THE DARK AGES

This week Bristol Crown Court is dealing with the trial of a farmer accused of murdering his wife after she demanded a divorce and £800,000. Around the corner in Swansea, the Crown Court was told today that a husband killed his wife and dumped her body by a motorway in a suitcase after they rowed over his use of casual sex websites.

Are we retreating back to the Dark Ages? What is so wrong with a “quickie divorce” when it's alleged that there are people who insist on a more insidious solution to achieve what they callously perceive as an “easy fix?”

Dr. Phil's Divorce Readiness Test.

I said it would happen and it did...Dr. Phil has a Divorce Readiness Test I re-print here for your reading pleasure:



Are you ready to get divorced? If you’re unhappy and think you’re ready to call it quits, answer the five questions in Dr. Phil's Divorce Readiness Test:




1. Have you done everything you can to save and rehabilitate your marriage?

2. Do you have unfinished emotional business?

3. Have you researched, planned, and prepared yourself legally for divorce?

4. Are you ready to adopt a new standard of conduct with your children?

5. Are you willing to create a new relationship as a co-parent?



Dr. Phil believes most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, he says, until you’ve turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible; you have no unfinished emotional business; you’ve researched, planned and prepared yourself legally; you’re ready to adopt a new standard of conduct with your children and you’re willing to create a new relationship as a co-parent.



For more on his first two questions, read on:





Have you gotten help for your marriage? Have you exhausted all avenues of putting your marriage back together? That means everything from reading books or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a clergy member and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on.



You need to ask yourself:





•What was your marriage like when it worked?



•When did it go wrong? Why?



•Is what you're fighting about worth breaking up your marriage?



•What do you want?



•What is it costing you to be in your relationship?



•Are you willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work?



•What are you doing to contaminate the relationship?

"You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce."







Do not make life-changing decisions in the midst of emotional turmoil. Such consequential decisions should not be made when tensions are high. Get on flat ground first so you can look at things more rationally.







Ask yourself:



•Are you still in love with your spouse?

•Are you hurt?

•Are you scared?

•Are you angry?

•Are you confused?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you've failed the test. This is not the time to make life-changing decisions. You have more work to do.

Dr. Phil's Divorce Readiness Test.

I said it would happen and it did...Dr. Phil has a Divorce Readiness Test I re-print here for your reading pleasure:



Are you ready to get divorced? If you’re unhappy and think you’re ready to call it quits, answer the five questions in Dr. Phil's Divorce Readiness Test:




1. Have you done everything you can to save and rehabilitate your marriage?

2. Do you have unfinished emotional business?

3. Have you researched, planned, and prepared yourself legally for divorce?

4. Are you ready to adopt a new standard of conduct with your children?

5. Are you willing to create a new relationship as a co-parent?



Dr. Phil believes most people in America are too quick to get divorced. You shouldn't get a divorce, he says, until you’ve turned over every stone and investigated every avenue of rehabilitation possible; you have no unfinished emotional business; you’ve researched, planned and prepared yourself legally; you’re ready to adopt a new standard of conduct with your children and you’re willing to create a new relationship as a co-parent.



For more on his first two questions, read on:





Have you gotten help for your marriage? Have you exhausted all avenues of putting your marriage back together? That means everything from reading books or going to a marriage counselor, to speaking to a clergy member and spending time focusing on you and your role in what's going on.



You need to ask yourself:





•What was your marriage like when it worked?



•When did it go wrong? Why?



•Is what you're fighting about worth breaking up your marriage?



•What do you want?



•What is it costing you to be in your relationship?



•Are you willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work?



•What are you doing to contaminate the relationship?

"You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door with no anger, frustration or hurt. Otherwise, you've got unfinished business," says Dr. Phil. "Unless and until you look each other in the eye feeling peace, no hatred or resentment, you're not ready to get a divorce."







Do not make life-changing decisions in the midst of emotional turmoil. Such consequential decisions should not be made when tensions are high. Get on flat ground first so you can look at things more rationally.







Ask yourself:



•Are you still in love with your spouse?

•Are you hurt?

•Are you scared?

•Are you angry?

•Are you confused?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, you've failed the test. This is not the time to make life-changing decisions. You have more work to do.

THE SLIPPERY SLOPE

Long term followers of this blog will know that Dom and I made a commitment to each other some 2½ years ago now. However things have been getting a little difficult over the last 3 weeks and this morning I found myself telling him “to get a grip.” I know you’re meant to talk these things through to find a mutually acceptable compromise because there’s never any future in simply stamping feet and insisting on change. Nevertheless in this instance, and whilst Dom may not appreciate it, he is not going to be allowed to slip again. A girl has standards that must be maintained when she’s out and about looking to accelerate and move on in life; Dom is very definitely getting winter tyres!

TEAM PLAYERS

Get families together and, if they’re anything like ours then after a large meal (priorities first) there’s nothing better than a game pitting brother against sister, in-law against out-law or husband against wife. Charades is probably still one of the most popular party games for such occasions. At New Year with a bottle of whisky in one hand and a Christmas cracker in the other, can there be anything more exciting than watching great uncle Henry attempt to mime “Gone with the Wind” for the amusement of his extended family?

There are of course now hosts of boxed games catering for the yearning within to make a fool of yourself whilst competing for family honour in a mini domestic Olympics.

This festive break we played two games in particular, “Articulate” and “Outburst”. They were aptly named, and watching those around me indulge in gamesmanship or attempt to cheat their way to success, I quickly learned why a failure to articulate adeptly or unnecessary outbursts of bad temper and indignation can ruin many a relationship. Indeed my best advice for those who are potentially vulnerable or faint hearted would be to stick to card games instead. "Happy Families" springs to mind!

ACQUIRING A FORTUNE

I have for some time been endeavouring to persuade Outdoor Man to take up golf. I’m convinced it will be significantly safer than the ice climbing and back country skiing trip he is currently contemplating. Newspaper reports today to the effect that Tiger Woods has agreed to pay his wife what she has purportedly described as a “$300 million Christmas present” have strengthened my resolve; after all Outdoor Man could turn out to be a gifted player with championship potential!

THE BIG FREEZE

It started a week before Christmas when all that white stuff fell from the sky and lay and lay. It got harder as the temperature lowered. Cold and impenetrable it just sat there for two whole weeks. Then yesterday, on New Year’s Eve, there was a visible thaw and at the same time I saw our lawn or at least some blades of grass, as the blanket of snow and ice appeared to recede.

Not for long though. By 4pm it was snowing heavily and a silent, frigid atmosphere enveloped us again.

I awoke this morning to another crusty start, a bitter chill and a vast expanse of white nothingness.

2010 is starting the way 2009 finished. Who would be foolish enough to think a few clock chimes and a glass of champagne at midnight would make a difference?