Why You Must Protect Yourself During Your Divorce...

The tragic story in the news right now is about Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson and how her mother, father and nephew were all brutally killed.

The suspect in custody is her sister's estranged husband. Supposedly, this man had threatened to kill his wife's family recently, but no one thought he was serious.

Sadly, murder and violence occurs in divorce cases routinely. I have written many times about how you must protect yourself if you have any reason to believe your ex could be dangerous. If your ex threatens you or a member of your family, BELIEVE him. Do not shrug it off as the rantings of someone upset by an impending divorce. Your ex may not act out, but if there is even the slightly possibility of him making good on his threat, you need to take action.

Call the police and get a restraining order. Do not go anywhere alone and make sure someone is with you at all times. You can never be "too safe". If you feel your family could be in harm's way, make sure the restraining order includes your family members and they exercise the same caution.

With great sorrow and tragedy often comes life lessons that can help or save others. I hope what happened to Jennifer Hudson's family will startle and wake up anyone who is a victim of domestic abuse and feels threatened by their spouse. Just because this case is in the media spotlight, does not mean that it is a rare incident. Please protect yourself and your family from an abusive partner and consider any verbal threats as a real possibility.

Dangerous Divorce: Man Tortures Wife for Assets...

A California man, in the middle of a divorce. was arrested after he held his wife captive for 5 days and tortured her with a taser gun. He was trying to force her to give him the martial assets. Luckily, his wife escaped.

I have said this many times before but it is worth repeating, you must protect yourself during a divorce if you have any reason to believe your ex could become dangerous. Too many divorcing women are killed each year despite orders of protection.

You must trust your own inner guidance system, the "little voice" in your head that alerts you to danger. Many times women, who have very sharp instincts, will sense danger about a situation but then tell themselves they are imagining it. If your husband was violent, controlling and abusive during the marriage, you have good reason to consider him dangerous during your divorce.

Divorce brings out the worst in people, emotions are out of control and even sane, normal people can act a little crazy. A man who is already abusive can quickly become out of control during a divorce. Who knows if the California man who tortured his wife ever acted violently before. How many times have you seen stories on the news about murderers and seen their neighbors shaking their heads in shock, saying "what a great guy" the murderer was and how they would of never guessed he was capable of such a crime?

Be on guard at all times. It is better to be safe than sorry. It may be inconvenient and a hassle to have someone walk you out to your car at night or drive you home, but if you have the slightest suspicion that your husband could be dangerous, trust your instincts and protect yourself.

Divorce Rage...

I spoke to a man the other day who is going through a tough divorce. After 30 years of marriage, his wife has left him for another man. This man is so enraged that he has considered hiring a hit man to do his wife in and also said he rather commit suicide rather than pay his wife alimony.

So what puts someone over the deep end during a divorce? I often say that people going through a divorce are temporarily insane. Emotions take over and perfectly normal, law abiding citizens become capable of acts they would of never dreamt possible. Let's face it, it hurts like hell to find out your spouse has cheated on you or wants to leave you. Feelings of betrayal and abandonment can overwhelm us.

Just the other day a 52 year old Tennessee woman burst into a crowded church with a gun, fired it and chased her soon to be ex-husband. Obviously this woman was in a blind rage and all rational thinking went out the window. Her out of control behavior maybe an extreme example of how divorce rage can destroy lives, but everyday restraining orders are filed against spouses who cannot control their emotions during divorce.

So how can you cool down and gain control when anger and frustration rear their ugly head during your divorce?

The key is to let it out. Do not try and bottle up your emotions, you will only explode later on. Feel the rage and the hurt and deal with it when it comes up. Punch a pillow, scream or call a friend and vent. Do not act on your impulses. Force yourself to stop and think before taking action. Anything you do to interrupt yourself during a fit of anger is good. During my own divorce, my husband's mistress called my eldest daughter a slut on the phone. You can only imagine the anger and rage I was feeling at her when I found out. I stopped, took a deep breath and then poured myself a glass of wine. I knew that if I had a drink I would be unable to drive and would not confront her. It worked. I was able to calm down instead of react.

Maintaining control during your divorce is imperative, but not easy. Acting out in anger and frustration can only lead to trouble. Calm down, take a step back and stay in control. Eventually the angry feelings will lessen and you will be at peace once again.