THE T BAR

I have a dislike for T bars (those ski lifts where you supposedly lean back with your nearest and dearest, or sometimes the next stranger in the queue, and let the bar which fits anywhere behind your buttocks to your knees drag you up the slope). Indeed I have a phobia, which I claim to be perfectly understandable, about one T bar in particular.

Most years we spend some time in the village of Stuben in the Arlberg, from where St Anton is an easy ski. To connect to the main ski lift there are two choices, the T bar about which I have the phobia, or a moving conveyor belt. My phobia arose 4 or 5 years ago when, on attempting to detach myself from the said T bar, it caught itself under the hem of my jacket. The lift operator’s attention was clearly elsewhere at the time because I was dragged onwards, hanging from a point near my waist with legs, arms skis and poles flailing beneath me, until the lift was stopped and I fell to the ground in a crumpled heap. Hence, without question I now take the moving belt.

Last week, however, in my efforts to meet Outdoor Man at the top, I was unable to get my skis to grip the rolling rubber and, attempting to dig in with my edges, I toppled over. In so doing I not only tripped the conveyor but probably blew a fuse. Either way the belt was out of action for 10 minutes or more, causing those ahead of me to suffer the discomfort of walking to the top or else skiing back down to take the dreaded T bar.

I became the clear object of derision; the scourge of the slopes; the woman who had spoiled their day. Donned in a purple suit and my bright yellow hat, there was little I could do to blend into the white snowy background. Instead I was a solitary, scorned and ridiculed figure.

Whilst my family sought to come to my rescue, offering to ski elsewhere to avoid my dilemma, I could see from their faces the pain with which such offer was made. Outdoor Man suggested that we go for a drink but I protested inferring that I was spoiling the plans for the day and that instead I should retire to the nearest hostelry alone. It was evident from the speed with which Apprentice Man hurried to release my bindings that he thought this an excellent idea.

“I’ll have to stay with the kids, I can’t leave them,” muttered Outdoor Man apologetically. So, one little misdemeanour, one silly mistake and I was all alone, with only my transgression to dwell on.

A LACK OF APPRECIATION

Despite very occasional altercations with T Bars, I regard myself as a competent skier. I accept, however, that I have no ambition to ascend to the tops of peaks using skis and skins like Outdoor and Apprentice Men, but even so I can get down anything pisted intact and with skis parallel. That my ability is unappreciated by those closest to me is somewhat obvious, especially now that Little Girl can descend faster than me.

The fact that I overtake many and more on the way down is irrelevant. I am simply unable to ski as fast as the rest of my family and have become the subject of the children’s jokes; the years spent nurturing their prowess forgotten. Instead and until either old age or an injury catches up with Outdoor Man, I am destined to bring up the rear, wearing a luminous yellow hat so that I can be easily spotted from afar and not because it is either fetching or suits my complexion.

Dismissed as boring, not seriously hard core or even “uncool” must be the plight of many women of a certain age, on both the ski-slopes and elsewhere. No wonder that so many resort to employing the services of a younger, good–looking, sun-tanned ski instructor.

Family you are being warned. I shall not be carrying the lip-salve, camera, euros, time or any other provisions you desire next time we ski. No, next time I’ll be off with Helmut or Stefan.

Prenups-Why You Must Have One The Second Time Around...

You may be thinking that after getting a divorce the last thing you are thinking about is getting married again. Surprisingly, many divorced people do remarry within two years of getting a divorce. You would think that if you went though a difficult divorce you would be wise enough to insist on a prenup this time around, but love has a way of clouding one's better judgment and many divorcees enter into a second marriage without the financial protection of a prenuptial agreement.

This is especially unwise considering that second marriages have a higher failure rate. If I ever remarried, I would insist on a prenup, even if my new husband made more money and had more assets than me. Why? Because I will never go through a bitter divorce battle again. It was much too painful. A prenup protects your assets and more importantly leaves you will nothing to fight over in the event of a divorce. It is all agreed upon ahead of time.

If you feel that prenups are unromantic and that this time is "forever" because you have met your "soul mate", you need to wake up. Yes, a prenup is not something couples who are in love and planning a wedding feel comfortable discussing, but if you did not learn from your own divorce, learn from other people's divorce disasters.

Paul McCartney was so in love with Heather Mills that he didn't ask her to sign a prenup. He also supposedly turned down her offer to sign one. I bet he deeply regrets that decision now that they are involved in a vicious divorce battle for his billion dollar empire. The sad reality is that had these two signed a prenup, there would be no fight, Heather Mills would not have been vilified by the British press and they might have been able to divorce on friendly terms.

If a second marriage is in your future, make a call to your lawyer and discuss your options. Hopefully you will never need it, but having a prenup gives you the peace of mind knowing that you have protected your assets and your future in the event of a second divorce.

Protect Yourself And Prepare For A Divorce...

Last night we were under a tornado watch here in South Florida. Having moved to Florida from NJ last summer, I have never had to prepare for a possible tornado before. The watch turned into a warning several times during the night, forcing my kids, two dogs, and four cats and I to cram under the stairs in the laundry room. A small tornado did touch down about 20 minutes from us, but luckily no one was hurt and there was minimal damage.

I was shocked to hear today that most of my neighbors had slept through
the whole thing. The people I spoke with did not prepare or take any precautions, even
though they knew a tornado was a possibility. Had that tornado been larger and hit our neighborhood, they would have been caught off guard.

I see this kind of lack of preparation from the divorcing women I coach often.
Although the warning signs are there, they do not adequately prepare for a divorce.
It is only after they discover that their husband is hiding assets or lying about how much income he earns, do they realize they made a mistake by not making copies of all of the financial records while they had the chance.

Do not be caught in the storm of divorce. You must prepare. Many people say
they did not see the divorce coming, but usually there are tell tale signs. Trust your intuition.
You need to be able to protect yourself and your children financially in the event of a divorce.

Make copies now, before it is too late. Here is what you need to gather:

Make copies of your spouse’s pay stubs for the past eight weeks.

Make copies of your joint tax returns for the past five years.

Copy all bank statements and documentation of stock accounts, IRAs, and pension plans.

Make copies of all of your monthly bills over the past three months. These should include mortgage statements, rent payments, utility bills, car payments, insurance premiums, children’s expenses, medical expenses, and credit card statements.

Copy deeds to any properties owned jointly or in your spouse’s name.

Copy documents relating to any investments. These should include stocks, bonds, real estate, and any corporations or businesses owned in any part by you and your spouse.

Make a list of all collectibles, jewelry and other valuables. Photograph or videotape these items. Also list all furnishings and take pictures of these as well.

Discover how to secure your financial outcome during a divorce...

A Funny Thing Happened on the way to My Divorce Consult


It has been a while since I have blogged, life has gotten in the way of my blogging and I apologize to the masses. This week was a rather interesting week for new consults. Two very interesting people came in the other day prompting the topics of this weeks blog. The first was a very attractive young lady who came in with her mom. She was about 30ish and had more than a few children a couple of whom were girls. The woman announced that she had discovered that her husband had cheated on her and she was in to see what her rights were. Unfortunately, I was able to tell her very little in that she had no idea what her husband made, what her bills were and whether or not they had any bank accounts, other than the checking. She didn't even know her mortgage payment or where if there were any mutual funds or IRA's. Yes, I must admit I felt angry at the lack of attention this woman paid to her financial well being and told her that her lack of knowledge was unacceptable. I informed her that she set herself up to be a victim. The woman answered that she enjoyed being taken care of and announced to her mother that she wasn't "doing this anymore" and stormed out of my office. Now of course this wasn't the first time I have heard this story, but it never ceases to amaze me that young women in this day and age still have that "take care of me" attitude. Now the attitude is fine so long as you are well informed. One doesn't have to pay the bills to know what they are. One doesn't have to be an investment wizard to know where the family investments are. One SHOULD read the income taxes before they sign them!! I apologized to her mother, who thanked me as she left saying I had said everything her family had being saying for years and that perhaps some of my tough talk would work its way through her daughter's brain. I hope so.
Client number two clearly was unsure that a woman such as myself could be A. so busy I had to cancel at least one appointment before with him B. so busy I couldn't devote more than 30 minutes to a free consultation and finally C. that my advice was so different than what he had gotten from at least two male attorneys, (neither of which I would bet was a practicing matrimonial attorney but a dabbler instead) that I must be wrong.
Needless to say neither client retained yesterday....but perhaps I gave them both some food for thought.

A Funny Thing Happened on the way to My Divorce Consult


It has been a while since I have blogged, life has gotten in the way of my blogging and I apologize to the masses. This week was a rather interesting week for new consults. Two very interesting people came in the other day prompting the topics of this weeks blog. The first was a very attractive young lady who came in with her mom. She was about 30ish and had more than a few children a couple of whom were girls. The woman announced that she had discovered that her husband had cheated on her and she was in to see what her rights were. Unfortunately, I was able to tell her very little in that she had no idea what her husband made, what her bills were and whether or not they had any bank accounts, other than the checking. She didn't even know her mortgage payment or where if there were any mutual funds or IRA's. Yes, I must admit I felt angry at the lack of attention this woman paid to her financial well being and told her that her lack of knowledge was unacceptable. I informed her that she set herself up to be a victim. The woman answered that she enjoyed being taken care of and announced to her mother that she wasn't "doing this anymore" and stormed out of my office. Now of course this wasn't the first time I have heard this story, but it never ceases to amaze me that young women in this day and age still have that "take care of me" attitude. Now the attitude is fine so long as you are well informed. One doesn't have to pay the bills to know what they are. One doesn't have to be an investment wizard to know where the family investments are. One SHOULD read the income taxes before they sign them!! I apologized to her mother, who thanked me as she left saying I had said everything her family had being saying for years and that perhaps some of my tough talk would work its way through her daughter's brain. I hope so.
Client number two clearly was unsure that a woman such as myself could be A. so busy I had to cancel at least one appointment before with him B. so busy I couldn't devote more than 30 minutes to a free consultation and finally C. that my advice was so different than what he had gotten from at least two male attorneys, (neither of which I would bet was a practicing matrimonial attorney but a dabbler instead) that I must be wrong.
Needless to say neither client retained yesterday....but perhaps I gave them both some food for thought.

How To Be Your Own Valentine This Year...

With Valentine's Day just around the corner, you may be feeling a little
down. After all this holiday of "love" is a painful reminder of love gone
wrong, especially if you are recently single. There has been much written
about how to survive this dreaded holiday, but here is a relatively new concept: Why not be your own Valentine this year?

Okay, I know it sounds corny. But think about it, if you don't love and accept
yourself for who you are, can you really accept others to do the same?

The experience of divorce has most definitely changed you and forced you to grow and mature in ways you never thought possible. Can you learn from the pain of divorce and use the lessons it has taught to look inward and starting respecting and loving yourself?

Instead of beating yourself up, thinking negative thoughts and indulging in self-blame,
start thinking about all of your good qualities. I know it is not easy, we are conditioned
to play down our strengths and highlight our weaknesses. But try this. Take a rubber band
and for the next several days wear it on your wrist. Every time you have a negative
thought, pull the rubber band and give yourself a zap. It will literally "snap" you out of your self-defeating thoughts.

Next, make a list of all of your positive attributes. Read them every night before you go to bed. Then finally, on Valentine's Day, buy yourself a present. A big box of chocolate and some champagne, a dozen roses, or a stuffed teddy bear.

Become your own best friend and start enjoying being by yourself. A funny thing
may happen. Because like attracts like, once you start loving yourself and treating yourself well, you may attract someone who does the same. Who knows, you might just have that special someone to spend next Valentine’s Day with.