Female Clients and Male Attorneys

I am prepared for all the flack this next blog may generate but I feel very strong about my position. Women should not hire men to represent them in a divorce transaction. Especially women who have children. Why you say? Am I being politically incorrect?? I don't think so. I would NEVER counsel a mother to give up custody of her children. Period. So ifs ands or buts. I as a woman and a mother would never tell another woman or mother that she should take some time for herself, and let him see what it is like to be primary care provider. I would NEVER tell a woman we could always get the custodial care decision reversed at some later date. I NEVER lie to other women. The number of cases I have taken over where the clients were advised by their male attorneys to give up custody of their children is staggering. Once you give up custody, it is extremely difficult to get it back.
Unless you as a mother can be proven unfit, the court always tilts slightly in your favor as the primary care provider. Why in the world would you give that up?

Other women come in and say they want out and will give up everything. Why would you do that either?? Leave with what you are entitled to or as close to it as possible without sacrificing your dignity or your financial health.

When I represent a woman I think about what her children will need and what is in their best interests; because that is how a mother thinks. When I represent men I think very differently. Men love their children as much as women, however, in their minds, if they are happy and financial comfortable, then they will be better able to provide for their children. Therefore when I represent a man, I think of his needs and wants, not that of the children.

As the mother of four children,I often joke with my husband about the giving the children to the other in a divorce case. My husband, however, is well aware that nothing would ever keep me from my children; and in the event we did split up, he might as well move into the shed if he wants daily contact, because they are not moving out of this house.

As a woman and mother, I know what my client needs to maintain her lifestyle and that of her children. I usually always strive to keep the children in the marital residence and truly believe that will all the other changes in their lives, children really need to stay in their own rooms in their own beds. I know what it is like to feed children a special diet of macaroni and cheese and broccoli with ranch dressing so that the mortgage and other necessities can get paid. I know what it is like to go to the dollar store and stock up on snakes and other nominal items to use as rewards for the children for helping to clean the house when you have to let the cleaning lady go after a divorce.

It may have been a long time since I said good-bye to my solid Teak bedroom set and brass candlesticks, but the memory of snuggling with my kids in our new full size bed from Levitz remains as vivid to me as if it were yesterday.

Liberal visitation and even split custodial care can certainly work under the right circumstances. In fact I usually encourage such schedules where the fathers are very involved. This is the ideal win win for the children. Both parents a lot of the time can in fact be very therapeutic for the children of divorce. Give Dad as much time as he wants I always say: if he takes it; that is great for the children; and if he doesn't you are certainly no worse off. Remember childhood is for a very short time...You don't want to miss a minute of it.