Jumat, 14 Mei 2010

MEET THE CHILDREN


Guidelines for judges meeting children in family proceedings were issued last month. Reading them, I have to acknowledge how much more sophisticated proceedings are now than when, once upon a time and more years ago than I can properly remember, I first started to frequent court as an eager trainee. I do recall, however, one instance when a senior Judge insisted on seeing a young child alone in a dispute over custody. Both parents were claiming that the child wanted to live with them to the exclusion of the other and, the child having lived happily with the mother for several years, the Judge was determined to get to the bottom of the father’s claim that she had changed her mind. The meeting took place in the Judge’s Chambers in private with a Court Welfare Officer present. In due course the Judge emerged and triumphantly declared that he had solved the puzzle and the child would not be changing homes. It seemed that her father had attempted to bribe her with the promise of a holiday in the exotic location of Skegness, if she moved to live with him.

Of concern at the time, however, was then whether or not the child was scarred by her experience of seeing the Judge. Not at all. She was overheard giggling with delight at seeing Father Christmas in November rather than December, though she did ask her mother if he always wore black and purple rather than red when he wasn’t riding in his sleigh!

Sabtu, 08 Mei 2010

NOW WHAT?


Election
Originally uploaded by
alancleaver_2000


May I suggest that the best way to make sense of the outcome of our election is to compare it with domestic relationships?

Ms Electorate used to be married to Mr Blue, for 18 long years in fact from 1979 until 1997. During that time she was oppressed, unemployed and denied health care that she badly needed. Greed and rudeness dominated their time together. By the time their marriage was dissolved, she was depressed and disillusioned.

However, along came Mr Red and together they bloomed. The marriage endured for 13 years, although it had its ups and downs. He went off to fight in foreign wars and mortgaged the family silver without telling her. Unsurprisingly and on the verge of bankruptcy, Ms Electorate began to think that maybe it was time to call time on that relationship too.

Lurking in the background was Mr Yellow; a perfect chap for a brief flirtation, but that was all it could ever be.

Then who should come back on the scene but Mr Blue. Talk about emotional mayhem, but smooth talker that he might have turned into, Ms Electorate couldn’t quite bring herself to forget.

Ultimately, and resisting the solution of pistols at dawn, Messrs Blue, Red and Yellow insisted that she choose between them. Ms Electorate however has matured over the years and would not be drawn. Can you blame her, but what happens next?

Jumat, 07 Mei 2010

THE X FACTOR


Vote
Originally uploaded by
alancleaver_2000


I thought the X Factor would be an appropriate title for an election night entry to this blog. However, I anticipate that you will already have visited your local polling station to place an X against the name of your favourite candidate. Accordingly what I really want to talk about is something else: the ex-factor.

It never ceases to please me when I hear about how well some people get on following their divorce, in some cases even when the proceedings themselves had been fraught or even hostile.

Conversely I can be re-consulted by people months or years after their divorce when an issue arises usually concerning child maintenance or contact.

Bewildered, my client complains that they used to get on with their ex but suddenly communication has become difficult and he or she is now behaving in a ridiculous manner. Careful probing invariably reveals an innocent trigger on one or the other’s part; perhaps a new relationship, a house-move, a different job even a hair cut or weight–loss. Jealousy, competitiveness, bitterness and envy can all come sweeping to the fore and nobody knows when.

The truth is that you may have been married to your ex but that was in the past. You don’t know them now. You have no idea where they have got to emotionally, whether they have moved on or if they are locked steadfastly in the past or somewhere in between. Never, ever assume that, at the same pace, you have both reached the same place or even planet. Assume anything and you assume at your peril.

Remember even if you don’t think you have the X Factor, there may be the ex to factor.

Rabu, 05 Mei 2010



Sorry not warm and fuzzy.....

Let's be clear that when you enter the office of a divorce lawyer you enter the lair of the lion. A divorce attorney is not a therapist and usually is not very good at warm and fuzzy. My advice is not usually tainted with niceties and sugar plums, I speak from the gut and tell it exactly like it is...no holds barred.

Yes, it can be frightening to hear the truth about your marital situation, but why would you want it any other way?  There are divorce attorneys who promise their clients the world and fill their head with unreasonable expectations which cannot be achieved, but they make their clients feel good. Unrealistically, feel good but  feel good none the less. Until the divorce is done, then the attorneys blame the judge, their adversary, the unfairness of the law, everyone but themselves because after all they made everyone feel good, all along the way.

When you come in to see me expect to get the truth, the good the bad and the ugly. Be prepared to listen to my advice and act upon it in the manner in which I request. Follow my advice to the letter and you will be successful. You will move on with your life and be a productive member of society a the end of your divorce. If however, your desire is to feel good about it all along the way, then make sure you have a therapist on retainer as well. They do warm and fuzzy....I do not.


Sorry not warm and fuzzy.....

Let's be clear that when you enter the office of a divorce lawyer you enter the lair of the lion. A divorce attorney is not a therapist and usually is not very good at warm and fuzzy. My advice is not usually tainted with niceties and sugar plums, I speak from the gut and tell it exactly like it is...no holds barred.

Yes, it can be frightening to hear the truth about your marital situation, but why would you want it any other way?  There are divorce attorneys who promise their clients the world and fill their head with unreasonable expectations which cannot be achieved, but they make their clients feel good. Unrealistically, feel good but  feel good none the less. Until the divorce is done, then the attorneys blame the judge, their adversary, the unfairness of the law, everyone but themselves because after all they made everyone feel good, all along the way.

When you come in to see me expect to get the truth, the good the bad and the ugly. Be prepared to listen to my advice and act upon it in the manner in which I request. Follow my advice to the letter and you will be successful. You will move on with your life and be a productive member of society a the end of your divorce. If however, your desire is to feel good about it all along the way, then make sure you have a therapist on retainer as well. They do warm and fuzzy....I do not.

Senin, 03 Mei 2010

THE POTTING SHED


Last week was apparently National Shed Week and, just for the occasion, Cuprinol announced the results of some research which not only showed that the average man spends a year of his life in his shed, but also that 77% of men have a shed. Traditionally it’s stated that one third of marriages end in divorce. By any chance are the marriages which end with divorce the same 33% of relationships where the man does not have a shed? If so, it would appear that Cuprinol has found an easy answer to domestic bliss- ladies save your marriage and get yourself some peace: buy him a shed for his birthday!

Jumat, 30 April 2010

Facebook Blamed for Increased Divorce Rate
Ok, here is a newsflash for you all, facebook is being blamed for an increase in the divorce rate not only in NY but all over the country.  Let's examine the  reasons why. the explosion in the popularity of websites such as Facebook is tempting to people to cheat on their partners. The most common reason seemed to be people having inappropriate sexual chats with people they were not supposed to.
Flirty emails and messages found on Facebook pages are increasingly being cited as evidence of unreasonable behaviour.
Hooking up with old friends, old boyfriends and girlfriends and igniting old flames that before would never have been found.   There is no doubt that Facebook can and is sometimes used as an electronic singles bar, the perfect place to find Mister or Miss Right or "Right for Now." There are plenty of positives about the site, of course. Facebook is great for keeping in touch with friends, relatives and former co-workers. It is neither good nor evil, but it does create the illusion of intimacy that entices the lonely and depressed to log in for hours at a time.

As I have said time and time again...be careful what you write on facebook, it can and often does come back to haunt you.....

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