Blended Families
Is It Always the Brady Bunch?

One out of every three Americans is now a step parent, a step child, a step sibling, or some member of a blended family. Blended families as a second or third marriage have a greater risk of divorce than first time marriages, and most don't make it passed the fifth year of marriage. Recently Prime Time Live did an expose on Blended Families and the problems which arise within such households. The term "Blended Families" is a replacement for the old phrase "Step-Families" which ever since Cinderella has come to stand for all that is evil and negative in households that come together following death or divorce. The "Blended Family" describes families such as the Brady Bunch who pool their resources and come together to live in harmony. As Prime Time Live exposes, there are many families unlike the Brady Bunch or Yours Mine and Ours, who exhibit violent and disfunctional behavior leading to divorce and further devastation of the family unit. Bringing together two households and two families can in fact be a very stressful situation. Most times there is a lot of baggage that tags along with these families, starting with the prime issue, usually guilt. The parents of the children involved in these relationships usually carry some form of guilt with regard to these children. Either they feel guilty over a prior divorce or feel they need to make up for some perceived failure in that their child is missing out on a perfect storybook childhood. This inevitably leads to some leniency with regard to disciplining the child and can cause some resentment with the new spouse. The parent of the child may want to make up for the new situation by overlooking certain behaviors which may not be acceptable to the new spouse. Friction will therefore occur between the children and the new spouse and the parent of the child will feel they are being asked to choose between their child and their new spouse. MANDATORY THERAPY, I repeat as if a mantra. All family members must immediately adjourn to a therapy session in order to put these issues in perspective. No, it isn't easy to "blend" but it isn't impossible. Outside influences such as ex-spouses need to be dealt with in a way so as not to cause an explosive impact on the family unit. New siblings, born into the family can trigger some resentment in old children. Children can be volatile, especially when they are manipulated or made to feel guilty by another parent perhaps, who may not be at all happy with the new "blended" unit. The adults need to learn how to handle these situations as a single unit. When the couple act as a united front, most situations with be resolved. Each member of the family has a role to play. Custodial parents should carefully assess the feelings of their children and encourage open communication. Meanwhile, potential stubbornly should not have an agenda to win over a child; the best way they can show love is by treating the biological parent with affection and respect. Together, parents of blended families should establish equitable boundaries for all members of the household and develop traditions to help the two families become a single unit. Each child is a link in the family chain and must be made to feel special within the family. Even the Brady Bunch had some rocky moments, they just weren't filmed for the world to see.