Are You Scared to be Single Again?

With all of the doom and gloom about the economy bombarding us every time we turn on the TV, it is no wonder people are fearful. With job loss at an all time high, the high rate of foreclosures and a plummeting stock market, most people are nervous. if you are married and your spouse loses his job, you may have to live on one income. But if you are single and lose your income there may be no income coming in at all.

It can be scary to be divorced and single again. At least when you were married there was someone there to share your fears with. Together, you knew you could get through tough times . Now you are all alone and may have to be the primary caregiver and breadwinner in your family. This can feel overwhelming. You may even wonder why you got divorced in the first place. Was your marriage really that bad?

It is easy to let the fear take over but you need to take a deep breath and have some faith in yourself. You will be okay. Being single has many benefits, one is that you are free to call your own shots and create your life exactly how you want it to be. If you feed into all of the negativity that surrounds us nowadays and panic, you will see your worst fears realized.

Being responsible for your own financial and emotional well being can be frightening but it can also be empowering. Now is the time to take control of your emotions and face your fears. Some singles may be tempted to jump back into a relationship again to gain security, but is having so called security worth your freedom and happiness?

Hang in there and have faith. Things will improve, despite all of the dire warnings to the contrary. We will all get through these tough times. By being hopeful and having confidence in yourself as a single person, you will make it on your own.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce....

How to Cope with Being Divorced and Single on Valentine's Day...

Well it's that time of year again. The stores are flooded with hearts, chocolates and corny greeting cards. Reminders are everywhere that the "day of love" is fast approaching. There is no escaping Valentine's Day. If you are divorced and not dating anyone special this can be a particularly painful time.

You may feel lonely and unloved and wonder if you will ever meet that someone special again. Many people dread being single this time of year. It can trigger emotions and memories of the past when you were married and in love. Now, single and alone, you may feel like you have nothing to look forward to this Valentine's Day.

But there are some ways to not only get through Valentine's day while being single, but actually enjoy it. One way is to call up your single friends and plan a night out on the town. Since you are all in the same situation, why not go out and have a fun night out? If you rather stay home with the kids, have your own Valentine's day party. Bake some red cupcakes, put some red food coloring in ginger ale for the kids and buy some pink champagne for yourself. Celebrate all of the love you have in your life, the love you feel for your children, parents, pets and friends.

Do anything that makes you feel happy and appreciative. Try not to dwell on what is missing in your life this Valentine's Day and instead focus on what you already have. With a positive attitude and a little planning, you may find yourself actually looking forward to Valentine's Day this year.

Click here to read a free chapter of Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce...

The Perils of Dating After Divorce....

It can be scary to be single again after a divorce. It is tough putting yourself out there again and meeting new people. One benefit of marriage, unless your ex was cheating or violent, is knowing you are relatively safe from harm. We hear stories in the news about dates gone wrong, women losing their life savings to con artists and the increased risks of STDs.

One website is even offering a service now that will deliver an "e-card" to a partner informing them that you have an STD! How crazy is that? Can you imagine opening your email and reading "Just wanted to say Hi and by the way, I have an STD, get yourself checked out". Other websites offer background checks so that you can investigate your future dates and make sure they are not criminals.

So should you plan to do background checks and require a clean bill of health for all of your potential dates, post divorce? I think that may be taking it to the extreme. One thing we all have, and it is free, is our intuition. I believe our gut feelings always lead us in the right direction, even though we don't always listen.

Dating after divorce does not have to be frightening. Trust yourself to make the right judgment calls about new people you meet. Always listen to that little voice inside you, the one that warns you when something is not right. Focus on meeting safe, healthy people and you will. Remember, the very thing you fear the most is often what you attract. By being afraid to date and dwelling on what could go wrong, you can almost guarantee that will be your experience. Relax, have fun and enjoy this new chapter in your life.

Are You a Struggling Single Mom?...

With the gas prices on the rise and the current economic conditions today, many single moms are struggling to make ends meet. Now, even working full time at a good job may not be enough to make ends meet.

The mothers who do not receive child support on a regular basis are in even more trouble. Cutting back on expenses and trying to stretch your money is a good idea, but it seems like expenses always creep up at the worst time. The car breaks down, your pet needs to go to the vet or some other unforeseen expense arises that can put you over the edge financially.

So what can single moms do to get through the tough times and bring in some much needed cash? Here are three ways to make some money quickly.

1. Ebay. Go through your kid's outgrown clothes, video games and toys and put them for sale on Ebay.com. All you need is a digital camera to get started. Ebay is very self-explanatory and it is simple to list items for sale. If you don't own a digital camera, borrow one from a friend. You will be surprised at how much you can fetch for items that you no longer use.

2. Turn your old jewelry into cash. With gold prices up, now is a good time to gather up any jewelry you no longer wear. Get out those gold chains, earrings and bracelets and take them to a local jeweler that buys gold. You may get several hundred dollars for what was collecting dust in your jewelry drawer, depending on how much you have.

3. Consider starting a part time business. Think of some creative ideas you could implement to bring in a little extra money each month. Make a list of your current skills. For example, if you are good at bookkeeping you could put an ad on Craiglist.com offering your services to local businesses. Think of what you are good at already and come up with ways to market that skill.

Although times are tough, keep your spirits high and know that things will get better. You may be in debt, facing mounds of unpaid bills or even facing foreclosure like many Americans right now, but you still have your family and your own inner strength to pull you through. Most successful people in the world have hit hard times but what made them different from most is that they did not give up or give in to self-doubt and despair. Forge ahead and know that your life will turn around.

How Single Parents Can Get Ahead In 2008...

For single parents, it seems like there is a never ending amount of expenses incurred each month and having money left over to invest is often impossible. Most single parents shoulder the bulk of the child care expenses, even if they are receiving some form of child support. Children cost a small fortune to raise and often child support does not cover all of the extras, like dance lessons, sports, birthday parties, camp and other items the children need.

So how can a single parent get ahead financially? Fortunately there are ways for even the most cash strapped parents to develop new habits that will get them on the road to financial security.

Here are three ways to prosper in the new year:

1. Pay yourself first. You may laugh at the suggestion of being able to put aside part of your paycheck for yourself, but it is possible with some careful planning. The trick is to allot a specific percentage of your paycheck every week and automatically deposit it into a savings account. Make that the first payment you make, even before paying the bills. You may only be able to devote a very small percentage at first, but you will gain satisfaction watching your little savings account grow each month.

2. Record everything you spend in a typical week. Don't forgot to include money spent on incidentals, like coffee. An easy way to do this is to get a receipt for everything you buy and then tally it up at the end of the week. You may be shocked at how much you spend on fast food, Starbucks and other non-essential items. You don't want to completely cut out all of your guilty pleasures, just cut back on how many you indulge in.

3. After you have taken inventory and know now exactly how much you spend each month , you can develop plan to cut back. For example, if you decide to eat out once a week instead of two, take the money you would have spent on that second meal and put it into a jar. After a few months, take out that jar and now divide it equally into three sections: one third of the money is for investing, one third for your savings account and the remaining third is for you. Get a massage, buy a new outfit or spend it on something that you enjoy. As single parents we tend to spend most of our money on our kids and it is important to have some funds available to treat yourself with. Knowing that you are investing in your financial future and also taking care of yourself and your kids, you will gain control over your finances and your life.

Stressed Out Single Mom? 5 Tips To Regain Your Sanity

It isn't easy being a single mom and some days are tougher than others. Driving kids to play dates, sports and dance lessons, helping with homework and dealing with the other million things that come up in a day can leave you feeling burnt out. Here are 5 tips to help you relax and give yourself some TLC:

1. Make a date with yourself. Spend an hour doing something you enjoy. Read a book, meditate or just take a long, hot bath.

2. Use some retail therapy and buy yourself a new outfit or some new cosmetics. It is always a mood lifter when you pamper yourself.

3. Call a good friend you haven't spoken to in awhile. Pick someone who is supportive and will let you vent.

4. Watch a funny movie or sitcom. Laughing is an automatic stress reliever. Don't you feel better after watching reruns of "Will and Grace" or "Friends"? My personal favorite is "Curb Your Enthusiasm".

5. Join a group on meetup.com. you can find groups that meet once a month on so many different subjects, everything from wine tasting to learning about the law of attraction. There is a group there for everyone's interests.. You can also find support groups for single moms and divorced people who want to connect and share their experiences.

A Single Mom's Dilemma-Spending Quality Time With the Kids

As a single mom is is sometimes difficult to find quality time to spend with the kids. After working all day, making dinner, helping with homework, making school lunches , doing laundry and the hundred other things single moms must do to keep the household running smoothly, we are ready to collapse.

This is precisely the time when you will hear the little voice of your child imploring you to play or read a story. Of course you will oblige, but what you really want to do is chill out on the couch and watch your favorite t.v. show.

As you rush through the story or play a quick game with your child, the pangs of guilt will eat away at you. You will berate yourself for craving time to yourself instead of enjoying time with your kids. So what is the solution? How can you unwind after a long, stressful day and still enjoy some quality time with the kids?

I have discovered that the key to making everyone happy is to find an activity that both you and your child enjoy. Let's face it, may of us do not find playing barbies or with trucks to be all that exciting anymore. But if you think back to your own childhood and reflect on what activities you enjoyed back then, you may come up with an activity you can do with your own child.

As a child, I enjoyed arts and crafts. My youngest daughter is also very creative, so doing some form of arts and crafts is something we can both enjoy together. Since my boys are obsessed with video games and the computer, it is a little more challenging to find something we mutually enjoy.

They do like playing Uno and Scrabble, tow of my favorite games. I have found that by spending as a little as thirty minutes with my kids doing something we all enjoy, they are more than happy to move on and occupy themselves while I get some personal time to myself.

How To Deal With Your Ex's Bad Behavior

The ink may have dried on the divorce papers, but if you have children together, your ex-husband is still a part of your life, like it or not. You may be thinking that you got a divorce to get this person out of your life. But the reality is that although you now have separate homes, you still must be able to deal with each in a civilized manner for the sake of the kids.

This can be difficult sometimes. I know of a woman who has been divorced for over 2 years. Her ex comes over her house unannounced to see the kids, refuses to take the kids on his scheduled overnight visits and picks fights with her in front of the children.

If you are dealing with an ex-husband who is driving you crazy is there anything you can do?First,you need to set boundaries. If your ex is belittling you in front of the children, then you need to discuss this with him in private and explain that you will not tolerate this kind of behavior. If he refuses to cooperate, you should not have any contact with him when he comes to pick up the children for his visits. Why not use text messaging or emails to communicate instead of speaking to him on the phone or in person?

Show your ex that you mean business and will not accept his bad behavior. Remember , he may be treating you the same way he did during your marriage. He does not see you as the strong, independent women you have now become. You need to teach him how to treat you.

By standing up for yourself, you will be setting an example for your children. They will see their mother as someone who is confident and secure and does not allow others, including their father, to treat her badly. This will empower them and they will not tolerate bad behavior in their own future relationships.

Are You An Overwhelmed Single Mom?

Today was the first day of school here in Florida. As I searched stores looking for the school supplies my three younger kids require this year, I started to feel some resentment towards my ex-husband.

The fact is that I am responsible for all of their new school clothes, back packs, sneakers and supplies. I am the one who has to organize everything, sign all of their paperwork , and make sure their homework is done. I take them to after school activities, go food shopping and clean the house. Oh did I mention that I also have work and make money to support the kids too?

My ex on the other hand, only has to worry about going to work and paying his child support. He has no involvement in any of the daily responsibilities of child care. We have recently moved out of state, but even when we lived 15 minutes away from each other, he rarely took on any of the many responsibilities of parenthood.

Single moms across the country will get their kids ready for school this year and take on the role of both mother and father once again. To the fathers out there that take an active role in their children lives and help co-parent their children, I applaud you. To the single moms, just like me, who struggle each day to be the best mom they can be, tired and stressed from the huge weight of responsibility on their shoulders, you are heroes.

Instead of resentment towards my ex, I will choose today a different emotion. I am grateful to have my children and to be their mom. I get to be a daily witness in their every changing young lives. Although I may be tired, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

How To Use Private Investigation To Collect From A Deadbeat

Are you relying on a state agency to help collect past due child support?

Sometimes state agencies drag their feet, and other times they simply can’t get the money. An ex-spouse may find ways to work under the table, or may disappear completely. If you are owed back support, and your state’s child support enforcement agency is not pursuing your ex, and you cannot find out where he works or he is working off the books, then you need to take action.

A little detective work is in order. If you still know people who keep up with your ex, see if you can get one to tell you who he works for. Where is the job? Can you get pictures of him working? Private investigators cost money, but if you were to hire one, these would be the first questions: Where does he work? When does he work there? How much does he make? Hire the investigator for as limited a job as possible. Once the investigator finds out where the job is, you or a friend may be able to do the rest.

There are online “detective agencies” that claim they can give access to bank accounts, whereabouts, and other information. I have tried a few. The results weren’t great. Remember: You can do a lot of investigating on your own and save yourself money. Keep your ears open. Mutual friends and family members are great sources of information. People love to talk. Once they are talking freely they often slip up. As with any other part of this process, this is not something where you want to use your children. However, don’t close your ears to what children say. If you find out key information simply make sure you can explain how you got it in some other way. Often if you simply confirm what you know through others, this can serve as your source. You don’t want to involve your children in any more conflict than you have to, and you don’t want your ex blaming them for something they may not have intended to do.
Deadbeat parents learn many tricks. One is to hide assets by putting them in the name of a girlfriend, new spouse, or parent. That way there is no bank account. Wages (particularly off-the-books payments) go straight into this other person’s bank account. Property is in another name. Your ex may even move to another state. The traveling deadbeat is the hardest one to catch.

In any of these situations you will need hard evidence in the courtroom. Hiring a private investigator may become a necessity. There comes a point where unless you come upon a lucky lead, you will need the skills of a professional. As long as you pick the right detective, and know what you want, your money will be well spent. There are also private agencies that are devoted to support enforcement. These agencies work on a contingency fee, meaning they do not charge you unless they are successful at collecting your support. They do take a percentage of the support collected. Do your homework and be careful when selecting a service like this. Find people who have used them. Call or email these people, and ask them questions about their experience. These groups can be useful, but, as with any support agency, the more you understand about your needs and their services, the better they will do. If you go online and look up “Child Support Enforcement” on yahoo.com or google.com, you will find several agencies to choose from.

The Guilty Single Mom Syndrome

Are you a single mom feeling overwhelmed and tired? Do you sometimes yell at your kids and lose your temper?

Being a parent is the most difficult job in the world. Having to do it alone is even harder. Single parents should feel proud of themselves for being able to do the job of two parents. Sometimes though we tend to be too hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up for not living up to what we feel the perfect parent is.

If you want to be a better parent, you must start making some time for yourself. By pushing yourself to the limit, you are not helping your children. Do you want them to see you as a tired, overworked, resentful mother? If not, then you need to find some creative ways to take back some control of your life.

You can start by grabbing a few hours each week for yourself. You need to devote one evening a week . I know most single moms cannot afford a sitter, so you have to get creative and brainstorm some ideas. Can you trade babysitting time with another overworked, single mom? You take her kids one night a week and she does the same for you. This way you both get some precious free time to regain your sanity and recharge.

Think outside of the box and I am sure you can come up with a few solutions. You must make this time for yourself. Your sanity and the emotional health of your children depend on it.

9 Tips to Easier Single Parenting

The reality is being a single mom or dad is a tough job. Trying to juggle the roles of two parents each day can be exhausting, frustrating and overwhelming.

Getting organized is one way to minimize the amount of work and run a more streamlined, calmer household. Try some of the tips listed below and before you know it you will be less stressed, more focused and able to spend more quality time with your kids!

• Time your phone calls. How many times have you spent hours chatting on the phone, only to hang up and realize that you don’t have time to do what you wanted to do? Set a timer by the phone. When it rings, politely tell the caller that you must hang up. You feel more in control and have more time to accomplish your goals.

• Clean out your kids’ book bags once a week. Take school notices and put them in a folder. At that moment go through the folder and throw out anything that does not need to be answered. Take action on all the other letters and write those checks to the PTA and book club now before you forget!

• Set your kids' clothes out every night for school the next day.If you have very young children you can save time by dressing them in their school clothes after the evening bath and letting them sleep in them. The clothes will be clean, although maybe a little wrinkled, and you can head out the door that much faster.

• Review your schedule every morning and evening. Make modifications for things that may come up unexpectedly.

• Schedule a specific time to answer your email.

• Clean your house and do laundry every day, instead of once a week. It is much easier to throw a load of laundry in while watching TV in the evening than to be overwhelmed with tons of it on the weekend. Assign a cleaning task each day, such as: Monday, bathrooms, Tuesday, vacuum, Thursday, kitchen, etc. By breaking down the big tasks you will be less overwhelmed and your house will be a lot cleaner!

Give those kids some chores! Even a young child can help fold laundry and clear the dinner dishes from the table. Have your family help out; after all they live there too!

•Be ruthless with your time! Try scheduling one hour a day for focus time: your time to decide on what is important to you.

•And remember to reward yourself. It can be anything, big or small, that refreshes you and that you enjoy.