STARTED EARLY TOOK MY DOG

“Started Early, Took My Dog,” is the name of a book by Kate Atkinson. Little Girl gave me a copy for my birthday. It’s currently in the bestsellers’ list but I wasn’t sure what to expect.

Innumerable times during my practising life, I have been told that “the lesser half took the dog out for a morning walk and did not return.” I have known clients report the dog missing but rarely their absent spouse. The alleged dog thief usually resurfaces quickly anyway claiming ownership of the animal, if on no other basis than “possession is nine tenths of the law.”

They are never easy cases to resolve. Both parties declare affection for the pet that is way above anything they claim to have felt for the other. The courts don’t want to know and neither wishes to mediate, let alone consider buying a puppy substitute. Sadly such disputes can go unresolved and rarely to the satisfaction of both of the dog-lovers. Unfortunately, and many canine aficionados find it hard to comprehend, but our laws on contact, residence and parental responsibility do relate solely to children.

As for the book itself, it’s actually a well-written detective story set in modern day Leeds with flashbacks to the 1970’s (ah yes an era I recall well). It had little to do with divorce, of course, except for the title!

MOTHER'S DAY

Mother’s Day here in the UK today and another date on the calendar for arguing about who should have the children. Mum of course needs to see them because it’s important to her on this the most special of days and, no matter that the children may have been under her feet all week, it’s time for Sunday lunch together which, of course, she will have to cook. Dad of course claims it’s his day for contact and anyway the children have always seen his own Mum, their grandmother, on this red letter day and it’s important now they’re separated to keep some normality going for the sake of the kids.

Envy instead the family where, despite everything, Dad insists they spend time with Mum. She agreed he should see them yesterday whatever and he made a detour to a garden centre with the children to pick up flowers for them to give her. She may be his ex-wife but the children still love her and he’s determined that they show her respect. Maybe she’ll reciprocate when Father’s Day comes round in June. If not, hey ho, he’s at least kept his dignity, as well as the moral high ground.

ALL RISE

Mr Justice Coleridge made a speech this morning to the Association of Lawyers for Children. In it he expressed his concern that there is a creeping tendency towards disrespect for court orders in family proceedings especially in so far as they relate to contact with children. As we might expect from Mr Justice Coleridge he wasn’t shy in putting forward innovative solutions to this disturbing trend. Whilst Judges re-donning their robes might sound like a backwards step and removing carpets and houseplants from courtrooms would suggest he hasn’t visited my local County Court, his “three breaches and the child transfers place of residence” could have a certain resonance. He also criticised the extent to which the wishes and feelings of the children themselves are taken into account reminding the audience that the court, not the child, must make the decision.

“Times demand more open discussion and debate,” he insisted.

I do believe that the learned Judge has a point. So,if a suggestion box is called for and we’re aiming for a nostalgia trip, let’s start it off here and now:

1. On the basis that Parenting Information Sessions are being increasingly embraced, let’s add to them with defaulting parents being asked to do detention and copy out “lines” from their last session.


2. If the excuse used for a lack of contact relates to the child suffering from a cough, cold or other minor ailment, three spoonfuls of cod liver oil sounds like an appropriate remedy; for the parent that is and not for the child who will of course have made a miraculous recovery, once the due hour for collection has passed.


3. If men in suits, or even Judges’ robes aren’t deemed frightening enough, let’s add open court hearings with a baying public gallery, horsehair wigs and even gavels for sound effects.


4. Oh and what about throwing away the cushioned seats and bringing back all those hard wooden benches that used to adorn our courts? Especially useful if we return to waiting 3 or 4 hours for a case to be called.


5. Scope for deportation to one of our former foreign colonies on the other side of the world? Maybe not, after all the line will have to be drawn somewhere.
   

RUB A DUB, DUB

On Friday a judgment was handed down by The Honourable Mr Justice Moylan in the High Court in which he carefully analysed the evidential value of hair-strand testing for alcohol. “While hair analysis for the use of drugs other than alcohol has been used for many years, hair testing specifically for alcohol use is a relatively recent and developing science, at least in the field of forensic toxicology,” he said. “It is clearly particularly important when new scientific tests are being used for forensic purposes that they have a sound basis which makes it appropriate for the results to be used in court proceedings and which is sufficiently explained so that the court and the parties have a full understanding of the evidential basis both of the tests themselves and of any opinions based on the interpretation of the results of such tests.”

The tests have been designed to establish a pattern of drinking over a period of time but are not conclusive because ethanol is present in all hair, even that of teetotallers. Indeed traces can be the product of the environment, or the body’s metabolism and can result therefore from certain foods and cosmetics.

All of which reminds me of a case I was involved in once upon a time when Mrs Hardened Drinker’s contact with her children was severely limited because of allegations that they were at risk in her care. Hair strand testing was suggested by her husband’s lawyer as a means of satisfying both her husband and the court that, contrary to his client’s assertions that she even kept a stash of beer and brandy in the bathroom cabinet, she was not an alcoholic. Mrs Hardened Drinker was keen to prove her innocence and readily admitted the store of alcohol in the bathroom claiming not that it was medicinal, but that she used it to wash her hair. I have to admit that whilst she had a tendency to sway and slur her words when she came to see me, her hair was always glossy.

Inevitably hair-strand testing was deemed unlikely to be conclusive in the circumstances and much to Mrs HD’s chagrin she was asked to take a series of blood and urine tests instead. When the results were known, she was again able to explain them with reference to her bathing techniques. Apparently she didn’t just wash her hair in an alcoholic cocktail, but was accustomed to filling the bath with the beer and liquor before lying back to gloss her hair and occasionally and accidentally swallowing some of the alcohol that surrounded her. It was unfortunately clear from the results of those tests that she must have been taking more than the odd sly sip.

MEET THE CHILDREN

Guidelines for judges meeting children in family proceedings were issued last month. Reading them, I have to acknowledge how much more sophisticated proceedings are now than when, once upon a time and more years ago than I can properly remember, I first started to frequent court as an eager trainee. I do recall, however, one instance when a senior Judge insisted on seeing a young child alone in a dispute over custody. Both parents were claiming that the child wanted to live with them to the exclusion of the other and, the child having lived happily with the mother for several years, the Judge was determined to get to the bottom of the father’s claim that she had changed her mind. The meeting took place in the Judge’s Chambers in private with a Court Welfare Officer present. In due course the Judge emerged and triumphantly declared that he had solved the puzzle and the child would not be changing homes. It seemed that her father had attempted to bribe her with the promise of a holiday in the exotic location of Skegness, if she moved to live with him.

Of concern at the time, however, was then whether or not the child was scarred by her experience of seeing the Judge. Not at all. She was overheard giggling with delight at seeing Father Christmas in November rather than December, though she did ask her mother if he always wore black and purple rather than red when he wasn’t riding in his sleigh!

MATCHMAKING

One of the organisations I am involved with has iron railings that are badly in need of painting. New laws may mean that absent parents who default in the payment of child support maintenance or parents with care who breach orders imposing contact arrangements could find themselves doing unpaid community work in the future. Maybe there’s some scope for matchmaking here!

UNSUNG HEROES

On Thursday evening I attended the region’s Charity Awards, when the unsung heroes from Durham and Tees Valley were recognised for their contributions and we were entertained by children from a local dance and drama organisation.

In cases of family breakdown, it can often be the children themselves who are the unsung heroes of drama. Despite their tender years they begin to move from one to another with all the skills of UN peace envoys as they negotiate, manipulate and barter. Regrettably there are times when they can appear to show the strains of conflict and I recall a time when parents with care would regularly raise the issue of bed-wetting after a contact visit as a potential reason for stopping such. “Sounds like we can deal with that with rubber sheets and some judicious parental encouragement,” one of our local District Judges would remark.

All of which reminds me of a second awards evening that I also attended recently. This time it was to recognise teenage sporting achievements. Fittingly the certificates were presented by Jo Jackson, an Olympic bronze medal winner from North Yorkshire, who had claimed her victory at Beijing in the swimming pool. The Master of Ceremonies couldn’t resist telling the audience that he too had learned to swim at an early age, although not apparently through choice. He claimed that he had shared a bed with his older brothers, all of whom would wet the bed, causing him to wake up in the deep end!

A MAN'S BEST FRIEND IS HIS DOG

A man’s best friend is his dog and his wife’s too, or so it seems in some divorce cases.

Once upon a time I was acting for a very intelligent lady: from memory I recall that she was a chartered accountant who continued in occupation of the marital home, a large house in the country. Her husband, whom I assume to have been equally talented, had left and was occupying a flat in the city. During their 10 year marriage they had acquired a somewhat lively golden labrador by the name of Bonzo. In the absence of any children, Bonzo had been clearly treated as a child substitute. He had a special place in both of their hearts, to the extent that upon separation they agreed to share his care. The correspondence in which I became involved went along the lines of:

In future could you please ensure that Bonzo is returned with the same collar and lead as he had when he went to your client?

It is becoming apparent from the state of his fur that, whilst in your client’s care, Bonzo is not being fed the premium dog food to which he is accustomed and it is understood that he may even have been given titbits from the table

Bonzo is a highly strung animal and does not take lightly to strangers, please therefore ensure that he is not introduced and on no account left alone with your client’s new partner.

During contact with your client it is evident that Bonzo is being over stimulated to the extent that when he returns to our client’s home he does not settle down in his basket in the kitchen but insists on sleeping on our client’s bed suggesting that your client may have erred in sticking to the strict rules agreed for his upbringing.

Last week your client failed to advise our client of her intention to take Bonzo to Scotland. It is important that our client is aware of Bonzo’s whereabouts at all times.

If your client insists on walking Bonzo close to traffic, then he must be vigilant in watching him and ensure that he keeps a tight hold of his lead. Reports that he was seen playing chicken with motor vehicles on the nearby dual carriageway on Sunday are most distressing.

Our client has invested in an insurance policy for Bonzo protecting against vet’s fees. Please ensure that your client pays half.

So it went on..

I like to believe that Bonzo matured into a gentle animal with a special spot before two fireplaces, but I’m not too sure.

PUT KIDS FIRST FOR HAPPY SUMMER HOLS

Plan early and put the kids first. That’s the advice for separated families this summer from Resolution, which says that thousands of children’s summer holidays are ruined each year by warring parents.

For some people, the idea of two summer holidays might seem like a dream come true, but the reality for separated families is often very different.

Putting the children first is the key to happy summer holidays.

Family holidays - whichever parent they are spent with - should be something to look forward to, but for children caught in the crossfire between separated parents who can’t agree on who takes the kids where, summer fun can quickly turn into summer misery.

Resolution has the following advice to help separated couples make summer holidays a success:

• Make your holiday plans early to avoid clashes, arguments and upset later.



• You may no longer be together but you are both still parents and should think about your children’s needs first. Talk about arrangements together, with a view to sharing both the pleasure and the responsibility.



• Don’t ask your children to choose between you. This risks putting the responsibility on them when the adults should make these difficult decisions.



• Do allow children to express opinions about how they want to spend their holidays and listen to their views without putting pressure on them. When you’ve made the decision, explain it to them so they know what’s going to happen.
  Do make sure your children also have an opportunity to spend time with their friends over the holidays.



• Don’t make it a ‘who can book the best holiday’ competition between you and your ex. The likelihood is that what your children will want most of all is an opportunity to spend some time with each parent.