Foresic Evaluations
Following the usual slippery slopes in the matrimonial world comes the latest in a family's ultimate destruction called the Forensic Evaluations. These are in-depth evaluations done on behalf of the court giving a recommendation as to the custodial fitness of the various parties, meant to aide the judge in his decision regarding custody of the children.
Using a myriad psychological tools and a series of interviews; the evaluators, usually single, non parents themselves, make recommendations and judgments on individuals going through the worst times of theirs lives and offering a do or die decision on parental ability. I have seen reports that completely ignore a lifetime of caregiving look at a microscopic period of time in a marriage and completely rule in favor of a parent who just learned how to change a diaper.
Giving little to no thought as to the psychological impact of separating the children from the parent that has put their entire life on hold to parent these children in favor of the more recently emerging parent of the day.
I find it an atrocity to the system and to parenthood as a whole that these purported "experts" feel they have such power in the court to give a judgment on which parent is the best parent to raise the children, regardless of the consequences.
Walk in parental shoes, I want to say to these "experts." Handle the day to day parenting and then tell me which parent is the primary provider and which should be. Don't look at the short span surrounding the divorce action, I say, look at the entirety of the marriage. Which parent put their career on hold to stay home and parent these children? Wasn't that a joint decision at the time? Shouldn't therefore that decision play a prime role in your recommendation?? Why is it that the stay at home parent can easily be tossed over to non custodian because he or she has not presented her/his best during the most trying time any person will ever experience. The divorce-time "parents of the year" always fail to impress me, but usually impress the hell out of these clinical forensic evaluators. They are forever impressed with the parent who steps up to the plate during a custody battle to "protect the kids" from the evil stay at home parent who has been in the trenches all these years and at present is fighting to be vindicated and appreciated. Yes, it is so much easier for the working parent to step in with his/her patience still in tact and their mind clear due to the absence of years of formula, diapers and Barney, and can now diplomatic run the household much more efficiently with older children. The emotional and burned out parent deserves recognition for those difficult years not a swift kick out the door as custodial parent. Shame on the system. Shame on those who allow this travesty.