Consider This Before You Divorce

I have been doing a lot of divorce coaching lately and I feel compelled to say that I am working with more and more clients who may not actually need to take such drastic action.As I listen to their divorce story, I hear so clearly the one thing missing from their lives - quality communication. As I listen to the hurt, anger and anxiety over the divorce, I hear the undertone of "he just doesn't

A BETTER WAY TO DIVORCE

In September I completed training in collaborative practice. Six solicitors in Tees Valley, along with many others across the North East region and the country nationally, are now offering a new way to divorce. It’s a revolutionary approach which helps reduce the emotional cost on couples and their children when families split. Instead of dealing through solicitors, the new approach, called collaborative law, involves couples working with their solicitors, all together in the same room, to reach agreement without the need for costly and stressful court battles.

In 2007, 128,000 marriages in the United Kingdom ended in divorce. Sadly, family breakdown is a fact of life. Unfortunately, the consequences are often devastating for spouses and their children and can lead to personal trauma and turmoil. Members of Resolution, a 5700-strong group of family lawyers, commit to minimising the financial and emotional pain it causes. We do this by adopting a conciliatory approach which puts the needs of any children involved first. Collaborative law is a natural extension of this idea. By all sitting together, we ensure that couples stay in control of their own futures, instead of leaving decisions to a judge in a courtroom. The focus is on solutions rather than confrontation. Where it has been practised elsewhere in the UK, it has achieved remarkable results. I’m confident that it’s going to do the same in the Tees Valley area too

Both parties and their lawyers pledge to work together to negotiate an agreement without going to court. If an agreement cannot be reached, and court is seen as the only solution, the lawyers involved cannot act for either party in the subsequent court case. This means that everyone involved (including the lawyers!) has an incentive to settle the case.

More details are given on the Resolution website and also on You Tube by Mogers Solicitors and on Richard Sharp’s Blog that has been titled Family Law Collaborative Blog.

Property division case

Here are the results of a recent appellate decision in Illinois about property division in divorce.

In re: the Marriage of Oden , No. 4-08-0687 (4th Dist. Sept. 21, 2009) POPE (Calhoun Co.) Affirmed.

The trial court did not abuse its discretion when it awarded the husband 52% of bank account which contained proceeds from husband's personal injury settlement. The court said the trial court's review of relevant factors was proper for the court to arrive at "just distribution"; here, 30-year marriage, including 20 years after injury, and settlement was paid jointly to parties 15 years prior to dissolution.

THE MYSTERY OF THE MISSING MILLIONS

The press has been following the tragic divorce tale of Mr and Mrs Young. They separated in 2006 when it’s alleged Mr Young was worth some £400 million. It is reported that sadly he now claims that, and partially as result of the credit crunch, he is £23 million in debt and facing potential bankruptcy. Understandably Mrs Young does not appear to accept that so much money could go missing in such a short time but it seems the time limit set by the court for an explanation expired on 7th September and the case was back in the High Court this week. It was claimed on behalf of Mr Young that he had been unable to comply because he had been admitted to hospital apparently suffering from a mental breakdown. According to the press reports, rather than sending him to prison for contempt, the Judge has given him another 6 weeks to provide full financial details, as well as a medical report on his condition. One assumes this is to enable him to justify the reason for his default in circumstances where there seems to be speculation as to whether or not his illness could be faked as opposed to co-incidentally convenient.

Reading the reports which alluded to rent of £10,000 per month, expensive cars, jewellery, yachts, and maintenance needs of £48,000 per month, one realises that this is clearly a situation far removed from the routine divorce cases being decided up and down the country. The sum which Mr Young has purportedly lost in a period of some 3 years is more than most people spend in a lifetime, whilst a monthly maintenance payment of £48,000 would support many families for at least 2 years.

Ignoring social comment and aside from the spectre of a prison sentence (which incidentally a Judge can impose on anyone who breaches an order of the court), what really interests the press is, of course, whether or not the millions are simply missing, or indeed well and truly lost. It’s a kind of modern divorce detective mystery unfolding across the newsstands. A perpetrator and a motive have been implied, but the evidence is awaited.

THE ICING ON THE CAKE

Well Sunday was the big day. Outdoor Man and I dropped Apprentice Man off in a strange city, in another part of the country to start his university career. After checking the back seat carefully to ensure that he hadn’t stowed away to return with us (not that it was ever likely that he would do so), we drove away back up the M1.

Now three days later there is an unidentified gap in my daily routine, a distinct absence of smelly trainer shoes and one less to cook and clean for. Despite these clear and obvious advantages, Outdoor Man has identified me as feeling bereft!

“You need to keep yourself busy,” he has advised. “Why not take up a new hobby, like cake decorating for instance?”

Sometimes Outdoor Man has very strange ideas.

Nevertheless and in an effort to placate him I have been using the Internet to source what I am lacking when it comes to cake decorating skills. In doing so, I came across these pictures at Fresh Pics. Perhaps Outdoor Man is right after all, maybe icing cakes would be a very useful second line for a divorce lawyer!

Oh The Misery

Going through a divorce is miserable. It is the break up a relationship. It is the dissolution of a marriage and that is never a happy event. I as your attorney know and acknowledge the pain you are feeling. I understand your mental frailty and it is up to me to keep a level head when you cannot. It is up to me to help you make decisions and give you sound advice when all of your friends tell you about their acquaintances who have done so much better than I am telling you that you will do in court. It is up to me not to sugar coat your situation and at the risk of being called cold and unfeeling it is my job to protect your interests. It is true that I work for you, but I am an independent contractor in the sense that I decide how to proceed with your case. Most of you are co-operative and are pleased to know I am on your side and have your best interests at heart. You are respectful to my staff and grateful that our knowledgeable office is doing everything in its power to help get you through this tough time. Most of you also know you are not our only client and understand that there are delays which cannot always be avoided and that the judicial process itself is slow going.

Some of you though, are the perpetual victim, and to those of you I address this post. Being nasty to my staff is counterproductive to your case. Refusing to pay your bill and insisting that I understand your financial situation and stating that you cannot pay for services already rendered will not endear you to me, or make me worker harder on your case. I need to pay my staff and my bills, this is not a not-for profit organization, it is a law firm. If you want pro bono assistance put your name on a list and wait your turn. Do not think you can avoid responsibility for your own actions or behaviors by saying that I "did nothing" for you. If you are unhappy with your result chances are you did something contrary to my advice or that you failed to understand that sometimes the judicial system does not render a "just" decision but a decision meant to make everyone unhappy for entering their hollowed halls seeking a result they should have achieved on their own without court intervention.

Divorce is not easy, but biting at the hand that reaches out to help you is not only ill advised, it is just plain stupid. If you want to blame someone look in the mirror chances are you are the problem not your lawyer.

Oh The Misery

Going through a divorce is miserable. It is the break up a relationship. It is the dissolution of a marriage and that is never a happy event. I as your attorney know and acknowledge the pain you are feeling. I understand your mental frailty and it is up to me to keep a level head when you cannot. It is up to me to help you make decisions and give you sound advice when all of your friends tell you about their acquaintances who have done so much better than I am telling you that you will do in court. It is up to me not to sugar coat your situation and at the risk of being called cold and unfeeling it is my job to protect your interests. It is true that I work for you, but I am an independent contractor in the sense that I decide how to proceed with your case. Most of you are co-operative and are pleased to know I am on your side and have your best interests at heart. You are respectful to my staff and grateful that our knowledgeable office is doing everything in its power to help get you through this tough time. Most of you also know you are not our only client and understand that there are delays which cannot always be avoided and that the judicial process itself is slow going.

Some of you though, are the perpetual victim, and to those of you I address this post. Being nasty to my staff is counterproductive to your case. Refusing to pay your bill and insisting that I understand your financial situation and stating that you cannot pay for services already rendered will not endear you to me, or make me worker harder on your case. I need to pay my staff and my bills, this is not a not-for profit organization, it is a law firm. If you want pro bono assistance put your name on a list and wait your turn. Do not think you can avoid responsibility for your own actions or behaviors by saying that I "did nothing" for you. If you are unhappy with your result chances are you did something contrary to my advice or that you failed to understand that sometimes the judicial system does not render a "just" decision but a decision meant to make everyone unhappy for entering their hollowed halls seeking a result they should have achieved on their own without court intervention.

Divorce is not easy, but biting at the hand that reaches out to help you is not only ill advised, it is just plain stupid. If you want to blame someone look in the mirror chances are you are the problem not your lawyer.