Would You Spend the Holidays with Your Ex and His Girlfriend?...

I just read on popeater.com that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore plan to celebrate Christmas with Bruce Willis and his girlfriend, Emma Heming. Apparently, they all went to Europe with the kids to celebrate Thanksgiving too.

The article referred to this situation as being "awkward". I think it is wonderful that Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's children are able to spend the holidays with both parents. They do not have to feel torn between their parents on the holidays and obviously have not suffered emotionally because of their parent's divorce. Their parents were mature enough to put their differences aside and maintain a friendship after the divorce.

Is it common or even realistic for most divorcing couples? Unfortunately, no. I have never spent a post divorce holiday with my ex. I bet most of us haven't. We are still dealing with trying our best to not let our ex get under our skin and push our buttons. Spending Christmas dinner with our ex and his girlfriend would seem bizarre to most of us.

But flash forward 10 or more years to a time when your kids are now grown and have children of their own. Your son or daughter wants to have Christmas at their house and wants to invite both his parents and their new spouses. Is it fair to not go simply because your ex will be there? Would you miss out on spending Christmas or another holiday with your grandchildren because you still cannot stand your ex after all these years?

Wouldn't it be great if we could somehow resolve our differences with our ex, accept and embrace his new relationship and be able to sit down to dinner with our children for a holiday meal with no animosity? What would it take to get to that point? I think Demi Moore says it best in this quote:

"We had an unconventional Thanksgiving, and we will all be together for Christmas as well with our three daughters. I think the key with any past is that you recognize and hold on to what you loved and what you gained and you don't attach yourself to what you've lost."

Can we overlook what caused the divorce, let go of the hurt and anger, no matter how justified and instead think of what we once loved about our ex? Can we focus on the good qualities about him, the reasons we married him in the first place? If we could get those feelings back and view our ex as a friend now instead of an enemy, everything would change. We would no longer hold on to bitterness from the past and it would be possible to spend holidays together.

Of course none of this is easy to do and it I think it depends on how far past the divorce you are. If you recently went through a bitter divorce you need time to work through the grief and hurt feelings before being able to let go and forgive. But making peace with your ex is something to strive for. If not for yourself, then for your children.

MATCHMAKING

One of the organisations I am involved with has iron railings that are badly in need of painting. New laws may mean that absent parents who default in the payment of child support maintenance or parents with care who breach orders imposing contact arrangements could find themselves doing unpaid community work in the future. Maybe there’s some scope for matchmaking here!

Paternity in NY

"You should have married the mother," I remember saying to my client when he asked why I was asking him to jump through hoops to prove that he was indeed the father of the child. Many people unfamiliar with the law think that only a judicial determination of paternity, known as an Order of Filiation can in fact prove paternity in the event of an unmarried couple. Such is not the case in the State of NY. In the hospital as the mother is filling out the birth certificate, the parents can execute an Acknowldedgement of Paternity which is then filed with birth certificate and under the Family Court Act Section 516 satisfies the legal requirement for proof of paternity. No further order or decree from a magistrate is thereafter required. But you need to retain the proof or be able to get your hands on in if a custody battle insues.
When parties are married the law automatically presumes that the husband is the father of any child born during the marriage and no such documents are necessary nor are court orders required.

Paternity in NY

"You should have married the mother," I remember saying to my client when he asked why I was asking him to jump through hoops to prove that he was indeed the father of the child. Many people unfamiliar with the law think that only a judicial determination of paternity, known as an Order of Filiation can in fact prove paternity in the event of an unmarried couple. Such is not the case in the State of NY. In the hospital as the mother is filling out the birth certificate, the parents can execute an Acknowldedgement of Paternity which is then filed with birth certificate and under the Family Court Act Section 516 satisfies the legal requirement for proof of paternity. No further order or decree from a magistrate is thereafter required. But you need to retain the proof or be able to get your hands on in if a custody battle insues.
When parties are married the law automatically presumes that the husband is the father of any child born during the marriage and no such documents are necessary nor are court orders required.

When Will You Be Happy Again?

When you are going through a divorce you often wonder when you will begin to feel happy again. A divorce can feel like a dark cloud has parked itself over your head. With thoughts of your divorce consuming your ever waking moment, you may feel as if there no escape from the pain. You may not even remember what it felt like to be happy.

Don't worry, you will be happy once again. When is up to you. This may shock you but you could even be happy right now, in the midst of the pain, hurt and agony your divorce is causing you. You might not be be jumping for joy, but you can give yourself moments of happiness throughout your day.

How? By choosing to focus on the positive things in your life, despite what is happening with your divorce. Do your kids make you laugh? Does watching your favorite TV show or reading a good book bring you joy? What about a favorite hobby you have long forgotten? Start paying attention to the little pleasures in life. Eat your favorite ice cream, play with your dog, take your kids to the park and swing on the swing. Anything you can do to life your spirits even a little bit will help lighten your mood and help you get through the dark times of your divorce.

My good friend, Alexandra Watson is a "Happiness Expert"who coaches celebrities, Olympic Athletes and business professionals, she’s a Mom and a best-selling author and she can help turn your life around.

She is the UK’s Leading Happiness Expert and each week she shares some of her highly successful information ranging from relationships to wealth, so if you would like a regular dose of practical and proven happiness tips go visit her Blog at:

http://happyhelp.politicsandthecity.com/

Because perhaps it’s YOUR turn to be happier and if you feel that, then now’s the time to discover her significant secrets!

A DOWNWARD TREND

As proceedings to repossess homes for non-payment of mortgages rise in number, a timely report from the Institute for Social and Economic Research, has concluded that falling house prices lead to more couples splitting up. Indeed the report states that “the partnership dissolution decision of owner-occupier couples is particularly responsive to unanticipated adverse real house price movements compared to unexpected gains”. In other words when your major asset loses £25,000 of its value and potentially plunges you into negative equity, it puts pressure on your relationship.

However, it would appear that a decrease in house values is not all bad news for couples, well not if they are living in the rented sector anyway. In such times, those couples are more likely to stick together as the prospect of being able to buy a property together becomes more feasible.

Divorce: post dissolution injunction

Post Dissolution of marriage - divorce case.
Court can order pension to be turned over to ex-spouse, even if that person moved out of the country.

In re Marriage of Winter, No. 1-07-0619 (November 24, 2008) 1st div. (Garcia) Affirmed in part, reversed in part.
On interlocutory appeal, when former husband was located in England, where he is a permanent resident and beyond the contempt powers of the court, the trial court properly exercised its powers of equity when, after final judgment of dissolution of marriage awarding a portion of husband's teacher's pension to wife, husband refused to execute QUILDRO, and was receiving entire annuity, it imposed constructive trust on the pension payments, named husband's attorney as Trustee, enjoined Pension Fund from making any further payments directly to husband, and directed that husband's attorney receive payments and hold proceeds in his IOLTA account. However, it exceeded its authority when it directed that payments be made payable to attorney.