FOR RICHER OR POORER

When going through divorce there are many reasons why the vows made on a wedding day can come back to haunt. Take for instance the case yesterday in the Court of Appeal when it upheld the judgment against Mrs Marano made last year, ordering her to pay £5 million towards her ex-husband’s property losses.

“For richer or poorer,” has a certain resonance, and the case serves as a timely reminder in these economically challenging times, that fortunes can go either way. Whilst assets which accrue during a marriage can be shared on divorce, so too can debts.

New Internet Scam

A new internet scam has targeted lawyers and I have received this email at least 3 times over the course of the last few months.  The sender seeks to retain the lawyer to collect funds owed under the terms of a collaborative divorce settlement. Most of the ones have the faux client claiming to be in Japan, or in one case England.  It is my understanding that at least one California lawyer took the bait. The faux client wired funds to the lawyer, then seeks a refund, and after the refund is made the original wire transfer is reversed.

New Internet Scam

A new internet scam has targeted lawyers and I have received this email at least 3 times over the course of the last few months.  The sender seeks to retain the lawyer to collect funds owed under the terms of a collaborative divorce settlement. Most of the ones have the faux client claiming to be in Japan, or in one case England.  It is my understanding that at least one California lawyer took the bait. The faux client wired funds to the lawyer, then seeks a refund, and after the refund is made the original wire transfer is reversed.

JACK AND JILL HAPPY EVER AFTER

Someone accused me yesterday of not blogging as often as I used to. “I’ve been busy at work,” I explained.

“Too much work makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a dull girl,” I was told.

At least it set me thinking as I recalled the nursery rhyme:
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water,
Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after.
Up Jack got and home he trot as fast as he could caper.
He went to bed to mend his head, with vinegar and brown paper.

Were Jack and Jill dull together? Is that how they got on? Did she tend to his injuries and make a devoted caring nurse? Alternatively, did Jill resent Jack taking to his bed with a graze on his forehead when she was covered in painful bruises from her own fall? Was the vinegar on the pillowcase she’d only just washed and ironed the final straw, and was she off to see a divorce solicitor the next morning?

Enough of this pointless rambling, I have work to return to (and a meal to cook for Outdoor Man). Also I’m now reliably informed that the rhyme was about King Louis XVI being beheaded, with Queen Marie Antoinette not far behind. In that context, and despite the happier ending it was given for children to chant, there are times when divorce can be a preferable outcome!

PANCAKE CRAZY

When speaking to clients in my capacity as a divorce solicitor, I have learned the hard way that it is always important to check the date and be prepared to discover you are talking at cross-purposes.

Once upon a time in the days when High Streets closed on Shrove Tuesday for pancake races, I recall conversing with a client. She worked part-time and had taken to ringing me during her coffee break at work on Tuesday mornings.

“He’s a tosser,” she fumed on this particular day. “He’s flipped 3 times already this morning!”

I held my tongue but wondered whether I should be suggesting that she call Mental Health.

When she told me that she had left him on the ceiling, I felt I had to broach the prospect of medical assistance and delicately suggested that maybe she should involve his GP.

“What, to scrape a pancake down from the kitchen ceiling?” she responded in astonishment!

Seperate vacations a good idea for married couples

Vacations are a time to get away from daily routines for relaxation and fun Many couples plan vacations together. But what happens when one person wants to go on a cruise and the other person wants to ski? Does one person give in and give up the vacation he has been dreaming about and saving for since last year? Or, should couples take separate vacations?

Experts say in most cases separate vacations are definitely a good idea for couples.
If you are freshly engaged or newly married, it may seem difficult to imagine time when you’d want to take a separate vacation from your partner. But the time may come when doing just that will turn out to be a great thing for your relationship.


Susan Schwartz, a CanWest reporter, writes about this in her article “Spouses go separate vacation ways“. She states, according to Betty Goldwarg, who is a Montreal psychotherapist, travelling independently can help partners to grow individually and as a couple. Schwartz goes on to say taking a trip, however long or short, without one’s partner means seeing a place from a different perspective than you would together — and returning home with stories to tell.

Separate vacations are a good idea as long as the relationship is on stable footing. As Schwartz says, solo vacations can work, as long as the couple has a committed relationship that is healthy and sound. She refers to psychologist Marla Yanofsky who notes “If there is a strength in the couple, it can be seen as a healthy thing — that there is independence.” If all a couple takes is separate vacations or if one person resents the other person taking off on their own, then there could be a problem.

Seperate vacations a good idea for married couples

Vacations are a time to get away from daily routines for relaxation and fun Many couples plan vacations together. But what happens when one person wants to go on a cruise and the other person wants to ski? Does one person give in and give up the vacation he has been dreaming about and saving for since last year? Or, should couples take separate vacations?

Experts say in most cases separate vacations are definitely a good idea for couples.
If you are freshly engaged or newly married, it may seem difficult to imagine time when you’d want to take a separate vacation from your partner. But the time may come when doing just that will turn out to be a great thing for your relationship.


Susan Schwartz, a CanWest reporter, writes about this in her article “Spouses go separate vacation ways“. She states, according to Betty Goldwarg, who is a Montreal psychotherapist, travelling independently can help partners to grow individually and as a couple. Schwartz goes on to say taking a trip, however long or short, without one’s partner means seeing a place from a different perspective than you would together — and returning home with stories to tell.

Separate vacations are a good idea as long as the relationship is on stable footing. As Schwartz says, solo vacations can work, as long as the couple has a committed relationship that is healthy and sound. She refers to psychologist Marla Yanofsky who notes “If there is a strength in the couple, it can be seen as a healthy thing — that there is independence.” If all a couple takes is separate vacations or if one person resents the other person taking off on their own, then there could be a problem.

MARRIAGE DECLINE

Oh dear – spare a thought for we divorce lawyers destined to be seeking new careers if the latest statistics on marriages are anything to go by. According to the Office for National Statistics yesterday, the provisional number of marriages registered in England & Wales in 2008 shows a decline to 232,990; that’s the lowest figure since 1895 when the population was of course considerably smaller. Should I be viewing these statistics as a threat or an opportunity? What could I train to do next?

SAME SEX COUPLES CAN DIVORCE IN NY


While NY does not allow same sex couples to wed within the state NY does recognize marriages that are performed out of state as long as there is no NY law prohibiting the marriage and it is not against public policy. Since New York Courts recognize out of stae same sex marriages the courts will grant divorces to those couples residing in New York. The courts have determined that they have subject matter jurisdiction to grant divorces where parties were married in a state that permitted same sex marriag and the parties meet the New York residency requirements. Only in February 2008 was this first handed down in Beth R. vs. Donna M. In this case the defendant argued that the divorce action should be dismissed because New York did not recognize gay marriages and therefore could not grant a divorce. The court denied the motion to dismiss on grounds that New York recognizes marriages that are legal where contracted unless the marriage is "prohibited by a positive law of this state" or is against public policy, which has been narrowly construed as polygamy or incest. The court further decided visitation and custody issues ruling that even though one spouse was not a biological parent to the children, it was in the children's best interest that custody visitation and support be considered for both of the parties.

SAME SEX COUPLES CAN DIVORCE IN NY


While NY does not allow same sex couples to wed within the state NY does recognize marriages that are performed out of state as long as there is no NY law prohibiting the marriage and it is not against public policy. Since New York Courts recognize out of stae same sex marriages the courts will grant divorces to those couples residing in New York. The courts have determined that they have subject matter jurisdiction to grant divorces where parties were married in a state that permitted same sex marriag and the parties meet the New York residency requirements. Only in February 2008 was this first handed down in Beth R. vs. Donna M. In this case the defendant argued that the divorce action should be dismissed because New York did not recognize gay marriages and therefore could not grant a divorce. The court denied the motion to dismiss on grounds that New York recognizes marriages that are legal where contracted unless the marriage is "prohibited by a positive law of this state" or is against public policy, which has been narrowly construed as polygamy or incest. The court further decided visitation and custody issues ruling that even though one spouse was not a biological parent to the children, it was in the children's best interest that custody visitation and support be considered for both of the parties.

KICKING THE BALLS INTO TOUCH

I hear Awkward, Vicious and C.U. Incourt, solicitors, are to run a new advertising campaign:-

“Ladies does the time your husband devotes to the hallowed game of football give you cause for consternation and despair? Fear not; inspired by events at national level, there is a route for revenge: Allege adultery; get him demoted!”

MISTAKEN ATTRACTION

On Sunday, Outdoor Man and I went walking on the North Yorkshire Moors. All week I had watched the hills glistening under a cover of snow and the trip followed an idealised notion on my part that I fancied walking on it. How ridiculous; after all it is only 2 weeks since that blanket that had lain for a full 5 weeks right on my doorstep finally melted. However, clearly a fortnight is all it takes to make me forget the bitter cold, the slipping as I trod gingerly across thick ice, the wet gloves (from the snowballs) and the tingling to my nose and cheeks as they peeped out from between layers of wool and Gore-Tex. Oh it certainly looked pretty but we didn’t get far before I felt I had earned a right to complain and moan about my stupidity.

Why is it that so many people are condemned to a romantic notion of attraction, never learning from previous experiences but instead repeating them?

Divorce when one spouse is not in this Country
Jurisdiction for divorce cases rests with each party therefore either party can bring a divorce action in the jurisdiction in which they reside. That means that if one party resides in another state or even another country that the law in every state will recognize a divorce granted by that jurisdiction.

The only requirement being that the party not in residence be served personally.  If personal service is not acheived then the court must fashion a remedy such a proper publication in order to try get notice to the party and some proof of a "due diligence" effort to locate the other spouse. This can be acheived by contacting a private investigator and getting him to run a full array of searches.

Division of property and custody and visitation issues may in fact be a little trickier if one party contests the divorce.  Most times if a spouse has established a residence along with the children for at least a six month period that spouse may ask that their home state be considered the jurisdictional venue for all matters involving custody and visitation.  It is then a battle of the states do decide which venue is proper for a decision in that regard.

All states however, will recognize a foreign divorce decree whether it was obtained outside the United States or within a different state.

Divorce when one spouse is not in this Country
Jurisdiction for divorce cases rests with each party therefore either party can bring a divorce action in the jurisdiction in which they reside. That means that if one party resides in another state or even another country that the law in every state will recognize a divorce granted by that jurisdiction.

The only requirement being that the party not in residence be served personally.  If personal service is not acheived then the court must fashion a remedy such a proper publication in order to try get notice to the party and some proof of a "due diligence" effort to locate the other spouse. This can be acheived by contacting a private investigator and getting him to run a full array of searches.

Division of property and custody and visitation issues may in fact be a little trickier if one party contests the divorce.  Most times if a spouse has established a residence along with the children for at least a six month period that spouse may ask that their home state be considered the jurisdictional venue for all matters involving custody and visitation.  It is then a battle of the states do decide which venue is proper for a decision in that regard.

All states however, will recognize a foreign divorce decree whether it was obtained outside the United States or within a different state.

THE LONG ROAD TO RECOVERY

When undergoing the trauma of marriage or relationship breakdown counselling is often a sensible option to help cope with the trauma and its effect on one’s emotional well-being. Lack of confidence and poor self esteem are not uncommon, especially after an abusive relationship. When a marital bond disintegrates, identity and self worth stemming from it disintegrate too and depression can set in. Some hardy souls pick up the pieces and get on with things. For many the transition back to a feeling of normality can take much longer and support is needed.

For those who decide that counselling is the proper option for them the problem can be finding the right counsellor. There are apparently no laws in the UK that govern counselling, and whilst there are qualifications and professional bodies, these can often be confusing and overwhelming. Counselling can take many different approaches, from person-based to psychoanalytic, and it’s important to choose a counsellor with an approach you will be comfortable with and respond to well. So how on earth do you find a counsellor to fit your situation?

I have recently been referred to Counselling Directory and it appears to be a simpleway of connecting people that need help with the people that provide it. A comprehensive search tool allows postcode, town and country searches, and produces a list of counsellors registered in this area. Each counsellor has a profile about themselves and the site shows which counsellors are registered/accredited with a professional body. Importantly I understand that full profiles are only displayed after insurance and qualification documents are checked or membership with a professional body has been verified.

There are also articles on the site written by the counsellors, as well as comprehensive information on all kinds of distress: from depression to eating disorders, to help people identify their problems and become informed, not scared.