DOMESTIC BLISS

In Kerala which is the state in South India where we spent our holiday, Hindus, Moslems and Christians live comfortably side by side. I’m sure the tropical climate and abundance of wonderful foods in what is after all the spice garden of the country must play their part in aiding this compatibility.

It was noticeable however that, whilst it was predominantly men who were talking on the village streets, it was women we saw picking tea, weeding the paddy fields and washing pots and clothes in the canals. I couldn’t help wondering, therefore, if there was the same level of domestic bliss in the home as between the differing religions on the street.

Finding New Love After Divorce...

How do you know if you are ready for a serious, committed relationship after going through a divorce? It can be a tricky question and the answer may surprise you.

Many people feel ready to date again after a divorce, but most are not ready to jump back into serious relationship. It is natural to feel lonely after a divorce and want to become intimate once again with someone special, but it takes time to heal emotionally from the breakup of your marriage.

So how do you know if you are really ready to make a commitment to someone new? The answer lies within you. Are you happy on your own? Do you like spending time by yourself and feel generally happy about your life now? If you feel that a new mate would compliment you at this stage in your life, but is not absolutely necessary for your happiness, then you are probably ready for a new relationship.

It may sound paradoxical, but if you are desperate for love and feel incomplete without a partner, it is a clear sign that you need to do some inner work on yourself. Jumping into new relationship at this point will most likely result in a rebound relationship that will not last.
It is difficult to suppress the overwhelming need for companionship and love. But it is a strong indication that you are searching for someone else to complete you when you feel desperate to find a new love.

When you feel content and satisfied with your life and can enjoy your own company, you are a whole person looking for someone to share your life with. Not only do you become very attractive to others, you will find potential new mates gravitating toward you and you will not have to go out searching for them. When we feel needy, unhappy and desperate for love, we only attract the same qualities in others. This increases the likelihood of a disastrous relationship between two people bringing many unresolved past issues to the table. Remember, like attracts like. If you are truly ready to attract an emotionally stable, happy, well rounded person, you must become that person first.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year and my best wishes to everyone for 2008. This year, as well as the new look I have created for this blog, I have resolved to enhance my understanding of global cultures. My family and I have just returned from a Christmas spent travelling in South West India where we have been forced to acknowledge the enormous gaps in our knowledge. I hope you will bear with me as I indulge this blog with our experiences.

India is a country of many contrasts and our guide was keen to provide statistics. From these I learned that 85% of marriages there are arranged but the numbers are falling whilst the divorce rate, which is currently 10%, is rising. To what extent the two are connected I have no desire to speculate, although I predict that as India becomes more and more westernised that divorce rate will inevitably increase.

For the present it remains a country where the vast majority of the population continue to live in poverty. It has a population of 1 billion people and after China is the largest developing country in the world and host for many of the UK’s much maligned call-centres. Despite its reputation for prospering on the back of I.T. it is estimated that only 10% of the population have a washing machine and half that number a car; 26% of urban households do not have running water and 9% no electricity. In the countryside, where the majority of people still live, these figures are higher; water is generally drawn from wells and only 47% have electricity. Even in the socialist state of Kerala in which we travelled and where Communist initiatives have resulted in 95% literacy and the lowest infant mortality rates in India, the physically disabled and ragged orphans still congregate outside churches, temples and railway stations. Many locals collect water from standpipes in the streets and rely on rivers and backwaters for washing dishes and clothes. Litter abounds especially in Kochi where clearance appeared to amount to a series of small fires at the roadside. Migrant families from other states sleep rough amongst the piles of rubbish on waste-ground, their few possessions spread around them.

We spent our final night at a hotel on a beach overlooking the Arabian Sea. Whenever a tourist ventured onto the sand, local children asking for money came buzzing like the indigenous fly population. You can’t give to them all and any alms must therefore be given discreetly.

I was left with an overall sense of sadness at my inability to do anything effective to alleviate the situation. How long will it be before everyone in India can expect to benefit from basic standards of sanitation and how politically can a country with so many people move towards such a goal within a realistic timescale?

Witnessing the deprivation forced us to appreciate what we have and to know that however bad life can feel at times, it could be thousands of times worse.

How Single Parents Can Get Ahead In 2008...

For single parents, it seems like there is a never ending amount of expenses incurred each month and having money left over to invest is often impossible. Most single parents shoulder the bulk of the child care expenses, even if they are receiving some form of child support. Children cost a small fortune to raise and often child support does not cover all of the extras, like dance lessons, sports, birthday parties, camp and other items the children need.

So how can a single parent get ahead financially? Fortunately there are ways for even the most cash strapped parents to develop new habits that will get them on the road to financial security.

Here are three ways to prosper in the new year:

1. Pay yourself first. You may laugh at the suggestion of being able to put aside part of your paycheck for yourself, but it is possible with some careful planning. The trick is to allot a specific percentage of your paycheck every week and automatically deposit it into a savings account. Make that the first payment you make, even before paying the bills. You may only be able to devote a very small percentage at first, but you will gain satisfaction watching your little savings account grow each month.

2. Record everything you spend in a typical week. Don't forgot to include money spent on incidentals, like coffee. An easy way to do this is to get a receipt for everything you buy and then tally it up at the end of the week. You may be shocked at how much you spend on fast food, Starbucks and other non-essential items. You don't want to completely cut out all of your guilty pleasures, just cut back on how many you indulge in.

3. After you have taken inventory and know now exactly how much you spend each month , you can develop plan to cut back. For example, if you decide to eat out once a week instead of two, take the money you would have spent on that second meal and put it into a jar. After a few months, take out that jar and now divide it equally into three sections: one third of the money is for investing, one third for your savings account and the remaining third is for you. Get a massage, buy a new outfit or spend it on something that you enjoy. As single parents we tend to spend most of our money on our kids and it is important to have some funds available to treat yourself with. Knowing that you are investing in your financial future and also taking care of yourself and your kids, you will gain control over your finances and your life.

Divorce On The Rise For the New Year

The holidays are coming to an end and a new year is on the horizon. Most of us will list losing weight, exercising and making more money for our new year resolutions this year. Some will also have divorce on that list too.

Many divorces are filed this time of year. If divorce was something you have been considering, you may have held off making a final decision until after the holidays.

If getting a divorce is a choice you are about to make for the new year, please think carefully about your your decision. The notion that a divorce is the cure for your martial problems, may be misguided. The realities of divorce are harsh and permanent. Some people, feeling depressed, restless and unhappy with their lives, think that a divorce will give them a new lease on life and free them from the misery they are now feeling. This may be true. A divorce may be just what you need to take control of your life and begin anew if you have been wrestling with these feelings for a long time.

But more often than not, a divorce will create a whole new set of problems, both financially and emotionally. Take time to seriously contemplate if you are really going to better off without your spouse this year. There are consequences and divorce affects everyone in your family, not just you and your spouse.

Recently, the rapper Snoop Dogg, made the following statement about calling off his own divorce several years ago: "I was going to split up with my wife - my wife wasn't going to split up with me,” The Sun quoted Dogg, as saying. "You know, I was caught up with Hollywood, and the girls and the night life. "I thought I was the man and I was willing to give up what I had at home for that, until I realized that what I had at home was irreplaceable, so I gave that up to go back home.
"I just don't want another man raising my kids. That was the main goal. I had kids with my wife because I wanted to be with my wife. And those three babies are all wanted, and I wanted to be with them."

I think what Snoop said was profound. He was able to save his marriage by understanding what was truly important to him in his life: his kids and his wife. Too often we under the illusion that somehow "the grass is always greener on the other side".

Whatever decision you make, take time to do some serious soul searching and consider marriage counseling before filing for a divorce. A divorce may be the right decision for you and your family, but make sure that you have come to this conclusion carefully, and not impulsively.

Was Kevin Durant's head cropped for video game cover?

Am I just seeing things or does it look like Kevin Durant's head was cropped and Photoshopped for the cover of EA Sports NCAA 08 March Madness video game? Either way it looks weird. Would it have been that difficult to find a good picture of Durant to use? I know the guy only played NCAA ball for one year, but there must be a ton of pictures of him in a Texas jersey to choose from. It looks like something we had to make in high school art class--we had to cut out all kinds of different images from magazines and create a meaningful collage without allowing any background to be visible. Whatever. It looks like one of those pictures we cut out and then combined with another picture.

Selling The Family Home During A Divorce....

Many couples, facing a divorce decide to sell the family home and divide any profits after the sale. That is the way it used to work, back when the real estate market was thriving and couples were able to pull large amounts of equity from the sale of their homes.

Not so anymore. The real estate market is in trouble and many divorcing couples are at a loss about what to do about the family home. With the market flooded with homes for sale, foreclosures on the rise and homes on the market for many months before selling, what is a couple to do?

There are still some options left. One spouse can buy out the other and retain the property. If this is the option you choose, make sure to have the home appraised by a certified appraiser, not just a Realtor giving you his or her opinion abut how much the home is worth. Another option is to hold off selling the home ,if possible and stipulate in the divorce agreement that the home will be sold at a later date when the real estate market recovers. Some issues that must be worked out with this option are: Will the spouse occupying the home pay the mortgage,taxes and other household expenses? This is important because the spouse who does not contribute to the financial upkeep of home should get less profit when the home is eventually sold. These kind of issues need to be clearly outlined in the divorce agreement so that there are no problems down the road.

If selling the home right now is something that you must do in order to settle your divorce, use the following tactics to sell your house faster.

1. Hire the best realtor in town. Ask around and see who has the highest home sales in your area. You do not want to waste time trying to do a "for sale by owner" in this situation. You need someone to aggressively market and sell the house fast.

2. Be realistic about the asking price. Price the house to sell and you will be more successful selling in today's market.

3. Ask your spouse to help foot the bill for any minor improvements you must make to get the home ready to show to potential buyers. Things like painting, new carpeting, landscaping and fixing any obvious eye sores on the property can help sell your house much faster than other homes in your neighborhood. Home repairs can be costly, so set a budget with your soon to be ex and try to come up with a realistic amount the two of you can spend. If you are involved in a bitter divorce, you may have to have your lawyer ask your spouse's lawyer to include this in your divorce settlement.

Whether you choose to hold on to the family home for a few years until the market turns around or sell your home now, it is important to research all of your options carefully and make a step by step plan to protect one of your most important assets-your home.