Break It To Me Gently

My children are coming of age. At least two of them are. My oldest at 17 is in the midst of 11th grade torture. I remember that year well. It was the year of Chemistry, SAT's and in my case Trig, which is now meshed into Math A & B. Of course, now that my second son has only one year left of this math experiment they have discovered what we parents knew all along, that it was a miserable failure. Lumping algebra, trig and geometry into 2 courses instead of giving each its own year wound up costing me a fortune in tutors. Combine that with certain teachers these last two years who felt oh so superior to the high school students they were teaching(big accomplishment)and decided that parents should be seen and not heard unless of course they wanted to complain to us AFTER report cards came out. I am a firm believer that teachers and parents need to work together to get children successfully through school. Call me a nuisance but over the horrified looks of my children, I email each teacher at the beginning of each school year, introducing myself and giving them my email address. I indicate to them that I would appreciate a heads up BEFORE report card time as to any problems my child may be experiencing in class, such as failures on tests or not handing in homework. Inevitably each year, one or two teachers miss my email and I am greeted with a very disagreeable grade come report card time. This is when I step up the pressure both on my child and on the teacher to PLEASE keep me informed so that we can work together to insure a positive grade each quarter. Someone told these teachers that high school students are mature enough to know when their grades are suffering and that they will tell their parents themselves. ARE YOU KIDDING??? I do not believe any high school student goes home and tells their parents that their grades are lousy!! WAKE UP TEACHERS!! For a while I had my boys getting weekly progress reports signed by the teachers. They hated it and the teachers tended to resent doing them. In some classes, though none this year, I was able to keep apprised of homework and tests through a teacher website. These were my favorite teachers. I could see what the homework was without asking my kids and then ask them if I could see the work they did on page so and so. It kept them honest and me up to date. I was informed by the administration, however, that they could not force teachers to have a website with homework and projects listed. It was voluntary. I don't get that. If a website helps to insure the success of your students why wouldn't every teacher want to have one??
Once I get through 11th grade again, I get to revisit the whole experience, yet again next year when my second son enters that grade. I will also be dealing with college application and financial aide forms. Oh yeah, what does this have to do with the law? My second son advises me that he wants to go to Law School. I guess he hasn't' be reading my blog.

Break It To Me Gently

My children are coming of age. At least two of them are. My oldest at 17 is in the midst of 11th grade torture. I remember that year well. It was the year of Chemistry, SAT's and in my case Trig, which is now meshed into Math A & B. Of course, now that my second son has only one year left of this math experiment they have discovered what we parents knew all along, that it was a miserable failure. Lumping algebra, trig and geometry into 2 courses instead of giving each its own year wound up costing me a fortune in tutors. Combine that with certain teachers these last two years who felt oh so superior to the high school students they were teaching(big accomplishment)and decided that parents should be seen and not heard unless of course they wanted to complain to us AFTER report cards came out. I am a firm believer that teachers and parents need to work together to get children successfully through school. Call me a nuisance but over the horrified looks of my children, I email each teacher at the beginning of each school year, introducing myself and giving them my email address. I indicate to them that I would appreciate a heads up BEFORE report card time as to any problems my child may be experiencing in class, such as failures on tests or not handing in homework. Inevitably each year, one or two teachers miss my email and I am greeted with a very disagreeable grade come report card time. This is when I step up the pressure both on my child and on the teacher to PLEASE keep me informed so that we can work together to insure a positive grade each quarter. Someone told these teachers that high school students are mature enough to know when their grades are suffering and that they will tell their parents themselves. ARE YOU KIDDING??? I do not believe any high school student goes home and tells their parents that their grades are lousy!! WAKE UP TEACHERS!! For a while I had my boys getting weekly progress reports signed by the teachers. They hated it and the teachers tended to resent doing them. In some classes, though none this year, I was able to keep apprised of homework and tests through a teacher website. These were my favorite teachers. I could see what the homework was without asking my kids and then ask them if I could see the work they did on page so and so. It kept them honest and me up to date. I was informed by the administration, however, that they could not force teachers to have a website with homework and projects listed. It was voluntary. I don't get that. If a website helps to insure the success of your students why wouldn't every teacher want to have one??
Once I get through 11th grade again, I get to revisit the whole experience, yet again next year when my second son enters that grade. I will also be dealing with college application and financial aide forms. Oh yeah, what does this have to do with the law? My second son advises me that he wants to go to Law School. I guess he hasn't' be reading my blog.

Check out my Slide Show!

Pizza boxes deliver wanted posters of dead-beat dads
Associated Press
Last update: March 25, 2007 – 11:26 AM

CINCINNATI — Customers at some suburban pizza parlors are getting something extra with their pepperoni and mushrooms — wanted posters for parents accused of failing to pay child support.
The idea came to Cynthia Brown, executive director of the Butler County Child Enforcement Agency, while she was ordering pizza.
"It suddenly dawned on me that most people running from the law don't eat out, they order pizza," said Brown, whose county is north of Cincinnati.
Enforcement agencies across the country use a variety of methods to locate support scofflaws and collect past-due payments. Virginia has issued subpoenas to cellular phone companies seeking addresses and phone numbers. California's Kern County seizes and auctions parents' vehicles, with proceeds going to the children, said Kay Cullen, a spokeswoman for the National Child Support Enforcement Association.
State child support agencies collected more than $23 billion in child support for 17.2 million children in 2005, but the cumulative past-due child support since the agencies were first formed more than 30 years ago is $106 billion, Cullen said.
"While we have made progress, putting the wanted posters on pizza boxes is an example of the innovation and commitment that we need," she said.
Other Ohio counties put posters on their Web sites and work with local Crime Stoppers programs, and a few contract with companies that can track people through rental and cell phone records, according to the Ohio Child Support Directors Association. Some include fliers in water and sewer bills.
Butler County has printed posters with mug shots of its 10 most-wanted parents, placing them in post offices and other government buildings and sending them to Ohio's 87 other counties. The lineup, chosen by prosecutors, is changed twice a year.
The Butler County sheriff's office served 1,224 nonsupport warrants last year, said sheriff's Sgt. Todd Langmeyer. The county has about 350,000 residents.
Brown approached several restaurants and chains with her idea of affixing the posters to pizza boxes, but so far only three pizzerias are participating.
Since the first pizza posters appeared in August, they have led to one arrest, Langmeyer said. "It's a good idea any time you can put the faces out there," he said.
The owner of Karen's Pizzeria hasn't heard any complaints about her participation in the poster program.
"Some customers joke about it and say they're glad they aren't on it," Karen Willis said. "Most seem to think it's a good idea."
An attorney who focuses on fathers' rights cases called the tactic "horrible."
"It's just a way of shaming people," said Maury Beaulier, whose firm is in Eden Prairie, Minn.
Many circumstances can cause people to get behind in support payments, but that doesn't make them deadbeats, he said.
Widespread public shaming also can devastate the children, said Michael McCormick, executive director of the American Coalition for Fathers and Children.
"Think how children feel to see a parent on a wanted poster and know their friends might see it," he said.
Brown said her agency tries to work with parents by trying to help them find work and seeks most payments through civil court. Criminal charges are a last resort. Conviction on a felony count of failing to pay child support brings a prison sentence of up to 18 months, with fines usually set in the amount of the support owed.
"We aren't trying to penalize these people," Brown said. "We are just trying to help the kids who have a right to be supported."

I think this is a great idea! Some might be critical of it , but if you think non-payment of child support is not your problem, think again. Many families who do not receive child support are forced to go welfare.

There are 17 million children in the U.S. who are owed 107 BILLION in child support payments.

No hurricane, fire or flood leaves more children devastated. On April 12, 2007 I am donating 100% of the profits from my book "Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce" to The Child Support Disaster Relief Fund (A.C.E.S) on www.amazon.com

We all need to become aware of this problem and do what we can to help. Check out those pizza boxes!

No one talks to the wizard

Many of my clients feel that the more they call my office the more their case will remain forefront in my mind and the harder I will work for them. This misconception usually takes a while to be dispelled but eventually they realize all they are doing is spending their money foolishly. Each case in my office is assigned a primary handler. A primary handler is a paralegal in charge of the case. The paralegal acts as a go between in forwarding information from me to the client and visa versa. The paralegal rate is one half my hourly rate and therefore it behooves the client to speak to the paralegal as opposed to me directly. I encourage my clients to save my time for court and conversations or paperwork which needs to be submitted to the judge. Some of my clients instead feel the need to have me reassure them over and over again that I understand their position and am working toward their goal. They usually cannot afford the luxury of such a conversation. My staff affectionately refers to me as "The wizard" and gets a kick out of the fact that everyone wants to speak only to me. Other law offices calling to adjourn a case, brokers wanting an update on a real estate file all ask for me and expect me to drop everything I am working on to answer their call. "No one speaks to the wizard," my staff jokes among themselves when these calls come in. I am saved for when I am absolutely needed. I am the one who speaks with the judge. I am the one who speaks to the other attorney who needs to be brought down a notch. I am the one who reels a client back to reality when my staff has had enough badgering. If my enforcer cannot handle a client then I am called as a final resort. One of the jobs of my enforcer who happens to be our,de-facto office manager is to keep me happy. She prepares my office every morning(she thinks I don't notice but I do) turning on my waterfall, getting the temperature right, selecting the scent on the fresh air machine, choosing my music on the radio in my office; all to help me enter the world of matrimonial law in a zen like state. She gets on the phone for the primary handler when that paralegal is ready to strangle a client. Most clients know that when the enforcer gets on the telephone that they are in trouble. The step after the enforcer is me and none of my clients wants an angry lawyer. My office and I are there to help them through a very difficult time and I think we have a tremendous amount of patience given the stressful area in which we practice. But I caution them, do not abuse us.
The love/hate relationship I have with the practice of law can best be illustrated by a case I had on for conference last week in court. My adversary was an out of town attorney who thought he was very cosmopolitan as he walked into the courtroom. His demeanor took a hit when the judge called to me by name asking if I was prepared for conference. Once in chambers this judge whom I have had many cases before, adopted most of my recommendations regarding experts on the case and ordered what I considered to be a very fair distribution of how these experts were to be paid....100% by the adversary's client. Noticing his confusion as we exited the court room, I suggested that maybe this order would make it easier for him to attempt to settle the case expeditiously before his client had to start laying out all that money for expert fees. The poor guy shook his head as he went out to give his client the bad news. That day, I loved the law! I loved what I did, and knew at that moment that I had done my job well. The client was less excited by my success but said all the right things as I assured her that we had a very good day.

Then of course there are the days when the judge does nothing I want him or her to do and makes decisions so far from what I feel is fair in the case that I become disenchanted with my practice and literally hate the law. I can handle a fair competent decision,but not one which stalls a case and fosters more litigation.

So until my book becomes a block buster best seller, I will straddle this love/hate relationship I have with my career. And remember ignore that woman behind the curtain....she won't talk to you anyway.

No one talks to the wizard

Many of my clients feel that the more they call my office the more their case will remain forefront in my mind and the harder I will work for them. This misconception usually takes a while to be dispelled but eventually they realize all they are doing is spending their money foolishly. Each case in my office is assigned a primary handler. A primary handler is a paralegal in charge of the case. The paralegal acts as a go between in forwarding information from me to the client and visa versa. The paralegal rate is one half my hourly rate and therefore it behooves the client to speak to the paralegal as opposed to me directly. I encourage my clients to save my time for court and conversations or paperwork which needs to be submitted to the judge. Some of my clients instead feel the need to have me reassure them over and over again that I understand their position and am working toward their goal. They usually cannot afford the luxury of such a conversation. My staff affectionately refers to me as "The wizard" and gets a kick out of the fact that everyone wants to speak only to me. Other law offices calling to adjourn a case, brokers wanting an update on a real estate file all ask for me and expect me to drop everything I am working on to answer their call. "No one speaks to the wizard," my staff jokes among themselves when these calls come in. I am saved for when I am absolutely needed. I am the one who speaks with the judge. I am the one who speaks to the other attorney who needs to be brought down a notch. I am the one who reels a client back to reality when my staff has had enough badgering. If my enforcer cannot handle a client then I am called as a final resort. One of the jobs of my enforcer who happens to be our,de-facto office manager is to keep me happy. She prepares my office every morning(she thinks I don't notice but I do) turning on my waterfall, getting the temperature right, selecting the scent on the fresh air machine, choosing my music on the radio in my office; all to help me enter the world of matrimonial law in a zen like state. She gets on the phone for the primary handler when that paralegal is ready to strangle a client. Most clients know that when the enforcer gets on the telephone that they are in trouble. The step after the enforcer is me and none of my clients wants an angry lawyer. My office and I are there to help them through a very difficult time and I think we have a tremendous amount of patience given the stressful area in which we practice. But I caution them, do not abuse us.
The love/hate relationship I have with the practice of law can best be illustrated by a case I had on for conference last week in court. My adversary was an out of town attorney who thought he was very cosmopolitan as he walked into the courtroom. His demeanor took a hit when the judge called to me by name asking if I was prepared for conference. Once in chambers this judge whom I have had many cases before, adopted most of my recommendations regarding experts on the case and ordered what I considered to be a very fair distribution of how these experts were to be paid....100% by the adversary's client. Noticing his confusion as we exited the court room, I suggested that maybe this order would make it easier for him to attempt to settle the case expeditiously before his client had to start laying out all that money for expert fees. The poor guy shook his head as he went out to give his client the bad news. That day, I loved the law! I loved what I did, and knew at that moment that I had done my job well. The client was less excited by my success but said all the right things as I assured her that we had a very good day.

Then of course there are the days when the judge does nothing I want him or her to do and makes decisions so far from what I feel is fair in the case that I become disenchanted with my practice and literally hate the law. I can handle a fair competent decision,but not one which stalls a case and fosters more litigation.

So until my book becomes a block buster best seller, I will straddle this love/hate relationship I have with my career. And remember ignore that woman behind the curtain....she won't talk to you anyway.

I recently started a divorce support group in my area. Our first meeting was Thursday night and it was wonderful to meet other people whoare either getting a divorce or are already divorced.
I would like to invite those of you who live in the New Jersey area to join my group on Meetup.com.
http://divorcesupport.meetup.com/298
Meetup.com has divorce and single parent groups all across the world! Membership is free and it is a great way not only meet people in the same situation you are in, but be able to share your feelings with someone who has been there and understands.

Have you seen this?
Man Chainsaws House in Two for DivorceReutersBERLIN (March 9) - A 43-year-old German decided to settle his imminent divorceby chainsawing a family home in two and making off withhis half in a forklift truck.
Police in the eastern town of Sonneberg said on Fridaythe trained mason measured the single-storey summer house -- which was some 26 feetlong and 6 meters wide -- before chainsawing through the wooden roof and walls.
"The man said he was just taking his due,"said a police spokesman. "But I don't think his wife was too pleased."
After finishing the job, the man picked up his half with the forklift truck and drove to his brother's house where he has since been staying.

Well, I thought I had heard it all, but I guess not! Thankfully most of our divorces will not go this far.
This is a perfect example of how divorce can make even the saniest person go a little crazy.
So remember when your ex or soon to be exstart pushing your buttons, take a deep breath,count to 10, and think about the peaceful outcome you desire!

My Partner and The Blog

The idea of blogging is concept which is totally foreign to my partner. He disavows its significance in cyberspace and feels it is a harmless outlet for me to vent my thoughts or frustrations with the practice of law. He absolutely refuses to entertain the idea that people actually read it and more importantly that we get business from its existence. Whenever we sign up a client who was referred to us from the Internet his smile tightens as he reminds me of the mega money we spend per month on our Internet sight to attract these clients. The blog in his mind does not attract clients and he dismisses the whole idea of regular blogging to increase exposure on search engines. Admittedly I don't understand how it works completely myself, but I do believe it works and I do believe people are reading my blog, although I am dismayed that I never get comments. Other blogs I read have a tremendous amount of comments and sometimes I feel bad that no one wants to say anything. At the bottom of my blog I have a site tracker which tells me how many people read my blog daily and where they are from. This week I believe Minnie Mouse read my blog. Yup, I really do. Someone in Orlando Florida using the Disney Internet service (Of course they have their own service) found my blog interesting enough to read it for a while. Minnie Mouse was my first guess; but maybe its Goofy. Goofy way very flirty in Disney, perhaps he and Mrs. Goofy have issues. I also think George Bush might be reading my blog. Someone in Washington DC, specifically over in the labor department checked out my blog last week. I think maybe George used one of the computers over there to surf the web and landed on my site.
A potential client came in last week telling my staff she looked forward to reading my blog each week and enjoyed it tremendously. My partner dismisses this as an anomaly. Now if someone famous actually admitted to reading my blog, his smirking would stop, that's for sure. Ok, you closet blog readers here is my challenge: If you are reading my blog and enjoy it (please no negative comments, I am very sensitive)please leave me a comment and let me know. I don't care where you are from or whether or not you are a potential client, let me know you are out there and where you are from. George, Minnie, don't be shy....my partner needs to understand that this is not just a lark; this is technology!

My Partner and The Blog

The idea of blogging is concept which is totally foreign to my partner. He disavows its significance in cyberspace and feels it is a harmless outlet for me to vent my thoughts or frustrations with the practice of law. He absolutely refuses to entertain the idea that people actually read it and more importantly that we get business from its existence. Whenever we sign up a client who was referred to us from the Internet his smile tightens as he reminds me of the mega money we spend per month on our Internet sight to attract these clients. The blog in his mind does not attract clients and he dismisses the whole idea of regular blogging to increase exposure on search engines. Admittedly I don't understand how it works completely myself, but I do believe it works and I do believe people are reading my blog, although I am dismayed that I never get comments. Other blogs I read have a tremendous amount of comments and sometimes I feel bad that no one wants to say anything. At the bottom of my blog I have a site tracker which tells me how many people read my blog daily and where they are from. This week I believe Minnie Mouse read my blog. Yup, I really do. Someone in Orlando Florida using the Disney Internet service (Of course they have their own service) found my blog interesting enough to read it for a while. Minnie Mouse was my first guess; but maybe its Goofy. Goofy way very flirty in Disney, perhaps he and Mrs. Goofy have issues. I also think George Bush might be reading my blog. Someone in Washington DC, specifically over in the labor department checked out my blog last week. I think maybe George used one of the computers over there to surf the web and landed on my site.
A potential client came in last week telling my staff she looked forward to reading my blog each week and enjoyed it tremendously. My partner dismisses this as an anomaly. Now if someone famous actually admitted to reading my blog, his smirking would stop, that's for sure. Ok, you closet blog readers here is my challenge: If you are reading my blog and enjoy it (please no negative comments, I am very sensitive)please leave me a comment and let me know. I don't care where you are from or whether or not you are a potential client, let me know you are out there and where you are from. George, Minnie, don't be shy....my partner needs to understand that this is not just a lark; this is technology!

Five Simple Rules To Follow During An Ugly Divorce

Why does divorce turn ugly? What makes one partner turn on the other? I have often pondered these questions. It amazes me that two people who stood at the altar and vowed to be together until death do us part, can ultimately destroy each other.

While I was married the thought of a couple going through
a vicious divorce made no sense to me. I always thought that when a couple decided to divorce they should simply divide their assets in half and part ways amicably. There was never a reason for a bitter divorce, I naively thought.

I was stunned when during my own divorce my ex husband refused to settle and split our assets. What followed was a long, expensive legal battle. I never imagined that I would be engaged in the same kind of divorce I once scorned.
I decided to research why divorce becomes ugly. I found that one of the main causes of a bitter divorce is that one or both spouses are receiving bad advice. Sometimes this advice comes from an attorney. Other times it is from family members or friends.

But no matter who provided the advice, it is always received by an angry, vengeful spouse. This is the spouse who feels betrayed, who wants to hurt his or her mate. The spouse who cannot let go and move on with their life. This person has a need to get even. In the emotionally weak state one is left in during the wake of a divorce, he or she is easy prey for a greedy divorce attorney or a mother-in-law who hated her daughter-in –law from day one.
Are more men guilty of being unfair and using devious tactics in divorce than women? I think the playing field is about even. There are probably just as many women as men who resort to despicable behavior during divorce.

You may be tempted to act out and strike back at a spouse that is causing you pain. Remember that the more in control you are of your behaviors and actions, the better you will come out in the end. You are being provided with an inside view of what some men are capable of during divorce. Some of this information is shocking and startling.
You may think that your ex would never do this to you. Hopefully he or she won’t. But you need to be on guard and prepared for battle at all times.

The woman who have already suffered at the hands of a husband who has played dirty tricks will tell you they never saw it coming. Never in a millions years did they believe their husbands could be capable of such actions. Yet it still happened to them. Be forewarned, armed and ready.

5 Simple Rules To Follow During A Ugly Divorce:

1. Watch who you confide in. You must be careful of who you tell your divorce woes to. someone who you consider a friend may pass information either knowingly or unknowingly to your spouse.

2. Do not try and reason with your spouse. Let your lawyer do the talking for you. That is why you hired him. Engaging in conversations with your husband about your divorce can make things a lot worse. He may be setting you up. You cannot trust him. If you could then your divorce would be settled by a mediator.

3. Be prepared financially. Make sure you have the funds available to pay for your attorney’s retainer fee and support you and your children. In my book “Seven Secrets to a Successful Divorce-what every woman needs to know” I go into great detail explaining what you need to do to protect yourself financially.

4. Always control your emotions! Any out of control behavior
will cost you in the courtroom. You better believe that your
husband will be making a list of anything you do that is questionable.
Are you driving by his home? Calling his cell phone?
Harassing him by email? Your husband will use these kinds
of behaviors to portray you as a unfit mother,
crazy woman etc.


5. Be proactive and be involved in your divorce process. You cannot depend on your divorce attorney to win your divorce for you no matter how much you are paying him. Your lawyer cares about his fee. This is his business, how he makes a living. He is not your best friend, or confidante. What you can expect from him is to represent you to the best of his abilities. You need to become involved and stay in control of what goes on in your case.

I hope the information I have given you will help you prepare for your divorce so that you may have the best possible divorce outcome!

Filing a Complaint


"Good Morning Barbera & McElhone." said the receptionist.
"I'd like to file a complaint." said the voice.
"Against whom," asked the receptionist.
"Against Barbara." she said.
"You mean Ms.Barbera?" answered the receptionist.
"yeah, her." was the answer.
"May I ask why?" the patient receptionist inquired.
"She hasn't written anything in her blog since February." was the reply.
"Oh, that. Well she has been busy writing her book, practicing law, raising her family...you know life." answered the receptionist.
"Her book? What book?"
"The book she is writing about Divorce."
"Well, where is it?"
"It isn't done yet."
"Does that mean she won't be blogging until it's done??"
"Ma'am I really don't know. But I will pass on your concern."
"This is crazy, she gets us all hooked on these stories and then they just stop!"
"I'm sorry, I will certainly let her know your feelings."
"You know maybe you can't see us but we are out here in cyberspace and we have feelings and needs too!"
"Yes, I do understand."
"Tell her we're checking..."
"ok I will"

Filing a Complaint


"Good Morning Barbera & McElhone." said the receptionist.
"I'd like to file a complaint." said the voice.
"Against whom," asked the receptionist.
"Against Barbara." she said.
"You mean Ms.Barbera?" answered the receptionist.
"yeah, her." was the answer.
"May I ask why?" the patient receptionist inquired.
"She hasn't written anything in her blog since February." was the reply.
"Oh, that. Well she has been busy writing her book, practicing law, raising her family...you know life." answered the receptionist.
"Her book? What book?"
"The book she is writing about Divorce."
"Well, where is it?"
"It isn't done yet."
"Does that mean she won't be blogging until it's done??"
"Ma'am I really don't know. But I will pass on your concern."
"This is crazy, she gets us all hooked on these stories and then they just stop!"
"I'm sorry, I will certainly let her know your feelings."
"You know maybe you can't see us but we are out here in cyberspace and we have feelings and needs too!"
"Yes, I do understand."
"Tell her we're checking..."
"ok I will"

SEVEN SIGNS OF A CHEATING HUSBAND
1. Is your husband suddenly paying more attention to his appearance? Is he wearing new clothes, using cologne, and making sure his hair is combed? If this is not his normal behavior then this is a huge sign your husband is having an affair.
2. He is critical of you and has been picking fights lately. This is another big sign.
My ex was very cranky around the time he was cheating. I couldn’t understand why he was so angry at me. I remember one night he got dressed, put on his shoes, and brushed his teeth. I thought it was odd because it was late and it looked liked he was going somewhere. Instead he sat on the couch. As I was finishing something on the computer, he yelled, “So you’re not going to spend any time with me? Fine, I am going to my friend’s house,” and he got up and left. I realized later that he was purposely picking a fight with me so he would have an excuse to leave the house. His “friend,” of course, was his lover!
3. Watch out if your ex is suddenly too nice to you. If this not his normal behavior then he could be feeling very guilty and trying to assuage his pangs of guilt.
4. He doesn’t want you using his cell phone. This is how my divorce began. My ex twisted my arm when I wouldn’t give him back his cell phone. He knew of course that I would discover the calls to his lover. Ask your husband if you can use his cell. See his reaction.
5. Is he staying up late surfing the Web till the wee hours of the night? He may be having cybersex, looking at pornography, or instant-messaging his lover. If you are computer savvy, you can check your computer and find out where your husband has been on the Internet. There are also programs you can install on your computer to monitor activity and find out what is really going on.
6. Does your husband have a newfound interest in hanging out with the guys? Did he just start a new hobby or join the gym? Is he gone certain evenings of the week? You may want to discreetly follow him one evening and see where he is really going. My ex started hanging out with one of his buddies several times a week. This was the same guy he would go out with maybe once every few months. It became obvious later that the “buddy” was his girlfriend.
7. Is he no longer interested in having sex with you? Was he always wanting to be with you in the past but now has lost interest? This is another huge sign. Sometimes though it can be the opposite, the guilty husband syndrome. He may want to be intimate with you even though he is getting it somewhere else too! I coached a woman who found out that her husband was cheating the morning after he made love to her. Apparently he had been intimate with his mistress the day before too!