A Normally Loud Household

Let me preface this article by saying I not only grew up in an Italian family but for the first 18 years of my life I never realized that my father was practically deaf(we discovered how hard of hearing he was after he finally got a hearing aide when I was in college). So not only did we yell because of our heritage but we yelled so my Dad could hear us. By the way my Dad's sister was also deaf so we yelled when we saw my aunt, heck we just used loud "outside" voices all the time.

My husband, who by the way also came from a rather loud Italian household and who himself tends to be on the loud side, insists that my yelling in the household disrupts our family life, is abnormal, and will lead our children into therapy.

First I want to say that surfing the web I have discovered more than one website devoted to to among other things mothers and yelling: today's cliche'

This is where I found that I am not alone in trying to get the kids ready for school while I get myself dressed for work and after repeating that they need to brush their teeth a million times, my voice starts to go up and up and up until I sound horse.

The next question that begs is whether or not this is healthy for the children. Growing up in my household, I have discovered that I have a thicker skin than some other individuals who grew up in quieter homes. The employees I hire who come from more sheltered environments are not as resiliant as those who have had their lives threatened daily by mothers who had enough of Dr. Spock and his ridiculous ways.

At this point I need to stress that yelling and abuse are two very different things. When I yell at my kids to take out the garbage, it is not abusive. It has come on the heels of me making the same request a dozen or more times and receiving the answer, "I will" without a muscle being moved in the direction of the garage.

Do I think a loud household is harmful? No I don't. I think a loveless household is harmful. I think an ambivalent household is harmful and I think a bad marriage is harmful. A loud household, well that is just normal.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

A Normally Loud Household

Let me preface this article by saying I not only grew up in an Italian family but for the first 18 years of my life I never realized that my father was practically deaf(we discovered how hard of hearing he was after he finally got a hearing aide when I was in college). So not only did we yell because of our heritage but we yelled so my Dad could hear us. By the way my Dad's sister was also deaf so we yelled when we saw my aunt, heck we just used loud "outside" voices all the time.

My husband, who by the way also came from a rather loud Italian household and who himself tends to be on the loud side, insists that my yelling in the household disrupts our family life, is abnormal, and will lead our children into therapy.

First I want to say that surfing the web I have discovered more than one website devoted to to among other things mothers and yelling: today's cliche'

This is where I found that I am not alone in trying to get the kids ready for school while I get myself dressed for work and after repeating that they need to brush their teeth a million times, my voice starts to go up and up and up until I sound horse.

The next question that begs is whether or not this is healthy for the children. Growing up in my household, I have discovered that I have a thicker skin than some other individuals who grew up in quieter homes. The employees I hire who come from more sheltered environments are not as resiliant as those who have had their lives threatened daily by mothers who had enough of Dr. Spock and his ridiculous ways.

At this point I need to stress that yelling and abuse are two very different things. When I yell at my kids to take out the garbage, it is not abusive. It has come on the heels of me making the same request a dozen or more times and receiving the answer, "I will" without a muscle being moved in the direction of the garage.

Do I think a loud household is harmful? No I don't. I think a loveless household is harmful. I think an ambivalent household is harmful and I think a bad marriage is harmful. A loud household, well that is just normal.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

LET IT SNOW

Never being one to leave Christmas shopping until the last second, I had arranged to use my last day’s annual leave today for that very purpose. Determined not to let a few inches of snow impede the task in hand, I set off for a local shopping centre. Imagine my delight to arrive there amongst the ice and snow flurries to find it open for business as usual with only a limited number of other shoppers. “Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow,” I shivered.

Wandering around I bumped into a client who shared similar thoughts. “Every snow storm has a silver lining,” she confided. “Once divorced your shopping takes half the time, with only half the people to buy gifts for!” Tempting, I thought, as I surveyed shelf after shelf seeking something called “inspiration.”

Mind if anyone is stuck trying to find the perfect Christmas gift for that would-be divorcee, it seems Lloyd Platt Limited, family lawyers in London, have incurred the criticism of the Church of England by offering divorce vouchers at £125 for a half hour’s advice. Can I disappoint readers by letting you know that Latimer Hinks will not be doing the same this festive season, but then it already offers a free no obligation half-hour session to divorce clients and its regular fees are less than that anyway.

Dating During Divorce

Dating while a divorce is pending is always a bad idea and should be avoided. The effect it will have on your legal case is something which most individuals rarely realize. The most important aspect of the case which will be affected is that you will cause your spouse to have undue anger and turn a case which might otherwise have been settled easily, amicably and inexpensively into a difficult, acrimonious and expensive battle. The spouse most often than not becomes irrational and turns the case into a battlefield for revenge making settlement difficult if not impossible.

The spouse may also try to turn the children and other family and friends against the dating spouse.
Additionally the non-dating spouse will try to justify to themselves and those around them that the divorce was caused by the dating spouse's need to cheat. Regardless of the ultimate reasons for the divorce, the non dating spouse will look to vindicate themselves and seek empathy from others.

In the event the children become aware of the situation, this may cause the children to feel that the dating spouse has abandoned the other parent and they will therefore sympathize or align themselves with the other parent.

While a divorce is pending and for months after, individuals go through many changes emotionally. This is not usually a good time to make life decisions and entering into any long term relationship at this juncture is a mistake.

Legally the impact this can have on your case regarding custody and parenting time should also not be underestimated. Besides the non dating spouse being else likely to want to settle these issues on a reasonable basis, the children may express their desire to spend less time with the dating spouse in the event that the "friend" is present. Judges and experts who assist the court in making custody and parenting time determinations are not impressed with a person who dates during a divorce. Dating shows callousness toward the feelings of the children and could be considered poor role modeling for the children. The dating parent is viewed by the court as selfish and self centered and this decision could in fact tip the scales in cases where all other factors are equal.

The best advice any divorce attorney can give a client is DO NOT DATE DURING DIVORCE. NEVER MOVE IN WITH A BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND. However, if you feel you must date, be as discreet as possible, preferably not allowing anyone to know you are dating. Wait a reasonable time after the divorce is over before introducing your date to your children.
In the event you are found out however, expect your otherwise "easy" and "quick" divorce to turn long, ugly and potentially disastrous.

Dating During Divorce

Dating while a divorce is pending is always a bad idea and should be avoided. The effect it will have on your legal case is something which most individuals rarely realize. The most important aspect of the case which will be affected is that you will cause your spouse to have undue anger and turn a case which might otherwise have been settled easily, amicably and inexpensively into a difficult, acrimonious and expensive battle. The spouse most often than not becomes irrational and turns the case into a battlefield for revenge making settlement difficult if not impossible.

The spouse may also try to turn the children and other family and friends against the dating spouse.
Additionally the non-dating spouse will try to justify to themselves and those around them that the divorce was caused by the dating spouse's need to cheat. Regardless of the ultimate reasons for the divorce, the non dating spouse will look to vindicate themselves and seek empathy from others.

In the event the children become aware of the situation, this may cause the children to feel that the dating spouse has abandoned the other parent and they will therefore sympathize or align themselves with the other parent.

While a divorce is pending and for months after, individuals go through many changes emotionally. This is not usually a good time to make life decisions and entering into any long term relationship at this juncture is a mistake.

Legally the impact this can have on your case regarding custody and parenting time should also not be underestimated. Besides the non dating spouse being else likely to want to settle these issues on a reasonable basis, the children may express their desire to spend less time with the dating spouse in the event that the "friend" is present. Judges and experts who assist the court in making custody and parenting time determinations are not impressed with a person who dates during a divorce. Dating shows callousness toward the feelings of the children and could be considered poor role modeling for the children. The dating parent is viewed by the court as selfish and self centered and this decision could in fact tip the scales in cases where all other factors are equal.

The best advice any divorce attorney can give a client is DO NOT DATE DURING DIVORCE. NEVER MOVE IN WITH A BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND. However, if you feel you must date, be as discreet as possible, preferably not allowing anyone to know you are dating. Wait a reasonable time after the divorce is over before introducing your date to your children.
In the event you are found out however, expect your otherwise "easy" and "quick" divorce to turn long, ugly and potentially disastrous.

THEY TOOK HALF

When Outdoor Man and I married, rather a long time ago now, we considered a wedding present list something of a vulgarity. As a result we had only ourselves to blame when we received numerous duplicate gifts.

With the advent of the internet and shared spaces, of course, it is possible to have such a list and yet almost keep yourself removed from it as though its very existence on the internet makes it impersonal and therefore an acceptable part of organised life. What’s more registers for such lists are widely available, taking the hard work out of even finding a host site for the list. I was absolutely tickled though to come across this register. After all why should only soon-to-be-married couples have all the fun? What could be more useful than a site for the soon-not-to-be-married? It boasts that it’s the only gift registry for the newly single and invites your friends and family to help your transition to your new found freedom. It’s for “when the love is gone and so is the coffee pot.” Of course if your marriage fell apart quickly or the family dug into their pockets rather deeply at the time of the Big Occasion, they might not be so keen to repeat their generosity but you’ll never know that unless you register.

THE PRIMARY SCHOOL NATIVITY PLAY

Did I imagine it, or did Mary really turn to Joseph when he dropped the baby doll and say (in a broad Yorkshire accent), “You drop my baby again Joseph and I’ll be out of here quicker than you can say ‘divorce’? ”