Emotional Affairs

This seems to be the phrase of the week. The last few clients who have come in to meet with me all seemed to have husbands who were having an "emotional" affair. What is an emotional affair?? Well the response is that it is one in which nothing "physical" has yet transpired between the spouse and a third party. When and how did this term come to be I asked one aggreved spouse who used it in my office. Blame Oprah she indicated. Oprah had a whole show on this topic. So of course I researched the issue. According to the website:

It wasn't about any sort of physical gratification," Jennifer says. "It was about the tools that he had that taught me. His one song to me was you're intelligent, articulate and intuitive, and if you harness that you can do anything you want to do. … It wasn't about roses or about trips. It was about a sense of self that I didn't have before that I had now. And the physical part was completely unnecessary. It was that change in me as a human being." Lorraine Ali is a reporter for Newsweek who helped blow the lid off what they call "The New Infidelity." Lorraine says that the increase in infidelity for women like Vanessa stems from a lack of attention—the same reason many men cheat.

"We interviewed dozens of women for this story," Lorraine says. "One of the consistent things was them saying, 'I really love my husband. He's a good guy. Our marriage is fairly stable. But I'm not getting these certain things I need from him,' and one of them was attention. … Cheating has always been looked at as a man's game, but women are living the lives of men now. You know, 60 percent of American women are working outside the house. Twenty-five percent of them are making more than their husband. They're financially independent. They have busy lives, and they're looking to blow off steam. But also, it's like, 'I deserve this.'

OK, so according to all of this we are talking about women having emotional affairs, not really men. Why as women do we choose to apply the same standard to men, since they have never allowed us the same courtesy? Well, ladies isn't true that it never really is about the physical with us anyway. The physical has always just be a culmination of what we felt emotionally. Why would we however, attempt to categorize men's indescretions in the same manner? I think it may be easier for women to accept an emotional affair as opposed to one that has be consumated physically. As women and wives however, does this really make us feel better to think our husbands are giving some other woman what he should be giving us? To think that he tapped into that very part that we had always hoped he saved just for us I think would hurt me more than a quick romp without emotional attachment. Also let's keep in mind that just because he says there was no physical component involved doesn't mean there really wasn't. We could get into the whole Bill Clinton arguement as to what actually is defined as "sex" but do we really want to go there?

So ladies what do you think? Is it easier to forgive an emotional affair as long as there as been no physical intimacy? I think not...but that of course is a personal choice...to me an affair is an affair.

Sorry Oprah but there is no such thing as an emotional affair.