ONLINE STRAIN

The Catholic Church counselling service, Accord, reported yesterday that too much time spent on the Internet is causing marital problems in Ireland. Not surprisingly it believes that the worst sites are those providing online gambling or dating services but additionally one partner can be perceived as simply spending too much time at their PC, leading a virtual life rather than a real one with their spouse. I note however that blogging didn’t feature in the comments reported although, and here I speak from experience, it is truly addictive but presumably perfectly harmless when it comes to marital relations. Indeed I’m now two years into this blog yet Outdoor Man still speaks to me, despite logging on occasionally to read what I write about him!

PHONE A FAMILY LAWYER

This is going to make me sound somewhat old, but in the days before the Child Support Agency it was common for me to act on behalf of clients seeking or defending affiliation orders, in an effort to establish paternity of a child. At the time, analysis was based on blood compatibility tests as opposed to DNA testing as is the case now. The reports giving the results of the blood tests were generally expressed in such a way that the likelihood of a defendant being the father of the child was given on a percentage basis. It always struck me as strange when a woman insisted she had only had one partner to be given results that virtually excluded him from paternity, and likewise for a man to insist he could not be the father on the basis of a relationship that consisted of little more than a one-night stand, only for the results to be weighted to the contrary.

Indeed once upon a time I recall having to tell one young man that regrettably the outcome of the tests suggested that the odds on successfully refuting paternity were stacked against him. He was downcast to hear this but then immediately pepped up when he read the report which confirmed that on the basis of the samples analysed only 0.07% of men could be the father of the child and he fell into that 0.07%.

“Double O, Seven,” he read out aloud. “From now on,” he exclaimed with a smile on his face, “I shall call myself James Bond.”

All of these stories came back to me when I received a call this morning. It was Outdoor Man.

“We have a problem, Jude,” he said. “One of the Roborowski Brothers isn’t a brother after all and it’s given birth, but we can’t work out which one’s the mother, or the father for that matter. Apprentice Man and I are just off now for our weekend of sailing and you’ll need to deal with it!”

Obviously I was slightly bemused but totally unclear what I was meant to do about the situation from my office desk.

“We just thought as a family lawyer, you’d know what to do.”

Does anyone offer DNA testing for hamsters?

UNVEILED

Fake Stig looking serious
Originally uploaded by nahtanoj

After months if not years of speculation the country was surprised to discover that The Stig was Michael Schumacher, then everyone shrugged their shoulders and dismissively implied they’d thought as much all along. There’s always something of a surprise, then anticlimax, when a disguise is lifted to reveal the true identity underneath. One only has to look to The Merry Wives of Windsor for confirmation when Caius declares with both astonishment and disgust “Mistress Anne Page is a boy!”

It’s the same with marriage. Lifting the veil from the bride’s head does the groom ever imagine that one day, as my clients complain, she’ll turn into her mother? Conversely wives bitterly resent the fact that their husbands never change, despite their best efforts!

The World Will Never Again Be The Same

Who could have foreseen before this week that the world of Twitter and the Internet would be instrumental in helping to bring democracy to the country of Iran.
Never again will countries be allowed to block out the rest of the world while they seek to terrorize and bully their own people. In this age of Internet and twitter in real time the world watches as these purportedly religious zealots attempt to quiet dissidents and protesters by causing senseless bloodshed. Looking back over history, one wonders that perhaps the Holocaust and more recently the senseless violence in Tieneman square could have been prevented or at least halted more expeditiously if the world had been watching the events as they were unfolding.

It is extraordinary to bear witness to such historical happenings as if we were on the streets of Tehran protesting alongside these brave people who are fighting for the very freedoms we take for granted in this country every single day.

We Twitter our support to these individuals and stand here with encouragement and prayer that their actions and words reach out to free them from the tyranny of these dictators who rule without the will of the people.

We also thank God every day that we live in the greatest country in the world where it is our right to call on our President to do as we ask and not be afraid that we will be shot in the streets when disagree with his administrations course of action.
God bless democracy and all that it brings to the people and God Bless America.

The World Will Never Again Be The Same

Who could have foreseen before this week that the world of Twitter and the Internet would be instrumental in helping to bring democracy to the country of Iran.
Never again will countries be allowed to block out the rest of the world while they seek to terrorize and bully their own people. In this age of Internet and twitter in real time the world watches as these purportedly religious zealots attempt to quiet dissidents and protesters by causing senseless bloodshed. Looking back over history, one wonders that perhaps the Holocaust and more recently the senseless violence in Tieneman square could have been prevented or at least halted more expeditiously if the world had been watching the events as they were unfolding.

It is extraordinary to bear witness to such historical happenings as if we were on the streets of Tehran protesting alongside these brave people who are fighting for the very freedoms we take for granted in this country every single day.

We Twitter our support to these individuals and stand here with encouragement and prayer that their actions and words reach out to free them from the tyranny of these dictators who rule without the will of the people.

We also thank God every day that we live in the greatest country in the world where it is our right to call on our President to do as we ask and not be afraid that we will be shot in the streets when disagree with his administrations course of action.
God bless democracy and all that it brings to the people and God Bless America.

RUNNING AFTER OTHERS

Yesterday I took Apprentice Man to Hull so that he could represent the County in an Athletics Tournament. It was a 160 mile round trip and effectively took up the whole of my Saturday. Fortunately he maintained his county standard and everyone was happy.

It reminded me however of all those instances when clients describe with regret how they put themselves out over the years for their partner, only to find that he or she leaves them for another.

During the day I had plenty of time to ponder and daydream. I wonder, come the Olympic Games in 2012, should Apprentice Man find himself running in London will he secure a ticket for his girlfriend rather than his mother? If so, will I remember with indignation the fact that it was me who got up early to drive him all that distance to Humberside; sat on a hard seat for 4 hours wrapped in a fleece and cagoule to protect me from the constant and heavy rain showers; that he was lousy at navigating causing us to miss the correct turn on more than one occasion; that the moment we got home, he was straight out again with his friends, leaving his kit on the floor for me to wash?

Whilst few would say they expect a material return for investing time in their loved ones, many would nonetheless feel embittered if that investment is not reciprocated. In matters of relationships, whilst we may live for the moment enjoying what we have and what we do, equally even the most altruistic person might feel cheated if ultimately there is no gift of reciprocity and they are abandoned.

THE DIVORCEE'S DICTIONARY

There follow extracts from that well thumbed lexicon, "The Embittered Divorcee's Dictionary of Life,":

Man man (noun) a foolish knave
Woman wuman (noun) a frivolous maiden
Love luv (noun) an illusion
Marriage marrij (noun) reality
Separation separayshun (noun) purgatory
Divorce devorss (noun) hell
Marry marree (verb) wed
Divorce devorss (verb) future tense of marry
Financial-Settlement fynanshall setulment (noun) robbery
Pre-nup pree nup(noun) insurance
Maintenance maintenanss (noun) lifeline, if the recipient; millstone, if the payer
Lump sum lump sum (noun) blood money
Pension share penshun share(noun) penury in retirement

Step Parents

I have been a step-parent, kind of am a step-parent once removed, and my child has a step-parent. I was a step-child and I know a lot of people who were rasied by step-parents. I have friends who were step-parents and I have family who were step-parents and step-children. So, I think that with this life experience behind me I can speak a little bit about step-parenting.Here are my top ten sure

THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE STICK

A novel punishment made the headlines in Turkey today when a Judge sentenced a man who had inflicted a beating on his wife, to distribute a leaflet to 1,000 people personally. Apparently it read: “I apologise to my wife and all the people of Arac for hitting my wife.” It seems the punishment arose from a law introduced as a result of Turkey’s efforts to join the EU. Maybe a few more countries, our own included, should be made to reapply for membership and come up with some unique and effective punishments of our own.

MIMA

MIMA
Originally uploaded by p_a_h

This evening I found myself in the company of other family lawyers in a room piled high with broken crockery. A scene from a domestic dispute open to forensic examination you might guess. No, I was being entertained in the somewhat novel surroundings of the MIMA art gallery in Middlesbrough where the exhibition I was treated to was of something known as conceptual art, expressed in this instance through the medium of ceramics. Apparently it was a moving portrayal of the loss of industry, particularly the closure of pottery kilns in Staffordshire! Thank goodness we had a guide to explain it all and, as one of the party quipped, “It must be good, even the barristers are speechless!”

MARRIED OR NOT?

After hearing evidence and watching the DVD of the wedding of Gillian Hudson and Robert Leigh in South Africa, Mr Justice Bodey sitting in the High Court commented that it was a splendid and romantic ceremony. Apparently it took place on a rooftop complete with priest, full wedding trousseau, well dressed guests and the sea as a perfect backdrop. The Judge however ruled last week that nevertheless the couple were not married.

It seems that, sense of occasion apart, the couple, who had also intended to have a civil ceremony in Chiswick Register Office, separated before they could get there and the format of the ceremony they undertook was insufficient for the court to determine the existence of a valid contract of marriage. Unfortunately for Miss Hudson that means that she cannot divorce Mr Leigh and her financial claims against him are now essentially limited to support for their child and not for her.

Weddings have changed greatly over recent years with many no longer held in church but at non-traditional venues such as hotels, stately homes and even football pitches. This trend for personalising weddings has been fuelled by TV shows, such as “Gavin and Stacey”, where, as part of the ceremony, characters have quoted their own declarations of love to demonstrate the depth of their feelings.

In olden times it was accepted that jumping over the broom together was sufficient to form a common-law marriage. In England today all marriages must conform to statute law and the idea of a common law marriage is a myth. You can jump over the broom with whomever you choose, in as many romantic settings as you want but, at the end of the day if the necessary formalities are not complied with, you remain unmarried in law.

Furthermore if you are not married and your relationship breaks down, financial claims are severely limited, if not non-existent. That’s why Resolution continues to campaign for a change in the law in this area

It's All About Trust

One of the key reasons that exes can no longer get along after the dust has settled boils down to trust. Remember back to the day that you stood before God and everyone you could afford to have at your reception that you would be with that person for the rest of your life? Remember the hopes and dreams that welled up in your heart that day? As the bonds broke and you faced the end of your union,

The Day Long Island Took Back the State Senate

The weather report said rain all day, but frankly I knew that would be incorrect, it never rains all day on my Birthday. The weekend was very nice and I knew all my children had gone out of their way to purchase individual gifts because they had been trying to give them to me for three days prior. We all love surprises in our home but most of us have a hard time keeping the secret.

Yesterday there were flowers and balloons, there were candles and wind chimes.Then there was the blockbuster surprise that Long Island had taken back control of the State senate.

This is very important to every long islander who pays taxes which we all know are greatly disproportionate with those paid in other areas of the state. Since the elections in November we have been advised of all the additional taxes we would need to pay because we live on long island like commuter taxes and we were also told to expect less back in services. Our schools buckled down and came out with lower budgets than ever before, tapping into reserves that none of us are supposed to acknowledge exist. Our towns spawned more fiscally conservatives candidates than ever before to meet the needs of the people regardless of which side of the aisle they hailed from. And then the great equalizer, Money was thrown into the mix and suddenly two Democrats in the State Senate saw the error of their ways and agreed to defect if only in voting to turn the tides of power and grab a handful of something for themselves in the bargain.

With all the drama of a Broadway play, the long standing majority who had become the minority over night took back the State and promised to make things better than they were and move legislation as it had never been moved. Wait we ask though, wasn't these the very people who had stalled the legislation in the first place? Sure they did but that was only because the tide did not flow equally over the shores of Long Island....now it will. Or so we are told.

It was a good birthday and perhaps a good day for Long Island as well. We shall have to see.

The Day Long Island Took Back the State Senate

The weather report said rain all day, but frankly I knew that would be incorrect, it never rains all day on my Birthday. The weekend was very nice and I knew all my children had gone out of their way to purchase individual gifts because they had been trying to give them to me for three days prior. We all love surprises in our home but most of us have a hard time keeping the secret.

Yesterday there were flowers and balloons, there were candles and wind chimes.Then there was the blockbuster surprise that Long Island had taken back control of the State senate.

This is very important to every long islander who pays taxes which we all know are greatly disproportionate with those paid in other areas of the state. Since the elections in November we have been advised of all the additional taxes we would need to pay because we live on long island like commuter taxes and we were also told to expect less back in services. Our schools buckled down and came out with lower budgets than ever before, tapping into reserves that none of us are supposed to acknowledge exist. Our towns spawned more fiscally conservatives candidates than ever before to meet the needs of the people regardless of which side of the aisle they hailed from. And then the great equalizer, Money was thrown into the mix and suddenly two Democrats in the State Senate saw the error of their ways and agreed to defect if only in voting to turn the tides of power and grab a handful of something for themselves in the bargain.

With all the drama of a Broadway play, the long standing majority who had become the minority over night took back the State and promised to make things better than they were and move legislation as it had never been moved. Wait we ask though, wasn't these the very people who had stalled the legislation in the first place? Sure they did but that was only because the tide did not flow equally over the shores of Long Island....now it will. Or so we are told.

It was a good birthday and perhaps a good day for Long Island as well. We shall have to see.

THE ROBOROWSKI BROTHERS

The Roborowski Brothers could be the name of an acrobatic troupe but it isn’t, or at least not as far as I’m aware. Instead it’s the name given to Little Girl’s latest pets, three dwarf hamsters whose ancestors originate from the Gobi desert. Apparently in the wild these little things run 20-25 miles a night. In our home they do the same, but on a hamster wheel. Tedious you might think and I’m sure they’d agree, if they stayed off it long enough to consider their predicament.

Instead, the pace of life for them gets quicker. They have become more accomplished, dueting together in the wheel or, when time is really pressing, with a third running behind. It’s non-stop activity 7pm-10am daily. The only break from the tedium is when petty squabbles break out among them, especially when one seems to be on that wheel continuously. We’ve been told that sometimes these little tiffs can escalate to the point where they will be unable to live in harmony together and will need to be popped into separate cages. Sounds familiar? Get off the hamster wheel!

Do You Have a Payment Plan?

When my husband needed heart surgery and all the doctors we were referred to as specialists in the field refused to accept our insurance, I didn't ask them if they took a payment plan. He needed the surgery and I was going to beg borrow or steal the money, which I did (I stopped short of stealing it)and he had the surgery.

Clients who enter my office think nothing of asking me to do my work immediately and not wanting to pay me until later. I accept all major forms of credit and tell them that they can pay out Visa, but I need to get the money upfront.

Now a new twist has reared its (her) ugly head, the client who fires me, and wants her file wants to pay her bill off in a payment plan she said I agreed to while I was employed. No I said, You want your file, you pay me for the work done.

How is it everyone else gets paid as they do the work, but attorneys are expected to wait indefinitely and sometimes, many times never get paid for their time and effort.
The clients who cry to me that "You know my circumstances!" expect me to forgo paying my own bills because they cannot pay theirs. Lipa is never interested when I tell them my clients owe me a lot of money. My mortgage company doesn't care that my receivables are lagging and American Express just cuts me off when I ask to for a pay off plan.

We attorneys are usually not independently wealthy and we certainly are not Not for Profit Organizations. We attorneys are working Moms and Dads just trying to pay our bills and do a good job for a good days pay.

Do You Have a Payment Plan?

When my husband needed heart surgery and all the doctors we were referred to as specialists in the field refused to accept our insurance, I didn't ask them if they took a payment plan. He needed the surgery and I was going to beg borrow or steal the money, which I did (I stopped short of stealing it)and he had the surgery.

Clients who enter my office think nothing of asking me to do my work immediately and not wanting to pay me until later. I accept all major forms of credit and tell them that they can pay out Visa, but I need to get the money upfront.

Now a new twist has reared its (her) ugly head, the client who fires me, and wants her file wants to pay her bill off in a payment plan she said I agreed to while I was employed. No I said, You want your file, you pay me for the work done.

How is it everyone else gets paid as they do the work, but attorneys are expected to wait indefinitely and sometimes, many times never get paid for their time and effort.
The clients who cry to me that "You know my circumstances!" expect me to forgo paying my own bills because they cannot pay theirs. Lipa is never interested when I tell them my clients owe me a lot of money. My mortgage company doesn't care that my receivables are lagging and American Express just cuts me off when I ask to for a pay off plan.

We attorneys are usually not independently wealthy and we certainly are not Not for Profit Organizations. We attorneys are working Moms and Dads just trying to pay our bills and do a good job for a good days pay.

PAIN OF REJECTION

If you are going through a difficult separation, you could find yourself feeling tired, depressed, and incapable of functioning or even indulging in non-customary behaviour. These are, of course, perfectly normal side effects for someone enduring the pain of rejection.

For an extreme example, take heart and look at the case this week of Susan Boyle. She was the runner up in a television talent show on Saturday and on Sunday was admitted to hospital officially suffering from exhaustion but with rumours abounding that it could be more serious. She has never been married but she now nonetheless knows the agony of rejection, in her case at the hands of the British TV viewing public, for it was they who brutally condemned her to second place.

Furthermore it appears that the Prime Minister has intervened by ringing one of the Judges in the show to express his concern. Regardless of the level of your pain, don’t expect him to show the same interest when your divorce case comes up before a Judge.