of the Husband of perhaps $241,626.00 ($139,626.00 plus $102,000.00): see Boege and Boege.

91. We also observe that in relation to what Baker J said in Kowaliw with respect to the sharing by parties of financial losses, in Browne v Green [1999] FamCA 1483; (1999) FLC 92-873 the Full Court (Lindenmayer, Finn and Holden JJ) observed at 86,364:

    53. On a careful consideration of the material before us, we have had to conclude that it was manifestly unjust to the husband in this case to depart from the Kowaliw guideline and to place upon him the full burden of the losses, merely on the basis that he was that party who initiated and had overall control of the venture which led to the financial losses, particularly in circumstances where there is no suggestion that the wife was anything other then a willing participant. There can be little doubt that had the Hayle project succeeded, the wife would have sought to share in the fruits of that success, and there would seem to be no reason why she would not have been entitled to do so. It is this last-mentioned consideration, being that parties generally expect to share the economic profits of a marriage, which, in our view, requires that there should be good and substantial reasons for departing from the principle that where there are economic losses incurred in a marriage, those losses should be shared, absent any negligence, recklessness or deliberate dissipation of assets by one party. No such good and substantial reasons are apparent to us in this case. (emphasis added)

    
    Post-separation contributions
    
    The Full Court stated:
    

    
    
    It then becomes necessary to consider what happened subsequent to separation in mid-1997. Before proceeding we observe that in Zalewski and Zalewski [2005] FamCA 996; (2005) FLC 93-241, Finn J observed at 79,978:

It is my impression that there are currently coming before the Court a significant number of cases in which the period between the parties’ separation and the hearing of their property settlement proceedings is substantial. The delay seems often to arise, at least in part, because the parties have initially reached some form of informal (or even formal) settlement from which one party later resiles (often for good reason). In these long separation periods, the parties will usually have built up substantial new assets or incurred substantial liabilities. In an endeavour to satisfy the parties that any orders which are eventually made by the Court in these somewhat complicated cases are just and equitable, it can, in my view, be very useful for Judges to assess contributions to property on an asset by asset basis. (emphasis added)

We agree with these observations. In a case such as this, where there was a marriage of long duration and a lengthy period of separation before the hearing of applications for property settlement, during which time significant assets were accumulated by one or both parties, it should indicate that in such circumstances it may be more useful to undertake an assessment of contributions on an asset by asset, or, category of asset by category of asset basis: see Norbis v Norbis [1986] HCA 17; (1986) 161 CLR 513.

Way now clear for surrogacy for profit for UK parents to be: SMH http://ht.ly/3mOOB

IT'S CRACKERS

A hint of a thaw in the air today and despite the piles of snow along the paths, the streets of Darlington were again full, as shoppers browsed at a Christmas market. There seemed to be a roaring trade in boxes of Christmas Crackers. I do think “crackers” is a lovely word with its various connotations verging from biscuits to bonkers.

“I used to be ‘crackers’ about her”, clients will tell me, as I take instructions for the first time. “Now I just think I’m cracking up.”

Crisp and crackly and in the case of the humble Christmas cracker related to the firework version of the same name. In fact so close in genetic make-up that I understand that, as result of recent European regulations, the boxes I saw being sold can only be bought by those over sixteen! Crackers or what?

Full Court: no need to intervene but give evidence if money owed to you

In the recent Full Court of the Family Court case of Baldwin and Baldwin, there were three main issues:

1. whether the husband's mother and brother should have intervened in the proceedings;
2. what debts should be included in the asset pool; and
3. whether a tax debt should be included.

1. Affidavit or intervention?

It is common for family members to swear affidavits in property settlement proceedings about money owing to them. It is less common that they will intervene. In this case the mother and brother gave evidence, but did not intervene.

It was alleged that money was owing by the husband to the trust controlled by his brother and mother. Counsel for the wife criticised them for not intervening, a point accepted by the trial judge.

The Full Court held:

We agree with Senior Counsel for the husband that it was unnecessary for the husband’s mother and brother to have intervened in the proceedings to protect the debts owed to their trust, and that it was an error for his Honour to have taken this consideration into account as he appears to have done when determining not to include the debts in question in his calculation of the net value of the parties’ property. 

 2. What debts?

An  was as to the amount owing to the husband by a family trust, and whether that should be balanced by a debt owing to a related entity. The court held:

58. While we recognise that there are good arguments for taking into account in the calculation of the net value of the parties’ property both the husband’s loan account with the A Baldwin Trust and the debts owed to that trust by the parties’ company, nevertheless, we propose in the exercise of our discretion not to do so in our re-determination of this case.
59. This is not only because the debts to the trust are legally the responsibility of the company and not of the parties personally, but also, more importantly, because we cannot be satisfied that the company may not have some capacity itself to repay some of the debts. We note in this regard that in the document prepared by the wife’s counsel, Mr North SC, which contained the schedule of the parties’ assets (which his Honour adopted), there is also included a schedule of the company’s assets and liabilities. That schedule (which we do not consider necessary to set out) indicates that the company may have funds in the order of $685,000.00 which could be used to satisfy part of its liability to the trust.
60. Moreover, we consider that if in determining the value of the parties’ property we were to take into account a liability of the company, it would also be necessary to take into account any assets it has. While there is some indication of such assets in Mr North SC’s schedule of the company assets and liabilities, we do not consider that we have the necessary supporting evidence to allow us to do this. Furthermore, we understood from our discussion with counsel at the hearing of the appeal, that the case was not run at trial on the basis that the company structure could be completely ignored, in the sense that all its assets and liabilities could simply be regarded as the assets and liabilities of the parties.
61. Once we have determined that we cannot safely take into account the liability of the company to the trust, it follows from what we have said earlier, that we cannot take into account as an asset of the parties, the husband’s loan account with the trust. However, given that the expert’s evidence was that if loans to the trust (including the company’s loan) were not repaid in full, then it was unlikely the husband would receive the full - and we emphasise “the full” - balance of the loan owing to him, and given also the expert’s evidence concerning the book values of the trust at over $4.5 million, we would be prepared to take into account in our consideration of the s 75(2) matters, the likelihood that the husband will receive at least some of his loan account at some time.

3. Personal tax- or for the benefit of the parties?

The husband owed just under $120,000 in outstanding income tax. Some of this related to the period before separation. The trial judge did not take it into account, as he said it was the husband's personal tax liability and that the husband should have paid it:

In the course of the oral submissions of the husband’s solicitor, his Honour queried why the tax liability should be deducted in the calculation of the net value of the parties’ property. The husband’s solicitor responded that it was because it had been incurred “while the parties were together”. His Honour responded that it was the husband’s “personal tax”, and he can be read as enquiring as to why the wife should be responsible for the interest and penalties which arose because the tax was not paid. The husband’s solicitor responded that his client had not been in a position to lodge a tax return as he never had the money to pay the tax.

The Full Court held that the tax debt had to be taken into account:

His Honour’s reason for refusing to include the estimated tax liability in his calculation of the net value of the parties’ property was that it was the husband’s responsibility alone to pay the tax on the income (which was received from his family trust). We do not accept that that conclusion was open to his Honour in circumstances where there is no suggestion that any income actually received by the husband was used for the purposes other than the parties’ family and/or business (cf Parshen v Parshen (1996) FLC 92-720). To the extent that distributions from the A Baldwin Trust were not actually paid to the husband, these would now be represented in the husband’s loan account with the trust.(emphasis added)

WHOSE NUMBER DO YOU CALL?

In times of sub-zero temperatures, such as now, separated girls can do with a plumber’s telephone number stuck to her memo board, ready for when the pipes begin to burst. Conversely and with Christmas approaching, many men could do with the number for a gift wrapping service. A client recently gave me a helpful tip: stay on good terms with your ex and just call them instead!

REVAMPING THE IMAGE

Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of re-modelling. If your nearest and dearest has walked out on you and you want to look good, or not, as the case may be, it’s your life; your choice. One word of warning though beards might keep your chin warm but they don’t look as good on women as they do on Santa Claus!

Benefits and Reasons why you want Divorce Support Group

Once the divorce is granted, the life of the couple is changed drastically. They undergo physical and emotional stress during and also after the process. Many times it results in isolation, depression and stress. Here, divorce support group plays a very significant role which helps the individual to get back into normal life.

There are plenty of divorce support groups available all over the world. The entire divorce procedure is itself a very painful process. It is very difficult to deal with it even if the divorce procedure was not a very messy or unpleasant experience. It is really difficult to come out of this feeling and lead a normal life again.

Divorce support group helps individual to effectively cope up with the situation and lead a normal life again. It provides divorce support and guidance to the individual. These groups are also of different categories. There are divorce groups especially for men, women or for both.

 It brings in a secured feeling for the individual and helps you to deal with the changes effectively in their life. In this group, people with the same problems come together and discuss them. So there is no need to be fearful and can open up all the feelings in front of all the people in the group.

It provides you an excellent outlet to bring out all your feelings which will make you relaxed. It reduces your burden of dealing with divorce and sometimes helps you to plan out for your future.

It will provide you remedial measures to deal with the issues such as financial, parental and legal associated with the divorced person. It will help you to develop the action plans that would help you to regain the self esteem lost during the process. It also provides you the motivation and encouragement to revive to your normal life.

Thus, Divorce support groups are essential for the divorced individuals in the recovery process.

A CHOCOLATEY COUNTDOWN

I finally gave in. 2010 will be known as the first year I let Little Girl (now 14 by the way) have a chocolate Advent calendar. Well it’s always been a point of principle before, but how could I resist when I spotted one where the profits go to charity; the chocolate is Fairtrade; the Nativity scene is posted on the front, and behind each door there is an instalment of the Christmas story? I’m not sure that I approve of the hearty dose of chocolate immediately after her breakfast but on the basis that the weather has been somewhat cold even for early December and she cleans her teeth afterwards, I’ve decided not to nag.

In fact I’m now going to recommend chocolate Advent calendars to any lady contemplating divorce in the New Year. On the basis that women are reputedly all chocoholics at heart, go on, get yourself one. If it makes you feel better and gets you through the run up to Christmas, who cares? After all, come January, you can sign up to a gym, solicitor and dieting classes.

TRAGEDY OF ROMANCE

I’ve received an e-mail from the theatre. “The snow must go on,” it said. And on and on and on. Yes it’s now Day 11 and I’m heartily sick. The last production Little Girl and I saw at the theatre was “Romeo and Juliet” by the RSC. Little Girl rather thought that went on too but I suspect she has inherited from Outdoor Man some non-dramatic genes and a dislike of seating, fixed in narrow rows.

A classic love story ruined by warring families. “Never was a story of more woe / Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” It certainly puts the work I do into perspective but it is only fiction, whilst relationship problems resulting in divorce are reality.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AT THE DIVORCE SALOON

Have you started your Christmas shopping yet or are you like me and do you put it off to the last minute? Are you divorced or do you know somebody who is? If so, The Divorce Saloon Store, open 24/7, might have all the gifts you are looking for. Check it out now at :
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FOOTBALL HOPES BLATTERED

So ladies, he’s going to be off to Russia in 2018. Prepare now if you don’t want to become a football marriage casualty. What better way to spend your winter evenings for the next seven years than poring over holiday brochures and guidebooks as you plan your ideal holiday taking in St Petersburg, Moscow and if it appeals even Siberia. Don’t let him go alone. Take up Cossack dancing, a love of red, fur hats, vodka (in moderation) and borscht. Insist on being a WAG.

I’m not so sure what to suggest for Qatar in 2022. I did once change planes at the airport there and it was very clean with air conditioning and wonderful views (of a desert).

MERRY EX-MAS

I received an e-mail this morning promoting an album by The Irreconcilables entitled “Merry Ex-Mas- Holiday Songs for the Divorced and Soon To Be”. It includes songs, such as “Frosty, My Ex-Wife,” as featured on You Tube, with such notable lines as “Frosty my ex-wife was the coldest thing I know.” It’s clearly written by songwriters who share my view that divorce is painful but can be easier to bear if you can bring yourself to smile.

IT'S SNOW COVER FOR INFIDELITY

All this snow reminds me of the alleged story of the woman who put her husband’s pyjamas in the freezer, because he had been unfaithful to her. I have no idea whether or not it is a true story but certainly icy conditions and heavy snow seem to lend themselves to matrimonial mischief. Certainly I recall a client once upon a time confessing that the great thing about winter wasn’t just the handsome postman who delivered the Christmas post but also the fact that the snow immediately covered all her visitors’ footprints, so her husband never knew how many people she sipped coffee with during the course of his working day. Unfortunately for her the snow was so heavy that, on one occasion, her husband was unable to get to his office and so returned home unexpectedly. Footprints or no footprints, he still found one of her visitors in shall we say a compromising position with his wife, and divorce proceedings ensued.

ALL RISE

Mr Justice Coleridge made a speech this morning to the Association of Lawyers for Children. In it he expressed his concern that there is a creeping tendency towards disrespect for court orders in family proceedings especially in so far as they relate to contact with children. As we might expect from Mr Justice Coleridge he wasn’t shy in putting forward innovative solutions to this disturbing trend. Whilst Judges re-donning their robes might sound like a backwards step and removing carpets and houseplants from courtrooms would suggest he hasn’t visited my local County Court, his “three breaches and the child transfers place of residence” could have a certain resonance. He also criticised the extent to which the wishes and feelings of the children themselves are taken into account reminding the audience that the court, not the child, must make the decision.

“Times demand more open discussion and debate,” he insisted.

I do believe that the learned Judge has a point. So,if a suggestion box is called for and we’re aiming for a nostalgia trip, let’s start it off here and now:

1. On the basis that Parenting Information Sessions are being increasingly embraced, let’s add to them with defaulting parents being asked to do detention and copy out “lines” from their last session.


2. If the excuse used for a lack of contact relates to the child suffering from a cough, cold or other minor ailment, three spoonfuls of cod liver oil sounds like an appropriate remedy; for the parent that is and not for the child who will of course have made a miraculous recovery, once the due hour for collection has passed.


3. If men in suits, or even Judges’ robes aren’t deemed frightening enough, let’s add open court hearings with a baying public gallery, horsehair wigs and even gavels for sound effects.


4. Oh and what about throwing away the cushioned seats and bringing back all those hard wooden benches that used to adorn our courts? Especially useful if we return to waiting 3 or 4 hours for a case to be called.


5. Scope for deportation to one of our former foreign colonies on the other side of the world? Maybe not, after all the line will have to be drawn somewhere.
   

WHICH COUNTRY?

• In which country do at least 1 in 4 women experience domestic abuse in their lifetime?


• In which country do almost 1 in 5 women experience sexual assault in their lifetime?


• In which country do 1 in 5 women experience being stalked in their lifetime?


• In which country have some 66,000 women had their genitals mutilated?

Sadly the answer is the UK, according to data collected.

Today was prescribed as International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. Theresa May, the Home Secretary, took the opportunity to confirm that £28 million for frontline support services will be protected for 4 years as she confirmed a cross-government commitment to end violence against women and girls. The Government also announced that Domestic Violence Protection Orders will be introduced next year when police forces in Greater Manchester, West Mercia and Wiltshire will pilot powers to protect victims after an attack where there is potentially insufficient evidence to prosecute. They will be able to exclude an alleged perpetrator from the home for 48 hours (sufficient time to allow the victim to obtain an injunction if necessary) with scope to go to court for an extension of up to 28 days.

Small steps perhaps, but they are in the right direction.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING

Guess what? Christmas is coming again! How on earth have I sussed out this amazing fact before anyone else? It must be something to do with being a divorce lawyer I guess and not at all because of the tinsel and flashing lights that have begun to adorn Darlington not to mention the Santa Clauses in the shop windows. Sadly it’s that time of year when solicitors’ offices are besieged by enquiries from estranged parents about Christmas contact. It may shortly be the season of goodwill but there’s a surfeit of malice and vindictiveness in the air when one parent seeks to deny the other contact with their children without good cause. Contact with both parents is the right of every child and it should only be curtailed or severed where, in the most serious of circumstances, this is necessary to protect the child. How many times do we hear people say Christmas is for the children? So come on let’s all have a very happy yuletide, stop the bickering and let them enjoy quality time with each of you.

Divorce Advice And Tips

Divorce is a very stressful process. It is necessary to successfully deal with it and also survive this process carefully. Hence it is necessary to prepare in advance and also seek the necessary advice and tips for divorce. So, here are some divorce tips and advice which would help you to deal effectively with divorce.

Divorce advice and tips are as follows:

Divorce results in many negative emotions and also increases stress. So, it is necessary to deal with this stress by paying attention to your emotional needs. This can be easily done by involving oneself in developing any hobbies or any other activities such as reading books or discussing your feelings with your close friends.

You should keep yourself active and remain physically fit. Take a balanced diet, regular exercises and proper sleep will help you to remain healthy and deal with the stress of divorce. Avoid making any hasty decisions, you should carefully think about the consequences before opting for it.

Meet people, socialize with them, make new friends all these will help you to relieve the stress of divorce. Avoid isolating yourself as it may result in depression. There are many books, websites and counselors who will provide the divorce advice and help you to cope up with the situation.

You can start planning for the future. This planning is the main component for the healing process. Prepare for your future finances. It is also necessary to make your finances secure once you have finalized your decision for filing divorce papers by closing all the joint accounts. Start another individual account. Collect all the important documents and make photocopies of these documents.

If children are involved, focus on their needs; help them to deal with the situation. Children might feel themselves responsible for the breakup. Help them to cope up with these negative feelings and its effects.

It is not an easy task to deal with divorce. It is has a long term effect on you. Thus, with the help of divorce rights & advice for divorce, it is very easy to deal with it.

DING DONG THE BELLS BEGIN TO CHIME

It’s a sign of our cynical times I suppose but no sooner is the engagement announced than I receive a call asking if I will pop into the local radio station on my way home from work and make a comment or two. It’s a strange request of a divorce lawyer.

“Will it be good for business?” No, I can’t have heard correctly. Does the presenter think I’m actually a man of the cloth licensed to undertake wedding ceremonies or is she anticipating that a swift divorce will follow the happy nuptials? Will Prince William and Kate Middleton (no relation) set a trend and will more happy Darlington couples follow suit only to land at my doorstep in a few years time?

Nobody goes into marriage thinking it will end and if anyone hedges their bets believing that if it doesn’t work out they can get a divorce easily, they will be disappointed. Divorce is amongst the most traumatic events you can endure and is only for those for whom there is no alternative. Far better, as I know my clients have done, to work hard at your marriage and try your best to save it. At the point of no hope my doorstep is there but it is very much a last resort.

P.S. The presenter was actually alluding to pre-nuptial agreements.

A PYRRHIC VICTORY

So the Law Society’s victory in the courts against the Legal Services Commission a few weeks ago was a Pyrrhic victory. The LSC as you will recall had sought to cut dramatically the number of solicitors’ firms offering a family law legal aid service. Its action was rendered unlawful and in the interests of access to justice was reversed. However, today proposals announced by the Lord Chancellor Ken Clarke once again put thousands of vulnerable people at risk and deny justice to countless families, as Resolution has warned.

The proposals mean that the only private law family cases that will still get legal aid for court are domestic violence or forced marriage proceedings. The only option available to separating couples going through divorce or separation will be to attend mediation, which does not work for every family, or to represent themselves.

David Allison, Resolution chair said: “Families need legal aid for a whole range of reasons. Suggesting, as these proposals do, that couples in dispute about contact arrangements for children or financial issues are simply wasting taxpayers’ money by unnecessary squabbling ignores the reality that 90% of couples already reach agreement outside of court. Those that do need legal aid usually do so for good reason – intimidation by one partner over another, or an imbalance of financial power in the relationship. Resolving a financial dispute through legal aid can prevent a vulnerable spouse from becoming dependent on the state.”

David Allison continued: “We are deeply worried that mediation is being seen as a universal panacea. Whilst mediation has a real and useful role to play there are real dangers in this approach, which ignores the range of non-court options. Family disputes are complex. There cannot and must not be a one size fits all approach.”

RUB A DUB, DUB

On Friday a judgment was handed down by The Honourable Mr Justice Moylan in the High Court in which he carefully analysed the evidential value of hair-strand testing for alcohol. “While hair analysis for the use of drugs other than alcohol has been used for many years, hair testing specifically for alcohol use is a relatively recent and developing science, at least in the field of forensic toxicology,” he said. “It is clearly particularly important when new scientific tests are being used for forensic purposes that they have a sound basis which makes it appropriate for the results to be used in court proceedings and which is sufficiently explained so that the court and the parties have a full understanding of the evidential basis both of the tests themselves and of any opinions based on the interpretation of the results of such tests.”

The tests have been designed to establish a pattern of drinking over a period of time but are not conclusive because ethanol is present in all hair, even that of teetotallers. Indeed traces can be the product of the environment, or the body’s metabolism and can result therefore from certain foods and cosmetics.

All of which reminds me of a case I was involved in once upon a time when Mrs Hardened Drinker’s contact with her children was severely limited because of allegations that they were at risk in her care. Hair strand testing was suggested by her husband’s lawyer as a means of satisfying both her husband and the court that, contrary to his client’s assertions that she even kept a stash of beer and brandy in the bathroom cabinet, she was not an alcoholic. Mrs Hardened Drinker was keen to prove her innocence and readily admitted the store of alcohol in the bathroom claiming not that it was medicinal, but that she used it to wash her hair. I have to admit that whilst she had a tendency to sway and slur her words when she came to see me, her hair was always glossy.

Inevitably hair-strand testing was deemed unlikely to be conclusive in the circumstances and much to Mrs HD’s chagrin she was asked to take a series of blood and urine tests instead. When the results were known, she was again able to explain them with reference to her bathing techniques. Apparently she didn’t just wash her hair in an alcoholic cocktail, but was accustomed to filling the bath with the beer and liquor before lying back to gloss her hair and occasionally and accidentally swallowing some of the alcohol that surrounded her. It was unfortunately clear from the results of those tests that she must have been taking more than the odd sly sip.

ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE AND CHATTEL SHARES

This week a large part of my spare time has been spent making inventories of house contents for a property that I am involved in the letting of. It’s a tedious task, especially when you get down to the minutiae of the cutlery and lamp shades; it is however a job that many separating couples have to undertake before determining a split of their possessions. However making a list is only the beginning; next, one has to agree the division. During my time as a family lawyer, I have come across various bizarre proposals for the division of chattels including the notorious physical and equal division of everything, with the use of a saw of course. It’s not to be recommended and anyone going down that route can find themselves severely penalised when it comes to dividing the proceeds from the house sale or cash at the bank.

Less commonly, however, I recall the couple who once upon a time agreed that one would have the contents upstairs and the other those from downstairs. There was a certain logic to this in that both were surveyors and agreed that the floor areas up and down were identical. Their solution was, however flawed when they couldn’t actually agree on who would have which floor.

Then once upon a time there was the occasion when a Judge suggested to my client that she prepare two lists of contents, one for each of them. One might have expected the client to unduly weight one list in her favour but the Judge stalled this by indicating that the each list should be put in a separate unmarked envelope and then drawn as if from a bran tub with neither husband nor wife knowing which list they would get!

More frequently there is the regular threat by the court that if the couple can’t agree then everything must be sold and the proceeds divided between them. With second-hand goods selling for a fraction of new, that has to be an incentive for commonsense to prevail. After all chattels are just that, only things.

ROTTWEILER'S REVENGE

Not uncommonly, and as a result of a relationship breakdown, the house which a couple own and occupy together can become empty as both decide to go their separate ways and for whatever reason neither continues to live in the home pending its sale. Whilst the lawyers will invariably become involved in ensuring agreement as to how the bills are paid, one thing over which they have no control is the ongoing issue of buildings’ insurance. Although most insurers will continue to insure a property, the perils covered by the policy after a property has been vacant for a set period (commonly 30 days) reduce. Unfortunately not every couple is aware of this dramatic change in risk.

Once upon a time I advised a client working abroad for 6 months a year to check the small print of his house insurance policy after his wife vacated the house owned solely in his name. “It’s fine,” he told me, “If the in-laws torch it, throw objects at it from passing aircraft, or ask Thor to hurl thunderbolts at it, I’m covered. If they try to break in and cause malicious damage I’ve got a great big Rottweiler living there and it’s going to be hungry if I’m only home twice a year to feed it!”

TO PAINT OR PAPER?

I took a few days away from work this week to keep Little Girl company during her half term holiday and ended up decorating. It had never occurred to me before though how much our house walls are like personal relationships. As cracks revealed themselves, there was the ongoing dilemma of how best to deal with them. Do you paper over and hope nothing untoward will happen? Do you ignore them, slap on the paint regardless and trust nobody will notice? Do you reach for help in the form of filler, sand down and hopefully produce a smooth and perfect result? Whichever route you choose, will they reappear and after how long?

ONE OF THOSE DAYS

Ever had one of those days when you don’t know whether to laugh or cry and end up doing both anyway? Well yesterday was one of those. First the Chancellor told the nation about the drastic public sector cuts that are going to take place, including 23% at the Ministry of Justice, presumably hitting courts still harder. Then the Supreme Court took the opportunity to confirm that there is indeed a place for pre-nuptial agreements in English law and perhaps the budget cuts and the need to use those hard-pressed court services didn’t seem as bad; well at least there was an alternative. Indeed in the Press Release it issued today, Resolution, which has been campaigning for pre-nuptial agreements to be made enforceable, said:

"This judgment is a major step forward. We know that financial uncertainty is one of the most stressful elements of any divorce, and a pre-nuptial agreement can be a useful tool for couples wishing to reduce this uncertainty.

However, until now the enforceability of pre-nups has been very uncertain because they were seen as contrary to public policy and an attempt to override divorce laws. That principle has been swept away by yesterday’s judgment, which paves the way for these agreements to become more mainstream and less the preserve of the rich and famous.

With second marriages on the rise, people marrying later, and many couples entering marriage with money and property already to their name, it is likely that there will be more and more demand for pre-nuptial agreements. This much-needed judgment clarifies their status and is a victory for fairness and common sense.

The judgment is clear that pre-nuptial agreements are presumed to be enforceable except where they lead to unfair outcomes. Any arguments about unfairness are to be left to the courts to decide.”

H2O

“Drip, drip, drip it’s like living with a leaking tap,” he said, “Constantly nagging; years and years I’ve put up with it. It never stops, constantly wearing you down. Oh well at least it never kills. Water can’t do that to you.”

Except it can. It is estimated that there are nearly a billion people without access to clean, safe water on this planet. So great is the scale of the problem that in July the United Nations declared clean water and sanitation a basic human right. No wonder when approximately 48,000 people a week die from diseases transmitted in contaminated water or unsanitary conditions.

Those figures certainly put divorce in perspective

CONDEMNED

After tonight’s headlines to the effect that student tuition fees could rise to £7,000 per annum, I wonder how many students regret that day in May when they cast their vote in favour of the Liberal Democrats. Weren’t they promising to abolish tuition fees altogether? Funny how once in power policies can change. It’s what’s commonly known as betrayal and somehow we accept that it’s what politicians do.

The closer to home however that trust is betrayed, the less accepting we are of it and the greater the emotional effect upon us. Friends and work colleagues stab us in the back and misery ensues. When spouses or partners leave to set up home with another person, emotions run riot. As William Congreve wrote: “Hell has no rage like love to hatred turned. Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.”

Just like the about-turn on university tuition fees, the ones who suffer are the next generation; those who were too young to cast a vote at the ballot-box or have a say when their parents broke up in anger and torment. They are the ones who will pay the price and, if the government implements this recommendation as appears likely, the ones who have been ConDemned.

ACCESS TO JUSTICE

Access to justice is fundamental to any civilised society. Recently however we had the absurd situation where the Law Society had to take the Community Legal Service to Court for a review of its tendering process for legal aid in circumstances where and by severely cutting the number of law firms that could offer a legal aid service, access to legal advice and representatives was crudely reduced. Although the Law Society won that round, we now hear rumours that legal aid will potentially no longer be available for many family cases and only on Thursday the Justice Minister, Jonathan Djangoly, indicated on the radio that people in family breakdowns are using court too often and that the Government is determined to look at this, with mediation being viewed as a positive alternative.

Of course lawyers came in for criticism, being blamed as lacking knowledge of the mediation process. Well I have news for Mr Djangoly, many lawyers, myself included, have trained as mediators and collaborative lawyers and invariably promote these methods as alternatives to traditional negotiation techniques or litigation. In my experience and for good reason not every client wants to go down those routes and without a commitment to the process neither mediation nor collaboration will succeed. However, just because those options are repudiated, doesn’t mean that everyone wants to go to court. In fact I would struggle to think of any client for whom the issue of court proceedings has been anything other than a last resort. Experienced family lawyers will always endeavour to encourage clients to settle disputes by whatever method is the most appropriate for their circumstances and, more than anyone, are fully aware of the cost and trauma that court proceedings can inflict.

HARVEST HOME

Although I once again followed a tractor travelling at snail’s pace into work this morning, it is evident that harvest time is drawing to a close. The beans in my garden have reached their end turning bitter and stringy, the last of the broccoli has gone to seed and I’ve brought my own harvest in by digging up all our potatoes. In doing so I disturbed a black toad buried beneath the soil surface. I was so surprised that I actually let out a squeal of astonishment; it wasn’t what I was expecting at all. Worst still he just dug a deeper hole for himself as, cowering coward that he was, he continued to lie in the same place. Sounds familiar? How many have been surprised by the unexpected actions of their partner only to find that he or she tries to lie their way out of the situation? One lie leads to another and the hole gets deeper and deeper. Moreover, once trust has been destroyed in that way, it is rarely easily rebuilt. Now I realise why I have had so many clients who have referred to their estranged spouse as a "toad".

A HAND IN SUPPORT

At the weekend I watched a bird of prey demonstration. Apparently Bengal Eagle Owls like to live in pairs and the female pictured above was rescued from a poor home to enjoy domestic bliss with a male counterpart, who had always enjoyed a somewhat pampered life. Needless to say they had a series of marital tiffs resulting in a separation and the female ending up working for a living. It was with something of a sense of déjà vue that my hand was therefore sought for support during the course of the display of her hunting abilities!

October 12.....


When the new No Fault law kicks in on October 12th there will be rejoicing in the streets.....NOT. The new law has come out for those practitioners to review and it is filled with ambiguity and rules open to some pretty intense interpretation.  As it stands now judges on the bench don't always agree with the ways in which equitable distribution is plays out in their courtroom and that law has been in effect since 1985.  It will be foolish to think that this new law with all its bells and whistles will have a shot of being the effective tool which would speed divorces along in the system it is being touted to be.

Everything will need to be tested. All aspects of it will be challenged. The only good news is that Fault will be one less thing which will be litigated, but it will not be replaces by a more convoluted maintenance system...formally known as alimony.

Maybe more attorneys will get paid for their services, that would be a good thing.  Or maybe we will just have more judgements out there against litigants who still can't pay....that would be a horrible thing.

Change is always scary and litigants and no one can predict with any great accuracy to a litigant where they will fall under this new law. To be sure it tends to favor the non monied spouse, but since the one with the money usually possess most of the power, I am reluctant to say that without funds a litigant will be on equal footing with a partner who has access to funds.

It's been a busy fall as usual, relationships that have held together during the summer vacation times are apt to come apart once the routines of school and life settle upon them again.

We will work through this process as we work through everything else, and those who are miserable should not be deterred from trying to give themselves a better life. As miserable as divorce litigation is, the alternative is much worse. Quality of life must be weighed...and a decision must be made based not on the new laws that are out there but on the value one places on peace, and happiness....life really is short....can I interest you in a cheeseburger in paradise?

October 12.....


When the new No Fault law kicks in on October 12th there will be rejoicing in the streets.....NOT. The new law has come out for those practitioners to review and it is filled with ambiguity and rules open to some pretty intense interpretation.  As it stands now judges on the bench don't always agree with the ways in which equitable distribution is plays out in their courtroom and that law has been in effect since 1985.  It will be foolish to think that this new law with all its bells and whistles will have a shot of being the effective tool which would speed divorces along in the system it is being touted to be.

Everything will need to be tested. All aspects of it will be challenged. The only good news is that Fault will be one less thing which will be litigated, but it will not be replaces by a more convoluted maintenance system...formally known as alimony.

Maybe more attorneys will get paid for their services, that would be a good thing.  Or maybe we will just have more judgements out there against litigants who still can't pay....that would be a horrible thing.

Change is always scary and litigants and no one can predict with any great accuracy to a litigant where they will fall under this new law. To be sure it tends to favor the non monied spouse, but since the one with the money usually possess most of the power, I am reluctant to say that without funds a litigant will be on equal footing with a partner who has access to funds.

It's been a busy fall as usual, relationships that have held together during the summer vacation times are apt to come apart once the routines of school and life settle upon them again.

We will work through this process as we work through everything else, and those who are miserable should not be deterred from trying to give themselves a better life. As miserable as divorce litigation is, the alternative is much worse. Quality of life must be weighed...and a decision must be made based not on the new laws that are out there but on the value one places on peace, and happiness....life really is short....can I interest you in a cheeseburger in paradise?

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AN ASSAULT

Having discovered early in life that I suffer from disco leg, I don’t rock-climb (nor indeed dance for that matter) preferring to leave the ropes, shackles and vertical ascents to Outdoor and Apprentice Men, joined on the occasional foray by Little Girl. I do however regularly skim books and magazines on the subject when the others leave them within reach. Whilst away in the Lake District recently I, therefore, found myself reading about climbing routes on Pavey Ark. It became apparent that as new routes are discovered they are given more and more flamboyant names, but one I really have to take issue with, Extreme 4 or not, is Assault and Matrimony. Whatever could have been going through the minds of those original climbers? Assault is a criminal offence and coupled with matrimony is domestic violence as well. Maybe they could think about calling the next one Assault Me Divorce You.

CROSSWORDS

I really do enjoy crosswords. Not those that sometimes pass between my clients and their estranged spouses but as in word games and puzzles. With that in mind let me give you two clues which I think are particularly appropriate for this blog:
1. One is apart (anagram) when marriage breaks down.
2. Death or award, on termination of marriage.

STRESSFUL TIMES

I’m told that going on holiday ranks amongst life’s top ten stressful events. Yes, that choking, stifling panic that sets in affects millions of us as the big departure day approaches. In my case, with three weeks between a wet week sailing in Scottish waters and a damp week walking in the Lake District, I suppose I should know. Indeed it probably manifested itself with “blog-block” and hence the paucity of entries here last month. However if you did suffer from stress as you prepared for your annual vacation remember that it still ranks below moving home or child-birth and doesn’t even begin to compare with divorce which occupies one of the highest rankings.

Was there ever a time when human life was stress-free? I guess not. Whilst stone-age hunter gatherers may not have had blogs to write or divorce to contend with, the fear of being clubbed over the head and dragged across the plain by one’s hair must have loomed large; that and being trampled by a woolly mammoth.

GAME ON!

The Governor has signed the new No Fault bill and now on October 12, 2010 the bill we all fear will change the face of matrimonial practice will be law.

What does it mean?   Isn't No Fault a good thing?

Yes the no fault provision is a good thing and it is finally time that the legislature passed this very civil way of ending divorce lititgation. However, the two main lobby groups who opposed No Fault all these years screamed that the non-monied spouse will no longer have any leverage in a divorce battle if No Fault is taken off the table. Hence the geniuses  who drafted the bill sought to equalize the playing field by now imposing a brand new set of guidelines...(not really guidelines....but requirements) imposed upon the litigants and the judges rules which need to be followed for maintenance (aka alimony) and attorneys fees.

Wherein under the old laws both of these items were negotiable and discretionary with the judge, the law now requires judges to follow the state mandated guidelines without input much the same way child support is now handled.

While these lobbiest's cheer and applaud what they fail to take into account that those with the cash will now fight even harder and longer and in the end may wind up not agreeing to anything....sure they will pay...but most of the litigation will suck up the marital assets because at least here on Long Island there aren't a lot of millionaires getting divorced.  Most couples own a home, have a pension and if they are lucky a small savings.  All are subject to loss in a lengthy litigation.

So congratulations NOW.  Congratulations the Catholic Council...you certainly have succeeded in getting your voices heard.  Let's see how long it takes the litigants involved to now turn on you for your short sightedness.....Once upon a time there was a council put together of matrimonial attorneys who gave their opinion to the then head judge Judith Kaye on how to reform divorce litigation in NY.  She listened and then ignored their advice....then it went to the politicians to fix and we all know what happens when the government attempts to regulate anything......so let the games begin.

GAME ON!

The Governor has signed the new No Fault bill and now on October 12, 2010 the bill we all fear will change the face of matrimonial practice will be law.

What does it mean?   Isn't No Fault a good thing?

Yes the no fault provision is a good thing and it is finally time that the legislature passed this very civil way of ending divorce lititgation. However, the two main lobby groups who opposed No Fault all these years screamed that the non-monied spouse will no longer have any leverage in a divorce battle if No Fault is taken off the table. Hence the geniuses  who drafted the bill sought to equalize the playing field by now imposing a brand new set of guidelines...(not really guidelines....but requirements) imposed upon the litigants and the judges rules which need to be followed for maintenance (aka alimony) and attorneys fees.

Wherein under the old laws both of these items were negotiable and discretionary with the judge, the law now requires judges to follow the state mandated guidelines without input much the same way child support is now handled.

While these lobbiest's cheer and applaud what they fail to take into account that those with the cash will now fight even harder and longer and in the end may wind up not agreeing to anything....sure they will pay...but most of the litigation will suck up the marital assets because at least here on Long Island there aren't a lot of millionaires getting divorced.  Most couples own a home, have a pension and if they are lucky a small savings.  All are subject to loss in a lengthy litigation.

So congratulations NOW.  Congratulations the Catholic Council...you certainly have succeeded in getting your voices heard.  Let's see how long it takes the litigants involved to now turn on you for your short sightedness.....Once upon a time there was a council put together of matrimonial attorneys who gave their opinion to the then head judge Judith Kaye on how to reform divorce litigation in NY.  She listened and then ignored their advice....then it went to the politicians to fix and we all know what happens when the government attempts to regulate anything......so let the games begin.

T SHIRT SLOGAN

Seen on a T Shirt in Whitby today:
“The longest English sentence:- ‘ I do.’”

AVENGED

Last week sailing through the Sound of Mull to Tobermory, we passed Duart Castle. There, in the sixteenth century when only English kings divorced, and believing his marriage to be a disaster, Lachlan Cattanach, the Maclean chieftain, ordered his wife to be tied at low water to a rock which dries out. As the tide came in, he left her to drown and then sent a message to her brother, the Earl of Argyll, telling him of their sorrowful loss. The Earl sent a message back offering his commiserations and inviting Lachlan to visit and dine with him. Touched by his brother in law’s empathy, Lachlan accepted. When he entered the dining hall, however, who should be sitting next to the Earl of Argyll but his wife! She had been fortuitously rescued by passing fishermen.

According to the story nothing was said and the meal passed pleasantly. Indeed Lachlan was even allowed to leave at the end of it.

Revenge, it is said, can take a long time coming. In Lachlan’s case it took some 30 years, before he was found murdered in his bed!