Delayed Divorce Reactions:Choices

Often times when we are in the throws of divorce, we are faced to make choices. Sometimes these choices are not choices we should be making at the time. Often times we are so consumed with emotion that we are unable to make sane, rational changes. That happened to me many years ago and I am here to tell you that all this time, I am being affected. I do not want you to live this and so I am

I have some great news. SWWAN (Single Working Women's Affiliate Network) is holding a series of online workshops from August 2- August 8th and my readers are invited to attend for free!

You won't want to miss "Secrets You Wish Your Mom Told You". 8 experts will talk about solving real-life issues--stuff you can take home and use immediately in your everyday life.

Pick your topic or topics, and when you register, SWWAN will give you a 100% discount--you'll get your sessions free (except for a 99 cent ticket fee).

When you register, use the code "speaker" (no quotes) to get your discount. Go to:

http://budurl.com/qdjd

Here are some of the exciting presentations that you will have access to:

* "How to Write a Whole-Brain Resume" - Cat Thompson, video star and guru to the modern woman. Make your resume about REAL you. * "Living Fearlessly" - Michelle Kunz, owner of PEL Coaching, opera star, and advisor to the SWWAN Foundation. Learn how to conquer fears that get in your way.

* "The Emotion behind Money" - Julie Murphy Casserly, owner of JMC Wealth Management and author of the book, The Emotion behind Money. Learn how flawed beliefs about money can keep you from getting all you want.

* "How to Use Social Media for Marketing and Profit" - Chris King, owner of Creative Keys, publisher of Portfolio Potpourri, and professional storyteller. Demystify Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook.

* "Surprising Truths about Being Single in the Workplace" - Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, provider of unique women's retreats and author of "With or Without a Man." Learn how to deal with hidden prejudices that keep you back.

* "Pursuit of Power through Networking" - Katrell Mendenhall,entertainment rerporter/writer and Founder of 100% Woman. Learn to develop personal power by networking the right way.

* "How to Package Yourself for Success Online" - Paula Constantino, founder of 1000 Women Can Change the World and the Women's Support Team . You already have skills that can make you money. Learn an easy way to package them into a product you can sell online. * "How to keep more of what you make in your home-based business" - Tina Frizzell-Jenkins. A home-based accountant tells all the secrets she's learned in 20 years.

Dates, times, course descriptions, and info about these dynamic experts are at:
http://budurl.com/8gz6

A SCENIC DETOUR

The annual summer holiday can put enormous pressures on families. Cloistered together in an unfamiliar environment the vacation in paradise can quickly turn into the holiday from hell. Last week we’d planned to sail around Scotland’s Western Isles. Outdoor Man, however, was quick to recognise that a hostile weather forecast could result in domestic disharmony and an uncomfortable time for all. A quick search using the Internet found us making a scenic detour by air to Andalucía instead. There we occupied a villa in the hills some 15 minutes from Nerja. Sitting in a mango grove, amidst a Spanish heat wave when temperatures on the Costa del Sol hit 42 degrees; no air conditioning and all the local bug life to contend with; how do you ensure that everyone continues to speak civilly to each other and you return to the UK with family life intact?

Here are my tips:

1. Keep reminding everyone they could be sailing in rain, wind and mist instead.


2. Use the pool frequently and preferably bring only one piece of flotation equipment for interest. That way everyone interacts trying to get to it.


3. Don’t lecture when someone leaves crumbs in the kitchen and the ant armies invade. Just sweep them in a line to the transgressor’s bed and he won’t do it again.


4. Hire the most underpowered car available that way it takes twice as long to get to the supermarket but on the basis that it has a climate control switch everyone cools down in the process.


5. If things get really bad, hide the return air tickets and then offer them as rewards for good behaviour.

We had an idyllic week, honestly!

With the school summer holidays upon us however many children whose parents have separated spend longer periods with or away from one or both parents. It can be difficult to think about not seeing children for weeks at a time, and the changes of routine can create stress for your kids too. Here are Resolution’s tips:

• Talk to the other parent about plans. If you disagree, make the best of things and focus on what is best for your children.


• Plan ahead. How would you like to spend time with your children and what can you do to prepare them for holidays and special occasions?


• Instead of informing children about plans, talk with them about how they would like to spend time with you.


• Build in quality time with low-key activities like visiting the park, reading a book together or playing a game. Too many exciting activities can overwhelm children and tire them out.


• Support your child’s relationship with your ex.


• If travelling with the kids, give the other parent contact information and details – you both have a right to know where your children are.


• Help children maintain consistent contact with the other parent by phone or email. Remember that children may miss their other parent.


• When your children are with the other parent, use your time to get refreshed. Visit friends, take a class, read a book or enjoy a lazy day.
  
  For more parental advice from Resolution click here
  

Pass the Salt and By the Way I Quit

Speaking to other employers I am well aware that I am not the only one who has trouble finding good people to work in my office. The trouble begins when you hire someone you know is mediocre at best and hope that the person can grow into the job even though you know it may be beyond their reach. Such has been the case with the last few individuals I hired. The last person who claimed to have 16 years of law office experience albeit not in the matrimonial world started out quite promising. There was excitement in the office that maybe, even though she seemed a bit quirky on the interview that this individual could in fact do the job. This last employee thought it quite proper to give me her notice over lunch one day informing me that she had found a better job with benefits and could only give me a few days notice. Good riddance to this woman who could barely get through the day without making some ridiculous comment about the number of individuals getting divorced.....this comment made to a divorce attorney in a law office. Where did she think those getting divorced would call?

I always try to get someone in who seems like they will work well together with the rest of the staff. One would think in this job market we would get flooded with resumes from individuals looking for a job. Such has not been the case. Where are all these unemployed individuals we have all been reading about? Where are all these workers willing to learn any skill necessary in order to support their families?

The employees who do apply for the position come in with a very demanding attitude and an entitlement mentality asking for salaries that are outrageous without any experience to back up their requests.

Why should this surprise me when droves of individuals can be seen on lines at the unemployment office accepting checks without consequences or restrictions. Benefits are routinely extended without reason and are granted indiscriminately even to those who have left of their own volition or were fired for cause. One of our passed secretaries moved to Florida and was granted unemployment benefits because she said the economy in NY forced her to move out until we fought the claim proving she had sold assets here and should have been able to find gainful employment. Another employee was fired for cause, excessive absences and the unemployment office found that she too was entitled to benefits.

No wonder the unemployment rate is so high, everyone is given the benefit without having to work. Until something is done about this travesty we call unemployment benefits there will be no incentive for any of these people to re-enter the workforce. It is time to force these individuals to get on their feet even if that means taking a job which they feel is "beneath them." Where is the work ethic from years past when individuals such as my father took any job available from pumping gas to sweeping floors in a factory just to provide for his family.

Keep all this in mind when you call my office....competent help is very hard to find.

Pass the Salt and By the Way I Quit

Speaking to other employers I am well aware that I am not the only one who has trouble finding good people to work in my office. The trouble begins when you hire someone you know is mediocre at best and hope that the person can grow into the job even though you know it may be beyond their reach. Such has been the case with the last few individuals I hired. The last person who claimed to have 16 years of law office experience albeit not in the matrimonial world started out quite promising. There was excitement in the office that maybe, even though she seemed a bit quirky on the interview that this individual could in fact do the job. This last employee thought it quite proper to give me her notice over lunch one day informing me that she had found a better job with benefits and could only give me a few days notice. Good riddance to this woman who could barely get through the day without making some ridiculous comment about the number of individuals getting divorced.....this comment made to a divorce attorney in a law office. Where did she think those getting divorced would call?

I always try to get someone in who seems like they will work well together with the rest of the staff. One would think in this job market we would get flooded with resumes from individuals looking for a job. Such has not been the case. Where are all these unemployed individuals we have all been reading about? Where are all these workers willing to learn any skill necessary in order to support their families?

The employees who do apply for the position come in with a very demanding attitude and an entitlement mentality asking for salaries that are outrageous without any experience to back up their requests.

Why should this surprise me when droves of individuals can be seen on lines at the unemployment office accepting checks without consequences or restrictions. Benefits are routinely extended without reason and are granted indiscriminately even to those who have left of their own volition or were fired for cause. One of our passed secretaries moved to Florida and was granted unemployment benefits because she said the economy in NY forced her to move out until we fought the claim proving she had sold assets here and should have been able to find gainful employment. Another employee was fired for cause, excessive absences and the unemployment office found that she too was entitled to benefits.

No wonder the unemployment rate is so high, everyone is given the benefit without having to work. Until something is done about this travesty we call unemployment benefits there will be no incentive for any of these people to re-enter the workforce. It is time to force these individuals to get on their feet even if that means taking a job which they feel is "beneath them." Where is the work ethic from years past when individuals such as my father took any job available from pumping gas to sweeping floors in a factory just to provide for his family.

Keep all this in mind when you call my office....competent help is very hard to find.

WIFE

Last night I went to listen to Professor Germaine Greer speak.

“Wife,” she began, “is a reviled 4 letter word. Whoever wants to be one?”

She then presented us with a conundrum.

“But why is it that every little girl wants to be a bride and thinks herself a failure if she hasn’t married by her mid-twenties? Wherever do girls get that idea of failure from? It certainly isn’t from their mothers!”

How Much Justice Can One Afford

In negotiating three very different cases yesterday, as usual the stumbling block centered around the all mighty dollar. We were at one number and the adversary was at another number. In all three cases the numbers were close but could make a lifestyle difference of some significance to the party having to pay the higher amount. In one case the arguments involved arrears which were to be paid from house money held in escrow. The problem arising from the fact that there wasn't enough money in escrow to satisfy all of the bills plus the arrears and have either party walk out with any additional funds. The second case involved a maintenance award of a few hundred dollars a month which amounted to less than the cost of a trial if the issue needed to be pursued, and the third involved a couple who made no money between them and were arguing over who would get to keep which over mortgaged asset.

Luckily each case had adversaries who felt as I did that a trial on these issues would not resolve either of our client's woes and in fact increase their legal obligations to us to numbers which would assure we would never get paid for the work we would need to do.

In each case I explained to my client the cost of the additional litigation which would be needed to have a judge decide the issue and in each case it was noted that the cost of the litigation far exceeded the expected result. How much justice can one afford is usually the ending questioning here and even if you can afford it, is the price and the ongoing litigation worth it? To some the answer is clearly yes, and I know many attorneys who would not even give their clients a real choice but merely push for the fee and move toward trial. Frankly, I am tired of not getting paid for my efforts. One case in particular where I felt very sorry for my client and worked and worked on the case without pushing for a payment plan and never stopped work because of the bill ended up with a debt of over $12000.00. The client's son was in my child's class and the case so outraged me that I continued on it and to this day the mother has failed to make a dent in the bill at all. I am tired of hearing the line "you know my situation" Well guess what? They should also know my situation, I need to pay my bills as well and can't do that if I continually work for free. As I have said in my posts many times, the number of individuals who expect lawyers to take cases for free boggles my mind. Especially when financial times hard, I have heard from fellow practitioners that they are also experiencing the same entitlement mentality from new incoming clients. Sorry this is not a pro bono business, we are not a not for profit organization. If you can't afford to continue to a trial you had better consider a settlement and move on with life.