FRESH STARTS

I am presently reading “The Mighty Queens of Freeville” by Amy Dickinson, an advice columnist in the USA. In it she tells the story of her life particularly following her divorce. I’m sure that once I’ve finished it, I shall be reviewing it in this blog. In the meantime and with the kind permission of both Amy and her publishers, Hyperion, I am reproducing below a short essay that Amy has written

Fresh Starts
by Amy Dickinson

I am something of a specialist in starting over.

I don’t reinvent myself when I start over, though sometimes I do get a haircut. What happens to me is that I embrace a new opportunity to experience joy. Happiness. A new haircut. A fresh start. All of that happens after the crying, of course. Preceding each fresh start there are periods of crying, wringing my hands, and not knowing what to do next.

Fortunately for me, when it comes to embracing new beginnings, I have a secret weapon – several of them, in fact. My mother, aunts, and older sisters showed me by example how it’s done. When my own father, a dairy farmer, left our family, he left my mother with four children and a barn full of Holsteins that needed to be milked twice a day. My mother stoically pushed up her sleeves, got her first paying job as a typist in an office, put food on the table and kept our household together. She occasionally leaned on her sisters – also single mothers – and they traded off propping each other up, encouraging, and lending each other money.

Women, I think, tend to experience many fresh starts. We embrace romance, we marry, we have babies, enter, leave and then re-enter the workforce. Sometimes, our romances fade. Our children grow and leave. Our parents age and need us. We start over.

After my own husband suddenly left our marriage, I started over as a single mother. I raised my daughter, Emily, the best way I knew how, with the women in my life watching my back. Emily saw me start new jobs, tolerate unemployment, and suffer through blind dates. We started over a few times, she and I. After living in London, we moved to Washington DC and then Chicago. Each time, we made a home for ourselves, complete with friends, pets, houseplants, and new job opportunities. In 17 years as a single mother, I learned how to roll with the punches, to make and change plans, and to embrace the possibilities.

When Emily graduated from high school and left home for college, I chose another new beginning. I moved back to my little hometown of Freeville, NY – back to the landscape of my childhood and back into the orbit of the inspiring women who raised me. I was there, ostensibly, to care for my mother, who was ailing, but what I received for myself was another fresh start. There, among my family, I became a caregiver – and, surrounded by the people of my world, I started again.

I was already happy, but then one day joy literally came knocking on my door. He was someone I’ve known my whole life, and after an old fashioned period of courtship, we submitted to our happy ending, and after 17 long years of single mothering, I got yet another fresh start.

While on my book tour, I’m frequently reminded of my own vulnerabilities. I miss my family and I can’t seem to find a fresh place to change my clothes. When I start to take myself too seriously, I remember that around every corner lurks a pack of mumbling 15-year-olds, prepared to waste me by rejection. But then I draw on the lessons learned by a long life of starting over – and I decide to keep going.

A TIMELY EXIT

He disappeared in the middle of the night whilst she slept, but this morning there was no denying he had gone. The day dawned grey and dull; there was a chill to make her heart shiver with a thick frost on the ground. As the time wore on, it was easier to get to grips with what had happened. The sun broke through and she even managed to smile. Then, as she changed her clocks, she thought, “He’ll be back when the days grow short again, British Summer Time never lasts long.”

BEFORE MY VERY EYES

Let me begin by saying first of all that I have never before had any reason to believe in UFOs. Like most lawyers I am assumed to lack imagination and accept only what is proved to me.

Recently, however, I was driving home from Northallerton, passing through open countryside, when I encountered a peculiar sighting that I would like to share with you. What seemed to be a ball of yellow light sped quickly across the road in an arc. The car in front of me applied its brakes, as I too instinctively slowed down to watch the strange mass which was plummeting towards a field ahead of me on the nearside. I anticipated that some kind of crash was going to occur when the flying object suddenly changed course within 40 or so feet of the ground; there was a flash of green as it appeared to accelerate away and then it disappeared into thin air!

Several weeks later I still cannot explain what it was that I saw and, in hope more than anticipation, have looked at the recently published MOD records. Of course I didn’t find the answer, but one of the entries from Carlisle on an unspecified date in 2008 caught my attention. The witness reporting the incident had seen a UFO and there was an alien in his house! Poignantly it reminded me of the divorce case I handled once upon a time where a client told me he’d had a brilliant honeymoon, brought his bride home to Darlington and then found he was living with an alien for the next 20 years!

Short Sales, Mortgage Re-negotiation Call a Lawyer!!

Due to the fluctuations in our present real estate market many consumers are able to cut some pretty great deals with their present mortgage companies. The key is to getting a great deal is hiring someone to negotiate on your behalf. Many banks out there are good at giving the average consumer the run around when trying to save their home. Sometimes what is needed is a more authoritative voice and knowledgeable individual who can cut the best deal on your behalf.

The banks are offering all kinds of packages from forbearance agreements to rate changes to loan changes depending on your circumstances and the type of loan you presently have.

Now is the time for all consumers to begin evaluating their home loans and look into the possibility of getting a lower rate or longer term thus lowering your present payment. With the government stimulus packages going out to the banks, many banks will be more willing to re-negotiate with consumers as opposed to allowing the house to enter foreclosure proceedings.

A savvy consumer can during this tough economic time cut their payments and perhaps increase their disposable income.

Hire a professional to help you. Spending a little bit of money on someone who knows how to negotiate may save you a ton of money in the long run.

Short Sales, Mortgage Re-negotiation Call a Lawyer!!

Due to the fluctuations in our present real estate market many consumers are able to cut some pretty great deals with their present mortgage companies. The key is to getting a great deal is hiring someone to negotiate on your behalf. Many banks out there are good at giving the average consumer the run around when trying to save their home. Sometimes what is needed is a more authoritative voice and knowledgeable individual who can cut the best deal on your behalf.

The banks are offering all kinds of packages from forbearance agreements to rate changes to loan changes depending on your circumstances and the type of loan you presently have.

Now is the time for all consumers to begin evaluating their home loans and look into the possibility of getting a lower rate or longer term thus lowering your present payment. With the government stimulus packages going out to the banks, many banks will be more willing to re-negotiate with consumers as opposed to allowing the house to enter foreclosure proceedings.

A savvy consumer can during this tough economic time cut their payments and perhaps increase their disposable income.

Hire a professional to help you. Spending a little bit of money on someone who knows how to negotiate may save you a ton of money in the long run.

Spring in 5,4,3, 2, 1
A Time for Mediation?


Welcome to Spring!! I have never awaited a season with more hope and anticipation as I await this Spring. Personally this winter wreaked its havoc on my family and professional I along with the rest of the economy felt what it was like to worry about business and finances. Although none of us is out of the woods just yet, along with the new season brings a new optimism. Our President was on late night TV telling us things are getting better, the Dow is responding better and the housing market after many years is beginning to bounce back again.

Each Spring I feel is a new beginning and it seems that my clients feel much the same way. Those who were resisting divorce because of the cost have decided that they need a new beginning..maybe mediation is the way to go? Mediation of course is much less costly than traditional divorce methods. It can avoid the courts all together and the best part is that the couples remain in control of their lives.

Mediation really is the best way for couples to dissolve their marriages and in an economy like this it is by far the most economical way.

Pros of Mediation:

1. Cheaper than traditional divorce
2. No need to go to court
3. No judge involved
4. No forensics or law guardians involved
5. faster than traditional divorce proceedings
6. Emotionally less draining on the parties
7. Much more civil and less draining on the children

Cons of Mediation:


1. Both parties must be willing to compromise
2. Usually forensic accountants are not used(but they could be if agreed to between the parties)**
3. Both parties must be motivated to come to the mediation sessions
4. Both parties must come to some agreement to move the matter forward
5. Both parties must be willing to sign an agreement
6. Neither party is compelled to proceed with mediation by threat of court intervention
7. Mediation can and will fail if one party chooses not to co-operate or withhold information

Mediation certainly is not for every couple but it can and should be for most couples to consider before heading out to hire individual attorneys. A new beginning needed in your life? Maybe Mediation is the answer.







* thus use of forensic accountants may be important in the event there is a business which may need to be evaluated or Pension plans where the value is needed in order to make a comparison of the assets in an effort to negotiate a distribution of who gets what.

Spring in 5,4,3, 2, 1
A Time for Mediation?


Welcome to Spring!! I have never awaited a season with more hope and anticipation as I await this Spring. Personally this winter wreaked its havoc on my family and professional I along with the rest of the economy felt what it was like to worry about business and finances. Although none of us is out of the woods just yet, along with the new season brings a new optimism. Our President was on late night TV telling us things are getting better, the Dow is responding better and the housing market after many years is beginning to bounce back again.

Each Spring I feel is a new beginning and it seems that my clients feel much the same way. Those who were resisting divorce because of the cost have decided that they need a new beginning..maybe mediation is the way to go? Mediation of course is much less costly than traditional divorce methods. It can avoid the courts all together and the best part is that the couples remain in control of their lives.

Mediation really is the best way for couples to dissolve their marriages and in an economy like this it is by far the most economical way.

Pros of Mediation:

1. Cheaper than traditional divorce
2. No need to go to court
3. No judge involved
4. No forensics or law guardians involved
5. faster than traditional divorce proceedings
6. Emotionally less draining on the parties
7. Much more civil and less draining on the children

Cons of Mediation:


1. Both parties must be willing to compromise
2. Usually forensic accountants are not used(but they could be if agreed to between the parties)**
3. Both parties must be motivated to come to the mediation sessions
4. Both parties must come to some agreement to move the matter forward
5. Both parties must be willing to sign an agreement
6. Neither party is compelled to proceed with mediation by threat of court intervention
7. Mediation can and will fail if one party chooses not to co-operate or withhold information

Mediation certainly is not for every couple but it can and should be for most couples to consider before heading out to hire individual attorneys. A new beginning needed in your life? Maybe Mediation is the answer.







* thus use of forensic accountants may be important in the event there is a business which may need to be evaluated or Pension plans where the value is needed in order to make a comparison of the assets in an effort to negotiate a distribution of who gets what.

WINNING

Last week, Steve Davis, an esteemed senior cyclist, gave a talk on winning to the members of Darlington Business Club. During his presentation he showed us his collection of World Masters’ medals as well as referring to a quotation by Vince Lombardi, the American football coach, which he had taken to heart and made his own.

“Winning is not a sometime thing, it’s an all time thing. You don’t win once in a while, you don’t do things right once in a while, you do things right all the time.” However, our speaker had then added to this: “There is no room for second place. There is only one place and that’s first place.”

This is a belief and way of life that leads to success whether it’s on the track or in the boardroom. However, it probably doesn’t translate too well in domestic situations. As a family lawyer, I couldn’t help but think that for my own clients it is not a useful mantra. Divorce is no place for the “I don’t just need to win, I have to be seen to win” mentality, especially when frequently it is exactly that attitude that can cause a marriage to breakdown in the first place. So let’s leave winning where it belongs, in the competitive worlds of sport and business.

A FROG CHORUS

Whilst out walking in Arkengarthdale yesterday, we came across frogs canoodling in a rather deep puddle on a bridleway. Surrounded by their spawn, they appeared to be delighting in each other’s company. As we approached, a vociferous male who definitely wasn’t saying “reddit,” made it clear that our presence was unwelcome. It was a sharp reminder, in case we needed one, not to intervene in the marital relations of others.

A CLASSY AD

Last week the media reported how a Gloucestershire builder came up with an ingenious idea to put divorce lawyers out of work. Instead of visiting a solicitor he put his wife up for sale, advertising her in the classified section of Trade-It as “Nagging wife. Very high maintenance – some rust.”

LAW ON COUPLES OUT OF STEP WITH MODERN FAMILIES

Resolution is backing calls to bring family law into line with the needs of modern families and is supporting leading lawmaker Lord Lester’s Bill on cohabitation, which is debated in Parliament today. Lord Lester’s Cohabitation Bill aims to ensure that both cohabitants are treated fairly when they split up and to provide a safety net for vulnerable people. It gives legal rights to cohabitants who have shown commitment to each other without undermining marriage or civil partnership or freedom of choice. The Cohabitation Bill represents the third time in a decade that Lord Lester has stepped in to modernise family law. His Civil Partnership Bill 2002 was the predecessor to the government’s Civil Partnership Act 2004, and his Forced Marriage (Civil Protection) Bill was passed into law with the support of the Government in 2007.

Family law on cohabitation is completely out of step with modern family life. Cohabitation is the fastest growing family type in the UK and marriage rates are plummeting. But couples who live together have no legal protection, regardless of the length of their relationship or whether they have children together.
Despite this, over fifty percent of people still falsely believe cohabitants are protected by ‘common law marriage’. It’s a disgrace in modern times that families across the country are still left at risk of serious financial hardship if the relationship ends or if a partner dies.

Lord Lester’s Cohabitation Bill, which will be debated in the House of Lords today, aims to give legal rights to cohabitants who have been living together for at least two years, or who have a child together. Couples will have the right to opt out of the scheme if they choose to.

Despite widespread popular support for reform, with almost nine out of ten people backing the right for cohabitants to make financial claims on the breakdown of a relationship or death of a partner, progress on this issue has been slow in Parliament. Now Lord Lester’s Bill will bring hope to millions of cohabitants across the country.

Lord Lester has said: “My Bill represents a new opportunity to deal effectively with this issue, and I am hopeful that the government and parliament will support it to prevent more and more people and their children from being faced with poverty and hardship in these troubling economic times.”

Families come in all shapes and sizes. At a time of recession, families need financial security through laws that protect them, whether they have opted for marriage or not.

Has Your Divorce Made You Fat?...

Divorce is one of the most painful life experiences you can encounter, so it is no wonder that people gain weight after a divorce. If you have used food for comfort in the past, you are at high risk for overeating during a divorce. Filling yourself up with the foods you love can temporarily relive the pain. That is until you step on the scale and beat yourself up for gaining weight.

Some people will go to the opposite extreme and actually lose weight during a divorce. They completely lose their appetites. Others will reach for alcohol, prescription drugs or worse to soothe the pain. No matter what you use, it is a temporary fix. The pain you feel will be there to greet you again after you have finished that bag of chips or drank that bottle of wine.

Unfortunately, there is no magic solution. There is nothing out there that can ease the intense pain and suffering you are going through right now. Only time and allowing yourself to experience the grief and sadness can make you feel better.Working through and releasing your emotions in a healthy way is the best medicine. So let it out by punching a pillow, writing a letter to your ex and burning it and allowing yourself to have a good cry. Try to look for other, healthier ways to release your emotions instead of using food to make yourself feel better.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce..

It's a Wave ~ Ride It

No matter how many times you and your ex iron out issues among yourselves, things will still come up. Even the most congenial of exes have their moments. The key to withstanding the occasional flare up is to take a deep breath and ride the wave. You are not at your ex's mercy and you do not have to react to them.Here are a few ways to maintain your cool when things feel strained.1. Screen your

New Illinois House bill regarding presumptions under Section 602 & 607 & 609

Marriage Act presumptions
House Bill 3904 (Connelly, R-Lisle) creates a new presumption in the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act in three places.

The current law in Sec. 602 (best interest) states that there is a presumption that maximum involvement of both parents is in the best interest of the child unless there is an occurrence of ongoing abuse. This elaborates and widens the presumption to include "a history of abuse or a significant incident of abuse."

If it is ruled that any any of these instances of abuse has occurred, a presumption against joint custody arises, which the defending party can present evidence of sufficient steps taken to minimize the potential for abuse of the custodial parent or minor child.

The new law would create the same presumptions in the visitation section (Sec. 607) and removal section (Sec. 609). Should the court rule in any of these matters, the burden falls on the abusive parent in a removal proceeding. If the removal is sought, and granted, the court is prohibited from requiring the custodial parent to provide an address or telephone number to the noncustodial parent, but may designate an alternative manner of contact that does not give the abusive parent a means of directly contacting the custodial parent. Temporary removal can also be allowed by the state without having to give information, if that information could create a serious risk of substantial harm to the removing party.

Cheaper to Keep Her(Him) FALSE!!!

The tough economy has hit every industry and the divorce business is not exception. A recent article in the local paper indicated because times are tough people are staying together even if it means living in separate parts of the house as opposed to starting a divorce action.

The justification they say is that they just can't afford a divorce. The truth of the matter, however, is that people who are living in these situations truly cannot afford NOT to divorce their spouses. Now those of you who have read my blog before know that I am always in favor of trying to save a marriage first. All attempts should be made at counselling or otherwise in order to make a marriage work. Only after all this has failed should a divorce attorney be consulted. That being said those who decide to suck it up and stay in misery, make not only themselves miserable but all those dependant upon them miserable as well.

Of course in these situations the innocent are always the most effected and generally they are the children of the marriage. The unbelievable damage they are doing to the children alone should prompt them to beg,borrow or steal money for a retainer in order to move on with their lives. The cost of years of therapy for children who are witnessing abuse, be it physical or mental as well as the horrendous example these couples are setting for their little ones about what marriage is all about cannot even be calculated monetarily.

The young girl who witnesses her mother being abused by her spouse will in all likelihood look for the same kind of man to marry. The young boy who witnesses the cold hard stares of his parents toward one another cannot ever be expected to become a warm loving spouse or parent.

Ask any police department and they will confirm that in rough economic times domestic violence calls increase dramatically.
What price can one put on happiness and normalcy in a marriage??
A friend of mine who was in an emotionally horrendous marriage refused for years to get a divorce because she felt the lives of her children would be adversely affected financially. Finally when she could no longer look the other way regarding her husband's deviant ways she instituted an action and found love and warmth in a new relationship after years of being emotionally abused.

The horrendous housing market may also be a friend to a couple contemplating a divorce. Where once the housing market forbade the use of using one spouse's 401K as a trade off on equity in the marital home, we have now come full circle in that may in fact be a viable option in this economy. It may also be possible for parties to "trade down" in their housing. The bigger expensive houses can be sold still getting enough equity for one or both parties to afford smaller more affordable homes that are starting to flood the market.

Finally the fact that 1 can live more cheaply than 2 is never more true than in tough economic times. One can live more cheaply than 2 or 3 or 4, that is just a fact.

So those of you out there waiting for the finances to improve before you decide to improve your life....remember there is NEVER a good time to get divorced. When things are this bad economically at least the hope of starting a new better life can give some light at the end of this tunnel. Think about it.

Divorce retainer... $8000.00
Counseling sessions for 1 child over a 10 year period....$46,800
Cost of doctor bills incurred due to domestic violence(over a 6 month period)...$2000
(if covered by insurance)
Property Damage due to domestic violence(annually)....$5000
A loving tranquil household........PRICELESS

Cheaper to Keep Her(Him) FALSE!!!

The tough economy has hit every industry and the divorce business is not exception. A recent article in the local paper indicated because times are tough people are staying together even if it means living in separate parts of the house as opposed to starting a divorce action.

The justification they say is that they just can't afford a divorce. The truth of the matter, however, is that people who are living in these situations truly cannot afford NOT to divorce their spouses. Now those of you who have read my blog before know that I am always in favor of trying to save a marriage first. All attempts should be made at counselling or otherwise in order to make a marriage work. Only after all this has failed should a divorce attorney be consulted. That being said those who decide to suck it up and stay in misery, make not only themselves miserable but all those dependant upon them miserable as well.

Of course in these situations the innocent are always the most effected and generally they are the children of the marriage. The unbelievable damage they are doing to the children alone should prompt them to beg,borrow or steal money for a retainer in order to move on with their lives. The cost of years of therapy for children who are witnessing abuse, be it physical or mental as well as the horrendous example these couples are setting for their little ones about what marriage is all about cannot even be calculated monetarily.

The young girl who witnesses her mother being abused by her spouse will in all likelihood look for the same kind of man to marry. The young boy who witnesses the cold hard stares of his parents toward one another cannot ever be expected to become a warm loving spouse or parent.

Ask any police department and they will confirm that in rough economic times domestic violence calls increase dramatically.
What price can one put on happiness and normalcy in a marriage??
A friend of mine who was in an emotionally horrendous marriage refused for years to get a divorce because she felt the lives of her children would be adversely affected financially. Finally when she could no longer look the other way regarding her husband's deviant ways she instituted an action and found love and warmth in a new relationship after years of being emotionally abused.

The horrendous housing market may also be a friend to a couple contemplating a divorce. Where once the housing market forbade the use of using one spouse's 401K as a trade off on equity in the marital home, we have now come full circle in that may in fact be a viable option in this economy. It may also be possible for parties to "trade down" in their housing. The bigger expensive houses can be sold still getting enough equity for one or both parties to afford smaller more affordable homes that are starting to flood the market.

Finally the fact that 1 can live more cheaply than 2 is never more true than in tough economic times. One can live more cheaply than 2 or 3 or 4, that is just a fact.

So those of you out there waiting for the finances to improve before you decide to improve your life....remember there is NEVER a good time to get divorced. When things are this bad economically at least the hope of starting a new better life can give some light at the end of this tunnel. Think about it.

Divorce retainer... $8000.00
Counseling sessions for 1 child over a 10 year period....$46,800
Cost of doctor bills incurred due to domestic violence(over a 6 month period)...$2000
(if covered by insurance)
Property Damage due to domestic violence(annually)....$5000
A loving tranquil household........PRICELESS

RECEDING HEMLINES

Yesterday evening I attended Tees Valley Law Society’s Annual Dinner. It’s 2 or 3 years since I was last present and there was a definite change from the last occasion. Whilst the male dominated arena was still resplendent in its bow ties and dinner jackets, the ladies’ dresses had definitely altered. When I was last there brightly coloured, full-length, strapless evening gowns were very much the preferred garb. Last night, however, the ladies too were in sombre black and rarely did their hemlines extend below their knees. Austere times, notably after last century’s two World Wars, traditionally result in a curtailment of the volume of fabric used in women’s clothing. Presumably, therefore, last night was a definite illustration of the effects of recession and the need to cut one’s cloth accordingly. Oh dear, if the economic situation worsens then next year might find the ladies donned only in vests! I guess that’s an occasion this Darlington divorce solicitor will definitely forego.

Hemlines are not the only things that have been affected by the recession recently. Financial constraints are inevitably putting pressure on couples. As a result Relate published figures showing that its services are in increased demand but that less people are able to pay the full cost for these. Then Harriet Harman launched a booklet at an event at 11 Downing Street entitled, “Real Help Now for Women,” aimed to ensure that women know what support is available for them during the economic crisis and on the back of statistics that show that a large proportion are concerned about the effect the downturn is having on family life.

When funds are desperately needed to prop up family life, one might view the Government as considerate in authorising the printing of an extra £75 billion. I wonder how much of it is going to find its way to resolving relationship breakdowns? Not enough if the further cuts in legal aid presently being mooted and the problems in the family courts reported by the Bar Council this week, are anything to go by!

Do Separate Bank Accounts Lead to Separation?

Some couples decide to keep their finances separated after they marry. They maintain separate bank accounts and even divide the bills up each month, each contributing their share of the household expenses. Is this a good idea or do couples who do not share their money get divorced more often?

I am not sure. If either the husband or wife is not comfortable with keeping individual bank accounts during a marriage, then it can become a problem. Sharing your money with your partner is the ultimate sign of commitment. It is also a sign of trust to put your money together with your spouse and make decision together concerning purchases and finances.

A partner who refuses to allow his or her partner access to bank accounts, investments and other assets may be someone with something to hide. Any assets acquired during a marriage are considered martial property, so why hide them? Marriage is about commitment and sharing. But

if both parties are happy with keeping the finances separated and and it works for them it should not have any negative impact on their marriage. This is defintely an issue that should be decided and agreed upon before getting married to avoid any conflict later.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

A LAUNDERER'S TALE

Well what an exciting evening I’m having: a committee meeting, half an hour of television and now I’ve just finished sorting socks. Yes, socks – straight out of the washing machine and dryer.

Putting them into pairs, I couldn’t help but notice how they seemed to mirror human relationships.

There were the nearly-new twosomes that some proud housewives probably put into the washing machine bound together with those little clips I’ve seen in magazines, so they always emerge in pairs. There were also some brightly coloured reds and greens; I couldn’t find the matching ones so I rolled them together anyway, on the basis that opposites attract.

A few years ago I resolved only ever to buy Apprentice Man one colour and design of sock. Hence as I pulled a dozen or so out together, they were easy enough to match up, though some looked a little worn or ragged compared to their partner and I’m sure one or two are shrinking.

The frustrating part however was when I was left with a pile of unique and solitary patterned items. Why is it that they go into my machines in pairs and innumerable tumbles later emerge as divorced items, their other half never to be seen again? Mind that may be better than the adventurous ones I find paired up with pillow cases or other unsuitable textiles; stick to your own kind – not those. You put them into the wash with their mate of several years and they go off with your old woollen jumper.

I have a friend who puts her socks into a net bag to wash them. That way they can never elope; a little like locking up your daughters for their own well being, I suppose. Maybe it’s got to be that or else knitted tights from now on!

The Greatest Gift

It has been a while since I blogged and that is because it is only now that I am able to catch my breath. While this blog has been a vent for me to air my thoughts on the legal process and my career it sometimes has some very personal notes. I knew I couldn't write without emotion of the last two weeks. Two very dear people close to me passed away within 5 days of each other. My grandmother who had been on this earth 94 years and whose quality of life broke my heart each week when I would visit her was mercifully taken to my grandfather who had been waiting patiently in heaven for over 22 years. Now while I don't presume to understand the cosmic picture and nor do I usually engage in questioning the good Lord and his ways, the passing of my father 5 days later is something that I cannot wrap my mind around. My mother lost her mother and her husband in virtually the same week. Yes, my Dad had health issues, anyone knowing me could attest that over the course of a year we had visited almost every hospital on the Island at one time or another due to my Dad's conditions. He always seemed to pull it out, even when the health professionals tried to count him out.
The last trip we took was last February (2008) to my Dad's all time favorite place: Disneyworld in Florida. It was a difficult trip for him in many ways. He couldn't do the walking he once could and he became very dangerous on the scooter we rented for him.(Dangerous to others not himself...he was a crazy driver). When we got home he collapsed on my driveway. We never knew exactly why but we sensed the plane ride and the trip was really just too much for his body. We all knew that would be his last trip. But after a few months the bug bit us again and we started to talk about maybe another trip, maybe he could do Vegas if one of my boys went with them. That was not to be however, his health was full of ups and downs and he never really felt good enough to make a plan.
I know the ache in my heart will eventually ease. I know the memories I have will comfort me at some point. I try to console myself with the fact that by taking him quickly my Dad did not suffer the indignities his illness would have eventually brought to him not to mention the pain and diminished quality of life that stretched as a certainty before him. Unlike my poor Nani who lived the last 3 years of her life in a nursing home unsure of who we were and making it impossible to visit without questioning the reason why the body is allowed to sustain itself without the mind. We the living are hurt and confused. I try to believe God did my Dad a favor by giving him the greatest gift of mercy. I'm trying to understand and believe but I am only a mere mortal with a broken heart. I miss you Dad.

The Greatest Gift

It has been a while since I blogged and that is because it is only now that I am able to catch my breath. While this blog has been a vent for me to air my thoughts on the legal process and my career it sometimes has some very personal notes. I knew I couldn't write without emotion of the last two weeks. Two very dear people close to me passed away within 5 days of each other. My grandmother who had been on this earth 94 years and whose quality of life broke my heart each week when I would visit her was mercifully taken to my grandfather who had been waiting patiently in heaven for over 22 years. Now while I don't presume to understand the cosmic picture and nor do I usually engage in questioning the good Lord and his ways, the passing of my father 5 days later is something that I cannot wrap my mind around. My mother lost her mother and her husband in virtually the same week. Yes, my Dad had health issues, anyone knowing me could attest that over the course of a year we had visited almost every hospital on the Island at one time or another due to my Dad's conditions. He always seemed to pull it out, even when the health professionals tried to count him out.
The last trip we took was last February (2008) to my Dad's all time favorite place: Disneyworld in Florida. It was a difficult trip for him in many ways. He couldn't do the walking he once could and he became very dangerous on the scooter we rented for him.(Dangerous to others not himself...he was a crazy driver). When we got home he collapsed on my driveway. We never knew exactly why but we sensed the plane ride and the trip was really just too much for his body. We all knew that would be his last trip. But after a few months the bug bit us again and we started to talk about maybe another trip, maybe he could do Vegas if one of my boys went with them. That was not to be however, his health was full of ups and downs and he never really felt good enough to make a plan.
I know the ache in my heart will eventually ease. I know the memories I have will comfort me at some point. I try to console myself with the fact that by taking him quickly my Dad did not suffer the indignities his illness would have eventually brought to him not to mention the pain and diminished quality of life that stretched as a certainty before him. Unlike my poor Nani who lived the last 3 years of her life in a nursing home unsure of who we were and making it impossible to visit without questioning the reason why the body is allowed to sustain itself without the mind. We the living are hurt and confused. I try to believe God did my Dad a favor by giving him the greatest gift of mercy. I'm trying to understand and believe but I am only a mere mortal with a broken heart. I miss you Dad.