Divorce and Children

Oprah devoted an entire show to this topic recently with guest Gary Newuman who wrote the book: Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce
Here are some tips:

The Truth: How Kids Really Feel


"When you criticize your ex, you criticize your child." — Gary Neuman

Gary explains that it's the conflict between parents, not the actual divorce, that puts children at risk. Many parents don't realize the consequences of their actions, no matter how big or small.

Even in the best divorces, children feel that they are to blame.
Bad-mouthing your ex goes straight to the core of your child and destroys their self-esteem.
Even subtle body language like rolling your eyes or slamming the phone down affects children.
When parents involve children in custody or visitation decisions, it makes them feel insecure and unsafe.
It's a major red flag when children are afraid to express affection towards one parent in front of the other.
Not talking to your kids about your divorce can cause them to suppress their emotions and shutdown emotionally.

From the Mouths of Babes
Children often keep their deepest feelings hidden from their parents. See what happened when these kids opened up and told Gary Neuman about how they really feel when their parents argue, bad-mouth and blame each other.


7 Strategies—Talking to Your Kids


Divorce is painful for every member of the family, but children are especially vulnerable. Even great parents can get caught up in the anger and bitterness, and without knowing it, can say and do things that really hurt their children. Gary Neuman offers these ideas for talking about divorce with children:
Don't ask your kids to choose sides. Whether you come right out and ask them or subtly pressure them, you're putting them in the middle of your problems. They feel tremendous pressure and anxiety to please both parents, and they don't know what to say.
Don't say bad things about your ex. When you criticize your ex, you criticize your child. To their ears, you might as well be saying, "You're a rotten person."
Talk to your child about his or her feelings. When your child is feeling rejected by one parent or the other, help them talk about it, and help them understand that it's not their fault. Say, "It must be very sad for you not to have your (father's/mother's) attention. Adults make mistakes, and a lot of times they hurt the people they love the most. But that doesn't mean you did anything wrong."
Open the lines of communication. Don't just ask your kids how they're doing. You won't get a straight answer. Instead, say, "It sounds like you feel ________." Fill in the blank with words like "hurt," "sad," or whatever you think they feel. This gives kids permission to open up and say whatever they want.
Act like a parent. You are the adults in this situation. Let your kids know that you and your ex will make the decisions about how much time they spend with each of you. It's not something they need to worry about.
"It's not worth it." Make those words your mantra. The fighting, the name-calling, the ugliness—none of those things are worth the pain you're putting your kids through.
Admit your mistakes. Let your kids know what you have done wrong, whether in your marriage, or in dealing with the divorce, and make a new commitment to them.

Divorce and Children

Oprah devoted an entire show to this topic recently with guest Gary Newuman who wrote the book: Helping your Kids Cope with Divorce
Here are some tips:

The Truth: How Kids Really Feel


"When you criticize your ex, you criticize your child." — Gary Neuman

Gary explains that it's the conflict between parents, not the actual divorce, that puts children at risk. Many parents don't realize the consequences of their actions, no matter how big or small.

Even in the best divorces, children feel that they are to blame.
Bad-mouthing your ex goes straight to the core of your child and destroys their self-esteem.
Even subtle body language like rolling your eyes or slamming the phone down affects children.
When parents involve children in custody or visitation decisions, it makes them feel insecure and unsafe.
It's a major red flag when children are afraid to express affection towards one parent in front of the other.
Not talking to your kids about your divorce can cause them to suppress their emotions and shutdown emotionally.

From the Mouths of Babes
Children often keep their deepest feelings hidden from their parents. See what happened when these kids opened up and told Gary Neuman about how they really feel when their parents argue, bad-mouth and blame each other.


7 Strategies—Talking to Your Kids


Divorce is painful for every member of the family, but children are especially vulnerable. Even great parents can get caught up in the anger and bitterness, and without knowing it, can say and do things that really hurt their children. Gary Neuman offers these ideas for talking about divorce with children:
Don't ask your kids to choose sides. Whether you come right out and ask them or subtly pressure them, you're putting them in the middle of your problems. They feel tremendous pressure and anxiety to please both parents, and they don't know what to say.
Don't say bad things about your ex. When you criticize your ex, you criticize your child. To their ears, you might as well be saying, "You're a rotten person."
Talk to your child about his or her feelings. When your child is feeling rejected by one parent or the other, help them talk about it, and help them understand that it's not their fault. Say, "It must be very sad for you not to have your (father's/mother's) attention. Adults make mistakes, and a lot of times they hurt the people they love the most. But that doesn't mean you did anything wrong."
Open the lines of communication. Don't just ask your kids how they're doing. You won't get a straight answer. Instead, say, "It sounds like you feel ________." Fill in the blank with words like "hurt," "sad," or whatever you think they feel. This gives kids permission to open up and say whatever they want.
Act like a parent. You are the adults in this situation. Let your kids know that you and your ex will make the decisions about how much time they spend with each of you. It's not something they need to worry about.
"It's not worth it." Make those words your mantra. The fighting, the name-calling, the ugliness—none of those things are worth the pain you're putting your kids through.
Admit your mistakes. Let your kids know what you have done wrong, whether in your marriage, or in dealing with the divorce, and make a new commitment to them.

Explaining Divorce to Children
by
Joyce A. Shriner

Children are aware of the emotional climate in their homes, sensing if there is sadness and discontent. Nothing is more distressing to youngsters than a change they do not understand. Because parents feel children are too young to comprehend divorce, many do not speak with their children about an impending divorce. However, children tend to adapt more easily when they have an idea about what is happening and have the support of those they love.

If divorce is imminent, researchers agree that it is best to tell the children right away. Not telling children from the outset increases the chances that they will be told by the wrong person in the wrong way. Difficult as it may be, it is usually best for the explanation to come from both parents. This approach lessens the chance of one parent blaming the other; it also demonstrates that the parents can work together for the best interest of their children. The way in which divorce is discussed with children will influence their reaction.

Language to Use and Not to Use
Parents might use words like these in explaining their divorce to a young child:

"Daddy and Mommy have decided not to live together in the same house."
"Daddy and Mommy will not be married anymore; we will be divorced. We are sorry this has to be the way, but Mommy and Daddy think this is best for everyone.
It is often best to avoid saying, "Daddy and Mommy don't love one another anymore." Children often hear that they are loved. If parents talk about not loving each other anymore, a child may fear that he or she will also lose the parents' love if he or she misbehaves. Parents should make it very clear to children that reconciliation is impossible. Children need to hear and understand that they can not rescue or restore the marriage.

Possible Reactions of Children to Divorce
Children may exhibit a variety of emotional reactions to divorce. Common grief reactions include: denial and silence, regression, bodily distress, hostility and guilt, and panic and confusion.

Denial and Silence
In denial and silence, the child closes his eyes to the situation. He may appear to be unconcerned with the divorce because he is trying to defend himself against the awful loss by secretly pretending that it has not really happened. His indifference may mean that he has found the disruption too great to accept. Parents often misinterpret this reaction as acceptance of the situation.

Regression
Because of her inability to master the new anxiety, the child may return to earlier stages of development during regression. She may begin to suck her thumb, wet the bed, speak baby talk, or display other earlier behaviors. Children may complain a lot and insist on adult attention.

Bodily Distress
Bodily distress expresses itself in physical and behavioral complaints such as: "I have a stomachache!" or "My head hurts!" Bodily distress often results when the child becomes unsure of things that he has previously taken for granted, such as life, parental love, food, shelter, and protection.

Hostility and Guilt
Hostile reactions include angry acts and feelings that arise as the child tries to remove frustration through revenge. Children vent anger on others in an attempt to manage feelings of guilt.

Young children frequently have strong feelings of guilt because they believe that they are responsible for causing the loss. Preschool children sometimes believe they have supernatural powers. They may think that their fantasy desires have been magically granted. It is the parents' responsibility to repeatedly assure them that they are not to blame.

Panic and Confusion
Panic and confusion often result when children are expected to adopt their parent's differing values and styles of life.

Letting Children Feel
Parents must permit children to feel their emotions, whatever they may be. Avoid the tendency to tell children, and especially boys, to "Be strong! Don't cry!" Tears are a natural expression of sorrow. They are like a safety valve used to relieve emotion. Just as parents should not encourage the child to repress tears, they should not prod him to show unfelt sorrow .

The difference between a normal reaction and a distorted one is not in the symptom but in the intensity. Hopefully parents can spot potential difficulties early. Signals for concern include: problems getting along with peers, learning difficulties, withdrawal, inconsolable crying, and sustained anger at parents, peers, or siblings.

By explaining divorce to children, parents signal a willingness to discuss children's issues and concerns about the divorce. As the process evolves, children will have new questions and concerns. Each time, it will be easier to talk about these issues; as children get older, they will have a better understanding. By talking together parents can provide comfort, assurance, and security.

Explaining Divorce to Children
by
Joyce A. Shriner

Children are aware of the emotional climate in their homes, sensing if there is sadness and discontent. Nothing is more distressing to youngsters than a change they do not understand. Because parents feel children are too young to comprehend divorce, many do not speak with their children about an impending divorce. However, children tend to adapt more easily when they have an idea about what is happening and have the support of those they love.

If divorce is imminent, researchers agree that it is best to tell the children right away. Not telling children from the outset increases the chances that they will be told by the wrong person in the wrong way. Difficult as it may be, it is usually best for the explanation to come from both parents. This approach lessens the chance of one parent blaming the other; it also demonstrates that the parents can work together for the best interest of their children. The way in which divorce is discussed with children will influence their reaction.

Language to Use and Not to Use
Parents might use words like these in explaining their divorce to a young child:

"Daddy and Mommy have decided not to live together in the same house."
"Daddy and Mommy will not be married anymore; we will be divorced. We are sorry this has to be the way, but Mommy and Daddy think this is best for everyone.
It is often best to avoid saying, "Daddy and Mommy don't love one another anymore." Children often hear that they are loved. If parents talk about not loving each other anymore, a child may fear that he or she will also lose the parents' love if he or she misbehaves. Parents should make it very clear to children that reconciliation is impossible. Children need to hear and understand that they can not rescue or restore the marriage.

Possible Reactions of Children to Divorce
Children may exhibit a variety of emotional reactions to divorce. Common grief reactions include: denial and silence, regression, bodily distress, hostility and guilt, and panic and confusion.

Denial and Silence
In denial and silence, the child closes his eyes to the situation. He may appear to be unconcerned with the divorce because he is trying to defend himself against the awful loss by secretly pretending that it has not really happened. His indifference may mean that he has found the disruption too great to accept. Parents often misinterpret this reaction as acceptance of the situation.

Regression
Because of her inability to master the new anxiety, the child may return to earlier stages of development during regression. She may begin to suck her thumb, wet the bed, speak baby talk, or display other earlier behaviors. Children may complain a lot and insist on adult attention.

Bodily Distress
Bodily distress expresses itself in physical and behavioral complaints such as: "I have a stomachache!" or "My head hurts!" Bodily distress often results when the child becomes unsure of things that he has previously taken for granted, such as life, parental love, food, shelter, and protection.

Hostility and Guilt
Hostile reactions include angry acts and feelings that arise as the child tries to remove frustration through revenge. Children vent anger on others in an attempt to manage feelings of guilt.

Young children frequently have strong feelings of guilt because they believe that they are responsible for causing the loss. Preschool children sometimes believe they have supernatural powers. They may think that their fantasy desires have been magically granted. It is the parents' responsibility to repeatedly assure them that they are not to blame.

Panic and Confusion
Panic and confusion often result when children are expected to adopt their parent's differing values and styles of life.

Letting Children Feel
Parents must permit children to feel their emotions, whatever they may be. Avoid the tendency to tell children, and especially boys, to "Be strong! Don't cry!" Tears are a natural expression of sorrow. They are like a safety valve used to relieve emotion. Just as parents should not encourage the child to repress tears, they should not prod him to show unfelt sorrow .

The difference between a normal reaction and a distorted one is not in the symptom but in the intensity. Hopefully parents can spot potential difficulties early. Signals for concern include: problems getting along with peers, learning difficulties, withdrawal, inconsolable crying, and sustained anger at parents, peers, or siblings.

By explaining divorce to children, parents signal a willingness to discuss children's issues and concerns about the divorce. As the process evolves, children will have new questions and concerns. Each time, it will be easier to talk about these issues; as children get older, they will have a better understanding. By talking together parents can provide comfort, assurance, and security.

Cycles for Divorce and Time to Pick up my Summer Reading Material...

Well it is almost the end of school and typically two things tend to happen around this time. First I either head over to Boarders and pick out a stack of books I intend to read for the summer, or I internet compare on Amazon and Half.com to bargain hunt for a stack of bestsellers to read.(which is what I did this year) Second I gear up my office for the inevitable surge in business over the next couple of weeks in the area of divorce. There are cycles to the divorce business you ask? Most certainly.

The three busiest periods are 1. The week or so after the first of the year. It seems that many people choose getting rid of their spouse as a New Years resolution. 2. The first week in September, coinciding with the return of Back to School, so goes the inclination to rid one of their spouse; and 3. The last week in June, coinciding with the end of school and beginning of summer. My brother who was in law enforcement for many years, would always tell me that the summertime was the busiest time for him in criminal law. It seems that the heat affects people in all sorts of ways. In his area, it made those so inclined to act in a criminally punishable manner. In my area, it makes a spouse more eager to rid themselves of their significant other.

So what am I reading this summer? I am an avid reader and always have been. I read year round and love to shop for books. When I was younger I would pick an author and spend the summer reading everything I could find by that author. Such is the reason I have some very strong opinions about F. Scott Fitzgerald and Hemingway. I have abandoned that for years until this summer. In that I usually read the books of my favorite authors the minute they become available, I have already read the latest Gresham, Sparks and DeMille novels. James Patterson, I pick and choose but I already read all of his latest. I read a book for my book club called "my sisters keeper" by Julie Picoult. The book was so incredible I decided I wanted to read everything this author had to offer. So this summer is the Julie Picoult summer. I am eagerly awaiting my shipments as I try to plough through "A Million Little Pieces" which I truly hate and will give up again the minute a new book comes in. Some recommendations, Balducci's the Camel Club and Patterson's Beach Road were both excellent.

I have found that if I bring a book to court lately, my adversary tends to show up faster than if I fail to bring any reading material. Maybe it is now my latest superstition but it has become my new habit. Clients are perpetually complaining about their fees to attorneys, but what they don't understand is that diligent attorneys will usually show up as early as possible in order to get into a conference with a judge and get out. Unfortunately, many other attorneys do not share my view or fail to co-ordinate with me to arrive at a pre-arranged time (As I anal try to do the day in advance) but instead run from case to case in an attempt to catch any adversary for any of the cases they may have on ad hoc. A colleague of mine with whom I was passing the time and commiserating with one day as we both waited for our respective adversaries came up with the idea of pre-set appointments; Given in 15 minute intervals with sanctions if you arrive late. Not a bad idea. But thus enters the importance of summer reading material.

Cycles for Divorce and Time to Pick up my Summer Reading Material...

Well it is almost the end of school and typically two things tend to happen around this time. First I either head over to Boarders and pick out a stack of books I intend to read for the summer, or I internet compare on Amazon and Half.com to bargain hunt for a stack of bestsellers to read.(which is what I did this year) Second I gear up my office for the inevitable surge in business over the next couple of weeks in the area of divorce. There are cycles to the divorce business you ask? Most certainly.

The three busiest periods are 1. The week or so after the first of the year. It seems that many people choose getting rid of their spouse as a New Years resolution. 2. The first week in September, coinciding with the return of Back to School, so goes the inclination to rid one of their spouse; and 3. The last week in June, coinciding with the end of school and beginning of summer. My brother who was in law enforcement for many years, would always tell me that the summertime was the busiest time for him in criminal law. It seems that the heat affects people in all sorts of ways. In his area, it made those so inclined to act in a criminally punishable manner. In my area, it makes a spouse more eager to rid themselves of their significant other.

So what am I reading this summer? I am an avid reader and always have been. I read year round and love to shop for books. When I was younger I would pick an author and spend the summer reading everything I could find by that author. Such is the reason I have some very strong opinions about F. Scott Fitzgerald and Hemingway. I have abandoned that for years until this summer. In that I usually read the books of my favorite authors the minute they become available, I have already read the latest Gresham, Sparks and DeMille novels. James Patterson, I pick and choose but I already read all of his latest. I read a book for my book club called "my sisters keeper" by Julie Picoult. The book was so incredible I decided I wanted to read everything this author had to offer. So this summer is the Julie Picoult summer. I am eagerly awaiting my shipments as I try to plough through "A Million Little Pieces" which I truly hate and will give up again the minute a new book comes in. Some recommendations, Balducci's the Camel Club and Patterson's Beach Road were both excellent.

I have found that if I bring a book to court lately, my adversary tends to show up faster than if I fail to bring any reading material. Maybe it is now my latest superstition but it has become my new habit. Clients are perpetually complaining about their fees to attorneys, but what they don't understand is that diligent attorneys will usually show up as early as possible in order to get into a conference with a judge and get out. Unfortunately, many other attorneys do not share my view or fail to co-ordinate with me to arrive at a pre-arranged time (As I anal try to do the day in advance) but instead run from case to case in an attempt to catch any adversary for any of the cases they may have on ad hoc. A colleague of mine with whom I was passing the time and commiserating with one day as we both waited for our respective adversaries came up with the idea of pre-set appointments; Given in 15 minute intervals with sanctions if you arrive late. Not a bad idea. But thus enters the importance of summer reading material.

Divorce and Mediation Questions You were Afraid to Ask.

My staff is forever telling me to write a book or pamphlet for our clients to answer some of the basic questions regarding Divorce and or Mediation. Here are the answers to some of the most commonly asked questions:

1. How long with this process take?

This is a very difficult question to answer. In that 97% of all divorce cases eventually settle without going to trial it becomes a matter of trying to ascertain at what point will the litigants come to an agreement. Of course the temperament of the parties as well as their attorneys needs to be taken into account as does the emotional level of the litigants. Following the service of the summons and complaint the matter is usually put on the courts calendar and a judge is assigned. Once a judge is assigned it is up to the court to move the case along. Discovery dates are set (Discovery is the term used by attorneys to indicate the period where each party is to provide paperwork requested from the other side, such as income tax returns, bank records, etc..)and the judge is informed of what the potential issues are in the case. Following the initial court date, the court will usually require an appearances every 6 weeks or so to check in with the parties and ascertain a status of the case. Of course at anytime during this process the parties may come to an agreement in the case and settle the issues. Motions made during the case will also lengthen the process if one of the litigants feels immediate judicial intervention is necessary in order to provide proper support or visitation. On an average most cases will usually take at least one year to complete.

2. How much will this cost?

Another interesting but difficult question to answer. You will of course have to pay your attorney a retainer which is billed out hourly. If a Law Guardian (lawyer for the children) is necessary the parties will either split the fee or the court will decide how the fee is to be paid. The Law Guardian takes a retainer and bills out hourly. If custody is at issue Foresesic psychologists may be appointed to interview all parties and give an opinion to the judge. These psychologists will also charge a retainer. Again the issue as to how these fees are paid will be determined by the judge. Appraisal fees will also come into play in order to evaluate real property and or any marital businesses as well as pension evaluations. Perhaps licenses will need to be evaluated as well. All these fees are paid for by the litigants.

3. Can I date during this process?

My answer to this is always a resounding "NO." It is always a better idea to end a relationship before beginning another. Additionally, there will be enough anger and hostility without introducing move into an already potentially volatile situation.

4. How expensive is Mediation?

Mediation eliminates the need to hire two attorneys. There is also no need to have Law Guardians or Forensic psychologists.

5. Why then wouldn't we go right to mediation?

Mediation is not for everyone. Couples must be committed to coming to an amicable resolution. They must be will to give and take in order to come to an agreement. Parties who enter mediation with anger and high emotions will not do well in the mediation setting. Mediation is also not the place to argue and name call. If either party has a stead fast position and is not willing to bend, the mediation will fail.

6. If I am contemplating a divorce, how should I prepare?

First I always counsel my clients at the initial consult to remove any personally valuable property from the home. I am not taking about marital property, so don't take out the dining room table, but an antique ring given to you by your grandmother should be removed. This is suggested so that vindictive takings and game playing are discouraged. Second, you should make copies of all financial documentation. Tax returns for at least three years, bank statements, pensions statements, any financial benefit plans, stocks, bonds, CD's etc..Should be copied. Copies of all bills should be made and the client should get copies of any business records if a business is at issue in a case. Credit card statements and copies of all deeds for any real estate owned should be made.

7. How do I choose a lawyer?

The same way you would hire any professional. Word of mouth, internet, referrals from the local bar association are ways to get the name of attorneys in your area. Most attorneys offer a free consultation, this is a good way to meet a few attorneys before you hire one. The attorney should be a good fit with your views on how you want your case handled as well as provide you will a cohesive plan on how to get you what you want. Be aware that not all attorneys charge the same rate. The most expensive isn't necessarily the best attorney for you. Likewise the cheapest attorney is usually not the best for your situation. Attorneys who charge significantly less will surely run out of money early on in the litigation and ask for more funds. This may also be a sign of an attorney who is not sure how much to charge due to inexperience.

8. Anything else I forgot to ask?

Yes. Make sure you are in therapy. A good counselor during a divorce is worth their weight in gold. Your attorney will be grateful that you have another ear to bend and that he/she doesn't have to charge you to calm you down. The therapist's hourly rate will also probably be cheaper.

Divorce and Mediation Questions You were Afraid to Ask.

My staff is forever telling me to write a book or pamphlet for our clients to answer some of the basic questions regarding Divorce and or Mediation. Here are the answers to some of the most commonly asked questions:

1. How long with this process take?

This is a very difficult question to answer. In that 97% of all divorce cases eventually settle without going to trial it becomes a matter of trying to ascertain at what point will the litigants come to an agreement. Of course the temperament of the parties as well as their attorneys needs to be taken into account as does the emotional level of the litigants. Following the service of the summons and complaint the matter is usually put on the courts calendar and a judge is assigned. Once a judge is assigned it is up to the court to move the case along. Discovery dates are set (Discovery is the term used by attorneys to indicate the period where each party is to provide paperwork requested from the other side, such as income tax returns, bank records, etc..)and the judge is informed of what the potential issues are in the case. Following the initial court date, the court will usually require an appearances every 6 weeks or so to check in with the parties and ascertain a status of the case. Of course at anytime during this process the parties may come to an agreement in the case and settle the issues. Motions made during the case will also lengthen the process if one of the litigants feels immediate judicial intervention is necessary in order to provide proper support or visitation. On an average most cases will usually take at least one year to complete.

2. How much will this cost?

Another interesting but difficult question to answer. You will of course have to pay your attorney a retainer which is billed out hourly. If a Law Guardian (lawyer for the children) is necessary the parties will either split the fee or the court will decide how the fee is to be paid. The Law Guardian takes a retainer and bills out hourly. If custody is at issue Foresesic psychologists may be appointed to interview all parties and give an opinion to the judge. These psychologists will also charge a retainer. Again the issue as to how these fees are paid will be determined by the judge. Appraisal fees will also come into play in order to evaluate real property and or any marital businesses as well as pension evaluations. Perhaps licenses will need to be evaluated as well. All these fees are paid for by the litigants.

3. Can I date during this process?

My answer to this is always a resounding "NO." It is always a better idea to end a relationship before beginning another. Additionally, there will be enough anger and hostility without introducing move into an already potentially volatile situation.

4. How expensive is Mediation?

Mediation eliminates the need to hire two attorneys. There is also no need to have Law Guardians or Forensic psychologists.

5. Why then wouldn't we go right to mediation?

Mediation is not for everyone. Couples must be committed to coming to an amicable resolution. They must be will to give and take in order to come to an agreement. Parties who enter mediation with anger and high emotions will not do well in the mediation setting. Mediation is also not the place to argue and name call. If either party has a stead fast position and is not willing to bend, the mediation will fail.

6. If I am contemplating a divorce, how should I prepare?

First I always counsel my clients at the initial consult to remove any personally valuable property from the home. I am not taking about marital property, so don't take out the dining room table, but an antique ring given to you by your grandmother should be removed. This is suggested so that vindictive takings and game playing are discouraged. Second, you should make copies of all financial documentation. Tax returns for at least three years, bank statements, pensions statements, any financial benefit plans, stocks, bonds, CD's etc..Should be copied. Copies of all bills should be made and the client should get copies of any business records if a business is at issue in a case. Credit card statements and copies of all deeds for any real estate owned should be made.

7. How do I choose a lawyer?

The same way you would hire any professional. Word of mouth, internet, referrals from the local bar association are ways to get the name of attorneys in your area. Most attorneys offer a free consultation, this is a good way to meet a few attorneys before you hire one. The attorney should be a good fit with your views on how you want your case handled as well as provide you will a cohesive plan on how to get you what you want. Be aware that not all attorneys charge the same rate. The most expensive isn't necessarily the best attorney for you. Likewise the cheapest attorney is usually not the best for your situation. Attorneys who charge significantly less will surely run out of money early on in the litigation and ask for more funds. This may also be a sign of an attorney who is not sure how much to charge due to inexperience.

8. Anything else I forgot to ask?

Yes. Make sure you are in therapy. A good counselor during a divorce is worth their weight in gold. Your attorney will be grateful that you have another ear to bend and that he/she doesn't have to charge you to calm you down. The therapist's hourly rate will also probably be cheaper.

Relationship Website
Ask Maple

I just discovered this new interesting website and thought I would pass it along. There are some very interesting articles on the following topics:



Anger Management
Breaking Up
Cheating Spouses
Committing Adultery
Dating Advice
Depression
Divorce
Forgiveness
Internet Dating
Internet Infidelity
Family Relationships
InLaws
Marriage Secrets
Relationship Tips
Sex Advice
Spirituality and Betrayal
Money and Debt
Credit Card Debt
Porn Addiction
Teen Advice
Verbal Abuse
Work Issues


Enjoy!

Relationship Website
Ask Maple

I just discovered this new interesting website and thought I would pass it along. There are some very interesting articles on the following topics:



Anger Management
Breaking Up
Cheating Spouses
Committing Adultery
Dating Advice
Depression
Divorce
Forgiveness
Internet Dating
Internet Infidelity
Family Relationships
InLaws
Marriage Secrets
Relationship Tips
Sex Advice
Spirituality and Betrayal
Money and Debt
Credit Card Debt
Porn Addiction
Teen Advice
Verbal Abuse
Work Issues


Enjoy!

Celebrity Dads, the better custodial parent?

I need to qualify this article in two ways before I continue lest the reader get the wrong idea about my opinions. I have always been a Beetles fan, from the crib upward. Of course Paul has always been my favorite. Growing up more in the 70's I can't say that to me he overtook the appeal Billy Joel and Elton John had for me, but the music played by my friends older siblings was always pleasant to my ear. Second I have won custody many times and for many reasons to fathers who have been my clients. I always advise them that it is still a bit of an uphill battle in this jurisdiction, but given the right set of circumstances, full paternal custody can be achieved and to a much greater extent equal custody is becoming quite popular among the judiciary and the forensics.

That being said, what is this rash of celebrity fathers who think if they have or pay enough money to the mothers of their children, that they are the better custodial parent? Looking first at the odd case of Michael Jackson, to whom I frankly wouldn't entrust a pet let along a child. In that case without judicial intervention but with the right price he was able to gain custody of not just one but three children. Frightening. The second case of Paul McCartney this week was disturbing to me. If the tabloids are correct this 60 something year old man thinks that offering his wife 45 million dollars, that he will then be the best parent to raise a 3 year old child. Well, he certainly can buy the best help available but with his touring schedule does that really make him the better parent here. The Heather Mills camp has been rather quiet on the matter which of course could mean one of two things, she is considering the proposal, or that it is so absurd she doesn't feel the need to comment on it. Of course we are ignorant of all the salient facts. For all we know Heather could be an atrocious mother. I guess it is the price tag attached to the request for custody that I find disturbing. Last if not least is the odd case of Tom Cruise. Now of course there has been no talk of a custody battle, yet. But in light of the failed nuptials and the rumors of a relationship gone bad, I think it will be a fight we will see soon. So how much will Cruise offer Katie for his child? Reminiscent of baby buying or surrogacy, the issue of celebrity parenting leaves me cold. In these cases I would like to see the cold gavel of justice intervene to determine the best interests of the child as opposed to the best financial deal of the parties. Call me old fashion, but I have more respect for the Baldwin/Bassinger custody battles of ole than for the purportedly respectful way that custody is purchased in these cases we hear about today.

Celebrity Dads, the better custodial parent?

I need to qualify this article in two ways before I continue lest the reader get the wrong idea about my opinions. I have always been a Beetles fan, from the crib upward. Of course Paul has always been my favorite. Growing up more in the 70's I can't say that to me he overtook the appeal Billy Joel and Elton John had for me, but the music played by my friends older siblings was always pleasant to my ear. Second I have won custody many times and for many reasons to fathers who have been my clients. I always advise them that it is still a bit of an uphill battle in this jurisdiction, but given the right set of circumstances, full paternal custody can be achieved and to a much greater extent equal custody is becoming quite popular among the judiciary and the forensics.

That being said, what is this rash of celebrity fathers who think if they have or pay enough money to the mothers of their children, that they are the better custodial parent? Looking first at the odd case of Michael Jackson, to whom I frankly wouldn't entrust a pet let along a child. In that case without judicial intervention but with the right price he was able to gain custody of not just one but three children. Frightening. The second case of Paul McCartney this week was disturbing to me. If the tabloids are correct this 60 something year old man thinks that offering his wife 45 million dollars, that he will then be the best parent to raise a 3 year old child. Well, he certainly can buy the best help available but with his touring schedule does that really make him the better parent here. The Heather Mills camp has been rather quiet on the matter which of course could mean one of two things, she is considering the proposal, or that it is so absurd she doesn't feel the need to comment on it. Of course we are ignorant of all the salient facts. For all we know Heather could be an atrocious mother. I guess it is the price tag attached to the request for custody that I find disturbing. Last if not least is the odd case of Tom Cruise. Now of course there has been no talk of a custody battle, yet. But in light of the failed nuptials and the rumors of a relationship gone bad, I think it will be a fight we will see soon. So how much will Cruise offer Katie for his child? Reminiscent of baby buying or surrogacy, the issue of celebrity parenting leaves me cold. In these cases I would like to see the cold gavel of justice intervene to determine the best interests of the child as opposed to the best financial deal of the parties. Call me old fashion, but I have more respect for the Baldwin/Bassinger custody battles of ole than for the purportedly respectful way that custody is purchased in these cases we hear about today.