Marital Longevity and the Quest to be Happy

I just realized that both of my grandmothers were born on the 22nd day of the month. October was my paternal grandmother while July was the birth month of my maternal grandmother. The other significant co-incidence is that both sets of grandparents had been married over 50 years, as coincidentally were my parents.

Doing what I do it seems almost inconceivable that I have been surrounded by marriages of such longevity. I myself cannot be put into a category with these extraordinary people in that I am on my second marriage and the 50 year mark would put me into well passed my own life expectancy.

It would be a young child's fantasy to believe that each of these marriages were perfect in every way. I witnessed as a young child certain instances which would mar my vision of a perfect marriage. None of the instances I witnessed however,or even some of the stories I heard could ever touch the real life stories I have been privy to in my matrimonial practice.

Is longevity something that is passe' in modern marriage? I ask myself that question frequently. I don't believe that modern families are any more dysfunctional than they were 50 years ago. I do believe however, that modern families are less tolerant than generations before us and feel that they deserve to be happy. Are we in fact a more narcissistic society if we choose to live our lives happy as opposed to suffering within a loveless marriage? I think it has more to do with societal acceptance of divorce as opposed to our own selfish quest for happiness. We are not judged the way our grandparents would have been if they divorced. More and more couples divorce and it is less of an issue even in polite society.

As their granddaughter I would never presume to judge the marital relationship of any of my grandparents. They as well as my parents set for me a loving caring cocoon that to this day I can still retreat to whenever I need to experience the love that they showered upon me. Their examples represent the gold standard for me in terms of marriage. As I remember my grandma on this day of her birth I advise you all of the gift she gave me of her strength. A brave 19 year old girl who left her family and her home to follow her husband to a new world called America. Not knowing a sole or the language, she managed to raise 3 children and taught herself English without the help of bilingual signs or English as a second language course. On this day I honor strength of character and the quest for happiness be it within the marriage relationship or outside. Happy Birthday Grandma.