Should You Keep Your Married Name After A Divorce?

One issue often overlooked during a divorce, is whether or not to keep your married last name. I remember my lawyer asking me if I wanted to continue to use my married name during a divorce hearing. It was honestly something I hadn’t given much thought to at the time. With all of the divorce drama going on, it had slipped my mind that I had the option to revert back to my maiden name.

I initially decided to return to my maiden name and asked for it to be changed at my final divorce hearing. But then something strange happened. As the months passed, I continued to use my married last name, putting off changing my driver's license and credit cards. Something just did not feel right about changing my name back to the name I once used long ago. I felt like I wasn’t that person anymore, yet I also did not feel comfortable using my married last name. I certainly was not the same person who used that name either.

In the end I decided to give myself a new last name. One that I choose. I shortened my married last name and gave myself a brand new identity. I went to court and legally changed my name. It felt right and it was empowering to begin my new life after divorce with my own chosen identity, not the name I was born with and not the name I got from being married.

There are several issues to consider when deciding whether or not to keep your married name after a divorce. Here are few:

1. Your children. Do you want to avoid confusion at school by keeping the same last name as your kids?

2. Paperwork. Changing your name means changing your driver's license, bank accounts, credit cards and countless other documents. Expect to spend time and energy taking care of this.

3. Have you established yourself professionally with your married name? If so you may not want to change it.

In the end, make sure it is your own decision to change or not change your last name. Don't give into pressure from your ex, who may object to you using your married name. It is perfectly legal to continue to use your married name after a divorce. If you no longer wish to use your married name, then make sure you are comfortable going back to your maiden name. If not, you may want to do like I did and create your very own new last name.

MEMORIES

Recently I have been rationalising my vast collection of photographs, sorting through some of my oldest albums and selecting only specific photos for a new pristine album spanning the first thirty years of my life. Whilst on the one hand you can find yourself wallowing in nostalgia and memories looking at old photos there’s also a sense of empowerment when you come to decide whether to jettison or retain, determining what you want for the future and with it the ability to appear to re-write history. I suppose when I move onto my digital collections, I’ll even be able to get the airbrush out! Except you can never rework the past, photographic memento or not it really happened. Still I don’t have to carry all the memories around with me forever and with time they do fade; a little bit like those photos I’ve found from the era when black and white Polaroid pictures were all the rage, some of which are now virtually blank glossy paper.

4 Secrets To Saving Your Marriage...

Divorce might seem like an easy fix, but the ramifications and consequences are serious. Not only will you end a relationship that you have invested years in, other people, like your children are deeply affected. If you are considering divorce, it makes sense, barring any physical or mental abuse, to do everything in your power to try and save your marriage. If it is your spouse who wants the divorce, you may be facing an uphill battle, but if saving your marriage is something you desire, it is worth attempting.

Here is a four step blueprint, based on the principles of the law of attraction, to help get your marriage and your life back on track:

1.Change yourself first. This may seem radical, but if you want to see changes in your relationship, you must first change yourself, not your spouse. The only person you are in control of is you. Wishing hoping, pleading and begging will not turn your spouse into the person you desire him to be. Take some time to do some inner work and clear up issues in yourself that are preventing you from being happy. Remember the qualities and traits that annoy and bother you in others are issues in yourself that need healing. Start by making a list of everything your spouse does to drive you crazy. Then consider if you are guilty of any of those sins yourself. You may be shocked and what you find. Does your spouse withhold affection? Think of a time in your life where you withheld affection from someone. Does your spouse lose his temper quickly? Again, look and see if there are times in your life where you are short tempered or maybe times when you feel angry and repress your emotions. Going through this list, without self-blame, but with the intent to heal yourself first, can be life changing.

2. How do you want your marriage to be? What does an "ideal" marriage look like? Spend some time visualizing the perfect marriage. See it, feel it and experience it like it was really happening. Feel the joy and love you get from sharing your life with a partner who loves and respects you.

3. Make a list of all of the qualities you wish your spouse had. List everything. Maybe you want him to be more attentive, loving, spontaneous and exciting . Now take that same list and start becoming that person. Become more attentive,loving, spontaneous and exciting. You may be reading this and feel skeptical and maybe even a little angry.After all, it is not your fault your spouse acts the way he does. But just try it. It can't hurt and you will feel better about yourself no matter what the end result is.

4. Let go of how you think your marriage should be. Release all expectations. Concentrate on yourself and creating a life you enjoy. Whether or not your spouse changes is not important. Spend your energy on becoming the best person you can be. Find a hobby or passion that excites you. Join a group of fun loving people and start getting out more. Take action and control of your life

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After following these steps your spouse may or may not change, but one thing is for certain, you will have changed for the better. This will strengthen and prepare you for whatever lies ahead. If your marriage is saved, that would be wonderful, if not you will emerge a stronger, more confident and self assured person, ready for whatever life hands you.

If you would like to find out how to use the law of attraction to change your life, I recommend reading The Attractor Factor and The Key both by Joe Vitale. Seat Of The Soul author Gary Zukav has many great books that will help inspire you and change your life for the better as well.

PAID LEAVE

It was reported today that staff at a Japanese marketing company are permitted paid leave to recover from the heart ache of a relationship break up. Even better, the older you are the more time off you get; the logic being that it takes older staff longer to find a new love and therefore their break-ups tend to be more serious.

Now before everyone gets very excited and decides to apply for jobs in Tokyo, I can tell you that it would appear that the company concerned, Hime & Co, only has six female employees and that the paid leave extends to one day a year for under 24s; two days for those between 25 and 29 and three days for the over 30’s. It sounds to me that this could be more of a marketing ploy than a serious employee benefit or opportunity for recovery.

NEGLECT

I have been guilty of neglect. It came home to me tonight when I realised it was time to go round and water my house plants. Now I really love flora and fauna and my house plants in particular but there still never seem to be enough hours in the day to tend to their needs. Hence it was with guilt and realisation that as I finally undertook this little job, not only could I not remember when I had last wandered around my home with a jug of water, but I was also appalled to see how unhealthy they all looked. When others rely on you for a two way relationship, you have to fulfil your side of the bargain. I have not.

The 5 Worst Celebrity Husbands And Fathers...

1. Hulk Hogan-Sneaky Hulk Hogan is being accused of trying to trying to trick his wife, Linda, into signing a post-nuptial agreement and hiding millions that were made in a real estate transaction. He also has said that his"ex-wife can support herself". Not very nice considering he was married to his wife for over 20 years, while she stayed at home with the kids so he could advance his wrestling career.

2. Eddie Murphy- Eddie has separated from his new "wife"Tracey Edmonds, after only 2 weeks of marriage. Apparently their marriage was not legal. Let's also not forget how Eddie denied he was the father of Spice Girl, Melanie Brown's baby and reportedly has never met his child, even after a paternity test proved he was the baby girl's father. What a shame that the star of "Daddy Daycare" is a deadbeat dad.

3. Charlie Sheen. This insensitive jerk allegedly emailed his ex-wife, Denise Richards the following message:"You are a pig. A sad, jobless pig who is sad and talentless and, um, oh yeah, sad and jobless and evil and a bad mom, so go [expletive] yourself, sad, jobless pig." What a nice guy. No wonder he has court ordered, supervised visits with his two young daughters.

4. Alec Baldwin- Who can forgot Alec's vicious rant on his 11 year old daughter's cell phone last summer. If he can call his daughter a ""a thoughtless, rude little pig" you can only imagine the emotional abuse he might of inflicted on Kim Basinger while they were married.

5.Peter Cook- Ex-husband of Christie Brinkley. This man was married to one of the most beautiful women in the world and cheated on her with his teen assistant. What was he thinking? It is unsettling to think that a man in his mid forties would have an affair with a 19 year old, especially when his own step daughter, Alexa Joel, was around the same age.

COHABITATION - LAW REFORM

Findings from the British Social Attitudes report published on Wednesday by the National Centre for Social Research back the case for urgent reform of the law affecting couples who live together. The new report revealed widespread confusion over what protection live together couples have under the law, with 51 percent of people believing that cohabiting couples have rights as “common law” spouses – but no such rights exist.

A government-funded awareness campaign in 2004 has clearly failed to get the message across that living together does not provide cohabiting couples with financial rights if their relationship ends, even if they have lived together for many years and have had children together. Instead, these couples face increased insecurity and distress at the time of break up.

Resolution has been calling for a new law to protect cohabiting couples since 2000. Its members, including myself, regularly witness the injustices created by the current situation, including financial hardship and even homelessness.

On a more positive note, the report found that nine in ten people think that a cohabiting partner should have a right to financial provision if their relationship is a long-term one, includes children and has involved prioritising one partner’s career over the other’s.

Resolution very much hopes that the Government is listening and urges it to commit itself to reform that will provide cohabiting couples with a legal safety net.