A Normally Loud Household

Let me preface this article by saying I not only grew up in an Italian family but for the first 18 years of my life I never realized that my father was practically deaf(we discovered how hard of hearing he was after he finally got a hearing aide when I was in college). So not only did we yell because of our heritage but we yelled so my Dad could hear us. By the way my Dad's sister was also deaf so we yelled when we saw my aunt, heck we just used loud "outside" voices all the time.

My husband, who by the way also came from a rather loud Italian household and who himself tends to be on the loud side, insists that my yelling in the household disrupts our family life, is abnormal, and will lead our children into therapy.

First I want to say that surfing the web I have discovered more than one website devoted to to among other things mothers and yelling: today's cliche'

This is where I found that I am not alone in trying to get the kids ready for school while I get myself dressed for work and after repeating that they need to brush their teeth a million times, my voice starts to go up and up and up until I sound horse.

The next question that begs is whether or not this is healthy for the children. Growing up in my household, I have discovered that I have a thicker skin than some other individuals who grew up in quieter homes. The employees I hire who come from more sheltered environments are not as resiliant as those who have had their lives threatened daily by mothers who had enough of Dr. Spock and his ridiculous ways.

At this point I need to stress that yelling and abuse are two very different things. When I yell at my kids to take out the garbage, it is not abusive. It has come on the heels of me making the same request a dozen or more times and receiving the answer, "I will" without a muscle being moved in the direction of the garage.

Do I think a loud household is harmful? No I don't. I think a loveless household is harmful. I think an ambivalent household is harmful and I think a bad marriage is harmful. A loud household, well that is just normal.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

A Normally Loud Household

Let me preface this article by saying I not only grew up in an Italian family but for the first 18 years of my life I never realized that my father was practically deaf(we discovered how hard of hearing he was after he finally got a hearing aide when I was in college). So not only did we yell because of our heritage but we yelled so my Dad could hear us. By the way my Dad's sister was also deaf so we yelled when we saw my aunt, heck we just used loud "outside" voices all the time.

My husband, who by the way also came from a rather loud Italian household and who himself tends to be on the loud side, insists that my yelling in the household disrupts our family life, is abnormal, and will lead our children into therapy.

First I want to say that surfing the web I have discovered more than one website devoted to to among other things mothers and yelling: today's cliche'

This is where I found that I am not alone in trying to get the kids ready for school while I get myself dressed for work and after repeating that they need to brush their teeth a million times, my voice starts to go up and up and up until I sound horse.

The next question that begs is whether or not this is healthy for the children. Growing up in my household, I have discovered that I have a thicker skin than some other individuals who grew up in quieter homes. The employees I hire who come from more sheltered environments are not as resiliant as those who have had their lives threatened daily by mothers who had enough of Dr. Spock and his ridiculous ways.

At this point I need to stress that yelling and abuse are two very different things. When I yell at my kids to take out the garbage, it is not abusive. It has come on the heels of me making the same request a dozen or more times and receiving the answer, "I will" without a muscle being moved in the direction of the garage.

Do I think a loud household is harmful? No I don't. I think a loveless household is harmful. I think an ambivalent household is harmful and I think a bad marriage is harmful. A loud household, well that is just normal.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

LET IT SNOW

Never being one to leave Christmas shopping until the last second, I had arranged to use my last day’s annual leave today for that very purpose. Determined not to let a few inches of snow impede the task in hand, I set off for a local shopping centre. Imagine my delight to arrive there amongst the ice and snow flurries to find it open for business as usual with only a limited number of other shoppers. “Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow,” I shivered.

Wandering around I bumped into a client who shared similar thoughts. “Every snow storm has a silver lining,” she confided. “Once divorced your shopping takes half the time, with only half the people to buy gifts for!” Tempting, I thought, as I surveyed shelf after shelf seeking something called “inspiration.”

Mind if anyone is stuck trying to find the perfect Christmas gift for that would-be divorcee, it seems Lloyd Platt Limited, family lawyers in London, have incurred the criticism of the Church of England by offering divorce vouchers at £125 for a half hour’s advice. Can I disappoint readers by letting you know that Latimer Hinks will not be doing the same this festive season, but then it already offers a free no obligation half-hour session to divorce clients and its regular fees are less than that anyway.

Dating During Divorce

Dating while a divorce is pending is always a bad idea and should be avoided. The effect it will have on your legal case is something which most individuals rarely realize. The most important aspect of the case which will be affected is that you will cause your spouse to have undue anger and turn a case which might otherwise have been settled easily, amicably and inexpensively into a difficult, acrimonious and expensive battle. The spouse most often than not becomes irrational and turns the case into a battlefield for revenge making settlement difficult if not impossible.

The spouse may also try to turn the children and other family and friends against the dating spouse.
Additionally the non-dating spouse will try to justify to themselves and those around them that the divorce was caused by the dating spouse's need to cheat. Regardless of the ultimate reasons for the divorce, the non dating spouse will look to vindicate themselves and seek empathy from others.

In the event the children become aware of the situation, this may cause the children to feel that the dating spouse has abandoned the other parent and they will therefore sympathize or align themselves with the other parent.

While a divorce is pending and for months after, individuals go through many changes emotionally. This is not usually a good time to make life decisions and entering into any long term relationship at this juncture is a mistake.

Legally the impact this can have on your case regarding custody and parenting time should also not be underestimated. Besides the non dating spouse being else likely to want to settle these issues on a reasonable basis, the children may express their desire to spend less time with the dating spouse in the event that the "friend" is present. Judges and experts who assist the court in making custody and parenting time determinations are not impressed with a person who dates during a divorce. Dating shows callousness toward the feelings of the children and could be considered poor role modeling for the children. The dating parent is viewed by the court as selfish and self centered and this decision could in fact tip the scales in cases where all other factors are equal.

The best advice any divorce attorney can give a client is DO NOT DATE DURING DIVORCE. NEVER MOVE IN WITH A BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND. However, if you feel you must date, be as discreet as possible, preferably not allowing anyone to know you are dating. Wait a reasonable time after the divorce is over before introducing your date to your children.
In the event you are found out however, expect your otherwise "easy" and "quick" divorce to turn long, ugly and potentially disastrous.

Dating During Divorce

Dating while a divorce is pending is always a bad idea and should be avoided. The effect it will have on your legal case is something which most individuals rarely realize. The most important aspect of the case which will be affected is that you will cause your spouse to have undue anger and turn a case which might otherwise have been settled easily, amicably and inexpensively into a difficult, acrimonious and expensive battle. The spouse most often than not becomes irrational and turns the case into a battlefield for revenge making settlement difficult if not impossible.

The spouse may also try to turn the children and other family and friends against the dating spouse.
Additionally the non-dating spouse will try to justify to themselves and those around them that the divorce was caused by the dating spouse's need to cheat. Regardless of the ultimate reasons for the divorce, the non dating spouse will look to vindicate themselves and seek empathy from others.

In the event the children become aware of the situation, this may cause the children to feel that the dating spouse has abandoned the other parent and they will therefore sympathize or align themselves with the other parent.

While a divorce is pending and for months after, individuals go through many changes emotionally. This is not usually a good time to make life decisions and entering into any long term relationship at this juncture is a mistake.

Legally the impact this can have on your case regarding custody and parenting time should also not be underestimated. Besides the non dating spouse being else likely to want to settle these issues on a reasonable basis, the children may express their desire to spend less time with the dating spouse in the event that the "friend" is present. Judges and experts who assist the court in making custody and parenting time determinations are not impressed with a person who dates during a divorce. Dating shows callousness toward the feelings of the children and could be considered poor role modeling for the children. The dating parent is viewed by the court as selfish and self centered and this decision could in fact tip the scales in cases where all other factors are equal.

The best advice any divorce attorney can give a client is DO NOT DATE DURING DIVORCE. NEVER MOVE IN WITH A BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND. However, if you feel you must date, be as discreet as possible, preferably not allowing anyone to know you are dating. Wait a reasonable time after the divorce is over before introducing your date to your children.
In the event you are found out however, expect your otherwise "easy" and "quick" divorce to turn long, ugly and potentially disastrous.

THEY TOOK HALF

When Outdoor Man and I married, rather a long time ago now, we considered a wedding present list something of a vulgarity. As a result we had only ourselves to blame when we received numerous duplicate gifts.

With the advent of the internet and shared spaces, of course, it is possible to have such a list and yet almost keep yourself removed from it as though its very existence on the internet makes it impersonal and therefore an acceptable part of organised life. What’s more registers for such lists are widely available, taking the hard work out of even finding a host site for the list. I was absolutely tickled though to come across this register. After all why should only soon-to-be-married couples have all the fun? What could be more useful than a site for the soon-not-to-be-married? It boasts that it’s the only gift registry for the newly single and invites your friends and family to help your transition to your new found freedom. It’s for “when the love is gone and so is the coffee pot.” Of course if your marriage fell apart quickly or the family dug into their pockets rather deeply at the time of the Big Occasion, they might not be so keen to repeat their generosity but you’ll never know that unless you register.

THE PRIMARY SCHOOL NATIVITY PLAY

Did I imagine it, or did Mary really turn to Joseph when he dropped the baby doll and say (in a broad Yorkshire accent), “You drop my baby again Joseph and I’ll be out of here quicker than you can say ‘divorce’? ”

DEAR SANTA

Dear Santa

Thank you so much for the two Nintendo Wiis, the two black Labrador pups and the two complete works of William Shakespeare that you brought me last year. It was very kind of you, but after the two Siamese kittens, the two X boxes and the two complete sets of the Encyclopaedia Britannia the year before, I had rather hoped that you might have delivered different gifts to my parents’ separate homes. Of course, they were both very excited to each see me open my gifts but as you will appreciate it was very difficult for me to keep the enthusiasm going for their benefit.

Also neither was happy not to have outdone the other, although Mum was gutted to discover that my stocking at Dad’s house had an I-Tunes voucher in it, when there were only nuts and sweets in the one I hung from her mantelpiece; maybe the second one fell in the fire as you were coming down her chimney. Mind Dad was equally displeased when he learned that John, my Mum’s boyfriend, had given me a DVD player. So, if there’s anything from him this year, can you just leave it in your sleigh and give it to someone whose parents are still together.

Just so you know I’m at Dad’s on Christmas morning this year and then as soon as we’ve eaten dinner I dash to Mum’s for 2.30 pm and dinner with her. That said I don’t actually like cooked carrots, parsnips or brussel sprouts, and especially not twice in one day. If, therefore, your reindeers are feeling peckish they would be doing me a big favour if they’d eat those, rather than helping you with the mince pies.

Oh but please help yourself to as much as you fancy of the sherry that Mum leaves out for you. She can get very maudlin after she’s had a drop or two and then starts to cry about the divorce and how it’s spoilt Christmas for her.

Also, and I don’t know how this works but if it’s possible to give Dad some cash in his stocking I’d be grateful. That way he can give Mum the maintenance that she says he owes and she won’t threaten to stop our contact.

Finally if you get a chance to sprinkle any of that Christmas magic you bring with you, can you stop my parents arguing when Dad drops me off? It gets quite embarrassing the way they yell at each other in the street, especially when they are wearing paper party hats!

Yours sincerely
Name deleted to protect anonymity

xxx

Divorce Coaching

What is a divorce coach? Life coaching and divorce coaching is the newest way for clients to help deal with the emotional issues of their divorce. Emotional issues often get in the way of being able to make good decisions, reaching settlement and moving on with your life. A divorce coach acts as an advocate and guide for one party, providing the support and guidance aimed at facilitating agreement between both spouses. The role of a divorce coach is to provide support, empathy and understanding for the emotional upheaval associated with divorce. The divorce coach is not a therapist or “shrink”. Coaching is focused on divorce-related issues faced in the here and now and does not probe into the psychological or emotional past of the client. A coach who is a licensed professional trained in family systems is particularly qualified to assist the client in identifying challenges and managing them in the best way possible. The average cost of a divorce coach are as follows:
$50.00 per 25 minute session
$100.00 per 50 minute session
Is this worth it? Only you can decide if a divorce coach is right for you.

Divorce Coaching

What is a divorce coach? Life coaching and divorce coaching is the newest way for clients to help deal with the emotional issues of their divorce. Emotional issues often get in the way of being able to make good decisions, reaching settlement and moving on with your life. A divorce coach acts as an advocate and guide for one party, providing the support and guidance aimed at facilitating agreement between both spouses. The role of a divorce coach is to provide support, empathy and understanding for the emotional upheaval associated with divorce. The divorce coach is not a therapist or “shrink”. Coaching is focused on divorce-related issues faced in the here and now and does not probe into the psychological or emotional past of the client. A coach who is a licensed professional trained in family systems is particularly qualified to assist the client in identifying challenges and managing them in the best way possible. The average cost of a divorce coach are as follows:
$50.00 per 25 minute session
$100.00 per 50 minute session
Is this worth it? Only you can decide if a divorce coach is right for you.

ON BBC THREE

The National Council for One Parent Families says about three million children today in the UK have experienced the trauma of their parents separating, and a million of them never see one of their parents again, usually the father. Tonight at 9pm Alesha Dixon presents a new programme on BBC 3 called “Whose your Daddy.” Coming from a single parent family herself she describes her own experiences on the BBC website in advance of the programme and argues that it’s really important for both parents to be active in some way in their children’s lives

WRITE AWAY

According to her website Leah Carey combines a background in professional theatre, training as a Spiritual Life Coach, and a lifetime of psychic experiences to support her clients in experiencing their own light. Leah's goal in all of her work is to support her clients in embracing and claiming their own self-empowerment.

On 18th November she initiated a free online writing experience called WriteAway for people who have been through divorce. The WriteAway concept is based on the use of writing as a healing art. Every weekday morning she posts a writing prompt that offers participants a vehicle for exploring their thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and experiences around divorce

At her website there is also a WriteAway Forum to support participants and once a week, she blogs in response to what she is reading on the boards. The primary aim is to maintain and promote an atmosphere of healing and forward movement.

ON CAMERA

If you hanker after marrying again without the pain of divorce, don’t do what an unfortunate Peruvian man did and seek to re-marry in a mass ceremony in front of television cameras. If you do, you might just find yourself subject to an attack by your current wife’s family. Moreover, her aunt and sister could even be bigger than you, for which see this clip from Sky News.

I'M A CELEBRITY, GET ME OUT OF HERE

I have been pre-occupied with court cases and other commitments over the last week, preventing me from adding to this blog. During my absence I note that two divorce linked stories seem to have been making the headlines.

The first, of course, reported the alleged demands of Veronica Lario against Silvio Berlusconi, her estranged husband, for maintenance of some €43 million (£39 million) a year against a purported offer of €200,000 – €300,000 per month instead. Certainly a bit of a difference, but enough for most of us to live with every comfort we could imagine.

At the other extreme, recent divorcee Katie Price (alias Jordan) had been roughing it in the jungle, on the same TV reality show where she had originally met her former husband, Peter André. She endured 7 days of horror when the British public voted for her to undertake every Bushtucker trial going including eating live cockroaches, witchety grubs, the private parts of kangaroos and other equally tasty delicacies. It seemed a strange way to put her marriage behind her and I say that, even after reading reports that she was paid £250,000 for participating. If Silvio Berlusconi were to offer every Euro his wife is seeking by way of maintenance to enter that jungle, I’m sure most divorcees would still elect to stay at home and luxuriate in their poverty.