No one talks to the wizard

Many of my clients feel that the more they call my office the more their case will remain forefront in my mind and the harder I will work for them. This misconception usually takes a while to be dispelled but eventually they realize all they are doing is spending their money foolishly. Each case in my office is assigned a primary handler. A primary handler is a paralegal in charge of the case. The paralegal acts as a go between in forwarding information from me to the client and visa versa. The paralegal rate is one half my hourly rate and therefore it behooves the client to speak to the paralegal as opposed to me directly. I encourage my clients to save my time for court and conversations or paperwork which needs to be submitted to the judge. Some of my clients instead feel the need to have me reassure them over and over again that I understand their position and am working toward their goal. They usually cannot afford the luxury of such a conversation. My staff affectionately refers to me as "The wizard" and gets a kick out of the fact that everyone wants to speak only to me. Other law offices calling to adjourn a case, brokers wanting an update on a real estate file all ask for me and expect me to drop everything I am working on to answer their call. "No one speaks to the wizard," my staff jokes among themselves when these calls come in. I am saved for when I am absolutely needed. I am the one who speaks with the judge. I am the one who speaks to the other attorney who needs to be brought down a notch. I am the one who reels a client back to reality when my staff has had enough badgering. If my enforcer cannot handle a client then I am called as a final resort. One of the jobs of my enforcer who happens to be our,de-facto office manager is to keep me happy. She prepares my office every morning(she thinks I don't notice but I do) turning on my waterfall, getting the temperature right, selecting the scent on the fresh air machine, choosing my music on the radio in my office; all to help me enter the world of matrimonial law in a zen like state. She gets on the phone for the primary handler when that paralegal is ready to strangle a client. Most clients know that when the enforcer gets on the telephone that they are in trouble. The step after the enforcer is me and none of my clients wants an angry lawyer. My office and I are there to help them through a very difficult time and I think we have a tremendous amount of patience given the stressful area in which we practice. But I caution them, do not abuse us.
The love/hate relationship I have with the practice of law can best be illustrated by a case I had on for conference last week in court. My adversary was an out of town attorney who thought he was very cosmopolitan as he walked into the courtroom. His demeanor took a hit when the judge called to me by name asking if I was prepared for conference. Once in chambers this judge whom I have had many cases before, adopted most of my recommendations regarding experts on the case and ordered what I considered to be a very fair distribution of how these experts were to be paid....100% by the adversary's client. Noticing his confusion as we exited the court room, I suggested that maybe this order would make it easier for him to attempt to settle the case expeditiously before his client had to start laying out all that money for expert fees. The poor guy shook his head as he went out to give his client the bad news. That day, I loved the law! I loved what I did, and knew at that moment that I had done my job well. The client was less excited by my success but said all the right things as I assured her that we had a very good day.

Then of course there are the days when the judge does nothing I want him or her to do and makes decisions so far from what I feel is fair in the case that I become disenchanted with my practice and literally hate the law. I can handle a fair competent decision,but not one which stalls a case and fosters more litigation.

So until my book becomes a block buster best seller, I will straddle this love/hate relationship I have with my career. And remember ignore that woman behind the curtain....she won't talk to you anyway.