What I Miss About Being Married...

I have been divorced for over 3 and 1/2 years and it has been 5 years since the separation. Up until recently I could not think of many things I missed about being married. I certainly did not miss my ex and many of his annoying habits-especially his snoring! I enjoy sleeping alone in my king size bed, being free to do whatever I want and not having answer to anyone. Single life is good. Yet recently I have found myself remembering some of the things about marriage that I do miss.

I miss having a partner there to help with the kids. It is tough having to be both mom and dad, 24/7 and not being able to have someone there to share the burden. I also miss having a husband there to share the financial responsibilities. When you are married and have two incomes coming into the household, it does make life easier.

And as independent as I profess to be, I think I am starting to miss having a life partner who is always there to share in the good times and bad, someone who is not only your spouse but your best friend. I used to think of my ex as my best friend early on in the marriage. It was a wonderful feeling when I felt I could trust him and that he was always going to be there for me.

Even though my ex eventually betrayed my trust, I hope I will someday be able to trust someone like that again. Maybe then I will be ready to give marriage another try. But for now I will remain single and enjoy every minute of it.

Why a "Rebound" Relationship Can Be Good for You...

You have most likely have heard the warnings about the "rebound" man or woman. This is the first person you have a relationship with after your divorce. The typical advice is to take it slow and not get too attached because rebound relationships often do not last.

That may be true and the advice to be careful so that you do not suffer a double blow-first a divorce and then a failed relationship-is sound. But there are benefits to having a rebound relationship after your divorce.

One benefit is the distraction the new relationship provides. You may be still reeling from your divorce and having many issues lingering. Your new relationship provides you with excitement, fun and the thrill of being in love again. These positive emotions can help keep your mind off of the divorce and bring back some joy in your life again.

Another benefit is a boost to your self esteem. If your ex was emotionally abusive or did not pay attention to you and put you down often, having a new lover who showers you with attention and compliments can do wonders for your self esteem. You start believing that you are an attractive again and someone who can be loved.

So go ahead and enjoy your new relationship after your divorce. But understand that you may not be emotionally ready for a serious, committed relationship so soon after your divorce. If you have not resolved the issues from your marriage and gone through the grieving process, you could be setting yourself up for another failed relationship. The key is to keep your new relationship light and fun and enjoy it for what it is worth. Be in the moment and take it one step at a time without expectations, while giving yourself the time you need to recover fully from your divorce.

3 Reasons Divorced People Hate the Holidays...

The holiday season has officially begun and many divorced people are feeling down. With the rest of the world spreading holiday cheer, you may

just want to curl up under your covers and not come out of your room until

January 2nd. Most people do not understand how difficult the holidays can be on someone who has gone through a divorce. Here are 3 reasons

divorce people hate the holidays:

1. Dealing with family. What can be worse than having to face your extended family at the dinner table and having to hear all of the happy family news, like which cousin is engaged, who is having a baby and so on. There you sit, alone, without your spouse, knowing everyone knows all about your divorce drama.

2. Putting up the decorations. As you decorate the Christmas tree, ornaments can be a reminder of Christmases spent with your spouse. Memories come rushing back. This can be a very sad time. Your hopes and dreams for the future with your spouse are gone and the decorations serve as a painful reminder of what has been lost.

3. Sharing the children. Not spending the holiday with your kids has to be the #1 reason divorcees hate the holidays. If it is your spouse's turn to take the kids and you are alone, it can be very difficult to get through the day.

I won't lie to you and tell you that your first or even second holiday season after your divorce will be easy. Eventually though you will find joy again in the holidays. It takes time, but one day you will find yourself looking forward to the holidays. In the meantime, do not feel guilty or try and pretend that you are okay. It is alright to mourn the loss of your marriage and the life you once knew. Cry if you feel like it and try and let go of some of those old bottled up emotions.

If there is anything you can do to cheer yourself up, then do it. Watching old holiday classic movies from your childhood is a great way to get into the holiday spirit. Take it slow and do the best you can. Any small steps you take to life your mood, even a little bit, will help you get through this holiday season.

CELLULOID MOMENTS

If your partner has cheated on you, a trip to the cinema tonight may not be the best distraction:
“I’ve Loved you so Long” (12A) but never knew you were of such “Easy Virtue” (PG) and after the “Body of Lies” (15) all I need is a “Quantum of Solace” (12A).

Would You Marry for the Money?

I was flipping through the channels the other night and caught a few minutes of the show about the " Real Housewives of Orange County". This 30 year old blonde who looked like Barbie was getting a new 4 carat diamond ring from her 60 something year old boyfriend. She admitted that she was not attracted to him at first since he reminded her of Santa Claus or Kenny Rogers with his white hair and beard, but now is is deeply in love with him.

This man has been married 5 times and she will be his 6th wife. Maybe she does loves him but it sounded like she loved his money even more. I know there are people who do marry for the money but I wonder how can you be happy with someone if you are not attracted to them and do not love them?

Sure money makes life easier and it must be tempting to marry someone well off . But what price do you pay emotionally? I once knew a woman in her 50's who was divorced and met a man in his late 70's. He was wealthy and had no children or family. Believe it or not, after they married at the courthouse they drove straight to the lawyer's office and had his will changed, making her the sole beneficary of his estate.

Years later, he did die and she inherited all of his money. Although she married him for financial security, they did have a good relationship through the years, and she cared for him but was not in love with him. She got his money and he got a wife and the extended family he never had, including her grandchildren, so I guess it worked for both of them.

Have you ever considered marrying someone you did not love because they were rich? If you met a wealthy potential partner would you date him or her because they were rich, even if you were not attracted to them? Be honest!

My answer would be that I could not be intimate with someone I was not attracted to, no matter how much money he had. Ideally, it would be great to find the whole package: love and financial security. But I rather be married to a man who was not well off that I deeply loved than a rich one I was not attracted to.

Can You be Grateful This Year Despite Your Divorce?..

I know how hard it is when you are in the middle of a divorce to think of anything but. It seems like the divorce consumes your thoughts every waking moment. You can think of little else. But with Thanksgiving tomorrow, can you muster up some things to give thanks for? Even during the toughest of times there is always something to be grateful for.

Here is my list:

My four beautiful, healthy children

My two adorable dogs and two precious cats.

My loving mother and brother

My wonderful friends and business associates

My patient and caring boyfriend

Living in sunny Florida

My good health, my home, my car and other possessions

My divorce-Can't imagine still being married to my ex!

My ex- for the life lessons I learned during my divorce

The woman who broke up my marriage- Without her I would still be

married to the ex!

I could go on and on but you get the point. Make your own list and I promise you will feel better. Being grateful makes you focus on the good things in your life and what you focus on expands. Why not try thinking about what you are thankful for every day instead of just on Thanksgiving? By getting into the habit of appreciation, you will start attracting more good things to appreciate into your life. Happy Thanksgiving!

Is Your Divorce Attorney the Right Match for You?

There are so many factors to consider when hiring a divorce attorney.

His or her reputation and experience are certainly important. But have you considered if your divorce lawyer's personality and style is in line with yours? Do you share the same values?

A ruthless shark of an attorney may be perfect for someone hell bent on getting everything they feel they deserve in a divorce case but what if you want a peaceful divorce and want it to be over quickly?

You must be careful when screening potential divorce lawyers and make sure you both are on the same wave length. Make sure this is someone whose personality meshes with your own and you can actually get along with. Remember, you first instincts about a person are usually correct.

Do not make excuses for an attorney if something bothers you about them. Telling yourself "Well, he may be loud and aggressive, but I hear he is the best divorce attorney in town" will not help you if what you are really looking for is a caring, gentle attorney who believes in mediation.

Your divorce attorney can set the tone for your entire divorce. One who refuses to negotiate with the other side and is aggressive in court will prolong your divorce and may make settling your divorce in an amicable manner impossible. Keep this is mind when choosing your divorce attorney. It is better to choose the right attorney in the beginning then realizing you made a mistake and having to find new representation during the divorce.

Are Sick Days Marital property in IL?

Civil - Dissolution Of Marriage/ Maintenance / Property Division 4th Dist.
In re Marriage of Abrell, No. 4-06-0974 (November 19, 2008) Sangamon County (Knecht) (MYERSCOUGH, partial concurrence, partial dissent) Affirmed in part, reversed in part, remanded.
Trial court erred when it concluded that accumulated sick and vacation days by husband, a State employee, are marital property subject to division in the dissolution of the parties' marriage. However, the trial court did not abuse its discretion when it denied husband's motion to reconsider its award of maintenance. Although trial court concluded that wife was essentially, unemployable in its memorandum of opinion, fact that she obtained full time employment, after proofs had closed in case but before judgment was entered, is not newly discovered evidence. The trial court, instead, properly considered the motion to reconsider as a motion to modify. However, it should have reduced the maintenance award based on the wife's newly acquired employment as of the date of filing the motion; although it was not required to reduce the maintenance by more than the $250 per month set by the court.

JUNGLE ESCAPE

Television these days seems to be dominated by TV competitions where the public ultimately determines who wins or leaves the contest and our screen. I can only assume that such shows take their roots from the spectacle of gladiator combat in Ancient Rome when the decision as to whether a defeated gladiator lived or died, lay in the hands of the baying crowd. Little Girl is presently very much taken by one such competition entitled “I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here,” where a group of purported celebrities appear to lie around in the wet but humid Australian jungle until called upon to participate in some kind of stomach turning task, invariably involving tropical insects and reptiles or else the consumption of revolting sources of protein including strange parts from kangaroos.

I confess that I can only identify one or two of the competitors although I was surprised to see Martina Navratilova of tennis circuit fame amongst them. The Daily Mail seems to believe that she could be there because she’s lonely, following a reportedly acrimonious split from her partner after a seven year relationship. From what I've seen, however, anyone feeling down and alone after a break-up of whatever length should be extremely guarded if contacted to appear on a reality television programme, especially one set in the jungle. Forging friendships with stink bugs, cockroaches and snakes can hardly be the perfect antidote to loneliness; try meeting people closer to home instead and if you really do fancy getting closer to nature what about dog walking in the countryside; it has to be better for your health and well-being.

Dealing with Your Ex During the Holidays

Thanksgiving is almost here and Christmas is around the corner. Have you figured who gets the kids for which holiday? Is it even a issue or have you and your ex hammered out an agreement in your divorce settlement setting the rules?

If you do not have plan for the holidays and now find yourself arguing over whose house the kids are going to, now is the time to take a step back and consider how your children are feeling.

You may want your kids with you, but your kids want to be with both of their parents for the holidays. Can you put your feelings aside and make that happen by splitting the day, maybe lunch with mom and dinner with dad?

Sometimes though that becomes impossible if is one parent lives a considerable distant away. My own ex-husband lives in another state, so my kids do not get to spend holidays with him anymore. They will see him for almost a week after Christmas. If you are in a similar situation, try to have your kids get to spend some quality time with their father during the holidays, even if it is not exactly on Christmas or Thanksgiving day.

The most important thing you can do for your children this holiday season is try not to bicker and fight with your ex. Keep calm and try and not to call him out on every annoying thing he does. Tell yourself that you will let things go for the holidays and then if you want you can go right back to arguing after the New Year, although it would be so much better for your kids if you could continue to try your best to get along with your ex all year round.

IN MEMORIAM

Our elderly guinea pig died this week. Both Outdoor and Apprentice Men dug a hole at the bottom of the garden this weekend, so that we could bury him today. In the meantime Fuzzball, as he was known, has been lying in state in the garage, inside a shoebox lined with lace. Outdoor Man hadn’t wanted to dig the grave during the week, when the only times would have been before or after work. He was concerned lest, as the husband of a divorce lawyer, the neighbours might suspect the worst. “After all, they hardly expect we’d divorce like everyone else,” he explained. “As soon as I start digging a hole in the dark, they’ll be round here quizzing me about your health and safety!” Yes my husband does have a macabre sense of humour, but just in case there is any truth in the theory, maybe I’d better make a mental note to check on absent colleagues in future.

The trouble with death is that whilst we know it will happen one day, we never know when. That’s why I advise clients to make or change their wills as soon as possible. Whilst divorcing couples don’t necessarily make a habit of dying before completing the process it’s always prudent to have paperwork in order.

Once upon a time I received a letter from a client whose divorce I had just concluded, telling me that she intended to contact our wills department as I’d originally advised and in the meantime had been in touch with her pension scheme managers to nominate payment of her death in service benefit and had given them my firm’s contact details. A couple of years later I heard from the same scheme managers asking for my bank details as the client had died unexpectedly and wanted me to receive her death in service lump sum benefit valued at three times her annual salary. Obviously there had to be a mistake; no matter how good a job I had done for her, I did not believe that I could have been the intended beneficiary. Despite the letter that the client had written to me, there was no will and I extracted my old file to re-read the correspondence. It had clearly been the client’s intention for her two children to benefit and she also believed that she had done no more than pass my firm’s contact details to her pension administrator. Fortunately we were able to sort this, but how much easier if the paperwork had been in order.

Why Do Divorced Men Prefer Younger Women?

It is the stereotypical scenario. A couple in their 40's, 50's or 60's gets

divorced and the husband takes up with a woman 20 or sometimes even 30 years younger. Meanwhile, the wife is faced with dating men 20 or more years older than herself because men typically prefer younger women after they divorce.

But why? Why can't a man appreciate a woman his own age? I think many men, after a divorce, think they have something to prove. To be able to date a younger woman makes them feel younger, more attractive and vital. They enjoy showing off their much younger date as some sort of trophy or prize. What they do not realize is that the woman they are dating may be only interested in them for the financial security they can provide. How many 25 year old women are really attracted to a 60 year old man who is old enough to be their grandfather?

Men should stop kidding themselves and face the truth. They do not need a younger woman to feel youthful. Relying on anyone outside yourself to feel attractive, young, or needed is a mistake. Instead these men need to rediscover the women in their own age group and appreciate them for their wisdom and maturity. Many middle aged men do not even fully understand what they are getting themselves into with a younger woman. She will probably want to start a family at some point and is at a completely different stage in her life. A more mature woman, finished with child bearing and raising, can provide companionship and will be more likely to share more common interests with a man her own age.

I see many women in their 50's and 60's struggling to find a good man after a divorce because men are dating younger women and it makes me sad. These women should not have to date a 70 or 80 year old. Let's hope that more divorced, middle aged men get the message that they should open their hearts and minds and date a woman not based on her age, but on what kind of person she really is and if she is a compatible match.

Child Support Nightmare: Wrong Man Sent to Jail

A Philadelphia man has been jailed four times, has lost his job and paid more than $12,000 in child support for a child that is not his. In fact, the man has never even met the child's mother. In a case of mistaken identity, this man has been living a nightmare trying to prove to the state that he is not the child's father.

It all started in 2001 when Walter Andre Sharpe received a certified letter that was a complaint for child support. But since the birth date and social security number did not match his and he did not know the mother, he assumed it was a mistake and ignored it. The court decided he was the father after he failed to appear in court. Since then he has asked and been denied a DNA test which would of cleared the matter up and proved he was not the child's father. A judge in 2007 finally ruled that he was not the father but refused to reimburse him for the money he has paid or give him any compensation.

I really hope this man sues the state of Pennsylvania and wins. It just amazes me how so many deadbeat parents do not pay child support and get away with it but an innocent man can be jailed and forced to support a child that is not his. Why didn't the court simply allow this man to prove paternity with a DNA test? This is not a case where he had a relationship with the mother and was raising the child, he had never met either of them. You would think that someone in the system would have at least investigated this man's claims. The child support system and family courts need to be more careful and pay closer attention to their cases.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

New Blog

Please note that I have developed a new blog which will hopefully evolve into an interactive site. It is called The Marriage Maven and you can access it right from the links to the right

Please feel free to offer topics of discussion and ask questions. I am excited about this new venture and hope you will be too so please let me know what you think-
Maven

New Blog

Please note that I have developed a new blog which will hopefully evolve into an interactive site. It is called The Marriage Maven and you can access it right from the links to the right

Please feel free to offer topics of discussion and ask questions. I am excited about this new venture and hope you will be too so please let me know what you think-
Maven

CONSERVATIVE POLICY

The Conservative Party risks getting its policy on cohabiting couples badly wrong, judging by the proposals on family law announced this week by former Conservative leader Iain Duncan Smith. Denying legal protection to couples who live together, however, is no way to strengthen the institution of marriage. The fact is that governments have a responsibility to make law based on society as it actually is, and the number of couples living together in the UK continues to increase. Governments should also ensure legal protection for the vulnerable.

Members of Resolution regularly see the injustice suffered when the relationships of cohabiting couples break down. Even after decades together, many people find themselves homeless and facing real financial hardship. This is fuelled by a widely-held misconception that cohabiting couples have “common law” rights combined with existing law that is unclear and inadequate.

That’s why Resolution wants a new law to protect cohabiting couples and hopes that the Government will support Lord Lester’s ‘Cohabitation Bill’ which he will be introducing in the Lords in December, aimed at giving rights to couples who live together.

Getting Through the Holidays when You Can't Stand your Spouse..

If you are in an unhappy marriage, you are most likely not looking forward to the holidays this year. Having to pretend that everything is fine in front of family and friends can be emotionally draining. You may want to ask for a divorce now but are waiting until the first of the year so that you do not upset the entire family and ruin the holidays.

This time of year, with all of the decorations and festive cheer can also grate on your nerves. Deep down you may know that this is your last holiday together as a family and want to make it special but at the same time you feel agitated with your spouse and can't wait until you are separated.

Divorce is difficult even if you are the one who wants it. If you and your spouse have decided that a divorce is imminent and you are waiting to tell your kids and family until after the holidays, you should come up with a plan. A good idea would be to declare a truce for the next 6 weeks and avoid confrontations and fighting. If your goal is to protect your family and have a nice holiday, it won't do much good if the two of you are at each other throats. You would be better off separating now and sparing your children a holiday filled with anger and resentment.

If you can be civil to one another for the holiday season it will also prove that the two of you are capable of being civil once the holidays are over and your divorce proceeding has begun. The best and least painful way to divorce is to try and work out the details of the divorce in a fair and amicable manner. Unfortunately many people are unable to do this and their divorce quickly escalates into a battle.

Take this time before your divorce to think about what kind of divorce you want and how you can make that happen. It will require compromise and thinking with your head instead of your emotions. It is possible to get through this holiday season even if you can't stand your spouse. You may even find that the extra time you have before filing for divorce can pave the way to an easier, more civil divorce and a better relationship with your soon to be ex.

Click here to find out the three things you must know before filing for a divorce...

For Those of You Still Posting Pictures:

I am still getting people trying to convince me that Facebook and Myspace are wonderful outlets to connect with family and friends. Placing pictures of family and friends on the Internet is just something I have a hard time feeling comfortable about. All of you need to read a post from a fellow blogger who had her pictures taken from her site and put on a porno site. She was notified by some good Samaritan and the pictures were removed. What in fact if she had never known and met some people who had run across her pictures on such a site? Would their view of this women have been tainted? What about prospective employers? Go to her site and read her horror story: http://blawgcoop.com/lawmom/

For Those of You Still Posting Pictures:

I am still getting people trying to convince me that Facebook and Myspace are wonderful outlets to connect with family and friends. Placing pictures of family and friends on the Internet is just something I have a hard time feeling comfortable about. All of you need to read a post from a fellow blogger who had her pictures taken from her site and put on a porno site. She was notified by some good Samaritan and the pictures were removed. What in fact if she had never known and met some people who had run across her pictures on such a site? Would their view of this women have been tainted? What about prospective employers? Go to her site and read her horror story: http://blawgcoop.com/lawmom/

VIRTUALLY DIVORCED

CORN furniture store 22
Originally uploaded by Linden Lab

I confess that I don’t understand the fascination of virtual reality games. “What’s wrong with real life,” I find myself screaming. Little Girl and her friends, however, enjoy playing with Sims and I now learn that for adults addicted to the online world there are sites such as “Second Life”. There you create an avatar and then presumably live either a mirror image of your own life or, if you have the imagination, a totally different one. The website itself claims to offer “a 3-D virtual world created by its Residents..(which).. has grown explosively and today is inhabited by millions of Residents from around the globe.”

A real life London couple are reported today as divorcing because of the antics of the husband’s avatar. It seems it has been found indulging in extra-marital relations with a female avatar and both the real and virtual wives have taken umbrage. So much so that the real wife has spoken to the press and is quoted as describing the actions of her husband’s avatar as the “ultimate betrayal” and “cheating.”

Mind much can be explained by the names of the avatars involved. The wife’s was called Skye, leading one to assume that she could go round with her head in the clouds. The husband’s was called Barmy, which could well have summed up his whole view of virtual life, especially as the husband himself has purportedly said that it’s “a big fuss about nothing.”

Of course, if virtual break-ups are to become commonplace I am wondering if there’s any scope for me to get involved. I was thinking of an avatar called Miss Fortune offering virtual sympathy and divorce. However, I’ve since read that the wife has found a new relationship playing “World of Warcraft” so maybe I should just think about opening a firm in a virtual Anderson shelter under the style of Armageddon and Phoenix.

Why You Should See a Shrink During Your Divorce...

Seeing a therapist, counselor or psychologist is a good idea when you are going through a divorce for obvious reasons. Your life has been turned upside down and talking to someone who is trained to help people experiencing feelings of anger, grief and sadness can help you get through this difficult time. There is another reason, however to seek professional help that many divorcing people overlook.

If you are engaged in a nasty divorce battle or have reason to believe your divorce is heading down that road, having an established relationship with a mental health professional is an asset. This person can testify for you in court and vouch for you. If your spouse starts hurling accusations in court that are untrue, like accusing you of being mentally unbalanced, an unfit mother, having anger issues, etc., there is no one more qualified than your therapist or psychologist to submit evidence to the contrary on your behalf.

It is also crucial to have your children in counseling. Again, it helps them tremendously deal with the pain of the divorce but it also protects you somewhat should you face a custody battle. A neutral health professional can act on the behalf of your children in court and be there mouth piece.

Seeking help during your divorce is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It is something that you can do to help yourself and your children get through one of life's toughest times. Having someone there that you can trust to talk to every week is a comfort and relieves some of the pressure and anxiety the divorce has caused.

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED

Today I had cause to return a faulty electrical item to a major high street store. No questions asked, the shop assistant obligingly took back the broken appliance now 6 months old and handed me a new one. It had of course come with a warranty guaranteeing it to be free of defects for 24 months and offering a replacement if it wasn’t. All of which reminds me of the client who once upon a time asked me how she could invoke the guarantee under her marriage certificate. It seemed she didn’t particularly want a divorce but was looking instead to return her husband and get a substitute in his place. Interestingly she wasn’t bothered about a younger model either; something pretty much the same would do fine, she explained. When I advised that marriage didn’t work like that she chuckled and told me she’d had her doubts but as the certificate was the same colour and lay-out as the one she was given for her double-glazing, she thought it was worth a try.

Is Your Ex Hiding Cash?

One of the most difficult problems a spouse can face during a nasty divorce battle is trying to prove that their spouse is hiding cash. This occurs frequently when the family owns a cash business, like a pizza place, auto body shop, hair salon, etc. It can be very hard to prove the actual income coming in from that business if your spouse has been the one the running the business during the marriage.

A woman I know is in a terrible situation right now. Throughout the marriage, her ex claimed about a third of what he was actually earning at his business in order to avoid paying taxes. She works and technically makes more than him on paper. In reality though, he is earning double her salary. So now she faces the possibility of paying her spouse alimony even though they both know he makes much more money than her.

Since she signed the tax returns each year she is in a very delicate situation. Should she insist her ex's business makes more than it does and has for many years, they both could be in deep trouble with the IRS. She faces the possibility of losing out on alimony that she would have been entitled to had the money been "on the books" and child support payments will most likely be calculated using the tax returns as her husband's income,while he lives the high life with all of the extra cash he has stored away.

The best thing for her to do and anyone else in this situation is to hire a forensic accountant. These accountants are expensive but well worth in this situation. They will go into the business and look at everything, giving the true value of the business. You must be careful not make claims in court that the business made more money in the past. A family court judge can call the IRS if he feels the law has be broken and that can open up a hornet's nest.

If you are currently in a marriage where you own a cash business, make sure you have your own copies of all receipts and business expenses. Keep a close eye on the business's revenue. Some people have signed tax returns having no idea that their spouse was hiding money and manipulating the books. Whether your marriage is solid or not, you have a right to know about your families finances and how much money is coming into the household.

I'm losing my house....Who can I sue?

Just when you thought you've heard it all my office received a call today from a distraught home owner. The woman indicated that she was in the process of re-negotiating her mortgage with her mortgage company; a concept that until very recently was unheard of. Well she and her husband thought how unfair this whole recession and credit crisis was to people like them and thought that there had to be someone they could sue for causing this. So like any good citizens they opened the phone book and called a local attorney asking who they could sue to cure their ills.

Well my thought was perhaps like GM and Chrysler they could call the treasury department and ask for a bail out. I'm sure they will need less than the 25 million the car companies are asking for so this could be treasury chump change. The question to ask is whether to put in the request during the lame duck administration or once President Elect Obama gets into office. I pretty much have been of the opinion that once the election was over the economy would loosen up some and at least in my business that has been correct. So far I can say an Obama Presidency is good for divorce.
Let's hope his presidency winds up being just as good for the country and the economy.
By the way a funny comment was made to me about my book....yes believe it or not it is actually selling....a judge who read it sent a comment through a friend that he knew I was talking about him when I prefaced my comments on judges before advising the free world to stay clear of the men in the black robes. While this observation is indeed true and he is one of a handful of judges I have nothing but admiration for, my friend said she thought they would all think they were in that group so no worries about offending anyone! I wasn't worried...the truth is a complete defense.
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By the way save the date January 21st at the Garden Grill in Smithtown 7:00pm I am speaking for Divine Divorce..Don't let me speak to an empty room

I'm losing my house....Who can I sue?

Just when you thought you've heard it all my office received a call today from a distraught home owner. The woman indicated that she was in the process of re-negotiating her mortgage with her mortgage company; a concept that until very recently was unheard of. Well she and her husband thought how unfair this whole recession and credit crisis was to people like them and thought that there had to be someone they could sue for causing this. So like any good citizens they opened the phone book and called a local attorney asking who they could sue to cure their ills.

Well my thought was perhaps like GM and Chrysler they could call the treasury department and ask for a bail out. I'm sure they will need less than the 25 million the car companies are asking for so this could be treasury chump change. The question to ask is whether to put in the request during the lame duck administration or once President Elect Obama gets into office. I pretty much have been of the opinion that once the election was over the economy would loosen up some and at least in my business that has been correct. So far I can say an Obama Presidency is good for divorce.
Let's hope his presidency winds up being just as good for the country and the economy.
By the way a funny comment was made to me about my book....yes believe it or not it is actually selling....a judge who read it sent a comment through a friend that he knew I was talking about him when I prefaced my comments on judges before advising the free world to stay clear of the men in the black robes. While this observation is indeed true and he is one of a handful of judges I have nothing but admiration for, my friend said she thought they would all think they were in that group so no worries about offending anyone! I wasn't worried...the truth is a complete defense.
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By the way save the date January 21st at the Garden Grill in Smithtown 7:00pm I am speaking for Divine Divorce..Don't let me speak to an empty room

Could You Go to Jail for Emotionally Damaging Your Child During a Divorce?....

A couple from Milan, Italy is facing up to five years in prison for emotionally damaging their son during their divorce. Prosecutors say that the couples' arguing and fighting in the presence of the child have caused him to become anxious and depressed. The describe the child as "disturbed".

If this applied to parents in the U.S., the jails would be filled. The sad part is most divorcing couples do not set out to intentionally harm their children. I believe most parents truly love their kids and try their best to shield their children during divorce, but often let their emotions get the best of them. They say and do things during a divorce without thinking, like bad mouthing the other parent or fighting in front of the child.

Sending parents to jail will only hurt the children further. Can you imagine this poor Italian boy, having already been through his parent's difficult divorce, now having to worry that both his parents will be taken away from him and thrown in jail? It it ridiculous. The Italian courts would better serve the child if they mandated that both parents and the child attend counseling sessions so that they can heal the wounds from the divorce and move on.

Do You Spend Your Kid's Child Support on Yourself?...

Many father's rights advocate groups will tell you that one of the main excuses a man gives for not paying child support is that he thinks his ex-wife will spend all of the money on herself and not the kids. Since the a custodial parent receiving child support does not have to report how she spends the money, many dads are left wondering if the money is really going to the kids.

I feel that this is a myth. I have yet to meet one women who uses her kid's child support for her own needs and neglects the financial needs of her children. I am not saying that there are not some women out there who spend the child support on designer handbags,. There may be, but I have yet to meet one. The single moms I know, myself included, not only spend all of the child support on their kids, they are left short each month and must pay for all of the "extras" that children require.

My child support payments cover food for my children and that is it. All other expenses, like housing, clothing, holidays, birthdays, school expenses, etc. are taken care of by me and it comes to a higher amount than the child support my kids receive. I am not complaining, because I am grateful that my ex-husband now makes regular payments each month when so many women are dealing with deadbeat dads who pay nothing or are continually late.

I don't see how a woman could use the child support payments for herself unless she neglected her children's needs. In that case, the non-custodial parent should file a motion in court for custody if he feels his children are being neglected. It is a very hard thing to prove, however, so make sure you have proof that your children are not being taken care of. Evidence of this would be children who are malnourished and unkempt. Don't assume your ex is using the child support for herself without actual evidence.

Raising the Bar My New Obsession

Yes, I have always been one of those people who needed to do whatever I was told not to do. Tell me not to eat the cookie, I eat the cookie. Tell me not to read the book, I read the book. Tell me not to watch the show, I watch the show. The judge in my case as you may remember from my prior blog, prohibited a 15 year old minor from viewing the show because "everyone is sleeping with everyone." My husband who cannot understand why in the world I would want to watch a show about what I do every day refused to turn over the remote the one time I had caught a glimpse. Watching this show has therefore now become my project dejour. Plus to make matters interesting one of the creators of the show has found his way to my blog and actually commented on a post. So now I really have to stand up and take notice of this new addition to must see TNT TV.

Now the first episode while not as riveting as I am told other episodes actually are, posed some interesting issues for me. As a matrimonial maven and not a criminal maven, I was intrigued that it was allowable for a prosecuting attorney to keep information regarding a potential witness a secret. Especially when that information is that the witness is DEAD!!! Absurd I yelled at my screen. I quickly quizzed my partner who IS a criminal maven and he advised me that indeed the show was accurate. Now that is a foul as far as I'm concerned and should be thrown out as predjudicial. Geez and I thought practicing matrimonial law was playing hardball!!
I could aptly relate to the woman who had her husband arrested for domestic violence and then wanted him released because she couldn't afford the house without him. Now that is more in line with what I deal with every day. But the public defender who was married to the drug addicted doctor, who actually thought about stating that the drugs he prescribed were for her instead, risking her license, put me over the edge. Alright I will be watching another episode this week and will blog about my thoughts if anyone is interested. I'm still not sure what I think of the show, but it did keep my attention so I guess that is good. Stay tuned.....

Raising the Bar My New Obsession

Yes, I have always been one of those people who needed to do whatever I was told not to do. Tell me not to eat the cookie, I eat the cookie. Tell me not to read the book, I read the book. Tell me not to watch the show, I watch the show. The judge in my case as you may remember from my prior blog, prohibited a 15 year old minor from viewing the show because "everyone is sleeping with everyone." My husband who cannot understand why in the world I would want to watch a show about what I do every day refused to turn over the remote the one time I had caught a glimpse. Watching this show has therefore now become my project dejour. Plus to make matters interesting one of the creators of the show has found his way to my blog and actually commented on a post. So now I really have to stand up and take notice of this new addition to must see TNT TV.

Now the first episode while not as riveting as I am told other episodes actually are, posed some interesting issues for me. As a matrimonial maven and not a criminal maven, I was intrigued that it was allowable for a prosecuting attorney to keep information regarding a potential witness a secret. Especially when that information is that the witness is DEAD!!! Absurd I yelled at my screen. I quickly quizzed my partner who IS a criminal maven and he advised me that indeed the show was accurate. Now that is a foul as far as I'm concerned and should be thrown out as predjudicial. Geez and I thought practicing matrimonial law was playing hardball!!
I could aptly relate to the woman who had her husband arrested for domestic violence and then wanted him released because she couldn't afford the house without him. Now that is more in line with what I deal with every day. But the public defender who was married to the drug addicted doctor, who actually thought about stating that the drugs he prescribed were for her instead, risking her license, put me over the edge. Alright I will be watching another episode this week and will blog about my thoughts if anyone is interested. I'm still not sure what I think of the show, but it did keep my attention so I guess that is good. Stay tuned.....

FIREWORKS

This evening my peace has been interrupted by loud bangs as the sky has been lit up by fireworks. At first I thought we could actually see and hear the celebrations on the other side of the Atlantic; congratulations America, by the way, on your electoral outcome. It has however now dawned on me that tonight is of course the evening that we celebrate the discovery of the Gunpowder Plot and the foiling of the plan to blow up the Houses of Parliament way back in 1605. Now of course in those days this could hardly be described as a victory for democracy when there were no elections anyway and the plot was hatched with the sole aim of killing the King when he visited Parliament for the state opening along with as many members of his family and the Protestant aristocracy as possible. Still it provides this country with a cause to celebrate with pyrotechnics and as result there cannot be a man, woman or child in the UK today who does not know what a firework looks and sounds like when it explodes in the sky. So much so that clients regularly use such terminology to describe the behaviour of their spouses: light the touch paper and he goes off like a rocket; she just explodes like a Roman Candle; she’s a right little firecracker when she starts; or, and I never did understand this, it’s as though he spins round and round like a Catherine Wheel!

FLUSHED WITH SUCCESS

At the moment it is very difficult if you want to separate from your partner but are unable to move out and on until your property sells. The housing market seems to have ground to a very definite stop especially at what traditionally has always been a slow time of the year anyway. Imagine therefore my dismay to return from holiday and realise that I had missed one of the biggest sale success stories of recent times. It seems that a public convenience in Walham Green London sold at auction for more than 4 times its original guide price! Is there a moral here? If you want to sell your house should you try living in the bathroom? Or what about seeking planning permission to turn your des res into a toilet block?

Divorce Parties, Divorce Cards and Now the Divorce Photo Album....

You may wonder what they will think of next. With divorce wedding ring coffins, divorce greeting cards and divorce parties gaining in popularity, thanks to an Italian Wedding Photographer, we have now the "Divorce Photo Album".

Photographer Gianni Fasolini offers photo sessions for the newly divorced couple to chronicle, in pictures, the end of their marriage. Sounds a bit odd to me that a couple, fresh from divorce court, would pose for photos together. Most couples cannot even stand to look at one another after a divorce. And would you really want a reminder of one of the saddest times of your life?

Maybe if you had a friendly divorce it would be okay, but even then it seems strange to pose for a photo album together after your split. Time will tell if this new divorce trend takes off.

A better, more practical service to offer to divorcing couples is to have copies made of all of the family photo albums and videos. This way each spouse gets their own copies. Especially important if a couple has children.

I have all of the photo albums and videos, my ex has still not asked me for copies. I did give him a bunch of photos of the kids after the divorce, but it would be nice to someday get around to making copies of all of the videos and pictures from over the years and give him his own set.

A business which offered to do that at a reasonable price would be a much better idea than one marketing divorce photo albums.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

GOING BACK

I am just back from my first sustained period of sunshine this year. Yes a whole 7 days of it! Mind I had to go all the way to the Canary Islands to find it. It’s true that sometimes you have to leave home to find whatever it is that you are looking for. In my case there was no problem in returning as the whole family went and came back with me. Leaving and then returning, however, isn’t necessarily always so easy.

Bankruptcy and Child Support: Does it get your ex off the hook?

With more and more people in debt and the current economic conditions, we may see a rise in bankruptcy filings. You may be wondering if filing for bankruptcy relieves a parent of his or her obligation to pay child support. Thankfully, the answer is no. Even if your ex files for bankruptcy he or she still must pay child support.

It may even benefit you if you ex is behind on payments. I found this information on http://family-law.freeadvice.com:

"Under the post-October 17, 2005 rules, domestic support obligations are top priority in a Chapter 7 "asset case", where there are funds to pay creditors. The debtor should file a proof of claim to have most of his or her liquidated estate used to pay off the child support obligation. In a Chapter 13 case, your back child support payments will be paid through your Chapter 13 plan, in addition to the regular payments due after the petition date. These support obligations must be current in order to have your Chapter 13 plan confirmed. Moreover, to obtain a discharge in a Chapter 13 case, the debtor will have to certify that all post-petition child support obligations have been met"

If your ex is currently struggling to pay off credit card and other debts, he or she will have more money to pay child support after filing for bankruptcy. So there is no reason to panic if your ex files for bankruptcy.