Spousal Ignorance

The theme for today is spousal ignorance and the need for each spouse to become familiar with the financial aspects of a marriage. Over the last few weeks there seems to be an ever increasing number of mostly female clients coming into my office with absolutely no knowledge of the financial aspects of the marriage. These women have be "sheltered" by their husband from the intricacies of the financial obligations of the parties rendering them virtually powerless in participating in many decision having an impact over their lives. Stories abound about Husbands taking out equity loans and refinancing the marital residence with little to no input from their wives doing things with the money and leaving the wife holding half the debt at the break up of the marriage without knowing what the funds were used to pay. Wives entering my office with little more than the passed year's income tax statement advising me that they have been too busy with the children to participate in the financial end of things ultimately have given a huge advance to their husbands in the event of a breakup.

Every woman (and man, though this is rare) must be sure to have full knowledge of every bill that is paid within the household. Each woman needs to know what debts are outstanding and to whom they are owed. Each woman needs to take responsibility for signing her name to any and all legal documents, including tax returns; loan applications; closing documents. Every wife is responsible as an adult over the age of 18 for her actions. The fact that she blindly trusted her spouse is not an excuse that any court will be willing to consider. More importantly it empowers her spouse into believing he can get away with anything and obligate her to things which she may never be able to recover from financially.

The woman who blinding believes that her life is pleasurable and chooses not to be a part of the finances, is setting herself up for a huge fall. Unless she is well educated and readily employable or has a separate resource fund from which she may draw, these women are destined to either remain in a potentially abusive relationship or fall prey to a long drawn out divorce proceeding, begging family or friends to finance their litigation.

Knowledge is power and ultimately it is also a necessity. In an age where nothing is guaranteed least of all a "happy ever after" ending to a marriage, we must all be prepared to forge through with or without a spouse at our side. The children's needs remain constant or escalate and the fact that Mom or Dad cannot meet these will not be met with sympathy by the court. The children always come first. In order to properly meet these needs both parties must be partners in the financial affairs of the marriage. Be aware; Become aware; Do not sleepwalk through your financial lives, your children may someday need to depend on your knowledge or suffer for your lack thereof.