Did a hate crime occur in Bills-Patriots game?

Breaking News out of Orchard Park, NY:

Erie County, New York, district attorney Frank J. Clark is rumored to being pressured by New England Patriots owner Bob Kraft, seen here demonstrating the importance of a nose bidet to his grandchildren, to file formal hate crime charges against Bills OT Langston Walker . These "charges" stem from an encounter the 28-year old, 6 ft 8 in, 366 lbs Mr. Walker, had with New England Patriots CB Randall Gay (5 ft 11 in, 190 lbs) with approximately 12:51 left on the game clock in the first quarter of the game Sunday Nov 18, 2007. Witnesses claim that Mr. Gay was simply trying to perform typical duties associated with his job, and out of nowhere Mr. Walker attacked him. The NFL game officials charged Mr. Walker with an Unnecessary Roughness penalty, thus giving the Patriots an additional 14 yards tacked onto the interception return by Mr. Gay. Unnecessary Roughness is typically a 15 yard penalty, however, due to the close vicinity of the goal line, only 14 yards were allowed. It is because of this ONE yard that Mr. Kraft feels that the Buffalo Bills and Mr. Walker have not been punished severely enough for this deplorable act.

When asked for comment, Mr. Gay replied, "A hate crime? I don't get it. I guess that is something Commissioner Goodell could be looking into. Is this something to do with the secret video? If so, I have no comment. Oh, wait, I get it now. Another immature attempt to make a joke about my last name. Real funny. Very creative though--nice work."

Through his attorney, Mr. Walker responded to these rumors by saying, "I was confused and thought Gay was Tom Brady. I really want to knock the piss out of that guy." (as a side note, I think he was speaking Yoda, and meant "I was confused and thought Tom Brady was gay," as evidenced in this file photo, . There is no further evidence of Mr. Walker's ability to speak Yoda, although it seems fairly obvious that he can.

Bills coach Dick Jauron responded to questions about this, "Huh? That's one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard of. What will the Patriots try to do next? Sue us for defamation because we let them score so many points thus causing people to accuse the Patriots of running up the score? Give me a break. Next thing you know they will try to put a lien on Castle Greyskull . I have worked too damn hard over the years to get away from Snake Mountain. Nobody fucks with my castle now."

Latest update on this "story": All parties are denying any knowledge of this and we have determined that this information was all bogus. It seems as if someone just wanted to find a creative way to post an embarrassing picture of someone associated with the Patriots again. Online sources are so unreliable sometimes...