Staying Married for All the Wrong Reasons
A potential client came in the other day asking about a Legal Separation.  This young woman was convinced her husband who didn't want a divorce would agree to a legal separation.  I asked her what her ultimate goal actually was because a legal separation meant she was still married. She was infatic that the marriage was over but that she didn't want to "hurt" her husband any more and thought a legal separation would be a good middle ground to get him "used" to the idea of living separate and apart and that a year down the road the divorce would go through without a hitch.  Nice idea I said to her, but rather selfish don't you think? I asked her. "How is it selfish?" she asked. Well I said, do you have any wish to save this marriage? "No", she said.  Do you intend to go on with your life and pursue other love interests once you are separated?  "Of course" she said. Well then why in the world would you be so mean to your husband making him think that a  chance exists that you will get back together when you know that you never will?

"Because.." she said "he won't fight if he thinks there is a chance that we will get back together and once we are separated I can get an uncontested divorce a year later."  Wow, wow, wow.  Now I needed to explain to her that a legal separation was not a done deal, and if in fact after a year if she wanted to get divorced it was yet another legal proceeding and many many times(more than I care to think about) the issues in the legal separation can and sometimes are re-litigated or at least re-negotiated because since it is not a "done deal" so to speak if one party says circumstances have changed we need to change things. There is also the issue of ..... by the way I am not as happy with my life as you seem to be..... so lets rumble.

Who needs to fight this twice?? The best advice is to be honest with your spouse. Yes it will cause some pain, but they will get over it and it will force them to move on with their life sooner. Unfortunately in most relationships, both parties are never at the same place at the same time when it comes to ending it. The pain will go away, the spouse who wants the marriage over will eventually get over the guilt and life will go on.

Staying in an unhappy marriage is not healthy for either party and not fair to either party. Everyone deserves  to be happy, really happy. There is someone for everyone out there.  It make take 30 or 40 years before you find him or her and a lifetime of failed marriages or relationships, but as long as there is breath in your body love can be found.