Getting Back Together with an Abuser..

I just read on people.com that singer Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together after he was arrested several weeks ago for allegedly beating and threatening her. How sad. It makes me think about all of the married women who are abused and yet cannot escape their abuser.

I had an aunt whose husband beat her up regularly. My father told the story of how, after my aunt had been hit yet again by her husband, he went to her house and beat up his brother-in-law. As he was hitting him, my aunt jumped on my father and screamed "Don't hurt him!". My father was shocked that she would defend her own abuser. The abuse finally stopped for my aunt when her husband left her. He also left his 6 daughters, never to be seen again and never sending one dime of child support.

Why would a woman defend, forgive and take back someone who hurts them? I think is is a combination of low self-esteem and psychological manipulation on the part of the abuser. For Rihanna, we see a beautiful, young, famous, wealthy woman who is not trapped with an abuser because she has no where to go or no income. Does she really "love" someone who is capable of hurting her so badly or is she addicted to someone she thinks she cannot live without?

Looking at an abusive marriage or relationship from the outside, you want to tell the woman to please get out, to protect herself and end the abuse. But the reality is many women will stay in an abusive relationship until it is too late. If you are reading this and are being abused, please know that you are worthy of respect, love and kindness. No one deserves to be hurt, either emotionally or physically. If you cannot think highly enough of yourself to leave, then do it for your kids or family or even for the man you claim to love. Allowing yourself to be abused does not help the abuser. You become an enabler and your abuser will never get the help he so desperately needs if you continue to be his punching bag. Gather your inner strength and stand up for yourself. Believe that you are a worthwhile, valuable person who deserves to be in a healthy, safe, loving relationship.

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Why You Must Protect Yourself During Your Divorce...

The tragic story in the news right now is about Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson and how her mother, father and nephew were all brutally killed.

The suspect in custody is her sister's estranged husband. Supposedly, this man had threatened to kill his wife's family recently, but no one thought he was serious.

Sadly, murder and violence occurs in divorce cases routinely. I have written many times about how you must protect yourself if you have any reason to believe your ex could be dangerous. If your ex threatens you or a member of your family, BELIEVE him. Do not shrug it off as the rantings of someone upset by an impending divorce. Your ex may not act out, but if there is even the slightly possibility of him making good on his threat, you need to take action.

Call the police and get a restraining order. Do not go anywhere alone and make sure someone is with you at all times. You can never be "too safe". If you feel your family could be in harm's way, make sure the restraining order includes your family members and they exercise the same caution.

With great sorrow and tragedy often comes life lessons that can help or save others. I hope what happened to Jennifer Hudson's family will startle and wake up anyone who is a victim of domestic abuse and feels threatened by their spouse. Just because this case is in the media spotlight, does not mean that it is a rare incident. Please protect yourself and your family from an abusive partner and consider any verbal threats as a real possibility.

Divorce Lawyers Murdered: Could a Client Have Done it?

A husband-and-wife team of divorce lawyers were found shot to death in their bed. The bodies of 50-year-old Mark Schwartz and his 48-year-old wife, Christina-Maria Petrowski-Schwartz, were discovered in their Brooklyn home.

Right now, police do not know who committed this double homicide, but are investigating business associates. It makes you wonder, could this heinous act have been committed by a disgruntled client or the spouse of one?

There have been cases where an upset spouse has killed the divorce attorney or judge before. Divorce is such an emotionally heated subject and many people going through a divorce feel out of control and full of range. Most will not commit acts of violence, but there is always the few who will go insane and lash out at their spouse or anyone else they feel is hurting them.

If the suspect in this case does turn out to be client, it will be another horrible example of how deadly divorce can turn. I think anyone going through an ugly divorce needs to always have in the back of his or her mind that there is a remote possibility that your spouse can turn violent. This is especially true if there were an incidents of domestic abuse during the marriage.

Keep on guard and protect yourself. do not travel alone or come home by yourself late at night, make sure to inform a family member of your whereabouts and when you are expected home and if you feel your spouse is dangerous, get a restraining order against him or her. It is always better to be safe than sorry.