Does Marriage Ruin a Relationship?

A couple dated for 9 years and then got married and one year later are getting divorced. Sound familiar? I am sure you have heard a variation of this story before. Why is that many couples who are happy living together decide to make their union legal and wind up ruining the relationship?

It seems that the celebrity couples that live together without getting married stay together longer too. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, Jenny McCartney and Jim Carrey, Calista Flockhart and Harrison Ford, plus a host of other celeb couples have discovered the secret of not getting married. Many divorcees have caught on too, vowing never to walk down the aisle again.

There are of course, reasons for a couple to marry, some of them practical and financial. Issues like health insurance, inheritance and being the next of kin should something happen to your partner are reasons some long term couples eventually do decide to tie the knot.

Another thing to consider is that sometimes couples will attempt to save a failing relationship by getting married or having a child and then split shortly after the wedding. So it wasn't getting married that wrecked the relationship after all.

I think getting married, whether after a divorce or for the first time, is a personal decision that one must make by following your heart and trusting your instincts. Not all marriages end in divorce and we still hear about couples celebrating their 20, 3o , 40 or even 50th wedding anniversaries. The key is finding the right person and having a healthy relationship and then it won't matter if you get married or not, you will be happy with the one you love.

Rebound Marriages After a Divorce...

Sara Evans, country singer and former Dancing with the Stars contestant, revealed that she is engaged, just six short months after a nasty divorce battle. Even more shocking is the news that French President Nicolas Sarkozy , remarried model Carla Bruni, shortly after he divorced his wife of 11 years. His ex-wife also remarried in NYC over the weekend, only four months after their divorce was finalized.

What is going on with the trend of marrying again on the rebound shortly after a divorce? I have been divorced for almost 3 years and still cannot even imagine getting married again yet. I just don't get it.

After a divorce you need time to recover emotionally. Jumping into a new relationship too soon can be disastrous. What usually happens is that a person will find that the problems he or she had with their first partner are also in the new relationship. Until you have taken the time to reflect and analyze your marriage, the good, the bad and the ugly and take some responsibility for the divorce, you will just bring the same issues and problems from one relationship to another, never resolving them.

The time period after a divorce can be a great time to spend on yourself, learning to enjoy your own company ans rediscovering what makes you happy. After a divorce you need time to be single again before finding a new love. If you are contemplating a new romance shortly after a divorce, slow down and take some time out before committing too soon.

Is Marriage Better The Second Time Around?

If you are divorced, you might secretly wonder what marriage the second time around would be like. Would your new mate be everything your first one was not? Would he wisk you off your feet and restore your faith in true, everlasting love?

Unfortunately, statistics have proven that second marriages have even a higher divorce rate than first marriages. So why then are some us so eager to jump back into marriage so soon after divorce? Many people feel lonely after divorce and have a selective memory about what their marriage was really like. They reminisce about the good times and conveniently forgot why they got divorced in the first place.

After the initial phases of shock, anger and grief after divorce, you go through a loneliness phase. This can be a dangerous time period for a newly divorced person. You may meet someone on the rebound and convinced you are in love, make the hasty decision to remarry. What you really need to do is ride out the loneliness phase by becoming your own best friend. You need to spend time working on yourself and enjoying your own company. You cannot look to another person to complete you or fulfill you. Only when you are truly happy with your own company are you ready to begin a new relationship

Another reason why most second marriages are doomed from the start is that the issues that broke apart the first marriage have not been addressed or dealt with. Take some time to discover why your first marriage ended. Yes, it may be your ex’s fault, but what role did you have in the breakup? This is not a time for blame; it is a time for self reflection. By unearthing the real reasons for the demise of your marriage you will be better prepared to deal with these issues should they arise again in a new relationship.

Second marriages can work, but only if both parties come into the relationship free of the baggage from their previous relationships. Take your time and do not rush into a new marriage after divorce. Be wise and make sure re-marriage is something you are really ready for.