BLOG ACTION DAY - CLIMATE CHANGE

That the climate is changing there appears to be no doubt. Scientists, however, seem divided as to the causes and also the solutions. As for politicians, without them would green or eco taxes have been invented? There seems to be an emerging policy to say that it’s to save the planet, in anticipation that everyone will pay without protest. I’m surprised they haven’t started to tax divorce, well not overtly anyway, although there is already VAT on the solicitor’s bill. Mind single parent families and relationship breakdowns are like gas guzzlers, only a thousand times worse, the multitude of sins they get blamed for. Come to think of it how long will it be before someone tries to make a connection between the rising number of divorces and global warming? There must be a scientific model somewhere, showing a correlation.

HOW TO STOP HATING YOUR EX

Stop hating your ex must sound like a tall order for many people, but this book by René Ashton seeks to show you how. “I wanted someone to tell me how in the world I was to escape the grips of this ferocious animal wreaking havoc in my life,” she writes; she’s not describing her ex, however, but instead her anger.

René forwarded me a copy of the book in advance of its US publication date last week. I’m sure that it will only be a matter of time before it’s available in the UK too. More like a work-book than a reference source, it’s written in a very down to earth style and pushes the reader onward in a mission of self-healing asking for deliberated responses to questions posed, even providing lined pages for the replies.

“You cannot change your ex. Try as you may. Manipulate as you may. Punish, kick, scream, whatever your tactic, it won’t work”, she reminds us. “The only thing you can change is yourself to make things different.” Through the book, she endeavours to train the reader how to let go and draws on her own experience in illustrating the depths to which the broken hearted and wronged can sink but also how they can move on.

René clearly feels strongly that children should have the right to be co-parented properly. She spares no punches when she identifies those careless or vindictive comments that can cause untold harm and urges the reader to “talk to a professional (not your kids), unload on your friends (not your kids).”

If you feel caught in a trap of negativity or denial as a result of relationship breakdown, it could help but you mustn’t expect any sympathy. “You have the capacity to change,” and that’s what the author wants you to do.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

John Cleese kicked off his “How to Finance Your Divorce Tour” in Norway last weekend. He’s reported as telling his audience that he’d fallen on hard times because he had been ordered to pay $20 million to a woman he believed to be “the special love child of Bernie Madoff and Heather Mills.” Ouch! Divorce can have a tendency to bring out the bitter side of people as well as their ingenuity when they look to raise the necessary finances.

It all reminded me of once upon a time when I acted for a client whom I shall kindly describe as totally eccentric.

“You can call me Mr Praline,” he said when we first met, after he’d stepped across my room in three long and exaggerated strides, bowler hat perched precariously on the top of his head. He was a strange client; not easy to take instructions from when every few seconds he’d change the subject and yell out: “And now for something completely different.”

He was very fond of pets, I recall, with a fish called Wanda (or was it Eric?) and a large snake he referred to as Monty.

When settlement terms were ordered by the court, he completely broke down, banging a dead parrot on the desk and claiming to have to go back and live in a cardboard box. However, he paid what was required with borrowed funds, and then decamped to work as a lumberjack to pay for it all!

THE TENANT OF WILDFELL HALL

This novel by Anne Bronte was the token classic in my summer reading list. If there was ever a story that demonstrated the inequalities that used to exist between the sexes this is it. It’s set in the early part of the 19th Century when it definitely wasn’t considered acceptable for a husband to binge-drink and form sexual liaisons with other women, but some did anyway. Whilst divorce is actually mentioned once, it wasn’t really an option and nor was running away easy when your husband controlled all your finances and you’d promised to love, honour and obey him before an all-knowing God.

Even without a divorce though the story has a happy ending, or at least it does for the wife. The husband however dies from his excesses with a conviction that an angelic hereafter is not to be his destiny.

There are times when you realise just how much society has changed in the last 200 years and yet also how little.

Beware of the Mediation Process

Anyone who reads this blog knows I am a big proponent of Mediation, and I have written on the subject many times. The law at present does not require Mediation to be done only by licensed attorneys. Anyone can hang a shingle and declare themselves a mediator. Therapists, social workers, retirees, anyone and everyone who sees this as a potential source of new income is declaring themselves a mediator.

Clients who have entered my office and thought my fee was high for this service, have returned to me with agreements written in appalling condition. These agreements would guarantee the parties a lifetime of family court proceedings to flush out the many ambiguities and missing provisions of these so called agreements.

Such is the arrogance of these mediators to advise these clients that I a licensed attorney who has been practicing matrimonial law for some 23 years doesn't understand the process and is merely attempting to make this more complicated than it should be!!

The process is complicated but in a practice such as mine it is streamlined in such as way as to avoid unnecessary contact with the court after the agreement is executed. My agreements are about 60 pages in length and cover all contingencies. Here is a hint: if your agreement has only about 20 pages in it, you are missing an awful lot! If it has less than 20 pages be prepared to become a staple at the local family courthouse, because unless you and your former spouse are excellent at communication and compromise you will soon find that such intervention will be necessary due to the failings of your cheaply obtained agreement.

Most people do not believe in the phrase that "you get what you pay for." In many instances it is untrue, but when it comes to a dissolution of your marriage and the future of your financial stability, not to mention the welfare of your children,
you should heed the warning.

Would you put your trust into the hands of a particular surgeon because his price was the cheapest or do you want the very best in the field? The same should apply when dealing with all major decisions in your life. Divorce is a major decision. Be informed and chose your avenues wisely. There are bad apples in every field and charlatans eager to bleed you as well. Get referrals from sources you trust, investigate the attorney you use and use someone who has a license on the line. Your future depends on your choices.

Beware of the Mediation Process

Anyone who reads this blog knows I am a big proponent of Mediation, and I have written on the subject many times. The law at present does not require Mediation to be done only by licensed attorneys. Anyone can hang a shingle and declare themselves a mediator. Therapists, social workers, retirees, anyone and everyone who sees this as a potential source of new income is declaring themselves a mediator.

Clients who have entered my office and thought my fee was high for this service, have returned to me with agreements written in appalling condition. These agreements would guarantee the parties a lifetime of family court proceedings to flush out the many ambiguities and missing provisions of these so called agreements.

Such is the arrogance of these mediators to advise these clients that I a licensed attorney who has been practicing matrimonial law for some 23 years doesn't understand the process and is merely attempting to make this more complicated than it should be!!

The process is complicated but in a practice such as mine it is streamlined in such as way as to avoid unnecessary contact with the court after the agreement is executed. My agreements are about 60 pages in length and cover all contingencies. Here is a hint: if your agreement has only about 20 pages in it, you are missing an awful lot! If it has less than 20 pages be prepared to become a staple at the local family courthouse, because unless you and your former spouse are excellent at communication and compromise you will soon find that such intervention will be necessary due to the failings of your cheaply obtained agreement.

Most people do not believe in the phrase that "you get what you pay for." In many instances it is untrue, but when it comes to a dissolution of your marriage and the future of your financial stability, not to mention the welfare of your children,
you should heed the warning.

Would you put your trust into the hands of a particular surgeon because his price was the cheapest or do you want the very best in the field? The same should apply when dealing with all major decisions in your life. Divorce is a major decision. Be informed and chose your avenues wisely. There are bad apples in every field and charlatans eager to bleed you as well. Get referrals from sources you trust, investigate the attorney you use and use someone who has a license on the line. Your future depends on your choices.

Consider This Before You Divorce

I have been doing a lot of divorce coaching lately and I feel compelled to say that I am working with more and more clients who may not actually need to take such drastic action.As I listen to their divorce story, I hear so clearly the one thing missing from their lives - quality communication. As I listen to the hurt, anger and anxiety over the divorce, I hear the undertone of "he just doesn't