ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER

I’ve finally settled on a pet name for the new motor (see entry for 12 July 2007). It’s Dom; short for Dominus. Well if Outdoor Man is calling his new boat Uxor, I had to repay the compliment somehow. Mind I haven’t quite gone to the length of having it etched across my transom, but maybe the next time I pass that friendly tattooist, who knows?

For next instalment click here

Talking of good turns, I have to express my public thanks for the reviews undertaken of this blog by Jacqui Gilliat at Bloody Relations and John Bolch at Family Lore, as well as to Delia Venables and the good folk at Wikivorce and Infolaw who have been kind enough to put links on their sites to it. My thanks to all!

GREAT WHITE SHARK SPOTTED NEAR NEWQUAY

Seems the tabloids were kept busy last week stirring up the gossip for old Cornwall.

Apparently, to Cornwall’s dismay, Great White has sneaked in and the paparazzi have secured some photographs. Some say they’re of a basking shark that turns up all the time and which Cornwall accepted as a visitor a long time ago. The media, of course, would have us believe that it’s Great White in disguise, but, in the event that they are of the wrong predator, then it doesn’t matter because he’ll be found in Cornwall’s backyard before long anyway.

Meanwhile Cornwall’s first lady, Newquay, denies everything and is understandably bruised by the allegations, as well as being concerned for her children on the beach and the effect such rumours are having on them. Come on, Cornwall and Newquay deserve a break; if the press doesn’t stop the pressure on them they’ll each be in need of a good divorce lawyer before the summer’s ended.

If you are unfamiliar with the story click here to read it at Times Online

How To Handle The "I Am So Sorry You Are Divorced" Comment

It can be awkward for a recently divorced woman when she tells

someone she has gotten a divorce. For some reason, most people say

"Oh, I am so sorry". I think people are uncomfortable and do not know

what is the right thing to say to a divorced person. Since divorce is usually

a negative life event, offering condolences seems appropriate.

But what if you have come to accept your divorce and are happier than ever

being a single woman? Here are some snappy and possibly truthful comebacks that you can use that will lighten things up and put everyone at ease:

1." Don't be sorry, I lost 240 lbs!"( or whatever your ex weighed).

2. "Thank you for your concern, but I now have my king size bed all to myself

and best of all there is no snoring man sleeping in it!

3. " Honestly, being divorced isn't so bad. I have both closets, all of the drawer space

and do not have to worry about the toilet seat being left up"

If you keep a sense of humor I am sure you can come up with your own answer to the

"I am so sorry you are divorced" comment that is so popular today.

HOLIDAYMAKER RETURNS

Back from the slow pace of Mediterranean life I have been plummeted into what feels like the inside of a food processor, with only a feeble overgrilled body and a malfunctioning brain stuck in holiday-mode to help me cope.

Needless to say, I’m suffering from a cold (an allergy to my return to the UK no doubt) and my To Do List, before I even peep in the office, includes: chauffeuring Apprentice and Outdoor Men to a marina 50 miles away; taking the guinea pig to have its claws trimmed; arranging for the boiler to be serviced; tidying the house so the cleaner can get in; washing all our holiday clothes; reading the mountain of junk mail that’s been pushed through the letterbox; unravelling my vegetable patch from beneath a mountain of weeds; restocking the fridge; telephoning everyone to catch up with everything, whilst returning all the messages left on the answerphone. As for after lunch…

If the aftermath of a holiday is so stressful, imagine what the fall-out from divorce or separation must feel like!

Whilst I’ve been away I see that the Law Commission has left it until peak holiday season to publish its report entitled “Cohabitation: The Financial Consequences of Relationship Breakdown”. Resolution has long been campaigning for the introduction of new laws which would apply to couples who have been living together for two years or more, unless there are children, when there should be no minimum period. As the Law Commission’s Report acknowledges, cohabitation outside of marriage has become increasingly prevalent in England & Wales over recent decades and is expected to become more prevalent in the future. Shame then that Parliament has failed for so long to pass legislation to alleviate the suffering caused when unmarried families break up and how many more decades will it take to act on the Commission’s recommendations?

Ready To Date Again After Divorce?

Dating after divorce raises many issues, including sex. What are the rules? If it’s been awhile since you were single, a lot has changed.

So what are the new rules? When should you sleep with someone? The third date? Fourth? Longer? Figuring this out is never easy. Will you feel lonely, and jump into bed with someone too quickly? Or will you close yourself off emotionally and physically, and make yourself unapproachable?

You need to trust your own instincts and intuition. When a relationship feels right and you are ready to take the next step, then do it, but do what you can to be sure.

Losers are plentiful on the dating scene. Many of these are predators looking for nothing but a good time. Don’t become the cliché-divorced woman, easy and hungry for sex. Some men look for that. Be careful to avoid these losers.

Here are six pointers for getting back in the dating game:

· Always meet in a public place for your first few dates.
· Drive yourself there; do not have your date pick you up at your home.
· Practice safe sex. Always use a condom.
· Do not go back to his home or a motel until you feel you know this man and can trust him.
· Screen him thoroughly. Be choosy. Do not settle for less than you deserve.
· Follow your gut and trust yourself. If something does not seem right about your date, listen to your inner voice.

You can still have a good time and enjoy dating if you follow these simple rules.

Have a Happy Period

Apparently no longer a taboo subject the female reproduction experience is all the rage these days with ads galore of happy women frolicking through fields of daisy's and the like having a wonderful time just being women.
This was forwarded to me, so I know it's made the email rounds.. some of you may have seen it already- but I think it's too funny not to post... besides- it accurately describes how I am feeling today...
To all of my female clients please enjoy - to all my male clients- BEWARE!

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my ‘time of the month’ is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As Branch Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period".

"Are you f…..g kidding me?" What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep... Always.

Best,

Name Witheld

Have a Happy Period

Apparently no longer a taboo subject the female reproduction experience is all the rage these days with ads galore of happy women frolicking through fields of daisy's and the like having a wonderful time just being women.
This was forwarded to me, so I know it's made the email rounds.. some of you may have seen it already- but I think it's too funny not to post... besides- it accurately describes how I am feeling today...
To all of my female clients please enjoy - to all my male clients- BEWARE!

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my ‘time of the month’ is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing? As Branch Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period".

"Are you f…..g kidding me?" What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness - is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep... Always.

Best,

Name Witheld