Divorce and Mediation Questions You were Afraid to Ask.

My staff is forever telling me to write a book or pamphlet for our clients to answer some of the basic questions regarding Divorce and or Mediation. Here are the answers to some of the most commonly asked questions:

1. How long with this process take?

This is a very difficult question to answer. In that 97% of all divorce cases eventually settle without going to trial it becomes a matter of trying to ascertain at what point will the litigants come to an agreement. Of course the temperament of the parties as well as their attorneys needs to be taken into account as does the emotional level of the litigants. Following the service of the summons and complaint the matter is usually put on the courts calendar and a judge is assigned. Once a judge is assigned it is up to the court to move the case along. Discovery dates are set (Discovery is the term used by attorneys to indicate the period where each party is to provide paperwork requested from the other side, such as income tax returns, bank records, etc..)and the judge is informed of what the potential issues are in the case. Following the initial court date, the court will usually require an appearances every 6 weeks or so to check in with the parties and ascertain a status of the case. Of course at anytime during this process the parties may come to an agreement in the case and settle the issues. Motions made during the case will also lengthen the process if one of the litigants feels immediate judicial intervention is necessary in order to provide proper support or visitation. On an average most cases will usually take at least one year to complete.

2. How much will this cost?

Another interesting but difficult question to answer. You will of course have to pay your attorney a retainer which is billed out hourly. If a Law Guardian (lawyer for the children) is necessary the parties will either split the fee or the court will decide how the fee is to be paid. The Law Guardian takes a retainer and bills out hourly. If custody is at issue Foresesic psychologists may be appointed to interview all parties and give an opinion to the judge. These psychologists will also charge a retainer. Again the issue as to how these fees are paid will be determined by the judge. Appraisal fees will also come into play in order to evaluate real property and or any marital businesses as well as pension evaluations. Perhaps licenses will need to be evaluated as well. All these fees are paid for by the litigants.

3. Can I date during this process?

My answer to this is always a resounding "NO." It is always a better idea to end a relationship before beginning another. Additionally, there will be enough anger and hostility without introducing move into an already potentially volatile situation.

4. How expensive is Mediation?

Mediation eliminates the need to hire two attorneys. There is also no need to have Law Guardians or Forensic psychologists.

5. Why then wouldn't we go right to mediation?

Mediation is not for everyone. Couples must be committed to coming to an amicable resolution. They must be will to give and take in order to come to an agreement. Parties who enter mediation with anger and high emotions will not do well in the mediation setting. Mediation is also not the place to argue and name call. If either party has a stead fast position and is not willing to bend, the mediation will fail.

6. If I am contemplating a divorce, how should I prepare?

First I always counsel my clients at the initial consult to remove any personally valuable property from the home. I am not taking about marital property, so don't take out the dining room table, but an antique ring given to you by your grandmother should be removed. This is suggested so that vindictive takings and game playing are discouraged. Second, you should make copies of all financial documentation. Tax returns for at least three years, bank statements, pensions statements, any financial benefit plans, stocks, bonds, CD's etc..Should be copied. Copies of all bills should be made and the client should get copies of any business records if a business is at issue in a case. Credit card statements and copies of all deeds for any real estate owned should be made.

7. How do I choose a lawyer?

The same way you would hire any professional. Word of mouth, internet, referrals from the local bar association are ways to get the name of attorneys in your area. Most attorneys offer a free consultation, this is a good way to meet a few attorneys before you hire one. The attorney should be a good fit with your views on how you want your case handled as well as provide you will a cohesive plan on how to get you what you want. Be aware that not all attorneys charge the same rate. The most expensive isn't necessarily the best attorney for you. Likewise the cheapest attorney is usually not the best for your situation. Attorneys who charge significantly less will surely run out of money early on in the litigation and ask for more funds. This may also be a sign of an attorney who is not sure how much to charge due to inexperience.

8. Anything else I forgot to ask?

Yes. Make sure you are in therapy. A good counselor during a divorce is worth their weight in gold. Your attorney will be grateful that you have another ear to bend and that he/she doesn't have to charge you to calm you down. The therapist's hourly rate will also probably be cheaper.