APRIL FOOL

My thanks today to John Bolch at Family Lore for his report of breaking news from the BBC. He nearly had the good people of Darlington fooled as he enticed them to queue up Priestgate to get into Latimer Hinks and demand the paperwork for an immediate divorce, in line with apparent Government changes.

PARTICIPANTS NEEDED FOR DIVORCE AND CUSTODY DISPUTE STUDY

I have been contacted on behalf of Dr. Julie Ancis, a professor of Counselling Psychology at Georgia State University in the USA, who is studying women’s experiences with divorce and custody disputes. The purpose of this research is to gain an understanding of women’s experiences within the legal system. Individual interviews are being conducted with participants, and will cover topics such as interactions with attorneys, judges, and guardian ad litems; coping; and parenting issues. Interviews are confidential and tend to last between 1 ½ to 2 1/2 hours. With the knowledge gained through this study, Dr Ancis would like to educate those in the court systems and health professionals about the unique challenges that women may face in divorce and custody disputes. The university may pursue a study about men’s experiences at a future date. If you have relevant experience and are willing to participate in the survey, Dr. Julie Ancis can be contacted at cpsjra@langate.gsu.edu

Staying Married for All the Wrong Reasons
A potential client came in the other day asking about a Legal Separation.  This young woman was convinced her husband who didn't want a divorce would agree to a legal separation.  I asked her what her ultimate goal actually was because a legal separation meant she was still married. She was infatic that the marriage was over but that she didn't want to "hurt" her husband any more and thought a legal separation would be a good middle ground to get him "used" to the idea of living separate and apart and that a year down the road the divorce would go through without a hitch.  Nice idea I said to her, but rather selfish don't you think? I asked her. "How is it selfish?" she asked. Well I said, do you have any wish to save this marriage? "No", she said.  Do you intend to go on with your life and pursue other love interests once you are separated?  "Of course" she said. Well then why in the world would you be so mean to your husband making him think that a  chance exists that you will get back together when you know that you never will?

"Because.." she said "he won't fight if he thinks there is a chance that we will get back together and once we are separated I can get an uncontested divorce a year later."  Wow, wow, wow.  Now I needed to explain to her that a legal separation was not a done deal, and if in fact after a year if she wanted to get divorced it was yet another legal proceeding and many many times(more than I care to think about) the issues in the legal separation can and sometimes are re-litigated or at least re-negotiated because since it is not a "done deal" so to speak if one party says circumstances have changed we need to change things. There is also the issue of ..... by the way I am not as happy with my life as you seem to be..... so lets rumble.

Who needs to fight this twice?? The best advice is to be honest with your spouse. Yes it will cause some pain, but they will get over it and it will force them to move on with their life sooner. Unfortunately in most relationships, both parties are never at the same place at the same time when it comes to ending it. The pain will go away, the spouse who wants the marriage over will eventually get over the guilt and life will go on.

Staying in an unhappy marriage is not healthy for either party and not fair to either party. Everyone deserves  to be happy, really happy. There is someone for everyone out there.  It make take 30 or 40 years before you find him or her and a lifetime of failed marriages or relationships, but as long as there is breath in your body love can be found.

Staying Married for All the Wrong Reasons
A potential client came in the other day asking about a Legal Separation.  This young woman was convinced her husband who didn't want a divorce would agree to a legal separation.  I asked her what her ultimate goal actually was because a legal separation meant she was still married. She was infatic that the marriage was over but that she didn't want to "hurt" her husband any more and thought a legal separation would be a good middle ground to get him "used" to the idea of living separate and apart and that a year down the road the divorce would go through without a hitch.  Nice idea I said to her, but rather selfish don't you think? I asked her. "How is it selfish?" she asked. Well I said, do you have any wish to save this marriage? "No", she said.  Do you intend to go on with your life and pursue other love interests once you are separated?  "Of course" she said. Well then why in the world would you be so mean to your husband making him think that a  chance exists that you will get back together when you know that you never will?

"Because.." she said "he won't fight if he thinks there is a chance that we will get back together and once we are separated I can get an uncontested divorce a year later."  Wow, wow, wow.  Now I needed to explain to her that a legal separation was not a done deal, and if in fact after a year if she wanted to get divorced it was yet another legal proceeding and many many times(more than I care to think about) the issues in the legal separation can and sometimes are re-litigated or at least re-negotiated because since it is not a "done deal" so to speak if one party says circumstances have changed we need to change things. There is also the issue of ..... by the way I am not as happy with my life as you seem to be..... so lets rumble.

Who needs to fight this twice?? The best advice is to be honest with your spouse. Yes it will cause some pain, but they will get over it and it will force them to move on with their life sooner. Unfortunately in most relationships, both parties are never at the same place at the same time when it comes to ending it. The pain will go away, the spouse who wants the marriage over will eventually get over the guilt and life will go on.

Staying in an unhappy marriage is not healthy for either party and not fair to either party. Everyone deserves  to be happy, really happy. There is someone for everyone out there.  It make take 30 or 40 years before you find him or her and a lifetime of failed marriages or relationships, but as long as there is breath in your body love can be found.

HENRY MOORE AT THE TATE

I have long admired Henry Moore’s sculptures. Like that of all great artists, his work has always struck me as being ahead of its time. Hence, whilst in London on Sunday, I took the opportunity to visit the Henry Moore Exhibition at the Tate. It was a chance to appreciate how a great sculptor developed, from carving images akin to those made by ancient Mexican natives, to things more angular and visually disturbing as he lived through the war years.

All great items of beauty, and throughout it all the theme of nursing mothers pervaded; not in families, just single mothers with a child.

Divorce---Never Mind

It is always apparant when we approach Spring because litigants become different people. The angry hostile individuals who braved it through a rough winter seemingly become softer and more plyable as we approach the warmth of Spring and the heat of Summer. As a young man's fancy may turn to love, so may the feelings of the women as they decide whether or not to continue with the actions of divorce and try reconcilliation yet again, or perhaps be more reasonable in exchange for a quick exit from a disasterous marriage.

As we learned today from MSN one of the 7 reasons individuals have strokes is because they are unhappy and specifically  unhappy in their marriages. What better reason to get a divorce than in order to avoid a stroke?? Seriously, the warmth and light of the sun may make the depression about their lives and their marriages less dier and cause an individual to think twice about their life choices.

MSNBC.Com also informs us today that couples who live together eventually tie the knot within 2 of 5 years of their co-habitation and that the divorce rate of couples who co-habitate before marriage have virtually the same rate of divorce as those who do not live together before marriage.

Americans still love marriage,” said Andrew Cherlin, a Johns Hopkins University sociologist and author of “The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and Family in America Today.” “They still think marriage is a first class way to live your personal life, but they are reluctant to marry until they think they have their lives in order.

So whether it is to try it all again or move to another more rewarding relationship, it is apparant that Spring is for new beginnings. 

Divorce---Never Mind

It is always apparant when we approach Spring because litigants become different people. The angry hostile individuals who braved it through a rough winter seemingly become softer and more plyable as we approach the warmth of Spring and the heat of Summer. As a young man's fancy may turn to love, so may the feelings of the women as they decide whether or not to continue with the actions of divorce and try reconcilliation yet again, or perhaps be more reasonable in exchange for a quick exit from a disasterous marriage.

As we learned today from MSN one of the 7 reasons individuals have strokes is because they are unhappy and specifically  unhappy in their marriages. What better reason to get a divorce than in order to avoid a stroke?? Seriously, the warmth and light of the sun may make the depression about their lives and their marriages less dier and cause an individual to think twice about their life choices.

MSNBC.Com also informs us today that couples who live together eventually tie the knot within 2 of 5 years of their co-habitation and that the divorce rate of couples who co-habitate before marriage have virtually the same rate of divorce as those who do not live together before marriage.

Americans still love marriage,” said Andrew Cherlin, a Johns Hopkins University sociologist and author of “The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and Family in America Today.” “They still think marriage is a first class way to live your personal life, but they are reluctant to marry until they think they have their lives in order.

So whether it is to try it all again or move to another more rewarding relationship, it is apparant that Spring is for new beginnings.