Getting Back Together with an Abuser..

I just read on people.com that singer Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together after he was arrested several weeks ago for allegedly beating and threatening her. How sad. It makes me think about all of the married women who are abused and yet cannot escape their abuser.

I had an aunt whose husband beat her up regularly. My father told the story of how, after my aunt had been hit yet again by her husband, he went to her house and beat up his brother-in-law. As he was hitting him, my aunt jumped on my father and screamed "Don't hurt him!". My father was shocked that she would defend her own abuser. The abuse finally stopped for my aunt when her husband left her. He also left his 6 daughters, never to be seen again and never sending one dime of child support.

Why would a woman defend, forgive and take back someone who hurts them? I think is is a combination of low self-esteem and psychological manipulation on the part of the abuser. For Rihanna, we see a beautiful, young, famous, wealthy woman who is not trapped with an abuser because she has no where to go or no income. Does she really "love" someone who is capable of hurting her so badly or is she addicted to someone she thinks she cannot live without?

Looking at an abusive marriage or relationship from the outside, you want to tell the woman to please get out, to protect herself and end the abuse. But the reality is many women will stay in an abusive relationship until it is too late. If you are reading this and are being abused, please know that you are worthy of respect, love and kindness. No one deserves to be hurt, either emotionally or physically. If you cannot think highly enough of yourself to leave, then do it for your kids or family or even for the man you claim to love. Allowing yourself to be abused does not help the abuser. You become an enabler and your abuser will never get the help he so desperately needs if you continue to be his punching bag. Gather your inner strength and stand up for yourself. Believe that you are a worthwhile, valuable person who deserves to be in a healthy, safe, loving relationship.

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Why I Am Grateful For My Divorce...

When I hear from women who are considering divorce because they are trapped in an unhappy marriage, it makes me so grateful that I am no longer in an unhappy marriage myself.

I had convinced myself during my marriage that everything was fine and considered myself happily married. But it wasn't until I divorced that I realized how unhappy I actually was.

I cringe when I hear stories of women who are stuck in a marriage where their husband controls their every move. Some husband's even "punish" their wives by taking away credit cards or cash. My ex used to lock me off the computer when he was angry. He would put a code on it so I could not log on. I did not realize it at the time, but he was attempting to control me and that was a sign of emotional abuse.

I am so blessed now to be my own person, free to make my own decisions and live my life the way I choose to, not having to worry constantly about pleasing someone else.

You may be going through a divorce right now or contemplating one and feel overwhelmed, hurt and angry. Those emotions are normal and you need to go through the stages of grief to let go of your marriage and move on. But someday soon, you will see things in a different light. Once you start enjoying your new life, post divorce, you too will come to appreciate your new found freedom and discover a brand new life, better than before.