Divorce On The Rise For the New Year

The holidays are coming to an end and a new year is on the horizon. Most of us will list losing weight, exercising and making more money for our new year resolutions this year. Some will also have divorce on that list too.

Many divorces are filed this time of year. If divorce was something you have been considering, you may have held off making a final decision until after the holidays.

If getting a divorce is a choice you are about to make for the new year, please think carefully about your your decision. The notion that a divorce is the cure for your martial problems, may be misguided. The realities of divorce are harsh and permanent. Some people, feeling depressed, restless and unhappy with their lives, think that a divorce will give them a new lease on life and free them from the misery they are now feeling. This may be true. A divorce may be just what you need to take control of your life and begin anew if you have been wrestling with these feelings for a long time.

But more often than not, a divorce will create a whole new set of problems, both financially and emotionally. Take time to seriously contemplate if you are really going to better off without your spouse this year. There are consequences and divorce affects everyone in your family, not just you and your spouse.

Recently, the rapper Snoop Dogg, made the following statement about calling off his own divorce several years ago: "I was going to split up with my wife - my wife wasn't going to split up with me,” The Sun quoted Dogg, as saying. "You know, I was caught up with Hollywood, and the girls and the night life. "I thought I was the man and I was willing to give up what I had at home for that, until I realized that what I had at home was irreplaceable, so I gave that up to go back home.
"I just don't want another man raising my kids. That was the main goal. I had kids with my wife because I wanted to be with my wife. And those three babies are all wanted, and I wanted to be with them."

I think what Snoop said was profound. He was able to save his marriage by understanding what was truly important to him in his life: his kids and his wife. Too often we under the illusion that somehow "the grass is always greener on the other side".

Whatever decision you make, take time to do some serious soul searching and consider marriage counseling before filing for a divorce. A divorce may be the right decision for you and your family, but make sure that you have come to this conclusion carefully, and not impulsively.

Was Kevin Durant's head cropped for video game cover?

Am I just seeing things or does it look like Kevin Durant's head was cropped and Photoshopped for the cover of EA Sports NCAA 08 March Madness video game? Either way it looks weird. Would it have been that difficult to find a good picture of Durant to use? I know the guy only played NCAA ball for one year, but there must be a ton of pictures of him in a Texas jersey to choose from. It looks like something we had to make in high school art class--we had to cut out all kinds of different images from magazines and create a meaningful collage without allowing any background to be visible. Whatever. It looks like one of those pictures we cut out and then combined with another picture.

Selling The Family Home During A Divorce....

Many couples, facing a divorce decide to sell the family home and divide any profits after the sale. That is the way it used to work, back when the real estate market was thriving and couples were able to pull large amounts of equity from the sale of their homes.

Not so anymore. The real estate market is in trouble and many divorcing couples are at a loss about what to do about the family home. With the market flooded with homes for sale, foreclosures on the rise and homes on the market for many months before selling, what is a couple to do?

There are still some options left. One spouse can buy out the other and retain the property. If this is the option you choose, make sure to have the home appraised by a certified appraiser, not just a Realtor giving you his or her opinion abut how much the home is worth. Another option is to hold off selling the home ,if possible and stipulate in the divorce agreement that the home will be sold at a later date when the real estate market recovers. Some issues that must be worked out with this option are: Will the spouse occupying the home pay the mortgage,taxes and other household expenses? This is important because the spouse who does not contribute to the financial upkeep of home should get less profit when the home is eventually sold. These kind of issues need to be clearly outlined in the divorce agreement so that there are no problems down the road.

If selling the home right now is something that you must do in order to settle your divorce, use the following tactics to sell your house faster.

1. Hire the best realtor in town. Ask around and see who has the highest home sales in your area. You do not want to waste time trying to do a "for sale by owner" in this situation. You need someone to aggressively market and sell the house fast.

2. Be realistic about the asking price. Price the house to sell and you will be more successful selling in today's market.

3. Ask your spouse to help foot the bill for any minor improvements you must make to get the home ready to show to potential buyers. Things like painting, new carpeting, landscaping and fixing any obvious eye sores on the property can help sell your house much faster than other homes in your neighborhood. Home repairs can be costly, so set a budget with your soon to be ex and try to come up with a realistic amount the two of you can spend. If you are involved in a bitter divorce, you may have to have your lawyer ask your spouse's lawyer to include this in your divorce settlement.

Whether you choose to hold on to the family home for a few years until the market turns around or sell your home now, it is important to research all of your options carefully and make a step by step plan to protect one of your most important assets-your home.

Celebrating the Holidays After A Divorce...

As I was putting the decorations on the Christmas tree, I came across two very special ornaments from a Christmas long ago. They were the hand prints of my sons, ages 3 and 4, dipped in paint and pressed upon paper plates, decorated with gold glitter. After marveling how much bigger my boys hands are now, at ages, 13 and 1/2 and 15, I was reminded of the many Christmases before my divorce.

I recalled the many happy Christmas mornings with my ex and four children. If you would asked me back then, I would have never guessed that years later our family would be broken apart, my children's father never to spend Christmas morning with us again.

As joyous as the holidays are, after a divorce, they can also be bittersweet. A divorce forces you to develop new holiday traditions and abandon old ones. Most of the rituals of Christmas at my home are the same. "Santa" presents wrapped in special paper, carefully placed under the tree after the kids have gone to sleep and a plate of cookies and milk with a note written to Santa from my youngest daughter. My husband's job was to drink the milk and eat the cookies making sure to leave a few crumbs behind. It was also his job to take pictures Christmas morning while I helped the kids unwrap the presents. Now these jobs are mine.

The holidays signify the loss of the dreams and traditions you created with your spouse. This time of year forces you to remember what was and will never be again and can bring about a sense of sadness. It is normal to feel this way. The grieving process after a divorce takes time and a part of you, deep down inside,will always be sad for what has been lost.

Each year, as I celebrate the holidays with my children as a single parent,we create new memories and although I will never forget those Christmases with my ex, instead of feelings of loss and sadness, I now remember those Christmases with fondness. A happy day celebrated with my family. It is important to remember that although you and your ex will never celebrate the holidays as a couple again, you can create new memories and new traditions and embrace this new chapter in your life. Try focusing on the positive aspects of your life now and be grateful for your many blessings. By being in the moment and creating new holiday traditions and rituals, you will create new memories that you will remember for a lifetime.

Do's And Don'ts For New Step Parents

If you are divorced and dating, you might someday find yourself in the role of a stepparent. If you decide to date and marry a man who has children, there are some simple rules you need to follow.

1. Be sensitive. Do not ask the kids to call you "Mom". Recently, Katie Holmes, wife of actor Tom Cruise and step mom to his two children with Nicole Kidman, told People magazine that the kids call her "mom". Although it is wonderful her step kids love her, they already have a mother and I can only imagine how hurt she must of been by this comment.

2. Have patience. Children of divorce are dealing with many issues, and often have a hard time accepting a new mate for their mom or dad. Give the kids time to accept you and don't go overboard trying to gain their affections.

3. Be prepared to share. Remember the kids had your new spouse's attention first. There is a different dynamic to marrying someone with children. Don't expect your new mate to always put your first. A divorced parent must prioritize and many times that means putting the kids' needs ahead of their own. This doesn't mean your new mate doesn't love or care for you. Keeping the kids happy and a new spouse from feeling ignored can be a daunting task. Give your spouse time to adjust and work out the kinks so that everyone can eventually merge into a happy,well balanced ,blended family.

CHRISTMAS CRACKERS

The old jokes are always the best and none more so than the ones that come out of Christmas crackers. Is it just co-incidence or is there a line in crackers for those with relationship difficulties? I’m thinking particularly of:

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him; or
I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months; I don’t like to interrupt her.

Once upon a time however, I interviewed my very own Christmas cracker. Although it’s many years ago now, I can still remember his Christian name; it was Rudolph. He was large with ginger hair and a ruddy expression. It was Christmas Eve and he wore a garland of tinsel around his neck and a paper crown on his head. He described to me how he and his wife had both thought they were happy for twenty years but had then met and married, following which he realised that he had never known before what true happiness was, although by then it was too late. Unfortunately his wife never learned the true secret of a perfect marriage, namely to forgive her husband whenever she was wrong, and matters had finally come to a head the day before when they had argued over the weather. She insisted that it was snowing but he had told her it was only raining. The bickering was incessant and eventually he asked her to go outside with him so that they could establish who was correct. She agreed, and, as he had maintained all along, it was raining. “How did you know that?” she asked.
“Rudolph the Red knows rain dear,” he replied.

Happy Christmas!

I have promised my family a break from blogging over the Christmas holiday but shall be back here in the New Year.

How Much Do You Think Your Divorce Will Cost?.....

After much soul searching, you have finally made the decision to divorce. Your next step, after informing your spouse, is to seek legal representation. But do you really have any idea how much this divorce will cost you? Unfortunately, most divorcing couples are unaware of how expensive a divorce can really be.

You may have the best intentions in the beginning of your divorce proceedings and even contemplate hiring a mediator to negotiate your divorce settlement. If however you or your spouse, decides to wage an all out divorce war, you may find yourself embroiled in a lengthy and expensive trial.

So just how much money does a divorce cost? Boston Law Collaborative, a law firm specializing in collaborative divorce analyzed 199 of its recent divorce cases, and found that mediation, collaborative divorce and litigation all produced high rates of successful settlement. Mediation was by far the least expensive option, with a median cost of $6,600, compared to $19,723 for a collaborative divorce, $26,830 for settlements negotiated by rival lawyers, and $77,746 for full-scale litigation.

These numbers represent the harsh reality of the high price divorcing couples pay financially when they refuse to settle their divorce amicably.From the Boston law firm's study, there is a difference of over $71,000 in savings by choosing to use a mediator instead of going for full scale litigation. That is money that can be used for your children's college educations instead of thrown away on divorce attorney fees.

Hopefully this information will serve as a wake up call to divorcing couples who are hell bent on destroying each in the courtroom. If there is any chance of settling your divorce through mediation or by using collaborative divorce lawyers, do it. The price you pay both financially and emotionally by battling your spouse in court is just not worth it.

FRIDAY'S CHILD IS FULL OF WOE

Mara's baptism
Originally uploaded by Brian Conaghan

Earlier this week an Italian court ruled not only that it was not permissible for the parents of a child to call him Friday but also that they must call him Gregory. Apparently in Italy the courts have the power to overrule the parents’ choice of name if it is likely to cause a child to suffer shame when he grows up. Now, whilst I am not encouraging the authorities in this country to adopt a similar attitude and after all it could cause problems for any number of celebrities (including those who have been knighted) if they did, I do have one suggestion which would make a family lawyer’s life significantly easier. Why not introduce a law compelling all names to at least be spelled correctly? That way I would not come amiss with such quirks as Jorge, Sharlutt and Chevaun.

THE SEASON OF GOODWILL

It’s the season of goodwill and peace to all men, except your spouse of course. When most police forces are gearing up to reduce alcohol related incidents in our town centres or to breathalyse drunken drivers, police in County Durham have announced a new initiative to help counter domestic violence. Statistically Christmas Day invariably shows a significant increase in the number of incidents of violence in the home reported to the police. In Durham funding has been given for head cams, which means that when responding to a victim’s call they will now automatically film what they see, leaving their hands free to deal with the situation. Hopefully response times will be quick enough to enable them not only to capture the incident on camera but more importantly to intervene to prevent serious damage. In the meantime any resident of the county who spots a bobby with strange headgear (the exact nature of which I have not as yet seen) should note that he really is a police officer and not an extra for a Doctor Who Christmas Special.

Ten Questions You Must Ask Before Hiring A Divorce Lawyer...

If you are ready to interview divorce lawyers, you should be armed with the following questions to ensure you hire the right attorney. Many divorcing couples find out too late that they have invested money and time with the wrong divorce lawyer. Although it is possible to fire your lawyer and hire a new one during a divorce, save yourself the hassle and pick the right one from the beginning. Here is what you need to ask:

1. Do you specialize in divorce and family law? How many years have you been practicing in this field? (This is crucial. Do not hire a lawyer that does not specialize in divorce and family law.)

2. Are you experienced in the courtroom and how many of your divorce cases ended up in a trial last year? (You do not want an inexperienced attorney representing you at trial. Finding out how many cases went to trial will give you an idea of what kind of negotiator this lawyer is. If most of his cases end up at trial you can expect yours to as well.)

3. Are you a mediator or a collaborative divorce attorney? Do you encourage mediation for your clients? (Although not required, it is better to find a lawyer who is either a mediator or believes in settling divorce cases with one. Collaborative divorce lawyers tend to resolve your divorce in a more amicable and less expensive way.)

4. Will you be the attorney handling my case or will any other associates in your firm be involved? Do you have the time to devote to my case? (Do not hire a lawyer who does not have time for your case and will push your case off to a newer, less experienced associate.)

5.Will I deal directly with you or your paralegal or secretary? Is there a separate hourly rate to speak with paralegals, secretaries and assistants in the firm? (If there is no additional charge to speak to these employees, that is a good sign. You can save money by calling the secretary or paralegal directly for minor questions instead of being billed by the minute by your lawyer)

6. How much of a retainer do you require? What are your hourly fees? Do you require additional retainers after the initial one has run dry? If my retainer runs out, can you delay payment until my divorce is settled and take the funds out then? (Don't be shocked when your retainer runs out and you are required to replenish it or lose representation. Negotiate a deal now with your new attorney to have additional fees paid after your divorce is settled)

7. Can you file a motion in the court asking that my retainer and attorney fees be paid by my spouse? Is it possible for you to give me an estimate of how much my divorce will cost? (If your spouse is the primary breadwinner or controls the martial funds, it is beneficial to find an attorney who will ask the court to direct your spouse to cover legal expenses.)

8.What other costs can I expect during my divorce? Will I have hire other professionals like accountants, appraisers, investigators,etc? Do I pay extra for photocopies, faxes, and other office services? Do you charge for travel to court? If so, how much? (Find out the additional costs now so there won't be any surprises later)

9.Within what time frame can I expect you to return my phone calls? Do you bill by the minute or in blocks of minutes? (Many people are shocked when their divorce lawyer takes days, even weeks to return a phone call, find out this ahead of time and save yourself grief.)

10. Will I receive a written agreement with agreed upon hourly rates? Also, will I get copies of all of my legal documents concerning my case and is there an additional charge for this? (Make sure to get an agreement in writing outlining all of the hourly fees,additional fees and other costs your lawyer will incur)

How To Cope When Your Spouse Has Cheated.....

At a recent divorce support group I organize, one of the members recounted his recent heartbreak about how he is dealing with his wife's affair. Although he had been separated for almost a year and his divorce was about to be finalized, he was still in a great deal of pain. He confided that just a few months ago, he was unable to even speak about his wife's betrayal. He went on to tell us how he felt sick to his stomach thinking about the woman he once loved with another man. He also spoke of feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

It may be surprising to think that a person whose spouse has cheated would feel this way. After all, they were not the one who committed adultery. But there are many "symptoms" one suffers from when dealing with the painful issue of infidelity. Here a few :

1. Shock and Confusion:You are stunned and feel numb,l ike your life's has become a bad dream and you are waiting to wake up. You just cannot fathom why your spouse would betray you.

2.Sadness. You have physical symptoms, such as nausea, stomach pain, chest pain and dizziness. You may lose your appetite and feel tired and listless.

3. Anger. You become irritable and daydream of ways to get even with your spouse and his lover.

4. Guilt: As you search your mind for answers, you start to blame yourself. You are not good enough, smart enough or attractive enough. You convince yourself that the reason your spouse strayed is because of one or all of these reasons.

5.Shame: Because your spouse has cheated, you feel embarrassed and ashamed to let others know. You feel like they are secretly thinking it must be your fault.

Know that it is normal to experience these painful emotions after discovering your spouse's affair. It will take time to heal from these wounds to your heart and soul. The most important realization that you must come to accept is that it was not your fault. Your spouse's infidelity is a refection on the kind of person he or she is, not who you are. Eventually there will be a day when you will be grateful that you are no longer married to someone who cannot be trusted.

WRAPPING PAPER

This morning I went shopping. To be more accurate, I ran along behind Little Girl, carrying a purse and the bags. As she scoured the shelves, I observed the other shoppers, laden with gifts and rolls of wrapping paper.

It reminded me of an occasion when, once upon a time, I was standing in a local supermarket just before Christmas idly considering the various choices of gift wrap on sale. A client passed by, waved cheerily and commented that she always bought her wrapping material in the next aisle. Curious, I pushed my trolley along it. There were stacks of household detergents, mops, brushes and then I spotted them: bin liners! Rolls of great big black bin liners and I realised what she meant, for this was the lady who against my better advice had decided to leave her husband’s personal possessions in bin liners on the driveway to their garage.

She at least did him the kindness of calling him to let him know what she had done and pursuant to which he made his way to their home relatively promptly. In the meantime, however, a local charity shop had arranged to collect unwanted possessions in that same street, that same morning and you will not be surprised to learn that husband’s worldly goods were pretty soon in a van heading for sale in aid of a good cause! Of course my client was blissfully unaware, until her husband arrived on the doorstep. I seem to recall, and this is putting it mildly, that he was not very understanding about the situation.

FREEZING FOG

I don’t believe that the temperature crept above freezing level today and County Durham was blanketed in fog. I know that because I drove the full length of it to get to court in Newcastle. At least the sun was shining there even if the air temperature remained Arctic-like. Near to the court is a busy pedestrian thoroughfare where most lawyers, barrister or solicitor, pass and today they were all well muffled up.

As I walked through I met an old, non-legal acquaintance. “Makes a change to see so many lawyers with their hands in their own pockets for once,” he remarked.

Maybe it was because I’d already heard that joke on the radio this morning as I drove up the motorway, or maybe I felt a tinge of guilt having just accepted a client’s kind offer of a cup of coffee; either way I felt mildly irritated and would recommend this entry in John Bolch's blog at Family Lore for a contrary view.

P.S. He was an estate agent.

Breathing Deeply Before Christmas

This has been the busiest holiday season I have ever had in the matrimonial world. I had four trials scheduled between Thanksgiving and New Years. The first trial settled on the first day of trial, the second trial actually occurred for two days, the third trial is in the process of being settled and the fourth took up 4 full days of settlement negotiations only to be bounced unsettled until the end of February for a new trial date.

To actually appreciate the work involved before trial, a good rule of thumb is one week of preparatory work for every two days of trial.

The four days of settlement negotiations were actually more taxing than being on trial. At least on trial an attorney gets to present her case and not argue points with opposing counsel. Settlement days involve non stop arguing. Even for a seasoned adversary like me such a pace takes its toll physically.

After each trial, my body has screamed "UNCLE" and collapsed into a state of exhaustion needing lots of TLC before the next matter. I thank God for the fortitude of my staff who bolsters me up with their accolades and props my body back up for the next fight, arming me with the documents and case law needed to prove my claims.
Also I have been blessed with clients who actually appreciate my work on their files and see the value of my efforts each time I enter the arena on their behalves.

I have been chided by my colleagues for being overly enthusiastic and aggressive in representing my clients and told on more than one occasion I was advocating like a "guy", a left-handed compliment I think. If only I was able to go home "like a guy" and put up my feet at the end of such a day, instead of starting my second job as Mom..once I walk through the door. When my husband informs me that his day has 15 hours I tell him that my day actually has 16. He laughs and tells me I am very adversarial and that I should save it for court. Well, one attorney told me I should save my "anger" for my husband!

Well, the bottom line is I think although we as women make inroads every day, it is still a man's world. Only those of us who dare to be as aggressive as our male counterparts unfortunately get heard. So as my client suggested, I will be resting myself in preparation of the next trial date. Unfortunately for my adversary I will be taking two much needed vacations prior to the next date! I should be in great form mentally and physically...and more importantly I will look marvelous!
Merry Christmas to all.

Breathing Deeply Before Christmas

This has been the busiest holiday season I have ever had in the matrimonial world. I had four trials scheduled between Thanksgiving and New Years. The first trial settled on the first day of trial, the second trial actually occurred for two days, the third trial is in the process of being settled and the fourth took up 4 full days of settlement negotiations only to be bounced unsettled until the end of February for a new trial date.

To actually appreciate the work involved before trial, a good rule of thumb is one week of preparatory work for every two days of trial.

The four days of settlement negotiations were actually more taxing than being on trial. At least on trial an attorney gets to present her case and not argue points with opposing counsel. Settlement days involve non stop arguing. Even for a seasoned adversary like me such a pace takes its toll physically.

After each trial, my body has screamed "UNCLE" and collapsed into a state of exhaustion needing lots of TLC before the next matter. I thank God for the fortitude of my staff who bolsters me up with their accolades and props my body back up for the next fight, arming me with the documents and case law needed to prove my claims.
Also I have been blessed with clients who actually appreciate my work on their files and see the value of my efforts each time I enter the arena on their behalves.

I have been chided by my colleagues for being overly enthusiastic and aggressive in representing my clients and told on more than one occasion I was advocating like a "guy", a left-handed compliment I think. If only I was able to go home "like a guy" and put up my feet at the end of such a day, instead of starting my second job as Mom..once I walk through the door. When my husband informs me that his day has 15 hours I tell him that my day actually has 16. He laughs and tells me I am very adversarial and that I should save it for court. Well, one attorney told me I should save my "anger" for my husband!

Well, the bottom line is I think although we as women make inroads every day, it is still a man's world. Only those of us who dare to be as aggressive as our male counterparts unfortunately get heard. So as my client suggested, I will be resting myself in preparation of the next trial date. Unfortunately for my adversary I will be taking two much needed vacations prior to the next date! I should be in great form mentally and physically...and more importantly I will look marvelous!
Merry Christmas to all.

How To Tell The Kids Your Getting Divorced...

All divorcing parents dread the moment when they will have to sit their children down and tell them mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. It is heartbreaking to see the confusion and fear in their innocent eyes. So many questions arise in their minds from" is it my fault?" to "why do mommy and daddy no longer love each other?"

Often, parents are caught up dealing with their own emotions and the children's needs can get pushed aside. When facing the devastating loss of your marriage, it is often difficult to be strong for your children and know the right things to say about the divorce. Many mistakes are made.

A new, innovative book has the potential to solve the problem of how to tell the kids about divorce in a positive and healthy way. Author Rosalind Sedecca has written How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Parents are guided in preparing an attractive personal family storybook, in a photo-album-type format, that children will want to read and reread. Sedacca's two fill-in-the-blank templates talk about the family's past, present and future, reminding children that change, while often frightening, is a natural part of life. Using age-appropriate language, the text conveys the essential messages parents need to share -- and children need to hear again and again.

Sedacca's son, eleven at the time of the divorce, is now a veterinarian. His moving Introduction to the book, personally acknowledges the effectiveness of this unique approach to a tough conversation. "One of the most gratifying moments in my life came when my son, as an adult, confided that he understood why his Dad and I divorced," says Sedacca. "While he was very upset at the time, he said he could now see it was the right decision. He also thanked me for maintaining a positive interactive relationship with his Dad -- what I now refer to as a Child-Centered Divorce."

How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook(TM) Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! is available online as a downloadable ebook. It can also be purchased in CD format from attorneys, therapists and other professionals. To learn more visit http://www.howdoitellthekids.com .

A TIME CRISIS

Does time really slow down in a crisis? That was the question investigated by researchers at Baylor College in Houston, Texas. Apparently they have established that whilst we believe frightening events take a long time, in reality they don’t. Instead a scary event is associated with more rich and dense memories, leaving a greater impression upon us and therefore the longer we think it took. I wonder if that’s why those undergoing the divorce process always think it takes too long to sort out.

For full details of the research released yesterday click here

DIPLOMATIC SOLUTIONS

Originally uploaded by Kelvin Ong

In between all those Change of Name Deeds I was drafting today (see yesterday’s blog), my mind wandered to other aspects of my work and particularly the complex manner of resolving disputes over finance. It now seems well established that court proceedings are frequently traumatic, lengthy and expensive, but what are the alternatives? Mediation and collaborative law both spring to mind, whilst earlier in the week I attended a presentation by a set of barrister’s chambers with their own novel alternative solution based on the three room conference formula. The trouble is that, without commitment from both participants, it is still only court proceedings that are guaranteed to deliver a result. However, I am waiting to see if any inspiration can be drawn from activities across in Bali. Does the background of a tropical island bring inspiration where conference rooms in post industrial Britain fail?

The UN chief, Ban Ki-Moon has demanded a breakthrough but the world’s Environment Ministers now have only until Friday to agree a framework for tackling global warming after the pledges under the Kyoto pact expire in 2012. With the USA and Europe swiping at each other and the developing world refusing to be drawn in, it presently looks as though an agreement to meet again next year might be the most that can be achieved. Still even that’s better than threatening to see each other in court, so maybe my next client offer will be pre-application talks in the Tropics, limited to those clients called Mary and Joseph , of course!

Former Patriot Deion Branch infiltrating Colts territory

Former New England Patriot, Super Bowl XXXIX MVP, current Seattle Seahawks WR, and all around good-guy, Deion Branch, has purchased a $2M property in Carmel, IN--an upper class suburb to the north of Indianapolis.

Deion will have plenty of other athletes to backyard BBQ with on the west side of Carmel, including Colts head coach Tony Dungy (paid $875K in '05), the NFL's highest paid DE Dwight Freeney (paid $1.6M in '06), Pacers player Jermaine O'Neal (paid over $1M several years ago, but property is worth over $2M now--nice investment), Colts DL Raheem Brock (paid $745K in '06), Pacers player Marquis Daniels (paid $400K in '06), Colts C Jeff Saturday (paid about $850K in '03), Colts long-snapper Justin Snow (paid $1M in '07), retired Colts OL Tarik Glenn (paid about $900K), and Colts TE Dallas Clark lives on the east side of Carmel (paid $360K in '03).

From what I have gathered, it is a newly built house that is still finishing up construction. Features include over 12,000 sq. ft., just over 1 acre lot, pond view, Mediterranean style, 3-story wrought iron circular staircase, Roman spa, home theater room, exercise room, tiled roof, outdoor living space with full kitchen, covered porch, 3-levels of verandas, patios and decks.

Here are a few pics:

Helping Deadbeats Catch Up On Child Support....

We have all seen the profile of the stereotypical deadbeat dad: A man who leaves his children, refuses to financially support his kids and often works off the books, hiding money and assets in his new girlfriend or mother's name. These deadbeats often owe thousands, sometimes, hundreds of thousands of dollars in back child support. Programs like garnishment of wages, revoking driver's licenses and jail time work well if you can find the deadbeat. They often stay one step ahead of the law and are difficult to track down and catch.

What we don't' always hear about are the "deadbeat" dads who may be behind on child support because of legitimate reasons. They have lost their jobs or have become ill. These fathers often want to support their kids and may find themselves facing serious legal repercussions if they fall behind in support.

In Carver County, Minn. they may of come up with a solution. The county is offering a new program to help parents who fall behind on support by offering them job training, such as resume-writing and computer classes. Some receive gas cards, bus passes or even have a county-paid cab take them to work. Others have been given work clothes and had their cars fixed so that they may return to the work and catch up on support payments.

Carver County is the state's most effective in collecting child-support payments. It recently was ranked No. 1 by the Minnesota Department of Human Services for the second year in a row. Their new program should be used as a model for other states to follow. Although tough child support enforcement measures, like jail time, are necessary in the collection of child support, a program that encourages and helps parents get back on track financially is needed. Many families' child support issues will be solved by providing parents with the tools they need to work again.

ROOM AT THE INN

Live Nativity
Originally uploaded by Jenny Romney

So Mary and Joseph aren’t going to go cold and roofless this Christmas either. In the true spirit of Christmas, Travelodge is offering all couples called Mary and Joseph one night’s free accommodation between Christmas Eve and Twelfth Night. Now my memory might not be totally accurate but I’m pretty certain that I have no friends, relations, colleagues, passing acquaintances or clients (past or present) who together with their spouse are called Mary and Joseph. Does this suggest such a combination is something of a rarity and that maybe Travelodge aren’t being quite as generous as might at first be perceived? Whilst I regularly prepare change of name deeds for those clients wishing to alter their surnames post divorce, changing forenames is less common. However, tomorrow I shall join in the Christmas spirit and offer two change of name deeds (limited of course to the names of Mary and Joseph) for the price of one, thus satisfying all those couples who want to change their names in order to benefit from this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Jamaal Tinsley's activities before the shooting

I'm sure everyone (in the Indianapolis area anyway) has heard about Jamaal Tinsley's cars getting shot up over the weekend and the Pacers equipment manager Joey Qatato getting his elbows shot (ouch!).

How quickly we forget Joe Qatato and the glaringly absent "u" after "Q" in his name (all of those 2nd grade teachers are fucking liars--apparently "u" doesn't always come after "q"). I feel bad for the guy and all, but I knew I remembered his weirdly spelled last name from another story a few years back: Police: Pacers Staffer Exposes Self At Local Hotel. Insert your joke here about exposing one's self and not having functioning elbows. Good times.

All of this could have been avoided if Tinsley's car navigation system was up to date.

Jamaal and his crew were just hanging out at his downtown pad on Saturday evening doing normal "dude" stuff--drinking Lipton White Tea with Raspberry (it tastes great and gives Jamaal the protective antioxidants he needs for his active lifestyle); watching the Heisman Trophy presentation on ESPN (fuck Tebow--Run DMc deserved it); catching up on missed episodes of "Shot at Love with Tila Tequila" (somebody watches that trash and it's not me) on MTV (that crazy NBA schedule is soooo unaccommodating to the players sometimes--pussy-ass players union!); took notes while watching "Paula's Party" on the Food Network, because Jamaal needed to know how to make eggnog-custard pie for the annual Pacers holiday potluck get-together, and the guys didn't want to miss Grammy winner Amy Grant help Paula Deen prepare Christmas ham and then as an extra surprise Amy performed a Paula Deen-inspired song(!); after that, one of the guys (possibly Jamaal's buddy, "Toine") wanted to switch over to TLC to catch the first 20 minutes of an episode of "Little People, Big World" because he had missed it the other night and really wanted to know if Jeremy had a real talent for sailing in the Bahamas or not; once that was determined, Jamaal's brother, James, suggested that they head down W 38th St for a cruise and possibly some grub at the White Castle or the Steak N Shake over there--maybe run into some drunk sorority girls from Butler while they are there. Since those uppity BU girls are known to rebel against their parents on occasion, James thought it may be a good idea to pack his permitted firearm to further impress the ladies (...look at how big and powerful it is...).

Well, the drive-thru lane at White Castle was ridiculously long so by the time the guys got their food, they were pretty darn hungry and wouldn't you know it--one of the guys spilled ketchup on their white t-shirt. At 2:30 AM where can a guy go to find a XXXXL plain white t-shirt on W 38th St? The only logical place would be Marshalls--you know the one over by Meijer and behind O'Charley's--they always have stuff like that. The guys just followed the driving instructions from the navigation system and they ended up in front of this place called Cloud 9. They were all like, 'What the heck? I thought this was Marshalls right here. This Marshalls must have closed, which is weird because this is such an up-and-coming area of town. I wonder if this Cloud 9 place sells XXXXL plain white t-shirts. We better all go in and check it out.'

Upon entering this new establishment, the young men discover it is indeed NOT a department store, but is instead some kind of night club. The first indication of this was the request for ID and a pat down by the doorman. While mingling with the other patrons of this fine establishment someone from Jamaal's group overheard some fellas making fun of their guy with the big ketchup stain on his over sized white t-shirt. Someone in the group made a comment to these fellas about "trying to find a Marshalls store so we can get a steal of a deal on a 3-pack of XXXXL plain white t-shirts" and I guess the fellas had been drinking too many alcoholic beverages or possibly earlier were indulging in the inhalation of an herbal remedy so they misunderstood what was said and thought they said "we're deep frying lobsters for whores and we dare you to try and steal one of our expensive cars and the airbrushed Tupac shirt you are wearing is gay." A very common misunderstanding I am sure happens all the time in the W 38th St area of town. This guy I know who is NOT a cop, but DOES work security at RCA Dome and Conseco Fieldhouse events told me that a cop he knows told him that it is common misunderstandings like this that make those crime rates shoot up. I shit you not.

Well, that misunderstanding got the fellas all riled up so Jamaal and his crew decided they better get the hell out of there before somebody else misunderstood them and the night ended up like the Club Rio debacle last year. Remember that?--people almost had stray bullets hit the tops of their cars in the parking lot after Stephen Jackson fired shots into the air. Things were so much more fun when crazy Steve-O was here in Indy.

Of course everyone has read the rest of this latest story--shots fired downtown near the Conrad Hotel, James Tinsley chases the shooters around Monument Circle, Qatato ends up getting shot twice, Conrad employee calmly calls 911, etc. Have you heard the audio of the Conrad guy? Calm as shit--as if shots fired and a bloody dude in the lobby are normal occurrences. Although I am sure the Conrad employees see and hear some pretty funky shit because rich people do weird things.

In the end, authorities are still unclear who had the ketchup stain, however my co-worker's neighbor's brother's girlfriend works at the TJ Maxx downtown and she said Jamaal Tinsley was in the store on Sunday afternoon buying a 4-pack of XXXXL plain white t-shirts. I bet he was pleasantly surprised that TJ Maxx had the 4-packs for the same price as Marshalls usually sells the 3-packs. In the end it all worked out. Since this pack had an extra shirt in it, maybe Jamaal will be a good sport and give one of the shirts to Qatato since the one he was wearing on Sat night is probably ruined now. Wait, Joey doesn't need a new shirt--he still needs some pants though.

Some of this is true and the rest is bullshit--if you don't know the difference then you are a moron.

How To Hire A Divorce Lawyer With No Money...

The Washington State Supreme Court rejected a woman's claim that she had a right to have a publicly appointed attorney in her divorce case. Sadly, the woman lost custody of her three children during her divorce because she could not afford an attorney and represented herself. The court feels that "divorces are civil matters that do not warrant state-funded counsel".

The playing field in divorce court is obviously not level when the spouse who has greater access to money can hire a divorce lawyer and the poorer spouse is left to represent herself. The woman in this case did initially hire a divorce lawyer using her rent money, but was financially unable to continue to pay legal fees.

The old saying "only a fool represents themselves" is quite true in divorce court. Without a lawyer you stand very little chance of being successful, especially if your soon to be ex has hired a legal shark. But there are some measures you can take if you are facing a divorce and have very little or no money for an attorney:

1. Most divorce lawyers do not want you to know this, but they can file a motion with the court asking that your spouse foot your legal bills. If your spouse is the primary breadwinner and you do not have access to the martial funds, this is a good option. But beware, unless there are significant martial assets, most divorce lawyers prefer to get their retainer directly from you. They rather not petition the court before they have received any funds. You may have to interview several lawyers before finding one who will agree to this.

2. If borrowing from family and friends is not an option and you have no open credit or assets, then you can try pleading your case to divorce lawyers and ask them to represent you without a retainer. If there are martial assets that will be divided after the divorce is final, a lawyer may agree to represent you and collect his fee later.

3. If there are no martial assets to be divided in the divorce and you are facing a custody issue, you could try asking divorce lawyers to represent you pro bono (free of charge). This will be difficult, but if you are at risk of losing custody of your kids, and have a solid case, you may be able to persuade a law firm to help you. After all, lawyers are people too and you never know who may have a heart and lend you a hand. If this is the route you must take, you need to be persistent and not give up after being told no. Keep trying until you find someone who can help you.

PANTO TIME

Yes the pantomime season is here again and in keeping with tradition I saw Snow White last night. Its storyline adhered to the traditional fairytale and, as I have no wish to spoil the ending for you, I’ll simply say that the prince and princess married and then left the stage to live happily ever after.

Synonymous with all good pantos, there were the usual “Oh no he didn’t, oh yes he did” exchanges, with one side of the theatre pitting its will against the other. Indeed there was a time when I used to think that the only thing a pantomime and my practising life had in common was that kind of argument.

Of course, when the children were relatively small I had a problem trying to give them any kind of rational reason why the happy ending nearly always involved a female prince and princess (not to mention a male dame). Indeed I remember Little Girl returning home totally disgusted after seeing Cinderella with her nursery school class. “Do you know, Mum,” she said, “the ugly sisters weren’t just ugly, they were men!”

In these days of Civil Partnerships such difficulties are behind me. The grand finale is now something our Register Offices host regularly and when Little Girl and her cousins have their annual fit of giggles at the final curtain, I am able to deliver a lecture about political correctness.

Is Your Marriage Worth Saving After An Affair?

Looking back, I can now pinpoint when my marriage began to unravel. I was oblivious to the warning signs that my marriage was heading toward divorce. I missed many critical signs. Because of my own inability to see the truth, I was completely blindsided when I found out my husband was having an affair. I was shocked and stunned by his betrayal.For me, saving our marriage was not an option. The one thing I could not tolerate was a husband who cheated. All trust between us had been broken.

But some couples can and do recover from infidelity in their marriage. Can you really get over your spouse's affair? Will your marriage ever be the same? The answer to these questions will depend on many factors. Some couples may be able to forgive and rebuild their marriage after an affair with the help of a good marriage therapist, lots of open communication and the ability of the spouse who has been cheated on to look past the affair and forgive.

The underlying issue will always be a matter of trust. Trusting a spouse who has cheated takes time, love and a deep commitment to save the marriage. Once martial vows have been shattered by an affair, it will take hard work from both partners to repair the damage that has been done. With some soul searching and by trusting your own intuition, you will know whether or not it is worth it to take the long, difficult road toward saving your marriage after an affair.

A DIVORCE CEREMONY

Cathy and Entourage
Originally uploaded by Erin Klee

I am always interested to learn about the ways in which some people acknowledge by celebration or otherwise their divorce, but I think this story, which I have only just come across, deserves an accolade for ingenuity, pain and endurance. On 13th August this year a Canadian independent performance artist, Cathy Gordon, crawled across Toronto in her wedding dress to fulfil what she called a divorce ceremony. It seems that the divorce papers were served on the way and the exercise, for which she created a blog specially (Click Here), was intended to create a personal spiritual experience.

Reggie Miller trying to sell Indianapolis area property for $7.5M

Indiana Pacer great and current TNT broadcaster Reggie Miller just listed his Indianapolis area property for sale. According to the Indy Star article, he is just downsizing and plans to purchase another smaller property somewhere in Central Indiana once this property sells. He is only asking $7.5 million for it--pretty reasonable considering it sits on 6 acres of waterfront to Geist Reservoir. Geist has always been "the" place to live if you were a big shot in Indy. I think Jeff George has a huge place in that area as well. Here is a link to a virtual tour of the exterior of Reggie's house; apparently he is only allowing interior images to be seen by qualified prospective buyers--which is normal for high profile listings like this one. The virtual tour link was created by his Realtor, Dick Richwine from Century 21 Realty Group 1. That is the same Realtor who has had former Conseco founder Stephen Hilbert's $20 Million compound listed for sale in Carmel, IN for the last year or so. I have a feeling Reggie's property may sell a bit quicker than that.

Ever notice how Brian Griese looks like Bill Lumbergh?

I can't seem to be able to locate a good picture of Brian Griese, but last night when I was watching a bit of the Bears-Redskins postgame press conferences, Griese was giving off a very strong Lumbergh vibe. Maybe I was half asleep because I'm not seeing it today.

A DISAPPEARING ACT

With the return of John Darwin from apparent death in a canoe some 5 years ago (Click Here) followed by the publication of an alleged picture of him in Panama with his wife last year, our newspapers have been quick to allude to statistics for runaways. The Charity, Missing People, estimates that some 210,000 people are reported missing in the UK every year and whilst the greatest number are teenage runaways, one third are adults of whom the majority are men. Moreover it seems that relationship breakdown is one of the main reasons for their disappearance. Before anyone begins to think that this could be a cheaper and easier option than divorce, and in the interests of keeping my profession in business, I think it only fair to point out the disadvantages:

1. You leave behind a grieving family with which any relationship in the future is going to be difficult;


2. You remain married and remarriage is potentially bigamous unless you are sure that your spouse has divorced you in the interim; bigamy is a criminal offence;


3. You will need to leave behind you all your worldly goods, your identity and possibly also your way of life, career and country;


4. You cannot use your credit card without fear of being traced;


5. Leaving in such a way as to suggest a fatal accident could subsequently result in allegations of fraud being made against you, especially if life insurance claims are made; fraud too is a criminal offence;
   
6. If however you do want to stage a dramatic end this will invariably involve the sea and perhaps a small craft of some description, in which case the risks of drowning in the act are relatively high and more so if you can’t swim;


7. Unless you have already, and very carefully, made financial provision for your disappearance (I’m thinking bank accounts in the Cayman Islands here) you may find yourself in a cardboard box under the arches of Waterloo Station quicker than you might like;


8. You will never be able to smile at a camera again for fear that the photo or video will subsequently appear on the Internet and be spotted; Flickr and YouTube grow in popularity daily;


9. You may not suit facial hair, sunglasses or whatever other disguise you will need to choose and if you dye your hair, re-growth at the roots is a constant giveaway;


10. You may live to regret what you have done.

When Divorce Turns Deadly

The other day I awoke to the shocking news that a couple was found dead in their car, just a few miles from my home. It seems as though the husband killed his wife and then killed himself. His wife had filed for divorce just 2 months ago in September.

After hearing this dreadful news, it brought back painful memories from my own divorce. My divorce began when my husband of 13 years twisted my arm and threatened to kill me. At that moment I had to make a choice, should I go to the police? Was his threat serious? Sometimes people make threats that do not mean, especially in the heat of anger. But on that day, the look in my husband eyes chilled me to the bone. He had sworn on his late father's grave that he would kill me. I went to the police and got a restraining order.

My neighbor's death, although I have never met her, pains me. So many women, when faced with an abusive husband, may not take threats seriously enough to protect themselves. I coach women who despite threats and violence from their spouse, still put themselves in harm's way.

Here are a few simple rules to follow to protect yourself during a divorce when violence could be a possibility:

1. Never meet your husband alone or allow him in your house after filing for divorce if you have any reason to believe he could become violent.

2. Do not go places alone. Make sure a friend or family member walks you to your car and to your door at home.

3. Get a restraining order. If you have been threatened or abused by your husband, report it to the police.

4. Do not talk to your husband on the phone. If he calls, let him leave a message on your answering machine.

5. When dealing with an abusive spouse, especially after filing for a divorce, be alert and aware at all times. Keep your cell phone handy and programmed to 911. Try not to go out after dark if possible and make sure all doors in your home are locked. If you have received threats and think violence may be imminent, ask someone you trust to stay at your home.

This may feel like extreme measures to take, but consider all of the women who have been assaulted or killed by a dangerous spouse. Laci Peterson most likely never saw it coming, more recently in the news, another Peterson, Stacy, is currently missing and her husband is under suspicion for her disappearance. Take precautions and protect yourself.

An excellent resource I have recently come across is a series of ebooks that teach you how to spot a dangerous man and protect yourself. Click here to find out more information.

PUT THE KIDS FIRST

Plan ahead and put the children first. That’s the key to a happy Christmas for separated families where the festive season is spoiled for thousands of children each year by feuding parents.

Resolution - which adopts a non-confrontational approach to separation and divorce - is behind the advice.

On the face of it, the idea of two Christmases might seem like a dream come true for children, but the reality for separated families is often very different.

Putting the children first is the key to a happy Christmas:

Christmas - whichever parent it is spent with - should be something to look forward to, but for children caught in the crossfire between separated parents who can’t agree on where they should spend Christmas, excitement can quickly turn into misery.

Resolution has the following advice to help separated families make sure this Christmas is a happy one:

• Make your Christmas plans early to avoid clashes, arguments and upset later.


• Don’t ask your children to choose between you. This risks putting the responsibility on them when the adults should make these difficult decisions.


• Allow your children to express opinions about how they want to spend Christmas and listen to their views without putting pressure on them. When you’ve made the decision, explain it to them so they know what’s going to happen.


• Don’t make it a ‘who can buy the best present’ competition between you and your ex. Discuss what gifts to buy so you don’t duplicate. The likelihood is that what your children will want most of all is an opportunity to spend some time with each parent.


• Make the most of the time you have with your children and allow them to have a say in what you do. This may just mean curling up on the sofa and watching movies together or visiting friends and family. Things could get stressful if you try and do too much.


• Pre-arrange handover times, and stick to them. Try to be positive with your ex-partner so that the children do not pick up any tensions there may be between you. Research has found that children often feel that it’s their fault if their parents fight.


• Be willing to make compromises, in everyone’s interests. Even if you don’t entirely get your first choice result, be gracious about it, not only for the children’s sake, but for your own too. There’ll be other Christmases to try different arrangements.
  

Is Divorce Destroying The Planet?

It is bad enough that divorcing couples have to go through feelings of disappointment and loss when their marriage fails. Now they can add guilt.

According to researchers divorce contributes to global warming.

According to a study by Michigan State University, "Divorced couples use up more space in their respective homes, which amounts to to 38 million more rooms worldwide to light, heat and cool" noted the report. And people who divorced used 73 billion kilowatt-hours more of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water than they would otherwise in 2005.

"Dissolving a marriage also means doubling possessions, from the lowly can opener to the SUV. The report, however, did not estimate how many more natural resources the children of shared-custody parents consume by getting birthday and holiday gifts twice."

So now with all of the other issues you have to deal with during a divorce, should you consider global warming when making the decision to get a divorce? Probably not. Staying in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of the environment is silly. This argument is similar to the one used to control the planet's population and tell you how many kids you should have. What you can do to help the planet and reduce global warming is change your lifestyle and go "green". Think of the impact your decisions have on the environment and act in a responsible manner. Saving the planet does not have to mean staying in a bad marriage.

THE CHRISTMAS CRECHE

I am always in favour of any idea that can keep a marriage together, preferring to be instructed by those for whom there is no other option. It is, therefore, with some seasonal joy that I would like to draw to your attention an idea that has begun in Austria where, in the City of Salzburg, a Christmas crèche for men has been set up. Stocked with computer games, newspapers, and a bar, it’s open daily from 4pm to 10pm. Married women and those in a long term relationship are invited to leave their partners whilst they depart for some well-earned retail therapy without the misery of male whingeing. Before they go, however, they are given a numbered ticket which they must present in order to collect their partner at the end of the evening. I wonder what happens if they lose it?

ADVENT

ADVENT, (noun) : the four week period leading up to Christmas beginning on the fourth Sunday before Christmas Day; coming, especially of important person or event; the period of expectant waiting and preparation.

Could there possibly be a link between Advent and divorce? Not at all. It’s a time when, as the Georgia Family Law Blog soundly advises, “Put the legal and financial side of the divorce ‘on hold’ until January, unless you have a hearing this month.”

There was a time when I used to think nobody would ever want to see me in December but no longer. In true Advent form even in a divorce lawyer’s office it has become a time for expectant waiting and preparation, not for Christmas but rather for the steps that are going to be taken in January; the court proceedings that are going to be issued; the correspondence entered into. My computer is bulging with approved drafts and my diary filled with appointments with clients where we plan our strategy and timetable for action commencing in the New Year.

Should You Get A Divorce?

Making the decision to get a divorce is never easy. After investing years of your life with your partner, the decision to end your marriage is one that should be considered carefully.The impact of a divorce affects everyone, the children, your family and even your friends.

Often, when we are in the heat of an argument or feeling dissatisfied with our marriage, it becomes easy to fantasize about what life would be like single again. Images of starting a new life on our own, calling our own shots and being free from the arguments and conflicts we experience with our spouse, flood our minds. Divorce can become romanticized and we can forget about some of the repercussions divorce often brings.

If you are seriously considering a divorce, you owe it to yourself, your family and your spouse to make sure that you have explored all of your options and have tried everything possible to save your marriage first. When you got married you vowed to spend your life with your partner. All marriages go through trials and tribulations. There are ups and downs, good times and bad. A divorce will not simply eliminate your problems. If you are considering divorce because you no longer find your mate attractive, or are bored with your marriage, you might want to try fixing the issues you may have with yourself before looking for happiness elsewhere. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Seeing a marriage counselor is always a good idea. If after therapy, you feel that divorce is your only option, then you will know that you did everything in your power to make things work before ending your marriage.

If, however, your marriage is fraught with serious or even dangerous issues such as verbal and physical abuse, adultery or you are dealing with a spouse who is unwilling to work on your martial issues, then a divorce may be necessary. Filing for a divorce will be emotionally draining experience and require you to gather your inner strength so that you can take the important steps you need in order to protect yourself financially and ensure the emotional well being of your children.

When divorce is the only logical choice left for you to make, keep level headed, control your emotions and take the time to educate yourself about the divorce process. Enter into a divorce with the intentions of treating your spouse fairly and resolving your issues peacefully. It can make all the difference in the outcome of your divorce and how you and your family cope with this life changing event.

THE LONG COMMUTE

I am privileged to live in a village surrounded by views towards both the North Yorkshire Moors and Dales, perhaps 10 miles from the office. Now I know that I have no right to complain, especially when , if I time my journey to work right, then from door to door it takes somewhere in the region of 15 minutes. Nevertheless this week I have, for a number of reasons been obliged to drive the route between the hours of 8.30am and 5.30pm on a number of occasions, only to find myself sitting in queues of traffic and, in so doing, adding a whole 12 minutes to the total journey time. As I have sat there waiting patiently, it has caused me to contemplate on the similarities between commuting and divorce, of which I am sure you are already aware. Undertake the journey in the early part of your life or day and it’s relatively simple; try it in the evening or the mature part of your life and again it can be straightforward. Attempt it at 8.45am and you get caught up with children and the school run; at 12 noon with shoppers and the acquisition or delivery of assets; at 5pm with workers returning from the treadmill of employment. Of course there can be road works or accidents at any time, black ice and snow in the winter, or heavily laden tractors at harvest time, and whilst it’s not the best analogy in the world I think you get my drift, even if you can’t sympathise with my frustration.

Children Grieve During Divorce Too

While experiencing a divorce, couples go through a grieving process. The loss of their marriage, the death of their dreams and hopes for the future, come crashing down on them in waves, much like the death of a loved one. What we sometimes forget is that children experience these emotions too, but differently than adults.

You may not even recognize that your child is grieving the loss of your marriage. Just like with depression, children often do not exhibit the "classic" symptoms we associate with grief and depression. An adult may become listless, sad and lose interest in activites while a child may act out in anger against siblings and friends, spend excessive time on the computer and video games and do poorly in school in reaction to a divorce.

Fortunately there are resources and help for children experiencing a loss. Rainbows, a non profit organization, is devoted to helping children through times of divorce, death, and crisis. Their services are free of charge and there are chapters worldwide. The organization was founded by Suzy Yehl Marta, a divorced mother of three boys, who gave up the security of her three jobs to do something she knew in her heart had to be done for children grieving over the loss of a parent through death, divorce, separation or a painful transition. Suzy is also the author of

Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope:How to Guide Children and Teens Through Times of Divorce, Death, and Crisis With the Rainbows Approach

Suzy says "A child’s grieving process is different from that of adults. The Rainbows program helps adults understand how children perceive loss and how to help them get beyond it with a unique approach of play-based activities. Drawing upon over two decades of experience with small groups, this guide shows how to keep misperceptions and sadness from permanently affecting children."

Rainbow is an excellent, free resource for divorcing parents looking for a way to help their children cope with divorce. If you would like to find out more information about Rainbows and find a chapter near you, visit http://www.rainbows.org/