Sharing Your Kids with Your Ex's New Love....

I was watching "Desperate Housewives" tonight and the storyline hit home for many divorced parents. "Susan" a character with a young son was having a hard time accepting that her son actually liked her ex-husband's girlfriend. It was very threatening to her that her child would want to spend time with her ex's new love and this fictional character tried to forbid her ex's girlfriend from spending time with her son.

Feelings of jealousy of the ex's new girlfriend or boyfriend can crop up. The jealousy divorced parents feel is not a romantic kind of jealously but rather a feeling of having your place as a parent threatened by this new person in your kid's lives. On one hand you want your kids to like the new girlfriend or boyfriend and hope he or she is a good person. But on the other hand, you may feel like your child may like this person better than you and you could lose your child's love.

Although these feelings are completely normal, they are unjustified. Your children know who their mom and dad are and will not replace you with someone else in their hearts, no matter how nice they might be. It helps to try and think of it in a different light. If your ex has found someone special who is going to be in your kids lives, be grateful if he or she is a good person and will have a positive impact on your children. Many divorced parents find themselves in a horrible situation when their ex's new love does not treat their children well.

If your kids have a good relationship with the new girlfriend or boyfriend, try to be supportive. When it comes time for you to introduce your kids to your new love, you will have an easier time if the kids have already been through all of the emotions associated with accepting a parent's new relationship.

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A TASK FOR CUPID

Valentine's Day tomorrow and, in anticipation, two sets of statistics in the media today caught my eye, both clearly designed to spoil the romance of the occasion.

First The Times reproduced figures from the Office for National Statistics to show that if you are married and living in the UK you are in a minority. The cynic in you might think that this is as a result of our high divorce rate, but in fact it apparently has more to do with the shrinking number of people marrying in the first place. The article seeks to explore possible reasons for this, including the high cost of a traditional wedding or childhood experiences from parents divorcing putting off would-be spouses

However the results of a survey in Croatia may inadvertently have revealed the answer. Apparently 40% of people in Croatia tell their partners that they are terminating their relationship using a mobile phone. Even more cowardly, more than half of those do it by SMS rather than speaking. Assuming the statistics are similar in the UK, maybe ditching one’s partner has just got too easy, now that it doesn’t even have to be done face to face.

It seems to me that Cupid is going to need more than a bow and arrow tomorrow. Somehow he has to learn to confiscate mobile phones and find a way to get all those lovers to the altar.

Are You Really Ready for a New Relationship?

After getting divorced, many people delude themselves by thinking they need to jump into a new relationship right away. The pain from the divorce can be overwhelming and finding a new love becomes a distraction and way to feel good again.

But the reality is you may not be ready for a new relationship after your divorce just yet. Here are a few questions you need to ask yourself to determine if it is wise for you to get back into the dating scene and meet someone new:

1. Have you properly mourned the end of your marriage? The grieving process for getting over a divorce can take years, so I am not suggesting that you put your life on hold and not date, but it is important that you have least begun the process and are in the latter stages of grief. It is unfair to a new mate to begin a relationship if you have not emotionally let go of the previous one.

2. Are you ready to invest time and energy in a new relationship? The time period after a divorce can be a wonderful opportunity to be selfish and fulfill some of your own needs. Without a husband to worry about, you are free to make your own choices. You can call your own shots and enjoy your new found freedom. This may grow old after a while and you may find yourself longing for companionship. However, if you enter into a new relationship too quickly after a divorce without giving yourself some "alone time" you may regret it later.

3. Are you happy with your life as it is now? If you are looking for someone to ease your pain, rescue you and make your life better, you are in for a rude awakening. Get your own life settled and in order before bringing someone else into it. Find a new love when you are happy and fulfilled and that person will be a welcome addition in your life, not someone you desperately need to make you happy.

LUCKY ESCAPE

Snow Traffic
Originally uploaded by Joey B.
Leaving work this evening I encountered traffic struggling in the snowy weather. Most drivers, sensitive to the road conditions, were being completely sensible but then I encountered Mr Transit Van Driver. Thinking only of himself he failed to look as he charged onto the roundabout across my path; perhaps I was meant to be bowled over but instead I took emergency avoiding action, skidded and halted only inches from his bonnet. What one might call a lucky escape!

That’s an expression used frequently by divorcing clients; those who’ve reached the stage where they can look at half-empty bottles and describe them as half-full. Looking at life with optimism or even smiling in the face of adversity has much to recommend it. On my part, stopped on that roundabout, I could only grind my teeth and simmer silently, especially when Mr Transit Van Driver then suddenly changed direction and forced his way across the lanes, causing chaos to other road users, as he left the roundabout as rapidly as he had entered it.

COLOURS OF THE RAINBOW

Is there a link between colour blindness and divorce? Apparently up to 8% of men are colour blind and of those up to two thirds struggle with the difference between red and green. Presumably the inability to help their wives choose matching shoes and handbags could be a factor but by itself hardly a great contributor to the divorce statistics.

What is more likely are the arguments which rage as a result of a man’s ability to see things in black and white when his wife wants all the colours of the rainbow; the tunnel visioned monochrome against the multi-hued bonanza. His insistence on thinking fruit when she mentions peach, plum or apricot; tangerine, lemon or pumpkin. How many men appreciate the subtleties in shading when told its purple, mauve, lavender or violet? Mention salmon and men surely think fish. Copper, brass or platinum; she thinks hair dye and he imagines pipes and screws. Buff, tan and bronze has him thinking of beaches and bikini clad maidens. No wonder there are so many arguments and misunderstandings in the paint pot aisles of DIY hyper stores. Raw umber surfaces as she gets madder and whilst champagne and chocolate can go some way to repair the dissent and domestic turmoil, there are occasions when harmony can only be bought with gold and sometimes it has to be studded with ruby or sapphires.

Are Money Problems Weighing You Down?

These are tough times for many Americans. Especially hard hit are single parents and people going through a divorce. When you are worried about money it seems like you have a dark cloud over your head that follows you everywhere. Money problems are draining and sap your energy, leaving you depressed, overwhelmed and desperate.

If you feel like your life is a struggle and you just can't seem to get ahead, there is a story you should read. I found a website that is giving away a free e-book of the award winning, best selling story "The Jack Rabbit Factor" by Leslie Householder. You can get it at: www.jackrabbitfactor.com . This story shows you how you can set and achieve any goal by learning to recognize and trust your gut - that inner voice that literally shows you the way.

Sometimes a book or a simple story can give you hope and uplift your spirits during hard times.

The important thing to remember is that no matter how rough things are right now, your life will get better. Winter is always followed by Spring. Nothing lasts forever and whether it is money problems, a divorce or some other life altering issue, good times are coming once again. You just need to hang in there and have faith.

Octuplet Rage: Is America Biased against Single Moms?

I am surprised by the public outrage against the woman who
gave birth to octuplets. It is odd for a single woman to have 14
children by in-vitro fertilization, but this woman's situation seems to have sparked intense anger and disgust from the media, bloggers and even the woman's own mother. People are angry that she has gone ahead and given birth to all of these children without a husband. Many assume she will be on public assistance and the tax payers will foot the bill for raising these children.

But no one questions the couple on the TV show who now have 18 children or the couple who star in the show "Jon and Kate plus 8". Jon and Kate were not well off by any means when their sextuplets were born. We do not know how the mom of the octuplets will support her children yet or if the natural father will help raise the kids , so to rush to judgement about her is unfair. I even read that diaper companies and other baby companies are not giving this woman freebies. Other couples who have multiple births get free diapers, baby food, clothes and even donated homes for free. But here is a single mom who is being offered nothing because she is not married? Or maybe it is because we think she is mentally unstable?

Whatever the reason, America has forgotten that 8 healthy babies have been born at once. These babies are the only surviving octuplets in our country. It is a miracle that they are alive and doing so well. How they were conceived is not our business. Let's not rush to judgment.
Children do deserve to have two parents and grow up in a loving home, but as many of us have found out through divorce, that is not always possible. I think it hits a raw nerve with people when a woman decides to become a single parent on her own. The bottom line is that these 8 babies are here and no amount of hatred and ill will towards their mother will change the circumstances surrounding their conception.

You may feel that this woman is off her rocker and disagree with how she conceived her children but the babies deserve our well wishes and good thoughts. I sincerely hope that people will rise above their judgments and lend a helping hand to this woman for the babies'(and her other children's) sake.