AN ENGLISHMAN'S HOME IS HIS CASTLE

It is often said that “An Englishman’s home is his castle” (although unlike MPs the rest of us can’t claim to have our moats or even drains cleaned at the taxpayers’ expense). So it is that, when a relationship ends, invariably the hardest asset to sort, and to which so many of us are emotionally attached, is the home. Whether it be the inside living space to which we have applied paint and creative thought, the hours spent growing the garden or the nostalgic memories of happy times within its walls, all serve to increase the attachment.

But what if the mortgage is too large, the repair bill huge, the equity is needed to provide two homes, or the living space too much for one person? Regrettably and as a result there can be no choice but to let go. The castle has to be sold and both of its occupants move on.

That, of course, is the tradition with castles. North Yorkshire, where I live, is scattered with proud ruins, each with its own history of ransacking and battles, particularly from the continuous skirmishes during the Wars of the Roses. Drawbridges, moats, cannonballs and even boiling oil poured from the ramparts never proved themselves as total defences when seeking to ward off an onslaught for possession. It's no different in the divorce courts.

It's Your Timeline

When you are separated from someone that you loved, it is difficult, no matter what the circumstances. Even if you left them, even if they did something heinous, you are still in mourning. Most people find that when they make the separation, a lot of people in their effort to support them encourage them to "move on" or "let go." Great ideas and advice, in theory, but the truth is that the

Mediation or Not

A former mediation consult came in to see me today to discuss the mediation agreement she had prepared with another attorney and asked me to review it on her behalf. Of course I asked the obvious as to why she didn't hire me to do the mediation. Her response was that her husband didn't think I would be impartial and would favor her. I guess being a woman and all threw him off!

I advised her that he was very foolish in that now I was free to advocate on her behalf now that I was being hired as an advocate. Interestingly enough the mediator he felt most comfortable with was a male attorney who has been practicing only about a handful of years as opposed to my over twenty year experience.

So we can break this down as saying her husband felt comfortable with a less knowledgeable male attorney as opposed to a more experienced female attorney because he thought I would favor his wife!

Mediation really isn't about taking sides, it is taking the facts and getting the parties to come to their own agreement. The suggestions I make are usually gender neutral and tend to help both sides. It is really in my best interest to make sure both sides are happy with my representation and recommend me to others in like situations.
In this case I bet the husband has been congratulating himself for the past few months on choosing the correct mediation forum. Yes, I do find this amusing instead of disturbing because now when he finds out I am advising his wife he will probably lose his mind.

Mediation or Not

A former mediation consult came in to see me today to discuss the mediation agreement she had prepared with another attorney and asked me to review it on her behalf. Of course I asked the obvious as to why she didn't hire me to do the mediation. Her response was that her husband didn't think I would be impartial and would favor her. I guess being a woman and all threw him off!

I advised her that he was very foolish in that now I was free to advocate on her behalf now that I was being hired as an advocate. Interestingly enough the mediator he felt most comfortable with was a male attorney who has been practicing only about a handful of years as opposed to my over twenty year experience.

So we can break this down as saying her husband felt comfortable with a less knowledgeable male attorney as opposed to a more experienced female attorney because he thought I would favor his wife!

Mediation really isn't about taking sides, it is taking the facts and getting the parties to come to their own agreement. The suggestions I make are usually gender neutral and tend to help both sides. It is really in my best interest to make sure both sides are happy with my representation and recommend me to others in like situations.
In this case I bet the husband has been congratulating himself for the past few months on choosing the correct mediation forum. Yes, I do find this amusing instead of disturbing because now when he finds out I am advising his wife he will probably lose his mind.

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

Frequently little incidents in our lives can act as metaphors for life generally. This blog is full of them but here is another instance:

My family and I are renowned for indulging in what others might describe as team building through adversity. The recent Bank Holiday weekend was no exception. It was our first weekend spent sailing this calendar year and we set off with high expectations and the promise from the forecasters of splendid weather. Needless to say it was raining when we arrived and we promptly postponed our departure until the following morning. It dawned bright but breezy and we headed out of the harbour mouth in anticipation of perfect sailing conditions. Instead we were met by lumpy seas and squalls from the hills providing most unpleasant conditions, which I confess finally caused me to call for the bucket. At least our passage was fast and we reached our destination within 4 hours, only for Outdoor Man to announce that there was too much of a swell to anchor and we would instead head for another bay, 3 hours’ sail away!

It’s at times like these that you begin to appreciate how mutinies arise and, for more than a moment, the prospect of actually walking the gang-plank and bailing out, seemed very attractive. I didn’t; we all pulled together or even the ropes, and when we did reach that bay, it was idyllic, the sea state smooth and the sun shining.

NATIONAL FAMILY WEEK

Next week is National Family Week (you watch, there’ll be greetings cards for it in years to come). Families, of course, come in all shapes and sizes, and the end of a relationship doesn’t have to result in the breakdown of a family.

At Latimer Hinks, I see separating parents daily who desperately want to help their children to deal with the effects of divorce and separation, but they often don’t know where to turn for information, advice or support. Resolution, the national family lawyers association, has developed its “Parenting after Parting” initiative, which aims to help separating parents through this difficult time with advice and information on how to talk to children about divorce or separation. Help is available online at www.resolution.org.uk/parentingafterparting

NAVIGATIONAL HAZARD

It was reported today that the sat-nav system could break down within the next year. I hazard to guess that, if it does, numerous marriages will follow. Outdoor Man and I get along famously until he wants directions in the car. He accuses me of being unable to read a map; I accuse him of not knowing his right from his left; he ignores my instructions then asks me to point; I hit his nose when doing so. Sounds familiar?

Certainly there are countless couples who will say that the lady hidden in the computer on the dashboard has saved their marriage. Even Outdoor Man never gets upset when she insists he makes U-turns that he has no intention of executing. Moreover, when she gets really irritated with him, he just turns her off; you can’t do that so easily with your wife!