Deadbeat Parents Can Lose Gambling Winnings..

Two states, Colorado and West Virgina have plans to seize the gambling winnings from deadbeat parents at their casinos. This is great news if you live in one of these states and your ex is behind on child support. At least if he wins, you know your kids do too.

If you go to a casino and win a few hundred dollars on a slot machine, you do not have to report it as income. So a deadbeat can play the slots and win at different machines and hid that money easily. So I am wondering how the casinos will be able to track winnings. The plan may be to go after higher winnings that you have to reported as income. Most likely they will have to check everyone's winnings through a computer database and make sure you are not a deadbeat before handing over your winnings.

Anything that can be done to collect child support and deter deadbeats is a good thing. If a deadbeat parent cannot pay his support, he has no business in the casino gambling anyway.

HORSES FOR COURSES

I read today that Dylan McDermott, one of the actors who starred as a litigator in the American TV drama The Practice (another of David Kelley’s legal serials) is to represent himself in court at his own divorce hearing. Now I know that this might sound like sour grapes coming from a divorce lawyer, but had he played a doctor in ER would he be doing his own brain surgery?

Why I Am Grateful For My Divorce...

When I hear from women who are considering divorce because they are trapped in an unhappy marriage, it makes me so grateful that I am no longer in an unhappy marriage myself.

I had convinced myself during my marriage that everything was fine and considered myself happily married. But it wasn't until I divorced that I realized how unhappy I actually was.

I cringe when I hear stories of women who are stuck in a marriage where their husband controls their every move. Some husband's even "punish" their wives by taking away credit cards or cash. My ex used to lock me off the computer when he was angry. He would put a code on it so I could not log on. I did not realize it at the time, but he was attempting to control me and that was a sign of emotional abuse.

I am so blessed now to be my own person, free to make my own decisions and live my life the way I choose to, not having to worry constantly about pleasing someone else.

You may be going through a divorce right now or contemplating one and feel overwhelmed, hurt and angry. Those emotions are normal and you need to go through the stages of grief to let go of your marriage and move on. But someday soon, you will see things in a different light. Once you start enjoying your new life, post divorce, you too will come to appreciate your new found freedom and discover a brand new life, better than before.

How Much Justice Can You Afford??

We are getting close to the point in some of my hotly contested cases where it comes time to settle or try the case. Many a case has been settled as they say "on the courthouse steps." At the eleventh hour, the clients, the attorneys or most often the judge in the part forces everyone to sit down and put their best efforts forward to attempt one last time to settle a matter before they agree to start a trial.

Many times this comes down to a mere dollars and cents argument, with one party or the other holding on to a principal rather than a real point which in all likelihood would cost more to litigate than to resolve. I'm always up for a trial, but frankly the outcome is never usually satisfying to the parties. I have had this discussion with clients repeatedly over the course of my practice,and emotion still controls many. Unless we absolutely cannot agree, or have any compromise then we go to trial. We need to go to trial for all the right reasons. Here are a list of reasons why you should NOT go to trial:

- You want the judge to see what a bad egg your spouse really is;
- You want the judge to see what a great person you are;
- You want the judge to see how reasonably you are willing to be;
- You want the judge to dispense Justice;
- You want the judge to put your spouse in jail;
- You want the judge to hear your side of the story

All of the above are all the wrong reasons to seek judicial intervention. Whether or not the judge thinks your spouse is a bad egg will be irrelevant to his or her ultimate decision. The decision will be based on the applicable law, not usually on the judges impression of either party unless their is a credibility issue. Dispensing justice can be a relative term. What is justice to one party may in fact not be justice to another party. Very rarely does a judge in a civil case put a litigant in jail. Where there are children involved and a child support issue, it also rarely makes sense to jail the monied spouse putting everyone in danger of joining the welfare rolls. Please also make no mistake on this one, the judge is not at all interested in hearing your side of the story. The judge wants your case to be settled between you and your spouse, the last thing he or she wants to do is make a decision.

So it comes down to the age old question: How much justice can you afford? Are we settling or rockin' and rollin' and calling our first witness? I am a mere servant to you oh client...pay my fee and direct me.....your wish is my command...just be prepared for the outcome.

How Much Justice Can You Afford??

We are getting close to the point in some of my hotly contested cases where it comes time to settle or try the case. Many a case has been settled as they say "on the courthouse steps." At the eleventh hour, the clients, the attorneys or most often the judge in the part forces everyone to sit down and put their best efforts forward to attempt one last time to settle a matter before they agree to start a trial.

Many times this comes down to a mere dollars and cents argument, with one party or the other holding on to a principal rather than a real point which in all likelihood would cost more to litigate than to resolve. I'm always up for a trial, but frankly the outcome is never usually satisfying to the parties. I have had this discussion with clients repeatedly over the course of my practice,and emotion still controls many. Unless we absolutely cannot agree, or have any compromise then we go to trial. We need to go to trial for all the right reasons. Here are a list of reasons why you should NOT go to trial:

- You want the judge to see what a bad egg your spouse really is;
- You want the judge to see what a great person you are;
- You want the judge to see how reasonably you are willing to be;
- You want the judge to dispense Justice;
- You want the judge to put your spouse in jail;
- You want the judge to hear your side of the story

All of the above are all the wrong reasons to seek judicial intervention. Whether or not the judge thinks your spouse is a bad egg will be irrelevant to his or her ultimate decision. The decision will be based on the applicable law, not usually on the judges impression of either party unless their is a credibility issue. Dispensing justice can be a relative term. What is justice to one party may in fact not be justice to another party. Very rarely does a judge in a civil case put a litigant in jail. Where there are children involved and a child support issue, it also rarely makes sense to jail the monied spouse putting everyone in danger of joining the welfare rolls. Please also make no mistake on this one, the judge is not at all interested in hearing your side of the story. The judge wants your case to be settled between you and your spouse, the last thing he or she wants to do is make a decision.

So it comes down to the age old question: How much justice can you afford? Are we settling or rockin' and rollin' and calling our first witness? I am a mere servant to you oh client...pay my fee and direct me.....your wish is my command...just be prepared for the outcome.

TOGETHER AND IN HARMONY

Another sunny Bank Holiday weekend; well it was, here in the North. It was too windy though for the planned family sailing trip. Instead I accompanied Outdoor Man on one of his walks, returning last night in a state of collapse, convinced that I would never be able to move my legs again.

So often clients attribute the breakdown of their marriages to separate pursuits or interests. Alternatively domestic chores can be sources of dispute and friction. No chance in our household this weekend. I followed Outdoor Man uphill and over dale, while Little Girl stayed at home in the care of her brother and restored harmony to my kitchen. If I could only step painlessly today, life would be so good.

Can You Have a Peaceful Divorce if Your Ex Won't Cooperate?..

We have all heard about "peaceful" and "collaborate" divorces where couples vow to work together and resolve their differences in an amicable and fair manner during the divorce. But what happens if you want to take the high road and your ex is out for blood? Does a peaceful divorce become impossible?

I think it becomes much more difficult, but is still possible. If you are dealing with a hostile, soon to be ex who hires a vicious divorce attorney, you have to be prepared and be on guard. You cannot be naive. But since the only person's behavior you can control is your own, you can steer your thoughts and emotions towards a positive outcome and keep yourself from joining in on the divorce battle your ex has created.

By refusing to stoop to his level and retaliate against him ,you retain your own personal power. I am not saying you shouldn't take the necessary legal steps to protect yourself financially. What I am talking about is protecting yourself emotional and spiritually from the enormous damage a nasty divorce can cause.

To tell you to think positive and not strike back when you are being attacked by your ex may sound naive, but by keeping control of your own emotions and actions, you stay in control. When you allow your ex's actions to influence you, upset you and cause you to lash out, he wins.

So how do you keep your thoughts positive during a divorce? You start by reaching for better feeling thoughts. When you find yourself upset by something your ex has said or done, reach for a thought that feels better. Hold in your mind a vision of your divorce being settled amicably and quickly. See yourself at the courthouse, smiling, signing the final divorce papers. See yourself being civil to your ex and feel the enormous sense of relief you feel now that your divorce battle is over. Feel the excitement you have now, knowing your new life is about to begin.

Keep playing this scenario over and over again, everyday. Keep yourself as positive as possible and try to stay in a good feeling place. You will shocked and amazed at how things will turn around.

An excellent book to read about reaching for better thoughts despite the circumstances around you and the law of attraction is The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther Hicks.

Former NJ Governor is a Deadbeat Dad...

Former New Jersey Gov. James E. McGreevey is $11,000 behind in child support for the child he had with his first wife, despite the fact that he lives in a mansion owned by his gay partner and claims to owe his boyfriend more than $200,000 for legal fees and expenses.

If he can borrow that kind of money from his partner, shouldn't he borrow the money to pay his child support first? Isn't the needs of his child more important than the court battle with his second wife?

McGreevey claims to only make about $48,000 a year now. He has said that no one wants to hire him because he is gay, yet the radio station 101.5 in NJ revealed they had offered him a job as a radio host that the former Governor has turned down.

Although he claims that he does want to pay child support to his two daughter from his two failed marriages, it is obvious that McGreevey does not want to fulfill his obligations as a parent. It seems that is own needs come first. He is on record as earning $429,000 in 2006 and $185,000 last year. He has the potential to earn a substantial income and I hope the judge in his divorce case forces him to start paying child support. He needs to be made an example of. The message needs to be clear: No parent has the right to neglect their children and refuse to support them financially.

THE TIMES OF MISINFORMATION

Lawyers are invariably consulted regarding the small print in documents especially when clients have signed a piece of paper without reading its contents and regrettably it returns to bite them later. In the family law context, however, it is rare for solicitors to have this problem as the English divorce laws fail to recognise contracts such as pre-nuptial agreements.

Once upon a time or was it yesterday, I had a nightmare of a day with clients continuously enquiring about a new law that excludes men from the upbringing of their children. Imagine, I had distraught fathers on the telephone and implacably hostile mothers queuing up to make appointments. Worse still, for the first hour I had no idea what anyone was talking about. I know that the Government seems to be constantly sneaking in pieces of legislation without notice but to have been given no warning at all?

Then it twigged. Just like contracts, clients had been ignoring the small print and reading the headlines only, for which see the photograph above.

Is Your Ex Driving You Crazy? How to cope with an annoying ex..

A PICTURE PAINTS A THOUSAND WORDS

Divorce Drawbacks
Originally uploaded by Architectural Orphans

I blogged about cars being cut in half last week, now my thanks to Social Networking Guinea Pig for drawing my attention to this photograph posted on Flickr by Architectural Orphans.

Cheaters Beware: Your Spouse May be Spying On you...

With the amazing advancements in technology, it has become easier than ever to catch a cheating spouse. Computer Sights, a computer support and surveillance supply store in Florida is selling GPS devices the size of a matchbox. There are also clock radios, smoke detectors, and other household devices that conceal tiny hidden cameras for purchase.

Because the price of these devices are affordable to the public, anybody who suspects their spouse is cheating can easily obtain one and become a spy, without having to hire a costly private investigator.

So is it ethical to spy on your spouse? That is a tricky question. On one hand, if you do suspect your spouse is cheating and you confront him and he denies it, having proof is important for your own peace of mind. On the other hand, you could be wrong and if you spouse finds out you are spying on him, you could be jeopardizing your marriage. How would you feel if you were innocent and then found out your spouse had your home and car rigged with spy equipment?

I think you need to trust your instincts. If you strongly suspect your ex is cheating, you are probably right. Our own inner guidance system is powerful and accurate. If you are certain he is cheating, but need physical proof for closure, then you may want to consider investing in a tracking device or other piece of spy equipment.

AND THE WINNER IS...

I haven’t posted a blog entry for a few days, mainly because I was out socialising every night last week. That’s unusual for me and generally I can at least guarantee being in on a Thursday evening. Last week however I attended an awards ceremony. It began like the Oscars but without the red carpet. After drinks and a meal, the tension was mounting and when the names of the first nominees were read out there was a nervous silence before the winner was announced. We expected to see him be presented with some kind of token, if only a certificate. However, the presenter then announced that there were no prizes but the winners should come onto the stage to receive applause. A little like watching the Emperor in his new clothes the rest of the ceremony continued in the same vein with winners and non-winners both receiving fresh air.

Still, as I reflected afterwards, in some marriages the participants don’t even get applauded for their efforts, no matter how hard they try.

Youtube’s “Divorce Lady” Invited to the Largest Divorce Party in the U.S.

Authors invite Tricia Walsh-Smith to celebrate her divorce with 300 South Florida divorcees

Fort Lauderdale, FL: After watching Tricia Walsh-Smith on YouTube.com complaining about her impending divorce, authors Christina Rowe and Rosalind Sedacca, hosts of the Largest Divorce Party in the nation, decided to invite Ms.Walsh to their next Divorce Party on May 30th. Hundreds of divorced men and women from South Florida have been gathering at Christopher’s Night Club in Ft. Lauderdale over the last few months to celebrate the end of their marriages in a positive way.

“We are hoping that a Divorce Party will help Tricia Walsh-Smith move on and let go of her bitterness,” says Christina Rowe, author of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce. The authors are offering to pay for a round trip plane ticket from N.Y. to Fort Lauderdale for Ms. Walsh so she can attend the party.

“A Divorce Party may be just what she needs to get past her negative emotions, have some fun and focus on starting over with dignity,” says Rosalind Sedacca, author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? “Our Parties are all about celebrating new beginnings, laughing, letting go and moving on. It provides guests with a safe environment to mark the end of their marriages with a ritual so they can begin a new chapter in their life with new confidence.”

At the Party Tricia Walsh-Smith will enjoy dancing to breakup songs like “I Will Survive” and ‘Love is a Battlefield” on a dance floor that features a black wedding cake. She can also bring a picture of her ex to pin on “The Wall of Shame.” Tricia can participate in several tongue-in-cheek, zany games and contests and possibly win a free book, Spa Beauty Basket or other great prizes. “And everyone is encouraged to bring their friends, along with their sense of humor,” says Rowe. The party is sponsored by Divorce360.com and Divorce Magazine. Both authors promise valuable goodie bags for all who attend.

The Divorce Party starts at 9:00 p.m. and features free drinks for ladies and other drink specials from 9:30 to 11:30. Christopher’s Night Club is located at 2857 E. Oakland Park Blvd. in Ft. Lauderdale. For more information call 561 742-3537.

Admission is $10 at the door and $8 for those registered on the VIP Guest List at: www.secretsofdivorce.com/divorceparty.html.

STRANGE ENCOUNTERS

On the basis that laughter is supposed to be good for you, today has been a great day. Is it May Madness or what?

The UK government has made available online its previously secret files of UFO sightings in the period 1978 to 1987. Comic in their own right, they include various tales of flying saucers and misshapen men from far off places. At the same time Father Funes, a respected scientist in the Vatican Observatory, has had an article published in the Vatican newspaper headlined “Aliens are my Brother” in which he claims that intelligent beings could exist in outer space, created by God, and some could even be free from original sin!

Thank goodness instead for good old fashioned Pythonesque humour from that master of mad comedy, John Cleese. He claimed that being ordered to pay an allegedly excessive amount in maintenance (some $20,000 per month more than his current income) for his ex-wife “is money well spent”. Come to think of it maybe he wasn’t trying to be funny after all and he believes it – just like all those people who’ve seen little green men.

Three Great Things About Being Divorced

DIVIDING IN TWO

Yesterday news reports covered the man who had sawn his car in two. When I heard the headlines I assumed that it was part of a bad divorce scenario, only to establish that it was actually a dispute with a wheel clamping company, acting on the apparent instigation of a DVLA official. He had caused the car to be impounded because although it was on a private driveway it was untaxed and the rear bumper was protruding onto the footpath. By cutting the car in two the man concerned sought to ensure that the company could only remove that part of the vehicle that was infringing the law.

In any event it brought back memories of so many cases where in a fit of pique and with a chain-saw in their hand one party or the other following marital disharmony and breakdown has literally divided chattels equally with their spouse. Don’t be tempted to try it, there’s always a big pay back to be made when financial and property matters are finally resolved within divorce proceedings.

The case that I remember most vividly however has to be when once upon a time a hot headed client who was convinced that his wife had left him to live with another man, also had a go at taking it out on the unsuspecting gentleman’s car. He used a sledge hammer, rather than a disk cutter and his justification went along the lines that as he felt he’d had his insides punched to bits, the alleged man friend could have a taste of his own medicine. Trouble was it materialised that his wife was actually living alone in a studio flat and the car belonged to another resident in the same block. Needless to say a criminal prosecution followed.

Gas Prices and Single Moms: How To Make Some Quick Cash

Celebrity Proves A Peaceful Divorce Is Possible...

Actor Robin Williams, who is divorcing his wife of 19 years, has vowed to have a peaceful divorce and plans to work with his soon to be ex-wife to keep their divorce as civil as possible.

Williams has said "We will strive to be honest, cooperative and respectful as we work in this process to achieve the future well being of our families,"and "We commit ourselves to the collaborative law process and agree to seek a positive way to resolve our differences justly and equitably."

After the recent onslaught of bitter Hollywood divorces-Paul McCartney/Heather Mills, Denise Richards/Charlie Sheen and Hulk Hogan and his wife Linda, to name a few, it is wonderful to see a celebrity set a good example by handling his divorce in a fair and dignified manner.

Hopefully more couples will follow the Williams' example and strive for a peaceful divorce. Couples who settle their divorces amicably are better able to co-parent their children together, have kids with less emotional problems and save a fortune on attorney fees. It is possible, although not always easy, to avoid a costly divorce battle. It takes putting aside your own emotions and anger and doing what is best for your family. If a couple can work together and come to a divorce settlement either on their own or with the help of a mediator, they will save themselves and their children stress, heartache and money.

SOUNDS PAINFUL

Celebrity divorces are inevitably great sources for quotes. None more so than when Robin Williams (he of Mrs Doubtfire fame, and yes I am old enough to remember him in Mork and Mindy too) speaking on a TV Interview show earlier this week, said “I think a lot of times divorce can be like circumcision with a weed whacker!”

Fortunately for Williams, it sounds as though the whole process is going smoother than that for him. Married for 19 years, it has been reported that the divorce documents lodged in court in San Francisco in March include a commitment to be respectful of each other, to keep their children at the forefront and to try to avoid courtroom clashes. Presumably he won’t, therefore, have to disguise himself as a female nanny to maintain contact with his son.

To All My Clients....

After practicing for so long in the field of matrimonial law I have had the opportunity to witness some of grossest miscarriages of justice. I have argued with judges sometimes at my own peril with contempt loosely hanging over my head while I made passionate pleas for them to actually act in the best interests of the children. Since I never represent a client who fails to put their children first, these arguments are gender neutral as I make my impassioned statements sometimes to all but a deaf ear. Once a deal is cut however, I want you to know that I am exceedingly proud of most of you with the way in which you brush yourself off and soldier on with your lives making the best of any deficiencies left open by the justice system. Many of you are now single parent households, suffering financial blows due to the loss of a second income. Many of you have to reinvent yourselves either financially or otherwise to become the people and parents you now need to be. To those of you suffering from the loss of a bad trial decision, I applaud your ability to look ahead to a bright new day without the albatross of the spouse who dragged you and your children down. To all my male clients, the way you have taken over as primary parent or continued in this role you amaze me as you make bracelets with your daughters or teach your sons the best way to cook smoores with macaroni and cheese. The judicial system chooses to judge you all, my dear clients, and criticise your skills as a parent. What the judge fails to see is your pain, and hurt and the fact that you are doing the best that you can under the circumstances. Your children are doing well assured in your love but they are probed and picked at by their law guardians and forensic experts. The reason they fail to express themselves is because they love both of their parents and can't begin to understand how such a monumental decision as to where they will live should be left to them. Afterall they have nothing to say about their bed time, why should they be consulted about something which will effect the rest of their lives? So dear clients please be aware that I although I am here to help if I can, your fate after the dust settles is really up to you. As most of you see it as a new day, I too revel in your excitement and want you to know I am proud to have been your attorney.

To All My Clients....

After practicing for so long in the field of matrimonial law I have had the opportunity to witness some of grossest miscarriages of justice. I have argued with judges sometimes at my own peril with contempt loosely hanging over my head while I made passionate pleas for them to actually act in the best interests of the children. Since I never represent a client who fails to put their children first, these arguments are gender neutral as I make my impassioned statements sometimes to all but a deaf ear. Once a deal is cut however, I want you to know that I am exceedingly proud of most of you with the way in which you brush yourself off and soldier on with your lives making the best of any deficiencies left open by the justice system. Many of you are now single parent households, suffering financial blows due to the loss of a second income. Many of you have to reinvent yourselves either financially or otherwise to become the people and parents you now need to be. To those of you suffering from the loss of a bad trial decision, I applaud your ability to look ahead to a bright new day without the albatross of the spouse who dragged you and your children down. To all my male clients, the way you have taken over as primary parent or continued in this role you amaze me as you make bracelets with your daughters or teach your sons the best way to cook smoores with macaroni and cheese. The judicial system chooses to judge you all, my dear clients, and criticise your skills as a parent. What the judge fails to see is your pain, and hurt and the fact that you are doing the best that you can under the circumstances. Your children are doing well assured in your love but they are probed and picked at by their law guardians and forensic experts. The reason they fail to express themselves is because they love both of their parents and can't begin to understand how such a monumental decision as to where they will live should be left to them. Afterall they have nothing to say about their bed time, why should they be consulted about something which will effect the rest of their lives? So dear clients please be aware that I although I am here to help if I can, your fate after the dust settles is really up to you. As most of you see it as a new day, I too revel in your excitement and want you to know I am proud to have been your attorney.

Three Ways To Avoid Picking "Mr. Wrong" Again After A Divorce..

You may feel ready to start dating again after your divorce but do you wonder how you can avoid picking a new mate just like your ex? Studies say that the divorce rate for second marriages can be up to 70%. It can be scary getting back into the dating game again. You may even question your own judgement, if you picked the wrong kind of man last time how do you know you won't do it again? Here are three ways to avoid picking "Mr. Wrong"and find the right guy the second time around:

1. Be in the moment. When you go out on a date, try and enjoy your time with your date without projecting into the future. As women we tend to size men up very quickly and make judgements about him. He may not be the right height, have the right job or be someone we are immediately attracted to, but by rushing to judgement, you could overlook a gem. If you are having a good time and are feeling good, go out with him again. Take it one date at a time and only go out with someone who makes you feel good.

2. Judge a potential new mate by his actions, not by what he says. Pay close attention to how your date behaves. Is he reliable? Does he call when he says he will? Do not make excuses for someone who is a sweet talker but may be unreliable. Always trust your instincts and if you have doubts, get out of the relationship.

3. Do not try and change someone into the person you want them to be. All too often, women make the mistake of trying to mold their new man into the man of their dreams. If you cannot accept your new man the way he is, he is not the man for you.

The best way to avoid another failed relationship is to work on yourself and your own happiness. When you are feeling happy, you naturally attract other happy people. Remember, like attracts like. The traits you desire in a new mate are the very same traits you need to cultivate in yourself. Become the type of person you desire a relationship with and you will attract that kind of person into your life.

BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND

The end of a Bank Holiday Weekend and with two out of three days without rain, it has to be some kind of record! Any way I managed to take advantage of the clement conditions to catch up with my vegetable gardening and have been undertaking some rather heavy digging in order to finish planting the potatoes. It was hard work but the weeds are now in retreat and I feel that I have achieved something.

Clients often remark how easy marriage is compared to divorce. To my way of thinking both are hard work. Compared to gardening, however, neither gives you back ache!

Do You Ever Wonder How You Could Of Married Your Ex?...

I brought my kids to visit their dad this weekend and have been trying my best to get along with him so that we can co-parent our children in a healthy way. This has not been easy. My ex likes to challenge me and push my buttons. My goal has been to stay calm no matter what he is saying to me and not react in a negative way.

Today we were having a conversation in a public place and my ex started to pepper his language with some profanity. Not only was this in front of my two teenage sons who are very impressionable and are reprimanded for using foul language themselves, it was in earshot of other children and their parents. Needless to say I was embarrassed and asked him to watch his language. He refused and did not see anything wrong with cursing in public.

Later on, after the incident, I wondered how my ex could of changed so much. I felt like I did not know this person. Was this the same man I was married to for 13 years?At first, I could not recall him acting the way he did today. But then I remembered,there were times when he acted the very same way, I just had forgotten. Maybe he hadn't changed into this foul mouthed, angry man after our divorce, maybe he had been that man all along. Maybe the person who changed was me. I was now someone who would not tolerate that kind of behavior anymore.

The person I was at 22 years old when I married this man is not the same person I am today at 40. I am so thankful now that I was able to escape a marriage to someone who has such different beliefs and values than me. Even though my divorce was a nightmare, it has forced me to grow and change in ways I never thought possible. I am happier now that I have ever been in my life.

So will my ex and I ever be able to co-parent together and get along for the sake of our children? I am trying and things have gotten better, despite his outbursts and bad language. I have discovered that although nothing I do or say can change my ex's behavior, I can control my reaction to him and the way I behave.

THE MAY FAIR

Yesterday I took Little Girl and two of her friends to Northallerton’s May Fair. A sign next to the Dodgem Cars captured my imagination and I took this photograph of it. Now in what circumstances would you hire that ride for “Fates”?

Each dodgem car holds two people quite closely, and the whole ride could of course be used as some kind of enormous crystal ball for the purpose of foretelling successful relationships. Indeed Gipsy Rosa Lee, who appeared to be absent from the proceedings, could have taken up residence with the dodgems instead of in her caravan.

Imagine: you get in a car with your nearest and dearest, survive a few knocks, scrapes and rocky patches to emerge at the end clutching each other’s hands and laughing. Alternatively your car breaks down in the centre and you abandon it as quickly as you can, each fleeing in opposite directions.

It could catch on as a precursor to taking wedding vows, a little like pre-nuptial agreements.

ELECTED CHANGES

Boris Johnson
Originally uploaded by barney haward

I’ve just heard that Boris is moving in and Ken out. I hope Barbie will be happy. Oh, of course, it’s not that Ken. What can I say? What about: after eight years as Mayor of London, it’s been longer than most marriages these days!

Getting Organized During Your Divorce..

If you are facing a divorce you need to get organized and prepared. I advise anyone facing a divorce to make copies of all legal and financial documents. I found a free divorce worksheet that can help you in this process at: http://www.docstoc.com/docs/272854/Divorce-Work-Sheet Docstoc.com is a great resource of free documents that you can download.

When you get organized during a divorce it helps you feel in control in a situation where you often feel helpless and overwhelmed. Although sifting through paperwork sounds tedious, it can be exactly what you need to do right now to feel better. Knowing your families financial situation and what you cane expect to receive in your divorce settlement can also ease anxiety about your financial future.

Take some time to go through the paperwork, clean out closets, and get rid of the clutter in your life. Divorce is the end of a marriage but it is also a new beginning. By getting organized you are paving the way for your new life after divorce.

How Pets Can Help You Heal After A Divorce...

Children In Control

It seems to be an epidemic where children have been given an amazing amount of control over their lives by warring parents involved in divorce and custody matters. Recently I have a number of cases, where the children are refusing to attend school, threatening bodily harm to those around them and basically running amok. The parents seem to be throwing up their hands in surrender placing blame on the other parent and on a system that ties their hands as parents in the discipline of their children. While there is some validity to this complaint, it stems mostly from the possibility of charges brought forth by the other parent who seeks to utilize the court system to their own advantage at the expense of their children. The courts must wake up to the fact that the empowerment of these children is creating a very dangerous generation being unleashed upon society. These are the children who make the papers in places like Columbine. These are the children who are arrested for making threats to their fellow students. These are the future felons of the world. I am never one to count a child out, and it pains me to be involved in cases where the judge feels the child is already a lost cause. As the mother of four, I never like to think any child is a lost cause. Parents, even those getting divorced, need to put their differences aside in order to properly discipline and parent their children. By creating these children they have a responsibility to insure that they grow into law abiding responsible adults. Putting their own self interests ahead of their children these parents really should be punished for their failure to properly parent the children they bring into this world. As a legal system we should be less willing to hear allegations against parents who are disciplining their children. We must make better decisions about making the distinction between abuse and discipline. How is it that abuse tends to be regularly overlooked but parents who are involved in a divorce regularly have the discipline of their children scrutinized by everyone from the law guardian to the forensic psychologists? Many of these "experts" are not even parents themselves, but regularly pass judgement on those involved in messy divorce cases. Mandatory therapy is not such a bad idea where the problems of the divorce have effected the children of the marriage. Parenting classes, and judges more willing to look into allegations by parents of abuse instead of just assuming that where there is smoke there must be a raging fire, may stop the trend. Or maybe adults need to just start acting like adults and let the kids be kids without adult problems.

Children In Control

It seems to be an epidemic where children have been given an amazing amount of control over their lives by warring parents involved in divorce and custody matters. Recently I have a number of cases, where the children are refusing to attend school, threatening bodily harm to those around them and basically running amok. The parents seem to be throwing up their hands in surrender placing blame on the other parent and on a system that ties their hands as parents in the discipline of their children. While there is some validity to this complaint, it stems mostly from the possibility of charges brought forth by the other parent who seeks to utilize the court system to their own advantage at the expense of their children. The courts must wake up to the fact that the empowerment of these children is creating a very dangerous generation being unleashed upon society. These are the children who make the papers in places like Columbine. These are the children who are arrested for making threats to their fellow students. These are the future felons of the world. I am never one to count a child out, and it pains me to be involved in cases where the judge feels the child is already a lost cause. As the mother of four, I never like to think any child is a lost cause. Parents, even those getting divorced, need to put their differences aside in order to properly discipline and parent their children. By creating these children they have a responsibility to insure that they grow into law abiding responsible adults. Putting their own self interests ahead of their children these parents really should be punished for their failure to properly parent the children they bring into this world. As a legal system we should be less willing to hear allegations against parents who are disciplining their children. We must make better decisions about making the distinction between abuse and discipline. How is it that abuse tends to be regularly overlooked but parents who are involved in a divorce regularly have the discipline of their children scrutinized by everyone from the law guardian to the forensic psychologists? Many of these "experts" are not even parents themselves, but regularly pass judgement on those involved in messy divorce cases. Mandatory therapy is not such a bad idea where the problems of the divorce have effected the children of the marriage. Parenting classes, and judges more willing to look into allegations by parents of abuse instead of just assuming that where there is smoke there must be a raging fire, may stop the trend. Or maybe adults need to just start acting like adults and let the kids be kids without adult problems.

TAKING PRECAUTIONS

In my last blog entry below, I alluded to the fact that divorce gets blamed for all kinds of ills in society. Last week, my attention was drawn to an article by Jenny Hope for the Daily Mail (click here for the full article). Apparently incidences of sexually transmitted diseases are increasing in the over-50’s and, as you’ll have guessed, the reason attributed is the increasing number of divorces in that age group. So if you’re over 50, recently divorced and thinking of becoming sexually active again, the considered advice is, of course, to take precautions, not against pregnancy but chlamydia and gonorrhea. In our nanny state it’s perceived as a problem the Government must tackle in terms of educating older members of society and being aware that they are generally omitted from the campaigns that plague our airwaves or magazines all aimed at the other end of the age spectrum. Maybe the courts should be sending out suitably worded literature with decree absolutes whilst solicitors should be required to install vending machines for condoms in their waiting areas. Any other suggestions?