IT'S CRACKERS

A hint of a thaw in the air today and despite the piles of snow along the paths, the streets of Darlington were again full, as shoppers browsed at a Christmas market. There seemed to be a roaring trade in boxes of Christmas Crackers. I do think “crackers” is a lovely word with its various connotations verging from biscuits to bonkers.

“I used to be ‘crackers’ about her”, clients will tell me, as I take instructions for the first time. “Now I just think I’m cracking up.”

Crisp and crackly and in the case of the humble Christmas cracker related to the firework version of the same name. In fact so close in genetic make-up that I understand that, as result of recent European regulations, the boxes I saw being sold can only be bought by those over sixteen! Crackers or what?

TILL DEATH US DO PART

I know this is supposed to be a blog about divorce but that has to allow me to talk about marriage from time to time doesn’t it? I hope so because I just wanted to highlight the sad news reported by the BBC today that one half of Britain’s longest married couple has died. Frank and Anita Milford (both 101 this year) met at a YMCA dance and married 2 years later in 1928. When they were interviewed in 2007, at the time of their 79th wedding anniversary, they attributed the longevity of their marriage to being prepared to “give and take.”

Strangely, that’s also how some divorcees describe the outcome of their divorce settlements: “I gave and she took.”

That’s not what the Milfords meant, of course, and I hope that their sentiments have inspired and helped many other couples with their relationships. I would also wish to express my sincere condolences to Mrs Mitford and the couple’s family at this time of mourning.

A HAMMY TRIAL

Today in Great Dunmow, Essex an historic competition took place to find the happiest married couple. Known as the Dunmow Flitch Trial and dating back to 1104, the event takes place every 4 years. Entrants have to convince the jury that in a year and a day they have not wished themselves unwed. The winners are rewarded with a flitch of bacon (otherwise known as a half pig), whilst runners up make do with a joint of gammon. It must be the only set of proceedings involving couples where the aim is to show how much you love each other rather than to seek a divorce.

ROMEO ET JULIETTE

On Tuesday evening I went to the theatre in the company of other family lawyers to see a performance of the opera Romeo et Juliette in French. It was a compelling production, with a monochrome background and costumes broken only by the occasional orange orb and patch of green grass. The whole effect was funereal and the experience was one of being submersed in a completely different “art” experience.

The costumes were contemporary and the well-known storyline portrayed a childish and innocent love, moving from Juliette teasing her nanny to asking the first man to smile in her direction to marry her. Love at first sight. Of course as a group of cynical divorce lawyers, we could only anticipate the work that would flood in if everyone behaved in such an impulsive manner. Or would it? Not if, as in this story, it ended with a bottle of poison and a dagger to the stomach, thus ending the lives of both protagonists. It would take William Shakespeare to pen something better, or Mills & Boon!

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

The touring production of Beauty and the Beast is being performed in Darlington this week, so Little Girl and I treated ourselves to a night at the theatre yesterday evening to see it. The title alone could of course, be misconstrued as a nasty divorce case. As everyone will know, the storyline concentrates on not judging by appearances and there being good things inside ugly packages. Mind I couldn’t help wondering if it really did all end happily. Arrogant, selfish Prince, becomes angry selfish Beast, becomes good-looking inevitably still selfish Prince.

“And they both lived happily ever after” is maybe the biggest fairy story of all!

IT'S IN THE STARS

I don’t believe in astrology but can never resist reading my horoscope when I spot it. Today I came across this offering and thought it was worth sharing:

Bring things down to earth today. Get yourself grounded and enjoy the day. You will find that the more you slow down and adopt a caring, sensitive, receptive attitude, the more things will be naturally flowing your way. This is not a day to fight. It is a day to connect with others on a symbiotic level. Nurture yourself and others. Get a massage and snuggle up close to those you love.

Mind if you are inclined to believe in this sort of thing, this example will only work if you are a Pisces.

MOVING IN TOGETHER

The new motor moved in last night. Totally refined, grey, suave and sophisticated. That’s not quite how the sales literature described it but car manufacturers either lack imagination or else don’t write their brochures for middle-aged women.
It arrived complete with a bouquet of flowers on its front seat; this car certainly knows how to treat a girl. It also came with an array of gadgets which I’m sure I’ll be making use of before long.
I confess, and I giggle at the memory, to being locked in a lengthy embrace with its steering wheel immediately we got the opportunity to be alone together.
It has taken up residence in my garage as if it has always belonged there. A little different to what I’ve been used to over the past few years, but we’re working hard at getting our commitment just right. I was a bit peeved that I had to rearrange a few things to accommodate it in a way that suited us both, but we overcame that hurdle with acceptance on my part. After all I was too excited by its arrival to let a few plant pots and garden tools get in the way of the potential for a fulfilling relationship. I just know we’re going to have a long and happy time together.
Please wish us luck.

For the next instalment go to one-good-turn-deserves-another.