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Gay parents are more equal than others: study SMH http://ht.ly/3voky

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Beating the Christmas blues

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way.

Dickens- A Tale of Two Cities

The hardest part at Christmas when you are separated or divorced, especially when your children aren't with you, is the sense of loneliness. It is accentuated by it being Christmas- when all around you there are carols being sung, peace and joy being proclaimed, and underlying it all a message of love.

When you're alone, and feeling unloved, it can be a bit hard to take. The pain at times can feel overwhelming. It can be numbing, crushing, and make you question your inner beliefs. Like acid, it eats away at you, and you start to wonder whether you have done anything right to anybody in your life.

As a friend of mine said to me pithily the other day: "Snap out of it."

It is vitally important to stop wallowing in self-pity, especially at Christmas. You have a life to lead, a joyous productive life, where you can by your daily actions improve the lives of others, as well as yourself.

Beating the Christmas blues

1. Think positively. Stop wallowing in self-pity.Even in the worst moments, you have lots to offer yourself and others, especially family and friends. It is much easier to look at a glass half full than one half empty.
2. Be with people who love you, if possible, such as family and friends. Support networks are vital. If you don't have anyone, think about how you will get a support network in the new year. Join a club or association or go to church. Before you know it, you will have friends who love and accept you for who you are.
3. Help others, if you can't be with people who love you. There are always people worse off at Christmas than you. The fact that you have been able to read this online means that you are ahead of many people already.
4. Smell the roses. Remember that life moves a day at a time. Squeeze the joy out of every day. There may have been little things that you liked before that you have overlooked or not noticed. Get in touch with what brings you joy. Think of those interests that you gave away when you were in a relationship, but you have always wanted to do. Fishing, cooking, travel, watching the cricket, here we come.
5. Get counselling. It is always good to talk to an objective, supportive counsellor. There is no shame in doing so. This may be hard on Christmas Day. Lifeline operates a free 24/7 counselling service: 13 11 14. It is always better to talk to someone than do something stupid.
6. Make realistic goals. The year has almost ended, and the new year is about to start. What realistic goals do you need to make to help put your life on track? If you are not seeing your children, what do you need to do to ensure that you can see them? You may have to go through family dispute resolution, see a family lawyer like me, or even as a last resort go to court. Think it through.
7. Take care of yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. Your body and mind are your temples. Look after them and nurture them.
8. Get fit. One of the key ways to turn your life around. There is nothing like fitness to dispel feelings of gloom. A rush of oxygen and endorphins, better self-image, and feeling better and stronger, is one of the best ways to beat the Christmas blues.

Merry Christmas one and all.

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Know How Divorce Law Works

Once you have finalized your decision of getting divorced then it is necessary to know the divorce laws of that region. The divorce laws are varying from region to region and it is essential to know about the divorce laws of the place you belong to.

There are some common laws which are applicable everywhere. The entire process of getting divorce is a very painful experience. They undergo physical and mental stress. Hence, it is necessary to be informed about the divorce laws in that particular state and also how it works.

Some important aspects that you must be aware of divorce are difference between divorce and separation, procedures for applying for divorce in your region, reasons for getting divorce and whether you wish to apply for uncontested divorce.

There are many different options such as opting for divorce mediation or collaborative law for divorce. Apart from these, there are also different types of divorce laws that can be utilized by the couples who have opted for divorce. Hence, it is essential for the divorcing couples to be well informed about these laws and also their rights.

There are many different issues that are to be considered in the legal process for divorce. They are:

• Related to children- child support and child custody
• Financial matters- division of debt and distribution of property
• Spousal support

There are many online divorce guides which provide you information about the divorce laws of a particular region. The divorce laws in USA are different for each state. These states follow their own laws related to divorce.

State wise divorce laws have made the process of divorce procedure easy. These states have their own defined state of laws. Some states are liberal while others have a conservative divorce laws.

Thus, it is important to know how divorce laws work to ensure that proper justice is bestowed to the couples who have filed for a divorce.

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DO I, DON'T I?

So it’s your first Christmas apart and you’ve decided to send your ex a card. The dilemma that now faces you, is what do you write inside and how do you sign off? “Best wishes,” sounds a little too distant; “regards,” is far too formal; “love from,” is just plainly inappropriate. Then if you can work out the correct sentiment do you put “xxx” after your name or not? Yes, you do write it on Aunt Ethel’s card but she is elderly and she is not your estranged spouse. Of course you could just write your name, after all the card itself will carry a printed message in any event; but a name by itself looks exactly that and you don’t want the ex thinking of you as all alone, one short name on a piece of paper.

Frankly the time spent agonising over “Do you, don’t you and if you do, how?” is not worth it. Far, far easier to pick up the phone and wish them a Merry Christmas verbally. If you are unable to communicate directly in that way then don’t send a card; it’s meaning is going to be misinterpreted and you may regret it later.

Proposed laws will ban Tasmanians, for the first time, from accessing overseas commercial surrogacy clinics.

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Family Court: conduct reconsidered: zip is not enough

In a recent Full Court of the Family Court case of Polonius and York, the court said that to give the husband nothing by way of property settlement was not enough, and remitted the matter for rehearing before a different Federal Magistrate. The court summarised the law as to conduct on property settlements.

The court also said that in cases where there had been a long marriage, followed by a long separation, the appropriate course might be to assess property on an asset by asset basis.

The parties had separated in 1997, after a 22 year marriage. They continued to live under the same roof for another 10 years. The husband became bankrupt shortly after separation, and the wife paid out the trustee to keep the house. As a reminder of why it is important to remember that the time limit for property settlement is one year after divorce, not separation, many years after they separated, and after he was discharged from bankruptcy, the husband sought a property settlement.

Federal Magistrate McGuire thought that the appropriate amount that the husband should receive was nought, nil, nix, zero or zip, or as the Full Court said:

The effect of the order made by the Federal Magistrate was that the Husband only received his superannuation interest of $1,500.00 or 0.17 per cent of the net assets of the parties. The former matrimonial home and the superannuation interests have a value of $459,226.00 of which the Husband received an entitlement of 0.33 per cent. In other words, the Husband received virtually nothing, which is what his Honour intended.

The Federal Magistrate considered that the wife's contributions post-separation "negated" the husband's earlier contributions, a proposition specifically rejected by the Full Court.

Conduct

86. Marital conduct of parties is not specifically referred to in s 79 of the Act and as a general proposition the marital behaviour of parties is not of itself relevant to applications under s 79: Soblusky and Soblusky (1976) FLC 90-124. However, there may be circumstances in which marital conduct may be relevant and taken into account. If the conduct of a party towards the other had a significant adverse impact upon the other parties’ contributions to the marriage or made the other parties’ contributions more arduous than they ought to have been, then this may be relevant: Kennon v Kennon [1997] FamCA 27; (1997) FLC 92-757. As well, certain types of behaviour which have a direct connection with financial matters may be relevant. In Sheedy and Sheedy (1979) FLC 90-719 Nygh J said at 78,872 that conduct may be relevant “if it has financial consequences, such as financial misbehaviour resulting in the waste or suspension of family assets”: see also Fisher and Fisher (1990) FLC 92-127 at 77,846.
87. In Kowaliw Baker J said at 76,644:

As a statement of general principle, I am firmly of the view that financial losses incurred by parties or either of them in the course of the marriage whether such losses result from a joint or several liability, should be shared by them (although not necessarily equally) except in the following circumstances:

(a) where one of the parties has embarked upon a course of conduct designed to reduce or minimise the effective value or worth of matrimonial assets or
(b) where one of the parties has acted recklessly, negligently or wantonly with matrimonial assets, the overall effect of which has reduced or minimised their value.

Conduct of the kind referred to in para. (a) and (b) above having economic consequences is clearly in my view relevant under sec. 75(2)(o) to applications for settlement of property instituted under the provisions of sec. 79.
Examples of this type of conduct may include circumstances where the drinking and gambling of one party has led to the failure of a business or the dissipation of assets: see Mead and Mead (1983) FLC 91-354 per Asche SJ at 78,369.

88. In Kowaliw Baker J also said at 76,644-45: “It does seem to me, however, that if a party has either by deliberate act or by economic recklessness reduced the value of assets available for distribution then the economic consequences which flow therefrom including the resultant burden to the other party are directly relevant to a consideration of the respective contributions of the parties contemplated by sec. 79(4)”.

89. It follows that in certain circumstances financial misconduct or financial misbehaviour may be taken into account in a number of ways. It may be taken into account by the notional inclusion of an amount at step one of the preferred approach to the determination of an application pursuant to s 79 of the Act which was explained in Hickey and Hickey and Attorney-General for the Commonwealth of Australia (Intervener) [2003] FamCA 395; (2003) FLC 93-143 or when assessing the contributions at step two of the preferred approach or perhaps when considering the other factors at step three of the preferred approach: see M and M [1998] FamCA 42 (1 May 1998).

90. In this case, it was not established that there was financial misconduct or financial misbehaviour as we have described above. The Federal Magistrate made clear at [73] that the evidence did not enable him to “make a positive finding that the [Husband had] acted recklessly, negligently or wantonly”. Thus, it follows that the parties had the benefit of amounts that comprised the secured and unsecured debts of the Husband of perhaps $241,626.00 ($139,626.00 plus $102,000.00): see Boege and Boege.

91. We also observe that in relation to what Baker J said in Kowaliw with respect to the sharing by parties of financial losses, in Browne v Green [1999] FamCA 1483; (1999) FLC 92-873 the Full Court (Lindenmayer, Finn and Holden JJ) observed at 86,364:

    53. On a careful consideration of the material before us, we have had to conclude that it was manifestly unjust to the husband in this case to depart from the Kowaliw guideline and to place upon him the full burden of the losses, merely on the basis that he was that party who initiated and had overall control of the venture which led to the financial losses, particularly in circumstances where there is no suggestion that the wife was anything other then a willing participant. There can be little doubt that had the Hayle project succeeded, the wife would have sought to share in the fruits of that success, and there would seem to be no reason why she would not have been entitled to do so. It is this last-mentioned consideration, being that parties generally expect to share the economic profits of a marriage, which, in our view, requires that there should be good and substantial reasons for departing from the principle that where there are economic losses incurred in a marriage, those losses should be shared, absent any negligence, recklessness or deliberate dissipation of assets by one party. No such good and substantial reasons are apparent to us in this case. (emphasis added)

    
    Post-separation contributions
    
    The Full Court stated:
    

    
    
    It then becomes necessary to consider what happened subsequent to separation in mid-1997. Before proceeding we observe that in Zalewski and Zalewski [2005] FamCA 996; (2005) FLC 93-241, Finn J observed at 79,978:

It is my impression that there are currently coming before the Court a significant number of cases in which the period between the parties’ separation and the hearing of their property settlement proceedings is substantial. The delay seems often to arise, at least in part, because the parties have initially reached some form of informal (or even formal) settlement from which one party later resiles (often for good reason). In these long separation periods, the parties will usually have built up substantial new assets or incurred substantial liabilities. In an endeavour to satisfy the parties that any orders which are eventually made by the Court in these somewhat complicated cases are just and equitable, it can, in my view, be very useful for Judges to assess contributions to property on an asset by asset basis. (emphasis added)

We agree with these observations. In a case such as this, where there was a marriage of long duration and a lengthy period of separation before the hearing of applications for property settlement, during which time significant assets were accumulated by one or both parties, it should indicate that in such circumstances it may be more useful to undertake an assessment of contributions on an asset by asset, or, category of asset by category of asset basis: see Norbis v Norbis [1986] HCA 17; (1986) 161 CLR 513.

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IT'S CRACKERS

A hint of a thaw in the air today and despite the piles of snow along the paths, the streets of Darlington were again full, as shoppers browsed at a Christmas market. There seemed to be a roaring trade in boxes of Christmas Crackers. I do think “crackers” is a lovely word with its various connotations verging from biscuits to bonkers.

“I used to be ‘crackers’ about her”, clients will tell me, as I take instructions for the first time. “Now I just think I’m cracking up.”

Crisp and crackly and in the case of the humble Christmas cracker related to the firework version of the same name. In fact so close in genetic make-up that I understand that, as result of recent European regulations, the boxes I saw being sold can only be bought by those over sixteen! Crackers or what?

Full Court: no need to intervene but give evidence if money owed to you

In the recent Full Court of the Family Court case of Baldwin and Baldwin, there were three main issues:

1. whether the husband's mother and brother should have intervened in the proceedings;
2. what debts should be included in the asset pool; and
3. whether a tax debt should be included.

1. Affidavit or intervention?

It is common for family members to swear affidavits in property settlement proceedings about money owing to them. It is less common that they will intervene. In this case the mother and brother gave evidence, but did not intervene.

It was alleged that money was owing by the husband to the trust controlled by his brother and mother. Counsel for the wife criticised them for not intervening, a point accepted by the trial judge.

The Full Court held:

We agree with Senior Counsel for the husband that it was unnecessary for the husband’s mother and brother to have intervened in the proceedings to protect the debts owed to their trust, and that it was an error for his Honour to have taken this consideration into account as he appears to have done when determining not to include the debts in question in his calculation of the net value of the parties’ property. 

 2. What debts?

An  was as to the amount owing to the husband by a family trust, and whether that should be balanced by a debt owing to a related entity. The court held:

58. While we recognise that there are good arguments for taking into account in the calculation of the net value of the parties’ property both the husband’s loan account with the A Baldwin Trust and the debts owed to that trust by the parties’ company, nevertheless, we propose in the exercise of our discretion not to do so in our re-determination of this case.
59. This is not only because the debts to the trust are legally the responsibility of the company and not of the parties personally, but also, more importantly, because we cannot be satisfied that the company may not have some capacity itself to repay some of the debts. We note in this regard that in the document prepared by the wife’s counsel, Mr North SC, which contained the schedule of the parties’ assets (which his Honour adopted), there is also included a schedule of the company’s assets and liabilities. That schedule (which we do not consider necessary to set out) indicates that the company may have funds in the order of $685,000.00 which could be used to satisfy part of its liability to the trust.
60. Moreover, we consider that if in determining the value of the parties’ property we were to take into account a liability of the company, it would also be necessary to take into account any assets it has. While there is some indication of such assets in Mr North SC’s schedule of the company assets and liabilities, we do not consider that we have the necessary supporting evidence to allow us to do this. Furthermore, we understood from our discussion with counsel at the hearing of the appeal, that the case was not run at trial on the basis that the company structure could be completely ignored, in the sense that all its assets and liabilities could simply be regarded as the assets and liabilities of the parties.
61. Once we have determined that we cannot safely take into account the liability of the company to the trust, it follows from what we have said earlier, that we cannot take into account as an asset of the parties, the husband’s loan account with the trust. However, given that the expert’s evidence was that if loans to the trust (including the company’s loan) were not repaid in full, then it was unlikely the husband would receive the full - and we emphasise “the full” - balance of the loan owing to him, and given also the expert’s evidence concerning the book values of the trust at over $4.5 million, we would be prepared to take into account in our consideration of the s 75(2) matters, the likelihood that the husband will receive at least some of his loan account at some time.

3. Personal tax- or for the benefit of the parties?

The husband owed just under $120,000 in outstanding income tax. Some of this related to the period before separation. The trial judge did not take it into account, as he said it was the husband's personal tax liability and that the husband should have paid it:

In the course of the oral submissions of the husband’s solicitor, his Honour queried why the tax liability should be deducted in the calculation of the net value of the parties’ property. The husband’s solicitor responded that it was because it had been incurred “while the parties were together”. His Honour responded that it was the husband’s “personal tax”, and he can be read as enquiring as to why the wife should be responsible for the interest and penalties which arose because the tax was not paid. The husband’s solicitor responded that his client had not been in a position to lodge a tax return as he never had the money to pay the tax.

The Full Court held that the tax debt had to be taken into account:

His Honour’s reason for refusing to include the estimated tax liability in his calculation of the net value of the parties’ property was that it was the husband’s responsibility alone to pay the tax on the income (which was received from his family trust). We do not accept that that conclusion was open to his Honour in circumstances where there is no suggestion that any income actually received by the husband was used for the purposes other than the parties’ family and/or business (cf Parshen v Parshen (1996) FLC 92-720). To the extent that distributions from the A Baldwin Trust were not actually paid to the husband, these would now be represented in the husband’s loan account with the trust.(emphasis added)

WHOSE NUMBER DO YOU CALL?

In times of sub-zero temperatures, such as now, separated girls can do with a plumber’s telephone number stuck to her memo board, ready for when the pipes begin to burst. Conversely and with Christmas approaching, many men could do with the number for a gift wrapping service. A client recently gave me a helpful tip: stay on good terms with your ex and just call them instead!

REVAMPING THE IMAGE

Hey, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of re-modelling. If your nearest and dearest has walked out on you and you want to look good, or not, as the case may be, it’s your life; your choice. One word of warning though beards might keep your chin warm but they don’t look as good on women as they do on Santa Claus!

Benefits and Reasons why you want Divorce Support Group

Once the divorce is granted, the life of the couple is changed drastically. They undergo physical and emotional stress during and also after the process. Many times it results in isolation, depression and stress. Here, divorce support group plays a very significant role which helps the individual to get back into normal life.

There are plenty of divorce support groups available all over the world. The entire divorce procedure is itself a very painful process. It is very difficult to deal with it even if the divorce procedure was not a very messy or unpleasant experience. It is really difficult to come out of this feeling and lead a normal life again.

Divorce support group helps individual to effectively cope up with the situation and lead a normal life again. It provides divorce support and guidance to the individual. These groups are also of different categories. There are divorce groups especially for men, women or for both.

 It brings in a secured feeling for the individual and helps you to deal with the changes effectively in their life. In this group, people with the same problems come together and discuss them. So there is no need to be fearful and can open up all the feelings in front of all the people in the group.

It provides you an excellent outlet to bring out all your feelings which will make you relaxed. It reduces your burden of dealing with divorce and sometimes helps you to plan out for your future.

It will provide you remedial measures to deal with the issues such as financial, parental and legal associated with the divorced person. It will help you to develop the action plans that would help you to regain the self esteem lost during the process. It also provides you the motivation and encouragement to revive to your normal life.

Thus, Divorce support groups are essential for the divorced individuals in the recovery process.

A CHOCOLATEY COUNTDOWN

I finally gave in. 2010 will be known as the first year I let Little Girl (now 14 by the way) have a chocolate Advent calendar. Well it’s always been a point of principle before, but how could I resist when I spotted one where the profits go to charity; the chocolate is Fairtrade; the Nativity scene is posted on the front, and behind each door there is an instalment of the Christmas story? I’m not sure that I approve of the hearty dose of chocolate immediately after her breakfast but on the basis that the weather has been somewhat cold even for early December and she cleans her teeth afterwards, I’ve decided not to nag.

In fact I’m now going to recommend chocolate Advent calendars to any lady contemplating divorce in the New Year. On the basis that women are reputedly all chocoholics at heart, go on, get yourself one. If it makes you feel better and gets you through the run up to Christmas, who cares? After all, come January, you can sign up to a gym, solicitor and dieting classes.

TRAGEDY OF ROMANCE

I’ve received an e-mail from the theatre. “The snow must go on,” it said. And on and on and on. Yes it’s now Day 11 and I’m heartily sick. The last production Little Girl and I saw at the theatre was “Romeo and Juliet” by the RSC. Little Girl rather thought that went on too but I suspect she has inherited from Outdoor Man some non-dramatic genes and a dislike of seating, fixed in narrow rows.

A classic love story ruined by warring families. “Never was a story of more woe / Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” It certainly puts the work I do into perspective but it is only fiction, whilst relationship problems resulting in divorce are reality.

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AT THE DIVORCE SALOON

Have you started your Christmas shopping yet or are you like me and do you put it off to the last minute? Are you divorced or do you know somebody who is? If so, The Divorce Saloon Store, open 24/7, might have all the gifts you are looking for. Check it out now at :
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FOOTBALL HOPES BLATTERED

So ladies, he’s going to be off to Russia in 2018. Prepare now if you don’t want to become a football marriage casualty. What better way to spend your winter evenings for the next seven years than poring over holiday brochures and guidebooks as you plan your ideal holiday taking in St Petersburg, Moscow and if it appeals even Siberia. Don’t let him go alone. Take up Cossack dancing, a love of red, fur hats, vodka (in moderation) and borscht. Insist on being a WAG.

I’m not so sure what to suggest for Qatar in 2022. I did once change planes at the airport there and it was very clean with air conditioning and wonderful views (of a desert).

MERRY EX-MAS

I received an e-mail this morning promoting an album by The Irreconcilables entitled “Merry Ex-Mas- Holiday Songs for the Divorced and Soon To Be”. It includes songs, such as “Frosty, My Ex-Wife,” as featured on You Tube, with such notable lines as “Frosty my ex-wife was the coldest thing I know.” It’s clearly written by songwriters who share my view that divorce is painful but can be easier to bear if you can bring yourself to smile.