CAUGHT IN THE CROSS-FIRE

I’m told that yet another sick video has been posted on YouTube this week. Apparently it involves an American marine in Iraq and a puppy, and is causing widespread outrage especially from animal lovers. As a result certain areas of the media have been lashing up a debate about barbarism, the treatment of dumb animals and our reaction to it as well as double standards of morality and whether we think more about animals than people. I do not wish to get embroiled in the debate but did hear various viewpoints being aired vehemently on the radio today. Some of the comments struck a chord when they referred to victims trapped in a war zone; how the perpetrators should protect the innocent caught in the crossfire and if a warring party can’t act responsibly, then it can’t expect respect from those it abuses.

Smelling Spring in the Air

I might be just wishful thinking, but I thought I smelled spring in the air today. Perhaps it was only for a minute but I thought I caught the daffodils trying to sneak into winter. The howling of the wind and the teeming of the rain stopped for just a minute today and the blue sky showed through as the temperature actually soared to 60 degrees. My client today, a newly pregnant soon to be divorced woman wondered out loud how I could possibly tell her to enjoy this time of her life. I guess I was remembering my own pregnancies since today my oldest turned 18, and I remember this day all those years ago as if it were just yesterday.

18 years ago there was a snow storm covering the island as I held my newborn in my arms in the hospital. Kathy Lee Gifford had also just given birth to her first child and I remember watching the broadcast from my hospital bed. Sharing my room was someone I was sure would become a lifetime friend for myself and my son. The friendship lasted a few years but didn't survive my divorce. Many of my friendships did not survive my divorce and when I say that to people who have never been divorced they look aghast. Just ask someone going through a divorce and they will tell you about all their fair weathered friends who didn't want it to "rub" off on their relationships and just faded away.

Of course being a single parent is never easy, but given the choice of parenting alone or not parenting at all I would choose parenting alone.
Also recently my longest running case was settled. I will miss the client but certainly not the aggravation of the case. So far a happy client, time will tell if the deal was good, I think it was. More importantly it was time to move on with her life. That is also what I told my client today...time to move on...afterall it's almost spring.

Smelling Spring in the Air

I might be just wishful thinking, but I thought I smelled spring in the air today. Perhaps it was only for a minute but I thought I caught the daffodils trying to sneak into winter. The howling of the wind and the teeming of the rain stopped for just a minute today and the blue sky showed through as the temperature actually soared to 60 degrees. My client today, a newly pregnant soon to be divorced woman wondered out loud how I could possibly tell her to enjoy this time of her life. I guess I was remembering my own pregnancies since today my oldest turned 18, and I remember this day all those years ago as if it were just yesterday.

18 years ago there was a snow storm covering the island as I held my newborn in my arms in the hospital. Kathy Lee Gifford had also just given birth to her first child and I remember watching the broadcast from my hospital bed. Sharing my room was someone I was sure would become a lifetime friend for myself and my son. The friendship lasted a few years but didn't survive my divorce. Many of my friendships did not survive my divorce and when I say that to people who have never been divorced they look aghast. Just ask someone going through a divorce and they will tell you about all their fair weathered friends who didn't want it to "rub" off on their relationships and just faded away.

Of course being a single parent is never easy, but given the choice of parenting alone or not parenting at all I would choose parenting alone.
Also recently my longest running case was settled. I will miss the client but certainly not the aggravation of the case. So far a happy client, time will tell if the deal was good, I think it was. More importantly it was time to move on with her life. That is also what I told my client today...time to move on...afterall it's almost spring.

Is Your Divorce Attorney A Money Hungry Shark?

I coached a woman today who is going through one of the worst divorces I have ever seen. I thought my divorce was terrible, but this woman's divorce made mine pale in comparison. She is approaching her third year in litigation with no end in sight. I won't go into details here for privacy issues, but the reason her divorce has not settled is because of her crazy husband and his unethical divorce attorney.

It is funny how the law of attraction works. Like attracts like. So her out of control, devious husband has attracted a lawyer who is just like him. Her own attorney informed her that her husband's attorney is not interested in settling because he always goes to trial, that is how he makes his money.

How sad that the average cost for a divorce is reportedly $106,000 per case in some areas of the U.S. That money could be used to put a child through college, instead it is squandered on high price lawyers who prey on their clients, knowing their clients are in a highly emotional state.

Of course, not all divorce lawyers are bad. There are some caring, kind divorce lawyers who genuinely want to help their clients. Many of them practice collaborate divorce law and work with mediators to try and settle the cases they see as quickly as possible. There is also the argument that many aggressive divorce lawyers are just doing their job, trying to win the case for their clients. But at what cost? If you know that your client is lying and trying to cheat his or her spouse how do you represent someone like that? You wonder how they sleep at night.

I think it all goes back again to theory that we attract like minded people into our lives. If we are angry and vengeful we will attract angry, vengeful people. Until divorcing couples wake up and realize that fighting during divorce is only going to bring misery, there will still be plenty of hungry divorce lawyers looking to make a fortune at their expense. When couples remember that it is possible to divorce and be kind and fair, then they will attract the same kind of lawyers and mediators who can help them settle their divorce fairly and quickly.

THE ENFORCEMENT OF ROMANCE

Under Iranian law a husband apparently pledges a gift to his wife on marriage known as a “mahr”. She can claim delivery of it at anytime during the marriage or else in the event of divorce. It is reported that an Iranian court today made an order under this law requiring a husband to comply with his promise of ten years ago to deliver 124,000 red roses to his wife and has seized his apartment until he does so.

Inevitably court decisions of this nature raise eyebrows amongst lawyers here, unused to such gestures of romance or laws to enforce them. In particular, how has enforcement of this pledge by means of court proceedings affected the marriage and where will the wife put the 124,000 roses when she receives them?

If such a remedy was available in this country would women prefer the contents of their local garden centres to divorce and the delivery up of the home?

MEN ARE FROM MARS

If there’s one book everyone should be compelled to read before marriage it has to be “Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus” by John Gray. Come to think of it, everyone should read it as soon as possible and that way a vast number of misunderstandings, and the broken relationships that follow could be avoided.

Constance has been back in touch. (Click here for details of our last conversation.)She’s even found time for another relationship since we last spoke but this time she’s dumped him. She tells me he was a Martian and couldn’t understand her (planets of origin; different languages, I thought, as she regaled the whole sad story to me on the telephone this afternoon). Sounds like he kept asking her what was wrong, and she kept saying, “Nothing.”

Understandably, his male conditioned response to “nothing” was to indicate, “Okay then, let’s go out and watch a football match.”

What Constance, as a female from Planet Venus, actually meant of course was: “I am up to my eyes in debt, I am worried sick about the situation and I just want to unload and talk about it, after you show yourself sympathetic to my predicament.”

Inevitably, she couldn’t actually bring herself to say that, although she managed fine chatting away to me for a full hour and a half. Anyway, as I said, he obviously knew fine well that there was a problem but if she wanted help to solve it, she would have had to tell him what it was. Maybe I overdid the sympathetic agony aunt role because after another half hour, and in order to wind this tedious conversation up, I had to say more. I told her that if she had explained her woes to the Martian, he’d no doubt have taken the initiative to sever the relationship himself and so put her in exactly the same solitary position as she is now anyway.

Strangely, she hung up on me again! I don’t think she can cope with my bilingual ability.

You Are Invited to The Largest Divorce Party In The U.S...


After suffering through my nasty, long divorce battle, I was emotionally drained. When the divorce papers were finally signed, I felt like celebrating. I had heard about divorce parties, but never got the chance to throw myself one. Then I met Rosalind Sedacca, a divorced woman who
also never had a divorce party and we decided it would be fun to throw ourselves and everyone else who has been through a divorce, the largest divorce party in the U.S.

South Florida’s first-ever Divorce Party will be held at Christopher's Nightclub in Fort Lauderdale on Friday, March 7th celebrating new beginnings for women and men who are facing or have experienced divorce. The theme of the Divorce Party is: Laugh, let go and move on. Your new life begins now!

The Divorce Party is being sponsored by Divorce Magazine(www.divorcemagazine.com) and co-sponsored by two prominent professionals who practice in South Florida. Cynthia Tiano, Esq., “The Mediator,” is the author of the new book, Happily Divorced (www.divorceTV.tv). Priscilla Marotta, PhD, is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist and director of the Center of Psychological Effectiveness (www.solutionsnottalk.com).

"Our approach is connect with divorcing or divorced people in a light-hearted, fun way through a Divorce Party at one of the most popular night clubs in the heart of South Florida,” says Rosalind Sedacca, CCT. Rosalind is the author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children – with Love! “By offering fun games, contests, music, drinks, prizes and a free Goodie Bag, we’re inviting attendees to release some energy and have a good time in a safe, supportive environment.”

“We are expecting between 400-600 people all looking to have a good time. Your'e welcome to bring your friends to the celebration – even those who are married. And who knows, some people may even end up meeting their next ex!” We have planned a full roster of activities including a “Pin the Blame on Your Ex” game, “Toss the Wedding Ring in the Toilet,” and dancing to your favorite break-up songs all night long.

However, the theme is not about bashing and revenge. Quite the contrary. In addition to holding a “Worst Ex of South Florida” contest, we are also having a “Happy Divorce” contest inviting stories about split partners who are still getting along and plan on remaining friends. In fact, we promise that attendees who actually show up with their ex will receive special prizes.

“Our books, CDs and seminars offer sound advice for a very serious subject,” notes Sedacca. “But everyone needs time to kick up their heels and laugh, especially when life is stressful.” “The Divorce Party concept is our way of encouraging people to add balance to their lives,” adds Rowe. “Laughter, especially at ourselves, is one of the healthiest things we can do.”

Several other South Florida sponsors, including www.divorce360.com will be supporting the event with discount coupons and products in the free Goodie Gift Bags. Plus the new management at Christopher’s Night Club will be offering “Marriage on the Rocks” drink specials, discounted Heinekens beer and a Ladies Drink Free promotion from 9:30 to 11:30!

If you live in the South Florida area, come out and join us, it is going to be a lot of fun! Sign the VIP Guest List at www.secretsofdivorce.com/divorceparty.html. VIP Guests will save $2 off the $10-at-the-door admission . Christopher’s Night Club is located at 2857 East Oakland Park Blvd. in Ft. Lauderdale.